Options

Choose one of these super powers

#pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odoursPope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
You come across a shitty wizard on your walk home from the train station. He's had a rough night and needs to borrow your phone to book an interdimensional uber to get home. You hand it over, he accesses a menu you've never seen before, and moments later a portal opens and a black Honda Accord honks from the other side. He thanks you, and before stepping through the portal and disappearing, he hands you a card. The card lists a collection of abilities that the wizard is willing to grant you as thanks for helping him get home. The choices are as follows:

1. For the rest of your life, you gain the power of clean break poops. Nothing but net every time, no wipe required.

2. You become a world class sleeper. You can fall asleep on command, wake when you want to, and when you do you feel refreshed and energized.

3. You'll never lose anything you own again. You'll never leave your phone in a cab, you'll never forget where you put your keys, you'll never leave your passport at home, you'll never drop the remote behind the couch.

4. You innately know the best thing on a menu, and when you order it, it's always good.

5. You can always find a good parking spot, you're always close to the cheapest gas in town when you're running low and you can always find a good shortcut to get around traffic.

You have the power in your hands to slightly improve your quality of life and no way to use it to help other people. What do you choose?

Choose one of these super powers 150 votes

Perfect Paperless Poops
10%
NothingInvisibleInkJasconiusSonelanReynoldsDepressperadoXaquinHadesDaebunzzekebeauTynnanLucedesJarsKamiroscherbchenDr. Flamingo 16 votes
a Sleeper Hit
76%
SporkAndrewThe GeekA duck!DarmakMysstButlerMulysaSemproniussee317Houk the NamebringerEmperorSethASimPersonKadithAtheraalKarlDevlin_DragonusiguanacusDelzhandZythontynicSterica 115 votes
Parker Lewis Can't Lose
6%
WhippyzipidideeIndie WinterLindsay LohanDisruptedCapitalistVirgil_Leads_YouPaperLuigi44TipharethNytewarriorGvzbgul 10 votes
I'll Have What She's Having
2%
Munkus BeaverSlacker71RingoElderlycrawfish 4 votes
Ryan Gosling in Nicolas Winding Refn's Drive (2011)
3%
InquisitorZeroCowDoodmanncj iwakuraKristmas Kthulhu 5 votes
«134

Posts

  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    edited September 2021
    a Sleeper Hit
    Sleeper hit is a God tier power. The rest are nice but you'd get so much extra health and free time from perfect sleep.

    TheStig on
    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    Even super heroes would be envious of the super sleep power.

  • Options
    JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    Perfect Paperless Poops
    easy choice here

    nothing is more glorious than achieving perfection

  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    Anyone picking paperless poops needs to buy a bidet.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    Sleeper hit is a God tier power. The rest are nice but you'd get so much extra health and free time from perfect sleep.

    Did you know that a lot people just have this power already?

    Maybe they'll have the occasional restless night, but some people really do wake up feeling good

  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I don't believe it.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I wake up feeling pretty good sometimes.

    It has to be eight solid hours and then two more hours on top of that after I've turned off my alarm.

  • Options
    WhippyWhippy Moderator, Admin Emeritus Admin Emeritus
    Parker Lewis Can't Lose
    The rest of these seem like nice things that can also be mostly solved with the conveniences of modern society, but never forgetting anything again seems game-breaking

  • Options
    VeldrinVeldrin Sham bam bamina Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    *MASHES THE SLEEP BUTTON, JUST ABSOLUTELY WAILS ON IT*

  • Options
    BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User, Moderator mod
    a Sleeper Hit
    easily sleep

    BahamutZERO.gif
  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I don't know what it's like to take a nap and not wake up feeling like absolute dog shit and having the rest of my day ruined.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    CronoColaCronoCola Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    With super sleep I also get super not-having-to-buy-coffee, which will make me a millionaire within a few scant months 🤑

  • Options
    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I'll Have What She's Having
    ap5sa5s3xe3w.png

    d1s7a6k3or9x.jpg

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • Options
    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I think these poll results are very indicative of the average forum age

  • Options
    useruser Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    This was easy for me, because I cope with depression partially by drinking at night so my default mode network calms down and its easier to sleep. Imagine just not needing to do that, dang -- a real game-changer.
    .

  • Options
    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I'll Have What She's Having
    tynic wrote: »
    I think these poll results are very indicative of the average forum age

    Before I discovered the magical power of "Remeron" I would have chosen that as well.

    But I can actually fall asleep now! It's wild!

    So give me good eats.

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • Options
    JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    Perfect Paperless Poops
    i am surprised that this many people have trouble sleeping

    i was going to brag that i already have powers 2 and 4, but i mean every once in a while I do have trouble sleeping so I guess its not truly accurate. but *usually* i am out within a few minutes and I stay out until its go time...

  • Options
    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    On the glorious occasion that I don’t have issues with insomnia, I still wake up feeling like human garbage. I actually can’t recall the last time I woke up feeling completely rested, I suspect it was pre-teen.

    So that one sounds basically like magic to me,

    (While I’m sure everyone else in my life would prefer I selected not to ever lose anything again, frankly the idea freaks me out. It’s like someone suggesting you replace your whole personality with a different one)

  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    Of course Munkus picks "I can order food without having my bowels ruined."

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I'll Have What She's Having
    TheStig wrote: »
    Of course Munkus picks "I can order food without having my bowels ruined."

    I mean, I also just like eating good food.

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • Options
    CronoColaCronoCola Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    tynic wrote: »
    (While I’m sure everyone else in my life would prefer I selected not to ever lose anything again, frankly the idea freaks me out. It’s like someone suggesting you replace your whole personality with a different one)

    Sounds like you'd end up losing your personality with that choice :o

  • Options
    PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    So you're telling me I can just stay up all night, sleep for a minute instantly, and get all the benefits of a full night's rest?

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
  • Options
    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    I'll Have What She's Having
    The last two can absolutely be used to help other people. I know what the best item on the menu is no matter what. And if this is a monkey paw deal where only I get it prepared right? I'll order enough to share.

    There's some good tricks I can think of to influence the business of any restaurant, and that's just the start.

    The driving one is more straightforward but I have no interest in being a delivery driver. It would possibly make for an interesting career in Rally Racing though. Possibly endurance circuit racing like NASCAR too, depending on if the power gives you advantages in the Pit

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • Options
    GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    Parker Lewis Can't Lose
    1. I'd wipe anyway because I'm paranoid.
    2. I already fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.
    3. I waste a lot of time looking for things
    4. I always get something new on the menu that I haven't tried before, if I always got the best thing it'd be boring.
    5. I don't spend more than 15 minutes in my car on any given day.

  • Options
    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I am the lightest sleeper

    please let me rest brain I do not need to be awoken because the cat jumped on something downstairs

  • Options
    ASimPersonASimPerson Cold... and hard.Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I'm somewhat convinced that the idea of waking up refreshed in the morning is an idea made up by companies to sell more mattresses.

  • Options
    DaebunzDaebunz Registered User regular
    Perfect Paperless Poops
    poops, easy

    7yh4xczljsym.png
  • Options
    TefTef Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    #pipe wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    Sleeper hit is a God tier power. The rest are nice but you'd get so much extra health and free time from perfect sleep.

    Did you know that a lot people just have this power already?

    Maybe they'll have the occasional restless night, but some people really do wake up feeling good

    My wife has this super power! She goes, “hmm, I think I might have a nap” AND THEN SHE JUST DOES IT

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • Options
    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I choose the sleep. Which is funny because I already have two thirds of it, though actually feeling restful would be a nice change

  • Options
    JarsJars Registered User regular
    Perfect Paperless Poops
    I feel like I've answered this before. anyway, #1

  • Options
    GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    Parker Lewis Can't Lose
    Do you want to be known as "the person who doesn't wipe their ass?" You can say "my poops are clean!" all you want, but no one will believe you.

  • Options
    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    The sleep power as it's worded is easily the best pick because it doesn't specify a minimum time you need to sleep, just that when you wake up you'll be refreshed and energized. Sleep for one minute, gain the benefits of a full night rest, acquire an additional 8+ hours per night to do whatever you want.

    Even if it does have the requirement I still need you sleep a normal amount of time it's the best pick. Insomnia would no longer fuck me up at random, there's no nights where stress keeps me restless in a series of psychotic dreams, I don't need three to four alarms just to wake up on time (and even then I can and have slept through them all), and every single morning I wake up ready to go without the pervasive brain fog that plagues me until noon.

    There's no other choice for me. Maybe if the menu thing also came with the food always being healthy no matter what it is, then it might be more tempting. Cheesecake, part of this balanced diet.

  • Options
    OptyOpty Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    As written, being able to sleep exactly how much you want and always wake up feeling refreshed with no minimum sleep duration is super overpowered. I think the way to make it more balanced so it'd compete with the others would be "you don't need to sleep anymore, but you also cannot sleep anymore."

  • Options
    PaperLuigi44PaperLuigi44 My amazement is at maximum capacity. Registered User regular
    Parker Lewis Can't Lose
    Sleep powers are very tempting as I tend not to get enough sleep (not bad, could be better), but the stress of potentially losing stuff follows me through my waking hours, both falling off my person or being put somewhere I forget.

  • Options
    discriderdiscrider Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    The wizard is actually just drugging my kid each night

  • Options
    ZythonZython Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    Sleep, easy. Paperless poops only save money. And while never losing anything and perfect traffic/gas will save time and money, the time saved is nowhere in the ballpark of perfect sleep, even in the best case.

    Menu only saves occasional disappointment.

    Switch: SW-3245-5421-8042 | 3DS Friend Code: 4854-6465-0299 | PSN: Zaithon
    Steam: pazython
  • Options
    DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I've been exhausted for 25 years at this point, maybe longer, I'll take good sleep, please

  • Options
    SorceSorce Not ThereRegistered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    In the last week or so I've somehow figured out how I can sleep well. Then the day before last I woke up to my back on fire and I haven't slept well since.

    I will absolutely take that sleeper hit.

    sig.gif
  • Options
    milskimilski Poyo! Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    #pipe wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    Sleeper hit is a God tier power. The rest are nice but you'd get so much extra health and free time from perfect sleep.

    Did you know that a lot people just have this power already?

    Maybe they'll have the occasional restless night, but some people really do wake up feeling good

    The way you described it sounds like I can be perfectly healthy on zero sleep or a 5 minute nap.

    Nobody has that.

    I ate an engineer
  • Options
    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    a Sleeper Hit
    I would kill a man. I would hurt him in terrible ways if it meant I'd get consistent sleep and wake up feeling good.

Sign In or Register to comment.