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Emeril Sucks - [The Cooking Thread]

RageRage Registered User regular
edited August 2007 in Social Entropy++
somanydongs.jpg
mully wrote: »
Dong Cookies. (Prototype - to be improved upon this Thursday.)

NSFW if your employers would not laugh at penis shaped cookies.

Step 1: I made dough. Had to use my Ikea table as a counter since my kitchen lacks counter.

thedough.jpg

Step 2: I MacGuyvered a cookie cutter from an old DS box, and half a popcan.

iammacguyver.jpg

Step 3: Cuttin' the dough with the cookie cutter -- had to roll out the dough with a large cup. It hurt.

cuttingthedough.jpg

Step 4: Baking! I found that they would not bake smooth in any which way. Neville and I are going to figure this out.

bakingem.jpg

Step 5: Iced in pink, then detailed with a chocolate decorator thinger.

somanydongs.jpg

They are so happy; and many are quite deformed! Huzzah!
----
Collected recipes:


Rage's 30-minute Turkey Chili
You'll need:

1 lb lean ground turkey
2 tsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 small lime
1 medium red onion
1 red bell pepper
2 small ancho chilis
4 cloves of garlic
2 tsp fresh rosemary
4 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cayenne pepper (or to taste)
2 tsp cumin
Black pepper (to taste)
2 16oz cans cannellini beans (white kidney beans)
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth

Prep: I did this in one large pot, and top to bottom time was 30 minutes (10 to prep, 20 to cook).

Coarsely chop the red onion, 3 cloves of the garlic, bell pepper and ancho chilis (no seeds!) and drain and clean the cannellini beans. Clean and zest the lime, then cut in half and juice the lime over the veggies and set aside.

In a large pot, heat the olive oil over med-high heat and combine the ground turkey, rosemary, chili powder, cayenne and cumin, cooking evenly until the turkey meat is lightly browned. In the same pot, add the red onion, bell pepper, chilis and the lime zest and reduce the heat to medium - cook until the onions begin to turn translucent. Pour in the chicken broth and beans and bring to a slow boil. Reduce the heat to med-low and cover for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally and checking your seasoning level.

I prefer a chili with some kick to it, so you may need to adjust the spice levels or leave out\substitute the ancho chilis as desired.

brian80 - Healthy alternative PB cookies:
1 cup thawed, concentrated apple juice
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 cup whole wheat flour

Combine PB and apple juice in bowl using hand mixer (mix very well)
Add all other ingredients
Use a spoon to dollop out cookies onto a cookie sheet
Bake 10-15 minutes @ 350 degrees

Simple and delicious!

TUBE's BIG STRONG OMELETTE
TUBE'S BIG STRONG OMELETTE

SIX MOTHERFUCKING EGG WHITES
ONE MOTHERFUCKING EGG
HALF A FUCKING ONION
HALF A FUCKING PEPPER
A BIG FUCKING PILE OF TURKEY HAM
A BIG FUCKING PILE OF SPINACH
SOME FUCKING OLIVE OIL COOKING SPRAY

SPRAY THE FUCKING PAN, COOK ALL THE SHIT IN IT, PUT IT IN A BOWL, WHISK THE EGGS, PUT IT IN THE PAN, POKE IT AT THE EDGES SO FRESH EGG CAN GET THROUGH AND COOK UNTIL IT'S ALL COOKED AND A BIT RUNNY, WHACK IT UNDER THE GRILL FOR A MINUTE OR TWO, STICK ALL THE SHIT ON IT WITH SOME CHEESE, PUT PEPPER AND CHILI SAUCE ON, FOLD IT OVER, SERVE WITH A HUGE FUCKING SALAD.

SORTED

Pb's Pepper-Lime Marinade
Pb wrote: »
Also, here's a chicken marinade that's fan-fucking-tastic:

Pepper-Lime Marinade

1 teaspoon lime peel
1/3 cup lime juice
3 tablespoons cooking oil (I use olive)
1 teaspoon basil
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cloves of garlic, chopped

It's great with salsa and some beans.

rockmonky - Roasted Almonds
INGREDIENTS

* 1 egg white
* 1 teaspoon cold water
* 4 cups whole almonds
* 1/2 cup white sugar
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C). Lightly grease a 10x15 inch jellyroll pan.
2. Lightly beat the egg white; add water, and beat until frothy but not stiff. Add the nuts, and stir until well coated. Mix the sugar, salt, and cinnamon, and sprinkle over the nuts. Toss to coat, and spread evenly on the prepared pan.
3. Bake for 1 hour in the preheated oven, stirring occasionally, until golden. Allow to cool, then store nuts in airtight containers.

recipe stolen from some website, give them all the credit, b/c these almonds rock.

Lardalish - Ratatouille Ratatouille
Lardalish wrote: »
Ok, I found the Ratatouille recepie from the Rtatouille movie the other day. Havent had the chance to make it, but it sounds delicious.

Remy’s Ratatouille

For the Piperade (bottom layer):

1/2 red bell pepper, seeds and ribs removed
1/2 yellow bell pepper, seeds and ribs removed
1/2 orange bell pepper, seeds and ribs removed
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1/2 cup finely diced yellow onion
3 tomatoes (about 12 ounces total weight), peeled, seeded and finely diced, juices reserved 1 sprig fresh thyme
1 sprig flat-leaf parsley
1/2 bay leaf
Kosher salt

For the Vegetables:

1 medium zucchini (4 to 5 ounces) sliced in 1/16-inch-thick rounds
1 Japanese eggplant (4 to 5 ounces) sliced into 1/16-inch-thick rounds
1 yellow (summer) squash (4 to 5 ounces) sliced into 1/16-inch-thick rounds
4 Roma tomatoes, sliced into 1/16-inch-thick rounds
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/8 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the Vinaigrette:

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
Assorted fresh herbs (such as thyme and chervil)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

To make the piperade, preheat oven to 450 degrees. Line a baking sheet with foil. Place pepper halves on the baking sheet, cut side down. Roast until the skins loosen, about 15 minutes. Remove the peppers from the oven and let rest until cool enough to handle. Reduce the oven temperature to 275 degrees.

Peel the peppers and discard the skins. Finely chop the peppers; set aside.

In medium skillet over low heat, combine oil, garlic and onion and saute until very soft but not browned, about 8 minutes.

Add the tomatoes, their juices, thyme, parsley and bay leaf. Bring to a simmer over low heat and cook until very soft and little liquid remains, about 10 minutes. Do not brown.

Add the peppers and simmer to soften them. Discard the herbs, then season to taste with salt. Reserve a tablespoon of the mixture, then spread the remainder over the bottom of an 8-inch oven-proof skillet.

To prepare the vegetables, you will arrange the sliced zucchini, eggplant, squash and tomatoes over the piperade in the skillet.

Begin by arranging 8 alternating slices of vegetables down the center, overlapping them so that 1/4 inch of each slice is exposed. This will be the center of the spiral. Around the center strip, overlap the vegetables in a close spiral that lets slices mound slightly toward center. All vegetables may not be needed. Set aside.

In a small bowl, mix the garlic, oil and thyme, then season with salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle this over vegetables.

Cover the skillet with foil and crimp edges to seal well. Bake until the vegetables are tender when tested with a paring knife, about 2 hours. Uncover and bake for another 30 minutes. (Lightly cover with foil if it starts to brown.)

If there is excess liquid in pan, place it over medium heat on stove until reduced. (At this point it may be cooled, covered and refrigerated for up to 2 days. Serve cold or reheat in 350-degree oven until warm.)

To make the vinaigrette, in a small bowl whisk together the reserved piperade, oil, vinegar, herbs, and salt and pepper to taste.

To serve, heat the broiler and place skillet under it until lightly browned. Slice in quarters and lift very carefully onto plate with an offset spatula. Turn spatula 90 degrees as you set the food down, gently fanning the food into fan shape. Drizzle the vinaigrette around plate. Serves 4.

Volatile - Artichoke Dip
Volatile wrote: »
Artichoke Dip:

-1 cup Parmesan cheese
-1 cup Mayonnaise
-As many quartered artichoke hearts as you want, probably a little less than a cup
-diced jalapeño peppers, again as many as you want, I like a lot.

You might have to double the recipe for whatever you're baking it in, but you mix it all and bake it at 375°F for about 30-35 minutes.

My mom adds crab meat to this, but I don't trust myself to do that. But if you can do that, do it, because it makes this better. Scoop this up with nachos or put it on bread, and you've got yourself a damn fine dip.

Blaket - Awesome Stir Fry
Blaket wrote: »
MY AWESOME STIR FRY.

TWO Garlic cloves
ONE chilli
ONE Red Onion
As much pussy vegtables as you want.
400 grams of beef
Soy Sauce
Brown Sugar
Hoikein Noodles

Slice chilli and Garlic. Dice onion saute til the look OK

Throw in meat and brown slightly

Add Vegtables

Pour in A FAIR BIT of soy sauce and set to simmer for 5 minutes

While this is simmering soak the noodles in boiling water.

Add the noodles and add a REASONABLE AMOUNT of brown sugar to the pan, mix and simmer for a further three minutes.

Serve then eat.

For measuring purposes a reasonable amount < a fair bit and is approximatly a 3 to 1 ratio.

If you wish to use chicken reduce the intial simmer time to four minutes, and after the second simmer time and about a tablespoon of fish sauce then simmer only for another minute as any longer makes the fish sauce stands out too much.

Zot - Greatest Chocolate Chip Cookies in the World
Zot wrote: »
These are the greatest chocolate chip cookies in the world. Seriously.
1-1/4 c. White Sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1-1/4 c. brown sugar
4 1/4 c. flour
1-1/2 c. margarine
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. vanilla
2 c. chocolate chips
3 eggs

Mix the wets together, then the dries, then combine and add the chocolate chips in. Bake 10 to 12 minutes at 350 F.

I've tried many different recipes for chocolate chip cookies, but they all pale in comparison to this one.

Silmaril - Heston Blumenthal's Spaghetti Bolognese
Silmaril wrote: »
Who heard of Heston Blumenthal? The man is a genius. He did a series on the perfect dishes a while ago, and I've been looking for his spag bol recipe for ages. I found it a couple of weeks ago. Me and the girlfriend are going to try it (Read I'm going to try it and she'll eat the lot) once we're done moving. It looks fucking scary, but I think the only difficult bit is the time.

Here it is for anyone interested:

Recipe: Spaghetti Bolognese


As you might expect from a classic of the Italian kitchen, this involves no special equipment, just a long, slow simmer to allow the flavours to combine. However, I’ve added in a few things to boost those flavours. Caramelising onions with star anise produces vibrant flavour compounds that really enhance the meaty notes of the sauce, and the oaky quality of the chardonnay complements the sherry vinegar in the tomato compote. Finishing the compote on a high heat captures something of the fried character I enjoyed at Trattoria della Gigina. The use of milk might seem strange but it’s a standard part of many Italian ragù recipes: as it cooks, the proteins and sugars in milk react to give extra flavour and body.

Timing: Once the meat is browned and the caramelised onions are ready (an hour’s work at most) the sauce is virtually left to simmer unattended for 8 hours. Do the prep first thing in the morning and then the day’s your own until it’s time to serve up dinner (especially if you prepare the tomato compote in advance, though even this involves a fairly simple preparation, followed by a slow, carefree simmer). You can even do all the cooking of the Bolognese in advance, then simply warm it through and add the tarragon bouquet garni on the day.

For the sauce base:
125ml extra virgin olive oil
250g oxtail, boned and minced
250g pork shoulder, cut into 1cm cubes
375ml oaked chardonnay
1 star anise
2 large onions (about 450g), finely sliced*
2 large cloves of garlic
2 large onions (about 450g), finely diced
3 large carrots (about 400g), finely diced
3 celery stalks (about 125g), finely diced
250ml whole milk

For the tomato compote:
975g ripe tomatoes
1 tsp salt
200ml extra virgin olive oil
3 large cloves of garlic
1 large onion (about 225g), finely diced
1 heaped tsp coriander seeds
1 star anise
3 cloves
4-5 drops Tabasco
4-5 drops Thai fish sauce
2 tsps Worcestershire sauce
1 heaped tbsp tomato ketchup
30ml sherry vinegar
1 bouquet garni (consisting of 7 sprigs of
fresh thyme and 1 fresh bay leaf)
F or the finished spaghetti Bolognese:
1 batch of tomato compote
100g good quality spaghetti per person
sherry vinegar, to taste
Parmesan cheese (Parmigiano Reggiano)
1 bouquet garni (in a sheet of leek, wrap 6
tarragon leaves, 4 sprigs of parsley and
the leaves from the top of a bunch of
celery)
unsalted butter
extra virgin olive oil
salt and freshly ground black pepper

Preparing the Sauce Base
Place a large, heavy-bottomed frying pan over a medium heat for 5 minutes. Crush the star anise and bag it up in a square of muslin. Add this to the pan, along with 25ml oil and the sliced onions. Cook for 20 minutes, or until the onions are soft and caramelised, stirring occasionally. Set aside.

2. Meanwhile, preheat another large, heavybottomed frying pan over a low heat for 5 minutes. Mince the garlic. Pour 50ml oil into the pan, then tip in the garlic, onions, carrots and celery and cook this soffritto over a medium- low heat for about 20 minutes, or until the raw onion smell has gone. Transfer the soffritto to a bowl and wipe clean the pan.

3. Place the pan over a high heat for 10 minutes. Pour in 50ml olive oil and wait until it starts smoking: it must be hot enough so the meat browns rather than stews. Add the cubed pork and the minced oxtail. Stir until browned all over. (To brown properly, all the meat has to touch the surface of the pan. If it doesn’t, do it in batches.) Tip the browned meat into a sieve over a bowl (to allow the fat to drain off), then transfer the meat to a large pot or casserole. Deglaze the pan by adding a splash of wine, bringing it to the boil, and then scraping the base of the pan to collect all the tasty bits stuck to the bottom. Once the liquid has reduced by half, pour it into the large pot containing the meat.

4. Remove the bag of star anise from the caramelised onions and then tip the onions into the large pot containing the meat. Add the remaining wine and deglaze the frying pan (as in step 3). When the wine has reduced by half, pour it into the large pot. Add the soffritto to the pot as well.

5. Place the pot of Bolognese over a very low heat. Pour in the milk and enough water to cover entirely, and simmer very gently without a lid for 6 hours, stirring occasionally. At all times the ingredients should be covered by the liquid, so be prepared to add more water. (Don’t worry if the milk becomes slightly granular: it won’t affect the end result.)

Preparing The Tomato Compote
1. Bring a large pan of water to the boil. Fill a large bowl with ice-cold water. Remove the cores from the tomatoes with a paring knife. Blanch the tomatoes by dropping them into the boiling water for 10 seconds and then carefully removing them to the bowl of ice-cold water. Take them out of the water immediately and peel off the split skins. (If the tomatoes are not ripe enough, make a cross with a sharp knife in the underside of each, to encourage the skins to come away. They can be left in the hot water for an extra 10 seconds or so, but it’s important that they don’t overheat and begin to cook.)

2. Cut the tomatoes in half vertically. Scoop out the seeds and the membrane with a teaspoon, over a chopping board. Roughly chop the seeds and membrane, then tip them into a sieve over a bowl. Sprinkle over the salt and leave for 20 minutes to extract their juice, after which you can discard the seeds and membrane, reserving only the juice. 3. Roughly chop the tomato flesh and set aside.

4. Meanwhile, place a large, heavy-bottomed pan over a low heat. Add 100ml of the olive oil. Mince the garlic, then put it into the pan along with the onion. Cook for 10–15 minutes, until soft but not coloured.

5. Crush the coriander and put it in a muslin bag, along with the star anise and the cloves. Add it to the softened onions and garlic.

6.Take the juice drawn from the tomato seeds and membrane and add it to the onions and garlic along with the tomato flesh.

7. Add the Tabasco, fish sauce, Worcestershire sauce, tomato ketchup and sherry vinegar. Drop in the bouquet garni and cook over a low heat for 2 hours.

8. To add a roasted note to the compote, add the remaining oil and turn up the heat to high. Fry the compote for 15–20 minutes, stirring regularly to make sure it doesn’t catch, then pour off any olive oil not absorbed by the compote. Set aside a little to coat the cooked pasta. ( The rest can be stored in a jar and makes a great base for a salad dressing. The compote itself will keep in the fridge for a week.)

Cooking The Spaghetti Bolognese
1. Stir the tomato compote (including the bag of spices) into the Bolognese sauce and cook over a very low heat for a final 2 hours, stirring occasionally.

2. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil for the pasta. For every 100g of pasta, you’ll need 1 litre of water and 10g salt. (If you don’t have a large enough pan it’s essential to use two pans rather than overcrowd one.)

3. Put the spaghetti into the pan, give it a stir, then bring back to the boil and cook until the pasta is just tender but with a bite. Check the cooking time on the packet and use that as a guideline, but taste it every few minutes as this is the only way to judge when the pasta is ready.

4. Before taking the Bolognese sauce off the heat, check the seasoning and then add some sherry vinegar (tasting as you go) to balance the richness of the sauce. Add a generous grating of Parmesan (but not too much, as it can make the sauce overly salty) and remove the sauce from the heat. Take out the original thyme and bay bouquet garni and the bag of spices. Replace these with the parsley and tarragon bouquet garni, stir in 100g of unsalted butter and let the sauce stand for 5 minutes.

5. Once the pasta is cooked, drain, and rinse it thoroughly. Return to the pot to warm through. (Since the ragù is not going to be mixed with the pasta, it needs to be rinsed to prevent it becoming starchy and sticking together.) Add a generous knob of butter (about 50g per 400g of pasta) and coat with olive oil and the reserved oil from the final frying of the compote. To serve, wind portions of pasta around a carving fork and lay them horizontally in wide, shallow bowls. Top with the Bolognese sauce and finish with a grating of Parmesan.

Stale's Gyros
Stale wrote: »
Gyros it is. Here is my own version. Requiring a few specialized items, but are very cheap and easily aquired.


2lbs ground lamb OR 1lbs lamb and 1lbs pork
1 large onion
8 cloves garlic
1 tbls ground rosemary
1 tbls marjoram
1 tbls black pepper
2 tbls kosher salt


Now, in a blender or better, food processor, combine all your spice and garlic and pulse 4 times, quarter your onon and add and blend until it is a smooth mixture. lay out a triple thick layer of paper towl or a very clean dishtowel and dump this into the center. Gather up the edges and apply a little squeeze to force out as much liquid as possible. Get a large bowl and add your meat and the drained mixture. Using your hands combien everything and form into a loaf. Press this into a loaf pan, makng sure to press it all the way down.

You remembered to lightly coat the pan in oil first right? good.

You also remembered to get a regular brick that fits inside your loaf pan and wrap that in 3 layers of aluminum foil, shiny side in right? good.

You also have your oven, witht eh brick inside, preheated to 375 correct?


you're on top of things.


Now, add your meatloaf and place the brick on top for 30-40 minutes. Or until it's about 160 degrees in the center.

You have a meat thermometer to avoid over-cooking right?


atta boy.


Once you're at temp, remove from the hot box and kill the heat. Take your pieces of pita bread and wrap them up in a layer of foil and toss them in the oven to warm up.

Remove your brick for now and pour off all the grease and oil from the pan. Replace the brick and let this rest for 10 mins.

Now is when you dish up al those tomatos and onions you were chopping and your tzatziki sauce.

You have those right? The large sweet onion we frenched and the 2 medium tomatoes we diced? and the 2 cups of sauce we made?

no?

You dissapoint me.

Ok, chop up the veggies for now and lets talk tzatziki. If you live in a big city, you can probably find greek yogurt. If so, then we need 1 1/2 cups.

If not, then we need 2 cups of regular plain yogurt and a clean dishtowel. dump the yogurt right int he center, draw up the edges and let this drain hanging over a bowel for an hour or so.

Take your greek yogurt and add

1 medium cucumber, peeled and chopped fine
6 cloves garlic diced
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tblsp olive oil
splash of vinegar, doesn't have to be fancy, but if you have it, use it

combine all that and boom. tzatziki.



Now take your meat and slice it thin, lay this out on your pita, top with the tomatos and onions and sauce, and boom. Authentic Gyros. No fancy shit needed, and honestly, not a whole lot of effort.

Bob the Monkey - Traditional Family Rice
man, I am loathe to share this because it is my ultimate secret

but here we go


Bob's Traditional Family Rice Recipe
Two whole portions!

Ingredients:
One knob (teehee) of butter
One bag of Basmati (preferably) rice
One vegetable (or chicken, but vegetable is better) stock cube
A little salt
Some cumin seeds
One small cup (technically not an ingredient, should not be eaten)

The method:
First of all, grab a large bowl. Put the knob of butter inside and put it in the microwave for 40 seconds (or until melted). While you're doing this, begin to boil a pint or so of water (using a kettle is fine).

When the butter is melted, add the rice to the bowl. You should find the right quantity by filling the small cup up to half an inch below the rim with rice. You want to use two of these nearly-full cups worth of rice. When all the rice is added, mix it in with the butter until all the rice is evenly coated. Put it back in the microwave on full power for about a minute and a half.

Your water should now be boiled. Add half of a vegetable stock cube and a teaspoon or so of salt to 3/4 of a pint of boiling water. When the rice finishes in the microwave, add the stock. Ensure the rice is fairly evenly distributed in the bowl, then evenly sprinkle a teaspoon of cumin seeds over the rice/stock mixture. Cover the bowl over with a plate or somesuch, and microwave it on full power for seven minutes (on an 850W microwave. You may want to adjust to suit yours).

Let the microwaved rice stand for around fifteen to twenty minutes (this stage doesn't have to be terribly precise). After letting it stand, remove the cover and use a fork to 'fluff up' all the rice, ensuring it's all well separated. Pay particular attention to the edges of the bowl where there is an increased risk of the grains 'lumping' together.

Serve and orgasm.


(note: people have tried many times, and failed just as many, to make single portions using this recipe. It simply doesn't work: the rice tends to be a lot less fluffy and can clump together to the point of inedibility. Try to keep it at 2 portions or more)

Muse Among Men - Best Appetizer/Snack/Thing/Whatever
Every houehold that can trace it's roots back to Mexico or other latin nation below the border knows how to make this. Yet, through all the years, all these people were unable to procure a name ... Everything is 'to taste', and the fruits can be used interchangeably. It's also a great way to use up cucumber, which is otherwise useless. I buy cucumber only for this - it's not great for much else.

- 1 cucumber or mango or jicama
- chili pepper
- salt
- 1 lemon

Slice up the fruit into bite size peices. As long as you can hold it in your fingers the size is okay. Sprinkle salt and chili pepper over it, to taste. Slice up the lemon and squirt the juice over the fruit. Iff you pust too much salt or pepper, you can always use more lemon to help balance things out ... and that is it. It's very quick, it takes only 5 minutes to make. Go ahead and enjoy it, because it is delicious beyond beleif. It may be considered and acquired taste, I dunno, but you should try it at least once. And that juice left over once you have finished it all? Drink it - I know I compete with whoever is there for what's left. I usually don't win.

SkankPlaya - 'Asian Style' Flank Steak
SkankPlaya wrote: »
"Asian style" flank steak

3 parts soy sauce
1 part honey
3/4 part sesame oil
Red pepper flakes (if you like it hot add a lot, otherwise, a pinch will do just fine)
Garlic, I like a lot, but about 2 decent sized cloves chopped will be good.
Green onions, cut roughly, about 1/2 inch length.


1st. Salt and pepper the steak, you can get crazy and put all sorts of spices, but the marinade is sort of strong so salt and pepper is really all you need, and don't hold back on the pepper.

2nd combine all the other ingridients in a freezer bag or marinading dish, then drop the meat in. It shouldn't be submerged, just enough to coat the meat. Leave it in there for up to a half hour turning it over every few minutes.

3rd Grill the sucker. If you don't know how to grill: get it hot, preferably about 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Cook on each side for about 5 minutes, but not too long, flank steak cooks quickly becuase it's a relatively thin cut of meat, and you don't want this to burn. To test if it's done, make a fist and push your index finger into the soft part of your hand, between your thumb and index finger, that's about medium tender, so check that against your meat.

4th. LET IT REST. After you cook any meat, let it hang out before you cut into it. You don't need to let it get cold, but if you cut into it too quickly after it's come off the heat, you'll be cleaning your counters because of all the juices (that could've been INSIDE your steak) have come flowing out.

*this recipe can be adjusted for a tri-tip by adding ginger and mirin/sake. add 1/2 as much mirin/sake as soy. And as much ginger (chopped fine) as garlic, maybe a little less (because I hate ginger). Also, Tri-tips cook for at least 3x as long as a flank steak but don't go flipping it every five minutes, once should be enough as long as it's halfway through.

brian80 - Blueberry Stuffed Pork Chops
brian80 wrote: »
Blueberry Stuffed Pork Chops

4 inch-thick pork chops
6 oz whole grain bread crumbs (toasted)
1/2 pint fresh blueberries
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/4 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced

Cut a pocket into each of the pork chops, then salt and pepper each pocket. Saute the onion and garlic together. Combine this with the blueberries, vanilla, eggs, and bread crumbs. Stuff dressing tightly into the pocket of the pork, then place in a hot pan for about 5 minutes on each side. Then place the pork chops on an oven tray, and cook for another 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

I made these 2 days ago, and they turned out amazing.

SkankPlaya - Lamb Chops
SkankPlaya wrote: »
*note, I stopped measuring or remember measurements for anything other than baking.

Lamb Chops

Marinade:
Olive Oil (about a cup and a half)
Lemon Juice (maybe from 2 lemons, or 1 and a half)
Mint- 1/3 of a cup, maybe. Grab about a 1/2 handful of clean leaves.
Rosemary-about 4 branch/sprig thingy's, strip the leaves and chop them
Garlic- 3 cloves chopped fine.

Spices:
this was originally a Emril recipe, with his "essence" mix of spice. I don't use that, I mix garlic salt, pepper, paprika, cumin, chili powder & cayenne pepper and mix that in. that might be about what his "essence" mix is though.

1: Chops need to be "frenched". Cut them apart, remove as much fat as you can, and clean off the rib "handle" as much as possible.

2: Chop the mint and rosemary and garlic, and mix into the olive oil and lemon juice and add your spice mix. no matter what, this will all separate, so just try to beat shake it up, or give it a quick whisk right before you marinade the chops, so that you suspend all the mint and rosemary in the liquid.

3: Marinade for no less than 30 minutes, then grill. They cook quickly, and do tend to flare up, so watch them closely.

Neville's Its-Always-Christmastime-You-Heathens Peppermint Bark Cookies
neville wrote: »

4 oz dark chocolate (chopped)
4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1/2 a stick!)
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup dutch process cocoa powder
3 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
4 eggs
2 cups granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2-3 cups chopped peppermint bark
confectioner's sugar for dusting


Melt sugar + butter in a double boiler (you can use a small pot on top of boiling water for the ghetto way). MAKE SURE TO STIR CONSTANTLY. If the chocolate scorches, your cookies will not be awesome.
After melting, set aside to cool slightly.

Meanwhile in a separate bowl, mix flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt together.

In a third bowl, mix eggs, sugar and vanilla. Beat with an electic mixer if you're a bitch, or do it by hand like this homo. Mix until light in color and thick... ~3 mins on medium with mixer, a bit longer by hand. Add melted chocolate and continue mixing until blender. Then add flour mixture and continue mixing until all done.

Cover bowl with saran wrap and refrigerate ~ 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 325: Line baking sheet(s) with parchment paper. If you don't have that, you can use aluminum foil that has been VERY LIGHTLY greased or sprayed with non-stick spray. For each cookie, roll about 1 tablespoon of dough in your hand. This will most likely be VERY VERY VERY STICKY. I recommend dusting your hands with flour lightly to cut down on this factor.

Put each ball a few inches apart on the baking sheet. Like every other cookie recipe in the damn world. Press several pieces of Peppermint Bark into each cookie. The more, the merrier, really. Depending on your type of bark, it may melt a little or a lot during baking.

Bake cookies until tops are puffed, but firm... 13-17 mins. Then cool. After cooling, dust with confectioner's sugar.

#pipe - The most unhealthy recipe ever published - Snickers Pie
#pipe wrote: »
The most unhealthy recipe ever published.
This Snickers Pie provides 1,250 calories with a single slice, and is equivalent to 22 teaspoons of fat and 11 teaspoons of sugar. Enjoy, fatties.

Ingredients
1 packet puff pastry
140g/5oz mascarpone
110g/4oz soft cheese
50g/2oz caster sugar
3 eggs
5 Snickers bars, chopped into thin slices
milk, to glaze

Method
1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6.
2. Roll the block of pastry to 3-4mm thick, and lay over a 20cm/8in fluted tart tin. The four corners of the pastry should hang over the edge.
3. Beat the mascarpone, soft cheese and sugar together in a large bowl, until smooth.
4. Beat in eggs, one at a time.
5. Add the Snickers slices and fold in.
6. Pour into a lined tart tin, and spread to the edges. Pull the corners of the pastry over the top of the dish, and brush with milk.
7. Place in the oven for 10 minutes, then lower to 180C/350F/Gas 4 for a further 25 minutes. Turn the heat back up to 200C/400F/Gas 6 and cook for a further 20 minutes until the pie is a golden colour.
8. Allow to cool before serving.

Rage on
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Posts

  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    that's a stew silly

    Kadith on
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  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    turkey? get out

    Wren on
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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    chili sounds good right about now...

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
  • brian80brian80 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Healthy alternative PB cookies:

    1 cup thawed, concentrated apple juice
    1 cup creamy peanut butter
    1 tsp vanilla extract
    1/2 tsp salt
    1 1/2 tsp baking soda

    Combine PB and apple juice in bowl using hand mixer (mix very well)
    Add all other ingredients
    Use a spoon to dollop out cookies onto a cookie sheet
    Bake 10-15 minutes @ 350 degrees

    Simple and delicious!

    brian80 on
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  • RageRage Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Kadith wrote: »
    that's a stew silly

    see that's just mean.

    And all we had on hand last night was the ground turkey, so I improvised and it turned out great.

    Rage on
  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Oh god i'm so full don't talk about food

    blurggh

    KalTorak on
  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    brian80 wrote: »
    Healthy alternative PB cookies:

    1 cup thawed, concentrated apple juice
    1 cup creamy peanut butter
    1 tsp vanilla extract
    1/2 tsp salt
    1 1/2 tsp baking soda

    Combine PB and apple juice in bowl using hand mixer (mix very well)
    Add all other ingredients
    Use a spoon to dollop out cookies onto a cookie sheet
    Bake 10-15 minutes @ 350 degrees

    Simple and delicious!

    where's the sugar?

    Kadith on
    zkHcp.jpg
  • brian80brian80 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    None is needed. That's what makes em healthy, ya see

    brian80 on
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  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    how can it be delicious without sugar

    you sir are a liar

    Kadith on
    zkHcp.jpg
  • RageRage Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Yeah but

    Apple juice...hell, juice in general, is loaded with sugar.

    Rage on
  • brian80brian80 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I daresay you should try it and see how light and fluffy they are before you make that judgment.

    brian80 on
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  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    pssh that's what they want you to believe

    Kadith on
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  • brian80brian80 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Also, Rage makes a good point. Still, make the cookies.

    brian80 on
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  • mcpmcp Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Last night for dinner I had two eggs over hard, and two Eggo waffles with maple syrup.

    Breakfast food is simple and delicious.

    I'm thinking I'll have the same thing tonight.

    mcp on
  • brian80brian80 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    And I completely forgot to mention that there is 1 cup of whole wheat flour. Hopefully no one jumped up and immediately started making them w/o flour.

    brian80 on
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  • -smash-smash Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Make sure you don't forget the semen, too.

    -smash on
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    TUBE'S BIG STRONG OMELETTE

    SIX MOTHERFUCKING EGG WHITES
    ONE MOTHERFUCKING EGG
    HALF A FUCKING ONION
    HALF A FUCKING PEPPER
    A BIG FUCKING PILE OF TURKEY HAM
    A BIG FUCKING PILE OF SPINACH
    SOME FUCKING OLIVE OIL COOKING SPRAY

    SPRAY THE FUCKING PAN, COOK ALL THE SHIT IN IT, PUT IT IN A BOWL, WHISK THE EGGS, PUT IT IN THE PAN, POKE IT AT THE EDGES SO FRESH EGG CAN GET THROUGH AND COOK UNTIL IT'S ALL COOKED AND A BIT RUNNY, WHACK IT UNDER THE GRILL FOR A MINUTE OR TWO, STICK ALL THE SHIT ON IT WITH SOME CHEESE, PUT PEPPER AND CHILI SAUCE ON, FOLD IT OVER, SERVE WITH A HUGE FUCKING SALAD.

    SORTED

    Tube on
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    SERVES ONE BIG STRONG MAN OR TWENTY LITTLE FUCKING SISSIES

    Tube on
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2007
    tube

    I want to watch you arm-wrestle a fucking grizzly bear

    and win

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I dont like spinach in my omelettes

    Wren on
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    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2007
    Just picturing Tube hosting a cooking show.

    BURN IT AND DIE, with your host, Cardboard Tube

    strangling chickens with his bare hands and then not even using them in the dish

    cooking everything over the fires of a burning tire

    instead of using that pussy bam that that Emeril faggot does, he just headbutts someone in the audience and bellows

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    Wren wrote: »
    I dont like spinach in my omelettes

    I don't like fucking your mom but I do it anyway because it's good for me.

    Tube on
  • RageRage Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Just picturing Tube hosting a cooking show.

    BURN IT AND DIE, with your host, Cardboard Tube

    strangling chickens with his bare hands and then not even using them in the dish

    cooking everything over the fires of a burning tire

    instead of using that pussy bam that that Emeril faggot does, he just headbutts someone in the audience and bellows

    I'd TiVo that so hard

    Rage on
  • brian80brian80 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    That sounds like one big, strong omelette. Ever tried adding tuna or tomato sauce to one of em?

    brian80 on
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  • RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2007
    "Little pussy-assed faggots crack their eggs on the side of the bowl, but what we do here in TUBE COUNTRY!!!!!! is we toss the eggs into our mouths and crack them with our teeth, then clench and let the egg whites drain through, straining the yolk and egg shell with our teeth and gums. Then swallow for a delicious, hearty and jagged protein-calcium shake. GRRRAAWWWWWWRRRWWW"

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    My omelette was so amazing that no one else is posting recipes in this thread because they all tried it and now can't type because their biceps are so huge.

    Tube on
  • nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    hueg to the extreme

    i'll look through my recipes at home for one to poast

    neville on
    nevillexmassig1.png
  • PbPb Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    The last chili recipe I tried was this one, and I gotta say it was pretty darn good.

    EDIT - Didn't do the beer, though.

    Pb on
  • LeoDudeLeoDude Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Ok, chicken nuggets.

    Ya need chicken breasts, (Rude ones, preferably) a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips, and ranch dressing.

    Smash the chips into a trajillion little pieces. Leaving some inconsistency in the size of the chips tends to be a good thing.

    Cut the chicken into "nuggets" of some kind or another, soak them in ranch (dumping them into a bowl of ranch usually works), then shake the ranchy chicken chunks in the bag of chip chips. Once they're nice and coated put them on a cookie sheet and cook them at 350 degrees until they're done.

    (10 - 20 minutes I think to cook. Dunno. I don't usually time food, just watch it.)

    LeoDude on
  • PbPb Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Also, here's a chicken marinade that's fan-fucking-tastic:

    Pepper-Lime Marinade

    1 teaspoon lime peel
    1/3 cup lime juice
    3 tablespoons cooking oil (I use olive)
    1 teaspoon basil
    1/2 teaspoon pepper
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    2 cloves of garlic, chopped

    It's great with salsa and some beans.

    Pb on
  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I made macaroni salad for the High School Musical party I was forced to attend last night.

    Everyone said it was awesome, and I didn't even ask them first. I think that means it was good.

    Sheri on
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    I thought it sucked

    Tube on
  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Yeah, but you're a butt, so who cares?

    Sheri on
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    your mom

    Tube on
  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    yours no returns

    Tube on
  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Shit

    Uh, I'm rubber you're glue

    Sheri on
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    Still the champ

    Tube on
  • JordynJordyn Really, Commander? Probing Uranus. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    My omelette was so amazing that no one else is posting recipes in this thread because they all tried it and now can't type because their biceps are so huge.

    I look like this now

    pumpedupBP.jpg

    Jordyn on
    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
  • Little JimLittle Jim __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    here is a good low budget meal

    dinner for the poorest man alive

    crackers

    Little Jim on
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