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love
Depressperado
I just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered User regular
I just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered User regular
how did you know, the first time you were in love?
what does pure, uncut love look like? every aspect of love is dissected by every form of media, and that informs how everyone thinks about or experiences it.
the first time I was in love, I was 12. my neighbor had a cousin over for the summer, her name was Misty.
the neighborhood kids had our summer adventures and Misty and I bonded, but we were just, y'know, little kid friends.
and then, we had gone to the gas station, shortly before it became a Circle K, and bought some candy-
what's important to know here is that I am, fundamentally, a coward.
-we're walking home and there's this dog, it is fucking booking directly at us while the owner chased it, and I could just tell that this was not going to be a happy slobbery dog encounter. I squared up in what I assume was a heroic fashion and I pushed her behind me.
it only got my hoodie before the owner caught up, but little kid me told a thirty year old man that I'd kick his ass if he didn't control his dog. I actually yelled at an adult. Even I could, in the moment, tell how dramatically out of character I was acting.
afterwards, we went to the creek and sat under the bridge and she kissed me and told me I was her boyfriend. the kiss tasted like Rocket Pop. had a delightful month and a half of pool swimmin' and adventures and digging holes and stuff. holdin' hands.
when the summer was over she left overnight and I was just mega bummed, inconsolable.
I never got the "Sex Talk" from my parents, we are all too awkward for that, but my dad, on that summer day, did his fatherly duty and gave me the "Broken Heart" talk.
tell me of your loves, friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0CP9zpbmAQ
a little mood setting
what does pure, uncut love look like? every aspect of love is dissected by every form of media, and that informs how everyone thinks about or experiences it.
the first time I was in love, I was 12. my neighbor had a cousin over for the summer, her name was Misty.
the neighborhood kids had our summer adventures and Misty and I bonded, but we were just, y'know, little kid friends.
and then, we had gone to the gas station, shortly before it became a Circle K, and bought some candy-
what's important to know here is that I am, fundamentally, a coward.
-we're walking home and there's this dog, it is fucking booking directly at us while the owner chased it, and I could just tell that this was not going to be a happy slobbery dog encounter. I squared up in what I assume was a heroic fashion and I pushed her behind me.
it only got my hoodie before the owner caught up, but little kid me told a thirty year old man that I'd kick his ass if he didn't control his dog. I actually yelled at an adult. Even I could, in the moment, tell how dramatically out of character I was acting.
afterwards, we went to the creek and sat under the bridge and she kissed me and told me I was her boyfriend. the kiss tasted like Rocket Pop. had a delightful month and a half of pool swimmin' and adventures and digging holes and stuff. holdin' hands.
when the summer was over she left overnight and I was just mega bummed, inconsolable.
I never got the "Sex Talk" from my parents, we are all too awkward for that, but my dad, on that summer day, did his fatherly duty and gave me the "Broken Heart" talk.
tell me of your loves, friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0CP9zpbmAQa little mood setting
Depressperado on
+5
Posts
The first time I ever did that and it was reciprocated though? Oh man I fell in love so fucking hard. Being 19 and full of hormones didn't hurt; everything I felt was dialed up to 11 and beyond. Not just irritated by things, I was enraged. No room for liking stuff when I was full of love. So yeah, it was love and it was also hell. She left me for another guy, who left her, which left her devastated. We eventually had an on again, off again relationship which fuckin clawed my insides raw. Not that we didn't get along, we definitely did and always had a great time together and meshed super well. She just couldn't get over that other guy and she kept jumping from me to other guys and eventually back to me. We finally broke it off for good when she had to move down to Austin to live with her mom (no long distance relationship for us), but we ended on good terms and stayed friends. Years later she moved back for about six months and lived with me during that time, but just as friends.
Other random relationship musings:
It's pretty neat sometimes, yeah
you can fall in love with the same person multiple times, too!
as you grow and change over the course of your life, the people around you often do as well.
you can fall in love with the person that person currently is! in addition to loving the people they were.
you could even love yourself, with the right point of view.
so you kinda throw yourself in and get Big Feelings very quickly and then have huge blowups
it was an exhausting kind of loving.
because, despite everything, it is love. you tell them, they tell you, and you mean it, because why wouldn't you? the only thing better than love is aforementioned drugs/money.
sometimes I miss it 'cause like, it's nice to feel needed. and nobody needs you like an addict.
come aboard, we're expecting you.
there's so many kinds of love!~
Hell yeah all in on that Eileen energy.
Jesus Christ I hate this.
Especially when the pooper complains they get no privacy.
Shut the door! That's all you need to do!
I don't know if communal pooping is love, but they seem to feel that it's important.
I wanna go to his funeral but his mom will be there and she fucking hates me
I’m sorry for your loss. Thats terrible. If you want to be there you should go. Fuck what she thinks.
I mean I had one fumbled it ah well
So I decided one Valentine's day to give them chocolate
The other thing I was quite dumb with I made a notebook about them things they talked about interests and so on . It all blew up from there from the rumors to people talking at work As she did her best to avoid me. There was one woman that was encouraging me? As they told me where she lived and other things?
I had no idea how to really deal with this? so I attempted to talk to her again and she ran away crying. There was a lot of other things going on in my life at this time so it was just chaos so it's unresolved
And back to the awkwardness and fall out of the unrequited love trying to talk to women there and build a relationship is far harder than I thought
So I think I have? I know basically I created that poorly built bridge of a LTR building that trust and understanding but at times it feels
As she does at time does play with certain emotions and I think she is either curious because I don't behave like others do or something
It was the first time ever, really, and we were together for a while (by my standards). In retrospect the relationship, when it wasn't good, was just not right for us; she was not right for me. She was distant and uncommunicative and also didn't really love me all the time, which was hard for me to come to accept, although I finally did.
We broke up finally a few months ago and I'm doing much better. It definitely felt like the love of my life was gone for a while and I struggled with that of course. Recently I started dating again and there was a couple of promising things that fell through; I've definitely become more sensitive to those negative feelings since the breakup and think I probably need more time to be honest, but it is hard to feel alone
Anyway I hope I can still find someone and be in a happy, healthy relationship. Bring negative is a weakness of mine but I think that sometimes writing things out helps bring them into perspective and adds some positivity
Breakups are funny, while you're going through them it seems insane that they hurt so much and that other people are just going on with normal life while you're dying right there. Then you move on a bit and realise you can fancy someone else. I don't want my ex back (and she got back together with her bf before me, which was it's own shock and difficult for a few reasons), though there was no chance of that happening it also feels good to know that you actually no longer want someone who in retrospect, by her own admission, treated me pretty poorly
Anyway! Love
In college, I met a girl through a friend of my roommate. I was one of the only folks in our little circle with a TV and video game console in the dorm room, so most evenings I was the hub and she would come over with the group. I had a bit of a crush on her, but probably lacked the skillset/confidence to do anything about it. Then in the Spring through some odd circumstances, she crashed in our room a few late nights. It led to a first kiss one morning and I fell for her hard. Amazingly, that kiss was Spring of '96, we married in 2000, and are still happily together. We even had Elvis renew our vows a few years ago in Vegas. We're now trying to figure out where to go next year for our 25th anniversary.
this is a recurring dream of mine, not sure why.
edit: in these dreams, I have a like, fully developed persona and friend group and relationships, or at least my dreams deja vu me into thinking I do, which is part of the reason I think that dreams are you getting glimpses of alternate yous
this is exactly the place for that kinda stuff, my homie!
unrequited and/or absent loves are loves too, just not the preferable ones!
online dating, and dating in general, is a hellish grind. Used dick salesmen in a lot, "what can I do to get you in these genitals today?" back and forth
I've been insular and rocking unrequited crushes for a while, and it's like, it's not a great feeling
but it's better than nothing, I guess.
And it's not just because she's gorgeous (oh my god she is), but because she's one of the most kind, caring, genuine people that I've ever met. She also does a lot of little things that make my heart skip a beat just because of how unintentionally charming they are? Like, she got a text from a friend of hers during game night a few weeks ago, asking if she wanted their old saxophone. She's a very musically talented person who's never actually played a saxophone before, and her genuine excitement in that moment made my heart melt a little bit. Seriously, interacting with her is like experiencing the first sunny day after a week of rain.
Problem is, I've ran the idea of my asking her out past my best friend, who knows her better than I do. And he answered with a solid degree of confidence that he really doesn't see her ever thinking of me as anything more than just a friend.
So I'm a little mentally stuck right now, and that sucks.
Ask her out even if you are 99% sure she’ll say no. Just ask for a date, not a relationship. Despite what you’ve heard you can stay friends after.
I know this because my best friend is gay. But I didn’t know until I asked her out.
Few years back I was the best man at her wedding.
That's actually where I've landed after thinking about this way too much.
We're both emotionally mature adults dang it, there's no way that still being friends afterwards isn't going to happen.
It's more that I tend to take rejection pretty hard, so having a known decent chance that that's going to happen is giving me a bit of a case of cold feet.