JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
Buddy, they don't even let me tip the point.
+2
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Had my second voice session today. My gender-affirming voice coach said I'm doing fantastic, with great body awareness for resonance/pitch and already ahead of where she expected me to be!
About a year ago, pre-trans awakening, I had to replace the battery in my key fob for the car so I went to local battery store and had the usual shopping experience: Ask about battery, pointed towards the location, eventually found the battery, bought and then left. Guys behind the counter essentially ignored me.
My wife's keyfob battery died so I went back to the same store for the battery in a skirt, light T-shirt, and a cute green purse I found at goodwill. The 18-20 year old kid behind the counter asked to take the key fob, opened it up to see the battery and then went and got the battery, asked if I'd like help opening it up "since it can be a bit tricky", asked if they could throw the old battery away for me. Maybe that's just the service they felt like providing at the time, but it felt so nice and gave me a good hit of that gender euphoria.
Not sure whether to congratulate you on the recognition or sympathize with you re: sexism :P
+5
DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
About a year ago, pre-trans awakening, I had to replace the battery in my key fob for the car so I went to local battery store and had the usual shopping experience: Ask about battery, pointed towards the location, eventually found the battery, bought and then left. Guys behind the counter essentially ignored me.
My wife's keyfob battery died so I went back to the same store for the battery in a skirt, light T-shirt, and a cute green purse I found at goodwill. The 18-20 year old kid behind the counter asked to take the key fob, opened it up to see the battery and then went and got the battery, asked if I'd like help opening it up "since it can be a bit tricky", asked if they could throw the old battery away for me. Maybe that's just the service they felt like providing at the time, but it felt so nice and gave me a good hit of that gender euphoria.
Not sure whether to congratulate you on the recognition or sympathize with you re: sexism :P
a friend of mine said that her second favorite moment post-transition was getting catcalled by a drunk college kid
her first favorite was when she spun around and in the deepest possible man-voice was like "THE FUCK YOU SAY" and they ran away.
edit: to be clearer, this is a similar point
proud that she was doin' it
had to weaponize transphobia to scare away some dudes
Depressperado on
+12
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
I had a very long 22-hour day Saturday where I went to a forumer get-together in Portland dressed full fem, had a great time, got compliments on my shoes and skirt, then just as I'm finally getting home sleep deprivation catches up to me hard and I trip over my skirt going up some stairs and welcome to the ground.
+5
DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
you made it back, though!
that counts for something, I think
+11
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
We had a track malfunction on the train back and my ass was so dead from those seats.
0
Zilla36021st Century. |She/Her|Trans* Woman In Aviators Firing A Bazooka. ⚛️Registered Userregular
Not sure whether to congratulate you on the recognition or sympathize with you re: sexism :P
I can remember the first time I experienced something like that about 12 years ago now, during the week of the London Olympics - I was getting off of a train, after a long journey, dressed en femme, late at night and a guy in a business suit and tie, without saying anything, grabbed a hold of my luggage (one of those carry-on wheeled suitcases with the long handles). 🧳🚈🚄🚆
I was so tired and feeling somewhat paranoid I didn't realise he was actually offering to carry it for me - I mistakenly thought he was attempting to steal it instead! Kind of a rude first introduction to the inverse of male chivilary - (though I have always held open doors etc regardless of gender expression/presentation). I didn't know which one of us should be apologetic, so I just awkwardly thanked him (probably outing myself with my voice at the time) and hurried off. 🫢😳🤦🏻😲
The whole way men tend to behave around women feels very odd experiencing it from the other side of the equation - it made me really start to realise just how casual sexism can be, and how disempowering/condescending it can sometimes feel.
@Rhesus Positive Because you might find this story amusing, buddy. 😜
Only if you do it to women because you are assuming that they don't know the things you're talking about because of their womanly ways; like if the conversation started with them explaining something to you and you're like, "I got this, sweetheart, I read an article once," not realising that said article was written by her
Info-dumping doesn't count in my eyes, but then I would say that, because I do it as well
It's subjective -- something can be ND infodump and/or sexist.
The former is generally less aggravating to me just because an infodump isn't typically a micro-aggression but an overflowing expression of interests; relatable. But they're both still inherently about your perception of what this other person needs to hear, so potentially inconsiderate even if not sexist.
But also, context. Sexism is one of those societal institutions that's largely subconscious, so even if one person applies their behaviors equally, women are broadly more subject to experiencing disempowering interactions based solely on their gender.
Case in point: I really wanted to talk about the term 'micro-aggression' just now because it took me a while to realise it didn't just mean 'something that's a bit annoying', but I'm pretty sure pooka already knows the meaning of the term, so I kept my mouth shut
I think it's opportunity to think about our interactions. Infodump inc
Just because you are not intending to be sexist or racist or ageist or exhibit any other bias, the other half of the conversation may be subject daily to assumptions of their awareness or ability based on their traits. Even knowing you are innocent of bias in your infodump, that forces them to do the emotional labor of holding that knowledge against the learned response to every other instance of experiences like it that are microaggressions.
I think the quickest way to make things right is either to preface an infodump as such, or quickly check in to make sure the other person has capacity. It's gonna vary depending on how well you know the person, and any given day. But touching base is generally a good thing to make sure a conversation is just that, and not a monologue or lecture.
Infodump seems to be inherent to how many ND folk process the world, and it would be unfair to frame that behavior as undesirable. But in rightly getting accommodation and patience for those behaviors, it's only fair to make room for others' needs at the same time as much as we can manage it.
That's my take at the moment, anyway.
pooka on
+2
JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
I simply work in a building full of people who are professionally obliged to listen to me every time a passing comment reminds me of a neat book I read.
Also, I post here.
+14
DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
I think it's opportunity to think about our interactions. Infodump inc
Just because you are not intending to be sexist or racist or ageist or exhibit any other bias, the other half of the conversation may be subject daily to assumptions of their awareness or ability based on their traits. Even knowing you are innocent of bias in your infodump, that forces them to do the emotional labor of holding that knowledge against the learned response to every other instance of experiences like it that are microaggressions.
I think the quickest way to make things right is either to preface an infodump as such, or quickly check in to make sure the other person has capacity. It's gonna vary depending on how well you know the person, and any given day. But touching base is generally a good thing to make sure a conversation is just that, and not a monologue or lecture.
Infodump seems to be inherent to how many ND folk process the world, and it would be unfair to frame that behavior as undesirable. But in rightly getting accommodation and patience for those behaviors, it's only fair to make room for others' needs at the same time as much as we can manage it.
That's my take at the moment, anyway.
oh yeah, I learned pretty quickly that when I'm not among my family/close friends, I really have to clear it with them first.
you should hear me at parties
"Haha, peasantry, yeah. Listen I'm about to dump a deep dive of medieval farming practices on you, is that okay?"
heya friends, i have a question for you - a friend of mine recommended that i go to HR and basically start a paper trail of being queer - coming out to them as much as i was comfortable with, and basically taking the first steps to protect myself from any discrimation by self-identifying as someone more likely to be a target
does anyone have any experience or suggestions with that sort of thing? things i should/n't talk about like hrt meds, doc/electro appts (and how i might need time for them), pronouns, being trans and possibly eventually transitioning if i still work here then, etc? i've already legally changed my name so i'm covered on that (and they were really good about setting up a preferred name until i got the paperwork - had my name change in the e-mail system by the next day and everything, with a new temp name badge and all)
it's scary to think about doing, but it's a good idea, right? ...right? i've already come out as enby to my direct coworkers and a few folks i trust, but it's good to do to protect myself if anyone gets weird :?
It sounds like you kinda already did start that process with the name change. If you are mostly comfortable I'd say go for it, but there will always be the risk of the secret bigot being in a decision making position.
There is zero need to tell them medical information though. Give them only as much of your queer identity labels as your are comfortable sharing, and that should be all they need.
yeah they don't need to know about your medical stuff at all, and if you do decide to confide anything in them (which I'm not sure I'd do anyway unless you really trust your HR people) I'd also clarify with them whether you're doing this out of an abundance of caution or because you're worried it will actually be an issue within the company. a good HR team will want to know if there's some undercurrent that they don't know about and should be on the lookout for, and if they're not good then having a record of "I'm doing this because I'm specifically worried about a hostile work environment" is a good thing to have
but yeah don't give them any medical info
+2
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
The thing to always, always remember is that HR is not your friend. They are there to make sure the company doesn’t get in trouble. To that end, they don’t want to be sued for discrimination, and giving them some knowledge is useful because then they can’t feign ignorance. Once they know you’re a protected class they will want to cover their asses.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
got it!! thanks so much - i've already bumped into a personal development day once with appointments, but i'll just carry on with dealing with that if it ever aligns again - i really wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell them about that sort of thing, so i really appreciate the information (i'm so ignorant about all of this, tbh). i think it's a really good place, so i'm less afraid of consequences and more of putting myself out there, i guess - i want to say i'm sure that information won't get spread around, but also i literally had people at my previous two jobs know that i put my resignation in bc management was gossipy, so idk - caution wrt HR is a lesson i thankfully learned in a low-stakes environment, but i guess if everyone learns i'm enby, then i won't have to worry about pronouns again. definitely for sure, lmao
anyway, i really appreciate all three of you being so informative, thanks again :>
I think it's opportunity to think about our interactions. Infodump inc
Just because you are not intending to be sexist or racist or ageist or exhibit any other bias, the other half of the conversation may be subject daily to assumptions of their awareness or ability based on their traits. Even knowing you are innocent of bias in your infodump, that forces them to do the emotional labor of holding that knowledge against the learned response to every other instance of experiences like it that are microaggressions.
I think the quickest way to make things right is either to preface an infodump as such, or quickly check in to make sure the other person has capacity. It's gonna vary depending on how well you know the person, and any given day. But touching base is generally a good thing to make sure a conversation is just that, and not a monologue or lecture.
Infodump seems to be inherent to how many ND folk process the world, and it would be unfair to frame that behavior as undesirable. But in rightly getting accommodation and patience for those behaviors, it's only fair to make room for others' needs at the same time as much as we can manage it.
That's my take at the moment, anyway.
oh yeah, I learned pretty quickly that when I'm not among my family/close friends, I really have to clear it with them first.
you should hear me at parties
"Haha, peasantry, yeah. Listen I'm about to dump a deep dive of medieval farming practices on you, is that okay?"
My kiddo has started doing this too. We were at a family-ish gathering the other day, and being slightly uncomfortable with the -ish part of that, asked my father in law, "Hey...want to hear a lot of facts about Tornadoes?" I don't think he really paid much attention to the 'a lot' part before answering, haha.
My ex's son asked me if I wanted to know about a Roblox game he really liked and three hours later she came up to me and said " Yeah sorry I forgot to warn you he has a whole presentation"
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
+19
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Got my first pair of women's cut jeans yesterday. I have two takeaways-
1. lol looking kinda caked up
2. will fit more comfortably once I get some work done downstairs
Got my first pair of women's cut jeans yesterday. I have two takeaways-
1. lol looking kinda caked up
2. will fit more comfortably once I get some work done downstairs
Yeah they aren't the most comfortable in the front, but men's jeans just don't have the ass room you might need. So many tradeoffs.
On the other hand, pockets
My beloved spouse got me this wonderfully weird space dress (think Ms. Frizzle vibe but not sleeves) that I fell in absolute love with on sight. Then I tried it on and found it had REAL POCKETS! I wear it so so so much and get so many compliments before they know about the pockets.
+8
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited September 27
I've got a real flowy ren-fair maxi length skirt that technically has pockets but they're still to small to use for thing except like, resting half of my hand in or hooking my thumbs on.
when i went to the ren faire with my best friends a couple months ago, we all dressed up in cute fantasy cosplay - my friend discovered when we got home that their dress did have them, decent-sized ones, too, and they were so mad that they could have used them the whole time and didn't know. i immediately checked to see if mine had them so i could feel equally betrayed, but alas, i only get to feel envy for their dress pockets, lol
edit - also! speaking of sizes and stuff. i need to return some cute custom shoes i ordered bc they're too big...because my feet have apparently shrunk by two whole sizes? i didn't know that was a thing but i'm sliding all over my current shoes, and the new ones that should be that size definitely don't fit at aaalllll. oh well, just gotta return/re-order ;n;
Cee on
0
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Might get my hair dyed at some point, swept-back side part makes for an easy low ponytail, but if I want to anchor it higher up and brush all my hair straight back, so many white hairs like wow didn't realize I had that many. Also Cee on those shoes, something I'm running into a lot is I'll triple-check my measurements for a sizing chart, then notice that there's a little info blurb like "product trends large, order one size down" or similar.
Might get my hair dyed at some point, swept-back side part makes for an easy low ponytail, but if I want to anchor it higher up and brush all my hair straight back, so many white hairs like wow didn't realize I had that many. Also Cee on those shoes, something I'm running into a lot is I'll triple-check my measurements for a sizing chart, then notice that there's a little info blurb like "product trends large, order one size down" or similar.
you should totally go for dyeing your hair if you're feeling it, that could be really fun!! i've thought about dyeing the little tuft i let hang out by my eyes when everything else is up in a ponytail - gotta talk to my stylist next time
wrt shoes, yyeaaahh, i think i missed that, but also, this is my current shoe situation (did my best to blur them for fun, lol) -
they used to fit! i'm pretty sure!! but i'm not really complaining about smaller feet - it's affirming in a nice way
Cee on
0
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Huh, phone ate my post.
Dropping this here instead of the selfie thread since I was talking about the jeans earlier. I got hips!
My feet have stubbornly refused to drop a size and it's so annoying, I'm on the cusp of so many nice boots ;_;
I have some other nice ones though so don't feel too bad for me.
;n; sorry friend. this is the most drastic change i've seen so far (besides slow boob growth, which is neat, though tbh i'm hoping they don't get too big - wanna live that punky/gothy tomboy life - still enby and all, pls genetics, for once, don't fuck me over), and it just like...seems to have suddenly happened, so maybe it will still happen for you :? there's still hope!
edit - i forgot, i've also extremely noticed mood swings with hormonal changes. ya girl is ready to have a good cry whenevs, but i also am capable of feeling happy, and alive, which i never did before - definitely a sad girl and moody bitch occasionally, but more often than not - a happy calm :>
edit 2 - the sad/moody swings can be gnarly, like self-isolate from all of my friends, disable notifications sobbing on the floor of the shower, laying on the floor of my room for hours. i probably need to consider taking up my gender doc on their offer of prescribing SSRIs, bc estrogen is kinda playing havoc with an already unstable individual (a term i'm not terribly fond of anymore, given how it is weaponized against women, even if it is accurate for me)
Cee at
0
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Mine could grow in a little faster I'm barely a B cup.
Posts
10,000 hours
Not sure whether to congratulate you on the recognition or sympathize with you re: sexism :P
a friend of mine said that her second favorite moment post-transition was getting catcalled by a drunk college kid
her first favorite was when she spun around and in the deepest possible man-voice was like "THE FUCK YOU SAY" and they ran away.
edit: to be clearer, this is a similar point
proud that she was doin' it
had to weaponize transphobia to scare away some dudes
that counts for something, I think
I was so tired and feeling somewhat paranoid I didn't realise he was actually offering to carry it for me - I mistakenly thought he was attempting to steal it instead! Kind of a rude first introduction to the inverse of male chivilary - (though I have always held open doors etc regardless of gender expression/presentation). I didn't know which one of us should be apologetic, so I just awkwardly thanked him (probably outing myself with my voice at the time) and hurried off. 🫢😳🤦🏻😲
The whole way men tend to behave around women feels very odd experiencing it from the other side of the equation - it made me really start to realise just how casual sexism can be, and how disempowering/condescending it can sometimes feel.
@Rhesus Positive Because you might find this story amusing, buddy. 😜
like, I do it to everybody
I'm not sexist, I'm off-putting to everyone!
Info-dumping doesn't count in my eyes, but then I would say that, because I do it as well
The former is generally less aggravating to me just because an infodump isn't typically a micro-aggression but an overflowing expression of interests; relatable. But they're both still inherently about your perception of what this other person needs to hear, so potentially inconsiderate even if not sexist.
But also, context. Sexism is one of those societal institutions that's largely subconscious, so even if one person applies their behaviors equally, women are broadly more subject to experiencing disempowering interactions based solely on their gender.
Then ruined it by opening it again
Just because you are not intending to be sexist or racist or ageist or exhibit any other bias, the other half of the conversation may be subject daily to assumptions of their awareness or ability based on their traits. Even knowing you are innocent of bias in your infodump, that forces them to do the emotional labor of holding that knowledge against the learned response to every other instance of experiences like it that are microaggressions.
I think the quickest way to make things right is either to preface an infodump as such, or quickly check in to make sure the other person has capacity. It's gonna vary depending on how well you know the person, and any given day. But touching base is generally a good thing to make sure a conversation is just that, and not a monologue or lecture.
Infodump seems to be inherent to how many ND folk process the world, and it would be unfair to frame that behavior as undesirable. But in rightly getting accommodation and patience for those behaviors, it's only fair to make room for others' needs at the same time as much as we can manage it.
That's my take at the moment, anyway.
Also, I post here.
oh yeah, I learned pretty quickly that when I'm not among my family/close friends, I really have to clear it with them first.
you should hear me at parties
"Haha, peasantry, yeah. Listen I'm about to dump a deep dive of medieval farming practices on you, is that okay?"
does anyone have any experience or suggestions with that sort of thing? things i should/n't talk about like hrt meds, doc/electro appts (and how i might need time for them), pronouns, being trans and possibly eventually transitioning if i still work here then, etc? i've already legally changed my name so i'm covered on that (and they were really good about setting up a preferred name until i got the paperwork - had my name change in the e-mail system by the next day and everything, with a new temp name badge and all)
it's scary to think about doing, but it's a good idea, right? ...right? i've already come out as enby to my direct coworkers and a few folks i trust, but it's good to do to protect myself if anyone gets weird :?
There is zero need to tell them medical information though. Give them only as much of your queer identity labels as your are comfortable sharing, and that should be all they need.
but yeah don't give them any medical info
anyway, i really appreciate all three of you being so informative, thanks again :>
My kiddo has started doing this too. We were at a family-ish gathering the other day, and being slightly uncomfortable with the -ish part of that, asked my father in law, "Hey...want to hear a lot of facts about Tornadoes?" I don't think he really paid much attention to the 'a lot' part before answering, haha.
1. lol looking kinda caked up
2. will fit more comfortably once I get some work done downstairs
Yeah they aren't the most comfortable in the front, but men's jeans just don't have the ass room you might need. So many tradeoffs.
On the other hand, pockets
My beloved spouse got me this wonderfully weird space dress (think Ms. Frizzle vibe but not sleeves) that I fell in absolute love with on sight. Then I tried it on and found it had REAL POCKETS! I wear it so so so much and get so many compliments before they know about the pockets.
edit - also! speaking of sizes and stuff. i need to return some cute custom shoes i ordered bc they're too big...because my feet have apparently shrunk by two whole sizes? i didn't know that was a thing but i'm sliding all over my current shoes, and the new ones that should be that size definitely don't fit at aaalllll. oh well, just gotta return/re-order ;n;
you should totally go for dyeing your hair if you're feeling it, that could be really fun!! i've thought about dyeing the little tuft i let hang out by my eyes when everything else is up in a ponytail - gotta talk to my stylist next time
wrt shoes, yyeaaahh, i think i missed that, but also, this is my current shoe situation (did my best to blur them for fun, lol) -
Dropping this here instead of the selfie thread since I was talking about the jeans earlier. I got hips!
I have some other nice ones though so don't feel too bad for me.
;n; sorry friend. this is the most drastic change i've seen so far (besides slow boob growth, which is neat, though tbh i'm hoping they don't get too big - wanna live that punky/gothy tomboy life - still enby and all, pls genetics, for once, don't fuck me over), and it just like...seems to have suddenly happened, so maybe it will still happen for you :? there's still hope!
edit - i forgot, i've also extremely noticed mood swings with hormonal changes. ya girl is ready to have a good cry whenevs, but i also am capable of feeling happy, and alive, which i never did before - definitely a sad girl and moody bitch occasionally, but more often than not - a happy calm :>
edit 2 - the sad/moody swings can be gnarly, like self-isolate from all of my friends, disable notifications sobbing on the floor of the shower, laying on the floor of my room for hours. i probably need to consider taking up my gender doc on their offer of prescribing SSRIs, bc estrogen is kinda playing havoc with an already unstable individual (a term i'm not terribly fond of anymore, given how it is weaponized against women, even if it is accurate for me)