Yelling about Elf on the Shelf

Coinage

In 2008 I worked at Bed Bath and Beyond, and when the Elves on the Shelves came in I thought this is the shittiest fake tradition, it's so weird and creepy, thank God this will never catch on. And now through marketing it is a real tradition, people are very comfortable with their entire lives being shared, and I'm going to see the little bastards every year forever. Why, because parents love lying to children so much? Is it really a coincidence the US has mostly only gotten shittier since 2008?

Imagine if we had a society that didn't encourage magical thinking at every turn? What could be accomplished with reason instead of superstition and fear? And while I'm up here, let me tell you about the original lie we tell children, Jesus *is dragged off stage with a big hook*

xXx_bLunTmaSTeR_420x69?

For a dollar name a good elf protip

Fig-D

Maybe, but it led to us getting Snoop on the Stoop and I'm okay with that.

Madican

Bad Elf on the Shelf as well

arthurinscales

every year i forget that elf on the shelf exists and what it's all about and i google and go "oh that's weird and creepy" and once the new year rolls in i will again blissfully forget about it for the next 11 months

cursedking

The thing I find weird about elf on the shelf is i'll have other parents bemoaning it to me like ugh we have to do all this elf shit, we are chained to our elf overlords.

and it's like, just don't? Just don't get it? You're the parents, you can do that. Our kids asked once and I was like lmao, we are not doing that stupid shit (in so many words). And that was...that.

It's the same with youtube garbage or coco melon or whatever. I just say no. I'm bigger than them, there's nothing they can do about it. It's not like this stuff is good for them, I'm not being mean by denying them garbage or surveillance state elves.

Blake T

Yes. People should never use their imaginations.

And never to entertain their children.

Curly_Brace

Elf on the Shelf is designed to make kids both familiar with and accept our surveillance state. It is an evil, vile thing.

ManOHokuto

Santa is the only good face of Christmas, all others should get outta town.
Kill the Elf on the Shelf in your heart.

cursedking

this year my daughter was like if santa watches you when you are asleep, when does he sleep, he needs some rest for his job

and i looked hard at my wife and I was just like, honey you have no idea

HappylilElf

Tumin wrote: »

For a dollar name a good elf protip

',:-|

HappylilElf

That said Elf on the shelf is a great tradition

But only if you use it to teach kids that if they spot it then that elf gets fuckin' got because actually privacy is a good thing that you should care about

emnmnme

ManOHokuto wrote: »

Santa is the only good face of Christmas, all others should get outta town.
Kill the Elf on the Shelf in your heart.

Blake T

I mean I’m not going to say it’s the best thing in the world, but it’s no difference with Santa and surveillance as he’s always watching and has his naughty and nice list, which is something I struggle to talk about that idea with my kids because I think that idea is fucked up but the idea of a naughty or nice list is very strong culturally.

But kids just like to see what the elf is up to. It’s cute. It’s no different to literally any other thing where they just do it

Hahnsoo1

Darius Rucker, as one of the Three Wise Men: "Who is Santa Claus?"
Nate Bargatze, Angel of the Lord: "A bearded, all-seeing immortal who sorts the righteous from the wicked."
Mary: "But isn't that what God does?"
Nate Bargatze: "Yes, but... Santa does it to children, only children."

Incenjucar

All holidays need to have privacy-destroying marketing tools to please the corporations.

Glower in the Shower, sullen middle-aged person in a business suit who hangs by your soap on a rope for Labor Day reminding you that your shower thoughts should be productive ones.

Bunny with a Gunny for Easter, a fuzzy sniper reminding you to be on your best behavior and that eggs are such fragile things.

Witch for your Itch, a Halloween figure you store with ointments and creams with scrutinizing glowing eyes to read the labels in the dark.

Etc.

Raiden333

Incenjucar wrote: »

All holidays need to have privacy-destroying marketing tools to please the corporations.

Glower in the Shower, sullen middle-aged person in a business suit who hangs by your soap on a rope for Labor Day reminding you that your shower thoughts should be productive ones.

Bunny with a Gunny for Easter, a fuzzy sniper reminding you to be on your best behavior and that eggs are such fragile things.

Witch for your Itch, a Halloween figure you store with ointments and creams with scrutinizing glowing eyes to read the labels in the dark.

Etc.

The Ent of Ill Intents, grim watchman of Arbor Day.

Gnizmo

cursedking wrote: »

The thing I find weird about elf on the shelf is i'll have other parents bemoaning it to me like ugh we have to do all this elf shit, we are chained to our elf overlords.

and it's like, just don't? Just don't get it? You're the parents, you can do that. Our kids asked once and I was like lmao, we are not doing that stupid shit (in so many words). And that was...that.

It's the same with youtube garbage or coco melon or whatever. I just say no. I'm bigger than them, there's nothing they can do about it. It's not like this stuff is good for them, I'm not being mean by denying them garbage or surveillance state elves.

I came home to a surprise Elf on the Shelf from my mother in law. By the time I got home my son had heard the book, named him, and fully fallen in love with the whole deal. He was never the type to forget about something either.

So I made up some bullshit story about the Elf getting a promotion the next year to remove the surveillance stuff, kept the book long forgotten, and made sure to remind my kid whenever it came up that our Elf wasn't a snitch.

Madican

Santa being the surveillance when he's just a name and nebulous presence is very different from an actual physical "watcher"

Taya

I think it was cool to watch a new thing become a tradition. I never got to see Santa Claus become ubiquitous, but I got to see Elf on the Shelf become international. Pretty neat.

I don't have kids though so I don't need to bother with it.

Duke 2.0

Incenjucar wrote: »

All holidays need to have privacy-destroying marketing tools to please the corporations.

Glower in the Shower, sullen middle-aged person in a business suit who hangs by your soap on a rope for Labor Day reminding you that your shower thoughts should be productive ones.

Bunny with a Gunny for Easter, a fuzzy sniper reminding you to be on your best behavior and that eggs are such fragile things.

Witch for your Itch, a Halloween figure you store with ointments and creams with scrutinizing glowing eyes to read the labels in the dark.

Etc.

Each with a more elaborate gijinka than the last

Uriel

Taya wrote: »

I think it was cool to watch a new thing become a tradition. I never got to see Santa Claus become ubiquitous, but I got to see Elf on the Shelf become international. Pretty neat.

I don't have kids though so I don't need to bother with it.

Ha

I don't even put up a tree or stockings or...

Wait now I'm sad

Incenjucar

Get like fifty elves and give them little plastic cameras and microphones and scatter them all over the house and every few nights replace one or two with Pennywise action figures.

Garthor

Raiden333

Incenjucar wrote: »

Get like fifty elves and give them little plastic cameras and microphones and scatter them all over the house and every few nights replace one or two with Pennywise action figures.

hear me out here

"Elfmongus"

HappylilElf

Blake T wrote: »

I mean I’m not going to say it’s the best thing in the world, but it’s no difference with Santa and surveillance as he’s always watching and has his naughty and nice list, which is something I struggle to talk about that idea with my kids because I think that idea is fucked up but the idea of a naughty or nice list is very strong culturally.

But kids just like to see what the elf is up to. It’s cute. It’s no different to literally any other thing where they just do it

Eh I think there's a pretty wide gulf between "Santa is a magic fat guy knows who has been naughty and who has been nice" and "This physical thing that you will see every day is watching you and we, your parents, approve of this."

Incenjucar

Raiden333 wrote: »

Incenjucar wrote: »

Get like fifty elves and give them little plastic cameras and microphones and scatter them all over the house and every few nights replace one or two with Pennywise action figures.

hear me out here

"Elfmongus"

The Elfposter better be able to kill with a sharpened candy cane and by bowling with an orb.

shryke

I refuse to let Santa's Stasi into the house.

I tried to hide it's existence from the children but it's too widespread now. As always, the masses are wrong. But at least it just stays at school.

RatherDashing

At least Santa himself is Nice. The Elf has two things about him: (1) that he judges whether you are good or not and (2) that he gets up every night to do bad things.

Why are we letting someone on the Naughty list judge our Niceness?

Raiden333

RatherDashing wrote: »

At least Santa himself is Nice. The Elf has two things about him: (1) that he judges whether you are good or not and (2) that he gets up every night to do bad things.

Why are we letting someone on the Naughty list judge our Niceness?

how else are you going to teach children that the people charged with enforcing the societal codes are the worst violators of them and immune from punishment for doing so?

emnmnme

No, the remarkable thing is the tradition took root. Someone understood marketing and made Fetch happen for a nation.

shryke

Also Santa doesn't require parents to do much. The fucking Elf is a daily chore. Also you can't touch the fucking thing so good luck if you've got young kids. One of my friends got stuck with the thing and the 2 year old was like "ooooh, new toy" and grabbed it and now the magic was gone and the older ones were bawling for like an hour. It's a new pain in the ass foisted upon parents.

emnmnme

Now I'm genuinely curious about other fresh Christmas traditions that didn't take root. I don't mean ugly Christmas sweaters no one likes, I mean the ones that died off after a year or two. Failed attempts. The Coca-Cola AI Christmas commercial has to be the most recent reject.

emnmnme

Oh, and Cranberry Sprite. The world rejected Cranberry Sprite.

Gyral

https://www.tiktok.com/@coraliej82/video/7446001969426074912

initiatefailure

Cranberry sprite rules

Curly_Brace

Elf on the shelf is a snitch. And nobody likes snitches.

TNTrooper

Curly_Brace wrote: »

Elf on the shelf is a snitch. And nobody likes snitches.

Snitches get stiches. Give the kiddos switchblades.

Ranlin

initiatefailure wrote: »

Cranberry sprite rules

I've only found cranberry .... whatever Sierra Mist is called now, but it was really good.