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Arsehole Neighbours
Ambassador
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
We have all encountered them at some point. They are arseholes. They are our arsehole neighbours.
Right by examining this little picture below we have a very basic idea of my driveway and car location.
With this in mind, I have received several complaints from "a tenant in your street" via the local council; apparently, my car is on the sidewalk. Noticably, the picture I have presented is FUCKING SIDEWALK-LESS, this is because THERE IS NO FUCKING SIDEWALK.
There is, however, a sidewalk on the adjacent side of the road.
What does matter you ask? Well, my car is frequently, theoretically, parked over what would be public property and so prevents the ease of use of the "sidewalk" (which, mind, my driveway is sitting on). Now, I know the law states that beyond my fence is public property but I have always assumed that people would walk around the car, or even across the road on the adjacent sidewalk. Most people do, waving politely to me as I garden of a Sunday morning (no actual gardening is done, it is more like beer drinking and it is mostly done in front of the TV and/or barbecue with friends).
So, the stage is set.
I washed my car on the weekend, usual business, has to be done. Go inside when the job is finished and return, only five minutes later with a chamois to dry the car off. There before me is this:
This has happened to my partner's car, my next door neighbour's cars (for the same reason; their driveway sits on council land) and now, my car. Now, it's personal...
My next door neighbour is heavily suspicious of an old, fat man that lives four doors up, but we have no proof and the police (who we did ring) refuse to assist without a witness. This leaves only the good fellows of SE++
Do I go doorknocking SE? Do I "key" this fellow to death in an irony befitting only such an act? Do I yield and never park my car in my driveway as the Good Lord did so intend? Do I form a neighbourhood watch and secretly inspect every member's keys in a cunning attempt to find a match and thusly, brutally exact revenge? Do I set up cameras in cleverly concealed areas in my front yard to catch the bastard? Do I set up lasers in my front yard to slice and dice this bastard?
tl;dr: my car got keyed, who do I fuck up?
Right by examining this little picture below we have a very basic idea of my driveway and car location.
With this in mind, I have received several complaints from "a tenant in your street" via the local council; apparently, my car is on the sidewalk. Noticably, the picture I have presented is FUCKING SIDEWALK-LESS, this is because THERE IS NO FUCKING SIDEWALK.
There is, however, a sidewalk on the adjacent side of the road.
What does matter you ask? Well, my car is frequently, theoretically, parked over what would be public property and so prevents the ease of use of the "sidewalk" (which, mind, my driveway is sitting on). Now, I know the law states that beyond my fence is public property but I have always assumed that people would walk around the car, or even across the road on the adjacent sidewalk. Most people do, waving politely to me as I garden of a Sunday morning (no actual gardening is done, it is more like beer drinking and it is mostly done in front of the TV and/or barbecue with friends).
So, the stage is set.
I washed my car on the weekend, usual business, has to be done. Go inside when the job is finished and return, only five minutes later with a chamois to dry the car off. There before me is this:
This has happened to my partner's car, my next door neighbour's cars (for the same reason; their driveway sits on council land) and now, my car. Now, it's personal...
My next door neighbour is heavily suspicious of an old, fat man that lives four doors up, but we have no proof and the police (who we did ring) refuse to assist without a witness. This leaves only the good fellows of SE++
Do I go doorknocking SE? Do I "key" this fellow to death in an irony befitting only such an act? Do I yield and never park my car in my driveway as the Good Lord did so intend? Do I form a neighbourhood watch and secretly inspect every member's keys in a cunning attempt to find a match and thusly, brutally exact revenge? Do I set up cameras in cleverly concealed areas in my front yard to catch the bastard? Do I set up lasers in my front yard to slice and dice this bastard?
tl;dr: my car got keyed, who do I fuck up?
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arsehole?
i have a solution
stop being english
you mean like for crime fighting, right?
Maybe I just know where you all live and have a memory like a fox.
Yes, exactly like how Batman and Robin sleep in the same bed too.
awesome.
in that case, you two should just go across the street and beat the shit out of them
You drive a Saab.
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
HEY.
COME ON MAN.
SAAB IS A NICE CAR TO DRIVE MAN.
COME ON.
I AM NOT A DENTIST I ASSURE YOU.
Put a sign out front that says. "Fuck you bitch"
Sheri Baldwin Photography | Facebook | Twitter | Etsy Shop | BUY ME STUFF (updated for 2014!)
My brother wants to put wireless interweb cams everywhere and be all Bond-toy about it.
you limey fuck
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
well it was either a crumpet joke or a bad teeth joke
they will shoot you
just to piss them off
They should be fucking killed. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Boy, I wish I could've caught him doing it. I'd have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. It'd been worth him doing it just so I could've caught him doing it.
What a fucker!
What's more chickenshit than fucking with a man's automobile? I mean, don't fuck with another man's vehicle.
You don't do it.
It's just against the rules.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
Long time no see, dude.
Also, careful with those hearts, your partner might see it. :P
Sheri Baldwin Photography | Facebook | Twitter | Etsy Shop | BUY ME STUFF (updated for 2014!)
Mind if I shoot up here?
It has been established that our relationship is one of crime fighting only (plus living together and paying bills).
And sex.
Sheri Baldwin Photography | Facebook | Twitter | Etsy Shop | BUY ME STUFF (updated for 2014!)
i remember a few years ago the crappy community council fucks tried to crack down on it by putting big stickers on the side windows of cars telling people not to park in those places
and they had some crappy adhesive which made them hard to take off and left a lot of that glue residue shit
but i wasnt driving back then so it was just a problem for my brother to deal with and i guess they stopped caring about it after that or maybe they got a bunch of shit for it because it hasnt happened since
now if i come home a bit late im lucky if there is an empty space in my street and unlucky if the other closest parking with twice as many spaces is filled up
i just had a look outside and even though my street is very narrow there are 3 extra cars just parked on the side of the road and one of them is behind my car like it was this morning and i had to reverse maneuver around it
it may not be ideal but with the limited space everyone does it which means no one is going to have a big problem if its a bit hard for them to get in or out of their garage and any attempts at intervention by the crappy community council people will be collectively ignored
i dont know why i made such a long post about this
i guess the moral is you should get a place with decent sized land so you dont have to worry about crowding or spilling over into shared space
like this friend of mine who uses his drug money to buy ricer cars and just has like 5 of them parked in his garden
Me casa, su casa.