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A Love Triangle: Any Way Out?
Curly_Brace
Robot GirlMimiga VillageRegistered User regular
Robot GirlMimiga VillageRegistered User regular
Ah love, you are so damn complicated. Ah love, you make me want to scream and sing at the same time.
So I am stuck in a love triangle, of sorts. Here, let me tell you the whole (long) story:
At the encouragement of my therapist, I started trying out the dating scene a few years back. (If you must know I have suffer from anxiety issues, really makes dating hard as you can imagine.)
I met "Girl A" online. She's a bit older than me, very much a "take charge" kind of person. We hit it off quite well.
But, alas, I made the mistake of letting her down gently when I became infatuated with "Girl at College." And nothing happened between Girl at College and I.
And sadly at about that time Girl A and I feel out of touch. I liked her, and it was obvious she really liked me.
A few months later, I met "Girl B" online. We have a ton in common and really "mesh" well. We are currently in a long-distance relationship. She's a wonderful person, but like me she has some personal issues. But we really care about each other and we are doing our best to work our our issues and stay together. The long-distance thing is a pain, but we are committed to trying to make this work.
Then a few months ago, out of the blue, Girl A and I get back in touch. It was a total surprise, really. However, there is a problem: Girl A still has strong feelings for me. I like her too, but maybe not in the way she likes me. It's complicated, to say the least.
I feel guilty, not pursuing Girl A, losing touch with her and eventually getting together with Girl B.
So in short it's a love triangle, and I am at a loss. What, if anything, can I do or say to resolve this in such a way that no one gets hurt or tossed aside? I really don't want to hurt either of them! And I don't want to lose contact with either of them; I really care about them both a lot.
Or, to use a colorful euphemism, am i up $h1t creek without a paddle?
tl;dr - Love triangle... any way to have it end in a not-horrible way?
So I am stuck in a love triangle, of sorts. Here, let me tell you the whole (long) story:
At the encouragement of my therapist, I started trying out the dating scene a few years back. (If you must know I have suffer from anxiety issues, really makes dating hard as you can imagine.)
I met "Girl A" online. She's a bit older than me, very much a "take charge" kind of person. We hit it off quite well.
But, alas, I made the mistake of letting her down gently when I became infatuated with "Girl at College." And nothing happened between Girl at College and I.
And sadly at about that time Girl A and I feel out of touch. I liked her, and it was obvious she really liked me.
A few months later, I met "Girl B" online. We have a ton in common and really "mesh" well. We are currently in a long-distance relationship. She's a wonderful person, but like me she has some personal issues. But we really care about each other and we are doing our best to work our our issues and stay together. The long-distance thing is a pain, but we are committed to trying to make this work.
Then a few months ago, out of the blue, Girl A and I get back in touch. It was a total surprise, really. However, there is a problem: Girl A still has strong feelings for me. I like her too, but maybe not in the way she likes me. It's complicated, to say the least.
I feel guilty, not pursuing Girl A, losing touch with her and eventually getting together with Girl B.
So in short it's a love triangle, and I am at a loss. What, if anything, can I do or say to resolve this in such a way that no one gets hurt or tossed aside? I really don't want to hurt either of them! And I don't want to lose contact with either of them; I really care about them both a lot.
Or, to use a colorful euphemism, am i up $h1t creek without a paddle?
tl;dr - Love triangle... any way to have it end in a not-horrible way?
Curly_Brace on
0
Posts
Please, please please make fully sure that she is aware that you don't have a problem with her seeing other people too. If she says "I don't want to see other people, just you." Then yes, you are up shit creek. If she wants an exculsive relationship and you want to "play the field" it's not going to end well.
Here are my thoughts...
You're digging on Girl B. Making it work, working through the issues, pretty into it. Then that's who you try to be with. You're currently committed to that person (an understanding that I'm assuming you both have).
Girl A, will be your unicorn of sorts. That ship has set sail. She may have feelings for you still, but you're with someone now. And that's almost exactly how you phrase it. You value her friendship, but you've got what you think is a pretty good thing going at the moment and you don't want to risk giving that up.
Also, generally love triangle involve people who all know each other and involve much more sleeping around. Right now you're just trying to be a nice guy and keep all parties happy..no harm there.
Will Girl A be happy? Eh..but she'll, at the very least, respect that you were honest with her if she's thinking another relationship is going to start up.
Work it out with Girl B.
The way I see it, neither girl has to know the other exists. If you prefer girl B just let girl A down the same way you did last time, and if she has any sense at all she won't take it very hard. Better yet, just make it clear to her that you're not looking for a romantic relationship. The fact that your relationship with her was never very serious to begin with should make it easier to remain friends.
Straddle the fence as long as you can.
If how you laid out the facts is accurate, then you haven't really committed to either girl, and neither of them are expecting a major commitment out of you. Use that to your advantage. Spend time with both of them (not together...well, unless your into that sort of thing) until you come to a conclusion as to which girl is better for you and which one you would be happier with. These type of situations tend to resolve themselves. If one of the girls pushes the commitment/exclusivity issue, tell them the truth and let them decide. Don't force yourself into making a decision now.
And I agree this isn't so much of a love triangle as a love angle equation. Unless Girl A and Girl B are sleeping together.
Girl B and I talked about, and agreed upon, that our relationship at the moment is not exclusive. I think Girl A and I need to talk about this.
*sighs* The problem is I feel like Girl B deserves to have a relationship with me... I guess that's a form of guilt, isn't it?
Also, I am being very honest with both of them and they are very aware of how I feel for both of them. So yeah, they know about each other.
*sighs, grumbles* I didn't want to bring this up, since it doesn't really change the situation: I'm a girl. Which means I am a bisexual nerd girl, which of course is a sterotype. Which of course I'm not really like.
And remove heads from gutter, folks. Thank you.
Well...DUH! It only says you are a girl in your profile. Really not all that shocking.
Regardless, my advice is the same. Walk the tightrope. Spend time with both Girl A and Girl B until the answer becomes clear. Don't punish yourself because you're attracted to both of them. This happens all the time.
And the fact Girl A knows about Girl B (and vice versa) is a good thing. As long as you are honest with both of them as to who you are spending time with, you can't be accused of going behind one's back with the other. A lot less guilt if you ask me.
I mean, think of it this way. You and A liked each other but nothing happened. She drifted away and you didn't really care to keep in touch. You "dumped" her. Now, you're with B, and the relationship is just starting out. Just because A comes back doesn't mean you suddenly like her again. There's a reason you chose CollegeGirl over A in the first place, I'd imagine. After all, if she was perfect then, how could you be infatuated with someone else? What is it about A that caused you to dump her back then?
I think that's the crux of it. There's a lot to be said about distance and physicality, and that's up to you. For many people, choosing between a light long distance relationship and a strong physical close-distance relationship is a no-brainer.
So from the sound of it, you like B quite a bit. But you actually *are* apprehensive about the distance, and even though there's a reason you ditched A back then, you're liking something about her now that you're not seeing in B. I'd be surprised if you don't already know what you want to do, and you just dislike making a decision between the two.
Heh, I think you hit the nail onthe head near the end there. I actually talked to Girl A last night, and we had a good, reasoned and fairly drama-less conversation. So that was nice.
Thanks y'allf or your help. I imagine thought this porblem isn't totally over, but after ranting and listenign to various sources of advice, I think I'll be all right from here onward.