As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

Comic books are a big lie.

hideohideo Registered User
edited September 2007 in Graphic Violence
Hi. My little brother has colonic cancer. It is a very rare disease that affects approximately 1 in 30,000 people and is caused by polyps. I am eaten by guilt everytime I think about him.

You see, ten years ago my brother was healthy like Spartacus. He was captain of the football team, captain of the math team and captain of our boat. Dad owned a crocodile hunting business in Louisiana and we used to bring a record catch in every day. We used to catch so many crocodiles they were put on the endangered list and we had to hunt alligators instead. We sold them for boots, and soon had quite a collection.

Anyway, as I was saying, our brother, or skipper as we like to call him, was a bright young boy full of life. He used to run around the marshes in the heady summer afternoons and his feet barely touched the ground. The local people called him a witch, but he passed the test because he could not float. Life was good.

Then one day tragedy struck. We found a letter in Skipper's bed, telling us he had to go to the big city for an x-ray. Things went downhill from there. Soon there were doctors buzzing around his bed like flies, and we had to get a special lamp to thin their numbers. I still remember the pain on Skipper's face everytime that buzzing noise woke him up from his peaceful slumber. It keeps me up at night, too.

We were told Skipper had only four days to live. We panicked. Ordered clowns, cakes. Russian brides. PBS, CBS, ABS and even Fox News. All to no avail. Skipper could not crack a smile. In desperation, I ran through the streets looking for something, anything to cheer him up. Then it hit me, like a punch to the gut. In front of me rose a ziggurat of gigantic proportions, a beacon of hope in the dark night of my misery. Truly was our winter of discontent made glorious summer by this Comic Store. I rushed inside and bought The Complete Maus, by Art Spiegelman, The Dark Knight Returns and X-Men #45 with the traechotomy. Elated, I sprinted back to the hospital, hurtling over pedestrians and taxi cabs like they were nothing. Like a kind messiah I opened my arms wide and threw the comics on my brother's bed, shouting "Hallelujah, brother! Hallelujah!!"

Well guess wheat. They were not funny at all.

hideo on

Posts

  • bobgorilabobgorila Registered User
    edited September 2007
    I've long thought that "comic" was a particularly poor description of the medium as a whole.

    Though, maybe you should have bought him some Superbuddies?

    bobgorila on
    I like my women how I like my coffee.

    Anally.
  • Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    "Comic" comes from the fact that they were originally bound versions of Sunday newspaper comics.
    Also, you should've actually looked at them. Maus is about the Holocaust (If I remember right). That's not going to be funny.

    Me Too! on
  • JacobkoshJacobkosh Gamble a stamp. I can show you how to be a real man!Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Are you just moving from forum to forum, trolling as you go, or what?

    Jacobkosh on
    rRwz9.gif
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited September 2007
    Also not funny: hunting animals


    dick

    Garlic Bread on
  • BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    guess wheat

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited September 2007
    wait i don't think this guy is serious

    he has an invader zim avatar

    he must be TOTALLY RANDOM

    Garlic Bread on
  • ScooterScooter Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    "The bad news is you're going to die soon. The good news is when you do, I get all these comics!"

    Scooter on
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    "Soon there were doctors buzzing around his bed like flies, and we had to get a special lamp to thin their numbers. I still remember the pain on Skipper's face every time that buzzing noise woke him up from his peaceful slumber. It keeps me up at night, too."

    What the fuck are you talking about? Also, can I make cancer jokes?

    Fencingsax on
  • bobgorilabobgorila Registered User
    edited September 2007
    What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?



    Cancer is!

    bobgorila on
    I like my women how I like my coffee.

    Anally.
  • Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    I love "They weren't funny.
    Maus and DKR aren't funny. Really. Get the fuck out.

    Me Too! on
  • durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Guys guys.

    I don't think his brother had cancer for real.

    I think if he did though, it would be because he deserved it.

    durandal4532 on
    Take a moment to donate what you can to Critical Resistance and Black Lives Matter.
  • BlankspaceBlankspace __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    Yeah, this is a terrible thread.

    Not even funny.

    F- Mister.

    Blankspace on
    SIG.gif
  • FuruFuru Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Guess wheat.

    I don't know...Einkorn?

    Furu on
  • augustaugust where you come from is gone Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Furu wrote: »
    Guess wheat.

    Chicken feet.

    august on
    Pac Man's character is difficult to explain even to the Japanese -- he is an innocent character. He hasn't been educated to discern between good and evil. He acts more like a small child than a grown-up person. Think of him as a child learning in the course of his daily activities. If someone tells him guns are evil, he would be the type to rush out and eat guns. But he would most probably eat any gun, even the pistols of policemen who need them.
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Your brother should have gotten a colonoscopy when he first felt the symptoms.

    DarkPrimus on
    dt3GeqU.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Anyway, as I was saying, our brother, or skipper as we like to call him, was a bright young boy full of life. He used to run around the marshes in the heady summer afternoons and his feet barely touched the ground. The local people called him a witch, but he passed the test because he could not float. Life was good.
    I'll reiterate. Seriously, what the fuck?

    Fencingsax on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I'm betting it's some shitty 4chan meme.

    DarkPrimus on
    dt3GeqU.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Well this made my day better.

    Guess wheat.

    Mr Pink on
  • DevnoimagDevnoimag Registered User
    edited September 2007
    I was mildly amused.

    Devnoimag on
  • WallhitterWallhitter Registered User
    edited September 2007
    This is lamer than a legless lemur.

    Wallhitter on
  • Bloods EndBloods End Blade of Tyshalle Punch dimensionRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    He's right.

    Once, when I had leprosy I rubbed a bunch of comics all over my body. I was not cured. Instead I got rickets. Which, despite it's name, is nothing like crickets.

    Bloods End on
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I hope the OP isn't serious, because this whole thread has made me laugh quite a bit.

    wwtMask on
    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    He's a troll.
    Check his profile. He got an infraction for telling the whole MMO forum to get a life.

    Me Too! on
  • hideohideo Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Lol! wrote: »
    He's a troll.
    Check his profile. He got an infraction for telling the whole MMO forum to get a life.

    Please consider the irony of me telling anyone to get a life after writing a 2000 word thread on forum inhabited by said people. I merely try to add a drop of the surreal into our daily soup mundane.

    hideo on
  • BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    No one thinks you are funny.

    Because you aren't

    Balefuego on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • IrohIroh Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    hideo wrote: »
    Lol! wrote: »
    He's a troll.
    Check his profile. He got an infraction for telling the whole MMO forum to get a life.

    Please consider the irony of me telling anyone to get a life after writing a 2000 word thread on forum inhabited by said people. I merely try to add a drop of the surreal into our daily soup mundane.

    Get over yourself. These threads are retarded.

    Iroh on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2007
    All you add is a giant dose of fucktard.

    cutwa9.png

    Me Too! on
  • PendegastPendegast Registered User
    edited September 2007
    hideo wrote: »
    Please consider the irony of me telling anyone to get a life after writing a 2000 word thread on forum inhabited by said people. I merely know that I'm incapable of participating in real discussions, so I troll in a lame attempt to be "hip" and "edgy". It allows me to pretend that I am some sort of cultural interloper or radical iconoclast, when I know in my heart that I'm just socially retarded.

    Fixed that for ya.

    Pendegast on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Pendegast wrote: »
    hideo wrote: »
    Please consider the irony of me telling anyone to get a life after writing a 2000 word thread on forum inhabited by said people. I merely know that I'm incapable of participating in real discussions, so I troll in a lame attempt to be "hip" and "edgy". It allows me to pretend that I am some sort of cultural interloper or radical iconoclast, when I know in my heart that I'm just socially retarded.

    Fixed that for ya.

    Ha!

    On that note, I thought DKR was flat-out hilarious.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited September 2007
    I am way too tired to deal with this tonight.

    DJ Eebs on
This discussion has been closed.