No I understood your point about not changing your behavior now you are backtracking.
Again my issue is not that you should stop if she is enjoying it because the s.o. should be considered but rather that even if she is enjoying it , you are at the very least hurting the commitment between those two people. But hey as long as you are happy m i rite?
And Looking for underlying implications is the point of talking about something, digging deep to get to the point.
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MrMisterJesus dying on the cross in pain? Morally better than us. One has to go "all in".Registered Userregular
People cheat, people leave their SOs for somebody else, people engage in open relationships, people test the waters. Just because somebody says "I have a girlfriend" does not necessarily mean "I have a girlfriend and I have zero interest in any other women."
That's certainly true, but I don't generally think of facilitating cheating as a particularly noble thing to do.
The point ege is making is that he is not flirting so that he can get in her pants
He is flirting because his definition of "flirting" is "interacting with interest in the other person"
I don't know if I would consider any given interaction "flirting" unless there was at least some implicit sense of sexual motive, myself, in which case I would argue ege isn't even really flirting
I have to admit it, I'm a chronic flirt. There's absolutely no intent behind it, I just really like to flirt. My boyfriend knows this, and is okay with it, so I can see where ege is coming from, but it's terribly silly to assume "If I'M comfortable with it, then it's fine. Across the board. Any problems comes from jealousy and insecurity!" As with most issues with SOs, you'll have to sort things out because it can be quite messy if one is a flirt and the other sternly disapproves of this.
I have to admit it, I'm a chronic flirt. There's absolutely no intent behind it, I just really like to flirt. My boyfriend knows this, and is okay with it, so I can see where ege is coming from, but it's terribly silly to assume "If I'M comfortable with it, then it's fine. Across the board. Any problems comes from jealousy and insecurity!" As with most issues with SOs, you'll have to sort things out because it can be quite messy if one is a flirt and the other sternly disapproves of this.
Well, I'm not assuming everybody must be OK with it because I am. That would be silly, like you said. Incidentally, that's the logic dagnabbit's wife goes around teaching children. Go figure...
I am saying, the only person whose discomfort will change my behavior is the girl I am hitting on, because the interaction is between me and her.
As for jealousy, yeah, it basically stems from one or both of the following:
a) selfishness because you want 100% of your girlfriend's sexual attention on yourself
b) deep-rooted fears that your girlfriend will fall for the other guy's advances, fears that are based on:
i) being insecure about your ability to be a good mate
ii) lack of trust in your girlfriend
All of these suggest the problem is with you, not with anyone else. Not you specifically, Cass, I'm just saying.
I think it's pretty much disrespectful by definition to hit on someone's girlfriend, if you know or can make a reasonable assumption that he wouldn't appreciate it. I mean, he wants other guys to not hit on his girlfriend and you are not respecting that wish. This isn't difficult. Now, whether or not you're okay with disrespecting the guy is another matter entirely.
As for jealousy, yeah, it basically stems from one or both of the following:
a) selfishness because you want 100% of your girlfriend's sexual attention on yourself
b) deep-rooted fears that your girlfriend will fall for the other guy's advances, fears that are based on:
i) being insecure about your ability to be a good mate
ii) lack of trust in your girlfriend
All of these suggest the problem is with you, not with anyone else. Not you specifically, Cass, I'm just saying.
I think you're reading too deep into it, sometimes people don't like others to flirt with their SO not out of jealousy, but because they consider it rude. If they get personally offended, it's a different story, but I think most forumers arguing on that side in this thread think it's just plain ol' bad manners.
This is not the place to find one. You go to school in NYC though so your opportunities are quite large. I met some really amazing girls at a community college so I'm expecting you to step up to the curve quickly here. If I was at school in NYC I'd basically be in female nirvana. Not to mention you get the excitement of meeting girls from other countries because NYC is packed with people from all over the world. So far I've done Russia, Germany, and America. I'm really looking forward to India.
As for jealousy, yeah, it basically stems from one or both of the following:
a) selfishness because you want 100% of your girlfriend's sexual attention on yourself
b) deep-rooted fears that your girlfriend will fall for the other guy's advances, fears that are based on:
i) being insecure about your ability to be a good mate
ii) lack of trust in your girlfriend
All of these suggest the problem is with you, not with anyone else. Not you specifically, Cass, I'm just saying.
I think you're reading too deep into it, sometimes people don't like others to flirt with their SO not out of jealousy, but because they consider it rude. If they get personally offended, it's a different story, but I think most forumers arguing on that side in this thread think it's just plain ol' bad manners.
Right, and both me and Feral established that there is no reason it should be construed as rude. Nobody gave reasons as to why they consider it rude. They just said "well, I think it is!" which, in D&D, is not an acceptable defense of a position.
I think it's pretty much disrespectful by definition to hit on someone's girlfriend, if you know or can make a reasonable assumption that he wouldn't appreciate it. I mean, he wants other guys to not hit on his girlfriend and you are not respecting that wish. This isn't difficult. Now, whether or not you're okay with disrespecting the guy is another matter entirely.
I think there's a difference between flirting with someone and hitting on someone. Flirting is kind of harmless, playful bantering... there may be a mild indication of interest in there somewhere but the vast majority of flirting never goes anywhere and you're mostly safe in assuming that your flirting isn't going anywhere.
"Hitting on" someone, OTOH, tends to push things a little bit beyond that "playful" boundary. You go a bit further than what is sort of socially normatively "acceptable" in order to indicate to the other person, hey, yes, I really do want to (sleep with/have a relationship with) you.
Also, on the Bob/Alice/Eve thing, I just want to tell everyone to listen to a song by The Beautiful South, "Don't Marry Her" because it is awesome.
Right, and both me and Feral established that there is no reason it should be construed as rude. Nobody gave reasons as to why they consider it rude. They just said "well, I think it is!" which, in D&D, is not an acceptable defense of a position.
Hmm. Don't yours and Ferals arguments basically push for the idea that it's not morally wrong, rather than it not being rude? "Rude" just means "contravenes social conventions" which are based on local culture and traditions, which may or may not have a moral component. In Korea it's very rude to blow your nose in public, and in England it's quite rude to ask someone how much money they earn. There may be many English people who don't personally mind being asked their income, but that doesn't stop it from being rude.
Right, and both me and Feral established that there is no reason it should be construed as rude. Nobody gave reasons as to why they consider it rude. They just said "well, I think it is!" which, in D&D, is not an acceptable defense of a position.
Hmm. Don't yours and Ferals arguments basically push for the idea that it's not morally wrong, rather than it not being rude? "Rude" just means "contravenes social conventions" which are based on local culture and traditions, which may or may not have a moral component. In Korea it's very rude to blow your nose in public, and in England it's quite rude to ask someone how much money they earn. There may be many English people who don't personally mind being asked their income, but that doesn't stop it from being rude.
Their basis for trying to establish it as being rude was the claim that the act of hitting on someone's significant other involves implied insults for that someone.
Right, and both me and Feral established that there is no reason it should be construed as rude. Nobody gave reasons as to why they consider it rude. They just said "well, I think it is!" which, in D&D, is not an acceptable defense of a position.
Hmm. Don't yours and Ferals arguments basically push for the idea that it's not morally wrong, rather than it not being rude? "Rude" just means "contravenes social conventions" which are based on local culture and traditions, which may or may not have a moral component. In Korea it's very rude to blow your nose in public, and in England it's quite rude to ask someone how much money they earn. There may be many English people who don't personally mind being asked their income, but that doesn't stop it from being rude.
Their basis for trying to establish it as being rude was the claim that the act of hitting on someone's significant other involves implied insults for that someone.
Oh, um. Well, my argument was actually that it insults the person being hit on.
Much as the other stuff is interesting, I have seen enough people say "She/he just doesn't know what she/he wants! She/he deserves me!" that it grates me. Occasionally it has been directed at my own girlfriend, which is annoying to the both of us, but her primarily. It's never fun when a person simply refuses to accept that you aren't interested in them, it devalues your own opinion.
As for it being insulting to the SO/Alice, I think that at the very least it can be depending on the distribution of knowledge. If you hit on my mom, I'd think you were at least suggesting that my father's 30 years of selfless devotion and bad jokes were for naught, which is rude.
edit: Note that as I said to Feral earlier, new information is key as well. Hitting on someone can provide them with a new option for a romantic partner. Needling them because you just love them soooo much is pretty much a jerk move most of the time.
Also Feral a Jedi Knight would never abuse their total control of lesser minds. Because apparently a long time ago and far away people were very very odd.
There is no one right answer here that is a universal.
Different people have different backgrounds which produce different reactions to being flirted with/hit on or having their partner of various possible commitment levels flirted with/hit on.
For some people, in some contexts, you can grab their ass and hey it's okay it's a compliment.
For some people, in some contexts, if you grab their ass they're going to have you curb-stomped.
It varies.
Right, and both me and Feral established that there is no reason it should be construed as rude. Nobody gave reasons as to why they consider it rude. They just said "well, I think it is!" which, in D&D, is not an acceptable defense of a position.
Hmm. Don't yours and Ferals arguments basically push for the idea that it's not morally wrong, rather than it not being rude? "Rude" just means "contravenes social conventions" which are based on local culture and traditions, which may or may not have a moral component. In Korea it's very rude to blow your nose in public, and in England it's quite rude to ask someone how much money they earn. There may be many English people who don't personally mind being asked their income, but that doesn't stop it from being rude.
Their basis for trying to establish it as being rude was the claim that the act of hitting on someone's significant other involves implied insults for that someone.
Respect is a funny sort of thing... I think I would flirt with someone else's SO if I respected them & their relationship a lot, or not at all. That is, if I knew their relationship was completely rock-solid, and was good friends with both of them, and I found myself engaging in some kind of semi-flirtatious banter with one of them, I wouldn't bother to stop myself because firstly I'd know it wasn't going to go anywhere and therefore didn't mean anything, and secondly because in a way that thing of actually just trusting people to mutually understand where all the boundaries are sort is part of what respect is.
In the other case, where I totally didn't respect a relationship, I'd happily flirt with someone because if it had some kind of destabilising effect on a bad relationship, well, that's a good thing.
I guess where I would hold back is in the middle region, worrying that people would assume that I was putting their relationship into that second category.
Respect is a funny sort of thing... I think I would flirt with someone else's SO if I respected them & their relationship a lot, or not at all.
Why does their relationship come into play, at all?
If you are treating people differently according to whether or not they are in a relationship, that pretty much says then and there that your intention is to get in their pants. You are adjusting your behavior upon seeing that the goal is unattainable.
Whereas if you are not discriminating based on their relationship status - or any other status for that matter - that means you are a genuine person and you are interested in them as individuals, as people, rather than as potential one-time or long-term mates.
Whereas if you are not discriminating based on their relationship status - or any other status for that matter - that means you are a genuine person and you are interested in them as individuals, as people, rather than as potential one-time or long-term mates.
If you're just being interested in them as individuals, rather than as potential mates, then you're not really flirting or hitting on them and your point is irrelevant.
Whereas if you are not discriminating based on their relationship status - or any other status for that matter - that means you are a genuine person and you are interested in them as individuals, as people, rather than as potential one-time or long-term mates.
If you're just being interested in them as individuals, rather than as potential mates, then you're not really flirting or hitting on them and your point is irrelevant.
What makes flirting flirting is not the sexual and/or romantic intentions behind it. Hell, I flirt with old ladies. I don't do it because I want to fuck them, I like it because it makes the interaction more fun.
There is no one right answer here that is a universal.
Different people have different backgrounds which produce different reactions to being flirted with/hit on or having their partner of various possible commitment levels flirted with/hit on.
For some people, in some contexts, you can grab their ass and hey it's okay it's a compliment.
For some people, in some contexts, if you grab their ass they're going to have you curb-stomped.
It varies.
Whereas if you are not discriminating based on their relationship status - or any other status for that matter - that means you are a genuine person and you are interested in them as individuals, as people, rather than as potential one-time or long-term mates.
If you're just being interested in them as individuals, rather than as potential mates, then you're not really flirting or hitting on them and your point is irrelevant.
What makes flirting flirting is not the sexual and/or romantic intentions behind it. Hell, I flirt with old ladies. I don't do it because I want to fuck them, I like it because it makes the interaction more fun.
If there is no sexual or romantic intent, not even implicitly, then it's not flirting, at least not how it's being categorized in this thread. Nobody cares if you flirt with someone if what you mean by "flirt" is "be attentive, interested, clever, conversational, complimentary, etc." That's just making good conversation. Where people are objecting is when you are acting on sexual or romantic interest, aimed at a person in a relationship.
I'm living with a host family in Spain right now, and I've been under the impression that (by the previous post's definition) I have been making good conversation with my host brother. I'm starting to think that he may be under the impression that I'm flirting. I'm not entirely sure how to correct this misconception. Yesterday he sent me a text that started out with "hi gorgeous" and invited my friend and I (who is also living there) to the movies and talked about how pretty I looked with my hair straight the other day. Hopefully this will not mean horrible awkwardness for the rest of my time here.
Unfortunately I don't have much to add as I'm a '"let them know how you feel" duder' and it hasn't got me anywhere.
I suppose that in itself is a decent matter to be discussed, if it hasn't been already.
It'll get you somewhere eventually! Don't be put off letting them know how you feel, because it's much better and solves a lot of problems that get seen in H/A all the time.
But why don't you think you're getting anywhere? Do you blame your technique or have you just not found the right person?
I'm living with a host family in Spain right now, and I've been under the impression that (by the previous post's definition) I have been making good conversation with my host brother. I'm starting to think that he may be under the impression that I'm flirting. I'm not entirely sure how to correct this misconception. Yesterday he sent me a text that started out with "hi gorgeous" and invited my friend and I (who is also living there) to the movies and talked about how pretty I looked with my hair straight the other day. Hopefully this will not mean horrible awkwardness for the rest of my time here.
Host familying (in my experience) invariably results in either people hooking up or hilarious misunderstandings. Mostly hilarious misunderstandings. Cultural differences lol
Quite the interesting thread here... and I think ege has a disparity between what he perceives himself as doing and what most everyone else is talking about.
There is a huuuuuuge difference between being flirty in general and actively flirting/hitting on a person. You may/may not make a distinction between flirting and hitting on, but most people here are talking about it in the sense where person a wants to hook up with person b on some level.
For me, I can be flirty with ANYONE... guys, girls, old people, whatever. But I only flirt/hit on people I have an active interest in. If I know someone is in a serious relationship, I can be flirty, but I won't flirt (if you can get that distinction).
And yes, being in a relationship DOES change the perception of a person in certain areas. This doesn't have to reek of objectification or possessiveness, granted that can certainly be taking place.
If someone hits on your SO, and your SO says they are in a relationship and happy then it should by all rights end there unless there. If the person hitting on your SO says/implies something along the lines of, "what's he/she got to do with us, lets get our groove on" and just keeps at it, that is an insult to both you and your SO because that person has directly stated that they don't care about either party (let alone the relationship), only what they can get from one of them.
This is of course assuming the relationship was healthy, committed, the person flirting knew the other was in a relationship, and the party being hit on was not actually interested. Anyone could bring up a large number of factors that could make hitting on a person in a relationship forgivable, if not completely acceptable.
Ooo, I wanna throw out a universality to see who decides to chew it up and why.
Regardless of any other factor of the situation, if you know that the SO of a girl/guy wouldn't be comfortable with you flirting/hitting on/whatevering that girl/guy, how would doing that not be disrespectful? I don't see how any of you can claim that it wouldn't be disrespectful, for the simple fact that you're doing it knowing full well that the SO wouldn't be okay with it.
Keep in mind, this has nothing to do with your opinion or how you're doing it or the any other factors of the situation. This is purely a question of whether or not you can do something knowing full well that it'd make the person upset and not be disrespecting them.
(I can already see this turning into a "It's none of his business what I say to her" argument, but oops, there's the Post button anyway, we'll get to it when it goes there.)
I agree with you, I think it's disrespectful. And I really don't like "none of his/your/their business" arguments, because it often feels callous and juvenile to me, because it blatantly disregards people's feelings. Obviously there are valid instances in some extreme cases, but generally I only hear people saying that when they are being assholes about something.
I agree with you, I think it's disrespectful. And I really don't like "none of his/your/their business" arguments, because it often feels callous and juvenile to me, because it blatantly disregards people's feelings. Obviously there are valid instances in some extreme cases, but generally I only hear people saying that when they are being assholes about something.
I think one of the big problems people have is making the assumption that if you are insulted/angry/annoyed by someone hitting on your SO then one of the following must be true:
1) You are insecure about your relationship.
2) You are possessive of your SO and treat them like you own them.
3) You are paranoid/insecure about your SO.
4) You are jealous and immature.
While any/all of those certainly could be true, they don't have to be.
I agree with you, I think it's disrespectful. And I really don't like "none of his/your/their business" arguments, because it often feels callous and juvenile to me, because it blatantly disregards people's feelings. Obviously there are valid instances in some extreme cases, but generally I only hear people saying that when they are being assholes about something.
There's a happy medium between being okay with random people blatantly hitting on and copping feels off your SO left and right and actually threatening someone with physical violence for complimenting your date's appearance.
Posts
Again my issue is not that you should stop if she is enjoying it because the s.o. should be considered but rather that even if she is enjoying it , you are at the very least hurting the commitment between those two people. But hey as long as you are happy m i rite?
And Looking for underlying implications is the point of talking about something, digging deep to get to the point.
You're a phenomenal asshole.
Also:
That's certainly true, but I don't generally think of facilitating cheating as a particularly noble thing to do.
He is flirting because his definition of "flirting" is "interacting with interest in the other person"
I don't know if I would consider any given interaction "flirting" unless there was at least some implicit sense of sexual motive, myself, in which case I would argue ege isn't even really flirting
You gotta give him credit, he's not a man for half-measures
You have a good heart, Nexus. Let me consume it.
Dude, I know you're into guys, but I'm not. Please stop hitting on me.
Sorry.
Well, I'm not assuming everybody must be OK with it because I am. That would be silly, like you said. Incidentally, that's the logic dagnabbit's wife goes around teaching children. Go figure...
I am saying, the only person whose discomfort will change my behavior is the girl I am hitting on, because the interaction is between me and her.
As for jealousy, yeah, it basically stems from one or both of the following:
a) selfishness because you want 100% of your girlfriend's sexual attention on yourself
b) deep-rooted fears that your girlfriend will fall for the other guy's advances, fears that are based on:
i) being insecure about your ability to be a good mate
ii) lack of trust in your girlfriend
All of these suggest the problem is with you, not with anyone else. Not you specifically, Cass, I'm just saying.
I think you're reading too deep into it, sometimes people don't like others to flirt with their SO not out of jealousy, but because they consider it rude. If they get personally offended, it's a different story, but I think most forumers arguing on that side in this thread think it's just plain ol' bad manners.
Like now
Plz
Sad
This is not the place to find one. You go to school in NYC though so your opportunities are quite large. I met some really amazing girls at a community college so I'm expecting you to step up to the curve quickly here. If I was at school in NYC I'd basically be in female nirvana. Not to mention you get the excitement of meeting girls from other countries because NYC is packed with people from all over the world. So far I've done Russia, Germany, and America. I'm really looking forward to India.
Shogun Streams Vidya
You have the largest selection in, I'm pretty sure, the Western Hemisphere.
You don't get to bitch.
EDIT: Though I don't really know what to do.
Tomorrow night is Halloween.
Unless you have school work or something, go to a party or a club.
Right, and both me and Feral established that there is no reason it should be construed as rude. Nobody gave reasons as to why they consider it rude. They just said "well, I think it is!" which, in D&D, is not an acceptable defense of a position.
I think there's a difference between flirting with someone and hitting on someone. Flirting is kind of harmless, playful bantering... there may be a mild indication of interest in there somewhere but the vast majority of flirting never goes anywhere and you're mostly safe in assuming that your flirting isn't going anywhere.
"Hitting on" someone, OTOH, tends to push things a little bit beyond that "playful" boundary. You go a bit further than what is sort of socially normatively "acceptable" in order to indicate to the other person, hey, yes, I really do want to (sleep with/have a relationship with) you.
Also, on the Bob/Alice/Eve thing, I just want to tell everyone to listen to a song by The Beautiful South, "Don't Marry Her" because it is awesome.
Hmm. Don't yours and Ferals arguments basically push for the idea that it's not morally wrong, rather than it not being rude? "Rude" just means "contravenes social conventions" which are based on local culture and traditions, which may or may not have a moral component. In Korea it's very rude to blow your nose in public, and in England it's quite rude to ask someone how much money they earn. There may be many English people who don't personally mind being asked their income, but that doesn't stop it from being rude.
Their basis for trying to establish it as being rude was the claim that the act of hitting on someone's significant other involves implied insults for that someone.
Oh, um. Well, my argument was actually that it insults the person being hit on.
Much as the other stuff is interesting, I have seen enough people say "She/he just doesn't know what she/he wants! She/he deserves me!" that it grates me. Occasionally it has been directed at my own girlfriend, which is annoying to the both of us, but her primarily. It's never fun when a person simply refuses to accept that you aren't interested in them, it devalues your own opinion.
As for it being insulting to the SO/Alice, I think that at the very least it can be depending on the distribution of knowledge. If you hit on my mom, I'd think you were at least suggesting that my father's 30 years of selfless devotion and bad jokes were for naught, which is rude.
edit: Note that as I said to Feral earlier, new information is key as well. Hitting on someone can provide them with a new option for a romantic partner. Needling them because you just love them soooo much is pretty much a jerk move most of the time.
Also Feral a Jedi Knight would never abuse their total control of lesser minds. Because apparently a long time ago and far away people were very very odd.
It varies.
There is no one right answer here that is a universal.
Different people have different backgrounds which produce different reactions to being flirted with/hit on or having their partner of various possible commitment levels flirted with/hit on.
For some people, in some contexts, you can grab their ass and hey it's okay it's a compliment.
For some people, in some contexts, if you grab their ass they're going to have you curb-stomped.
It varies.
Respect is a funny sort of thing... I think I would flirt with someone else's SO if I respected them & their relationship a lot, or not at all. That is, if I knew their relationship was completely rock-solid, and was good friends with both of them, and I found myself engaging in some kind of semi-flirtatious banter with one of them, I wouldn't bother to stop myself because firstly I'd know it wasn't going to go anywhere and therefore didn't mean anything, and secondly because in a way that thing of actually just trusting people to mutually understand where all the boundaries are sort is part of what respect is.
In the other case, where I totally didn't respect a relationship, I'd happily flirt with someone because if it had some kind of destabilising effect on a bad relationship, well, that's a good thing.
I guess where I would hold back is in the middle region, worrying that people would assume that I was putting their relationship into that second category.
And I pointed out that this is often not the case.
Do we agree?
Why does their relationship come into play, at all?
If you are treating people differently according to whether or not they are in a relationship, that pretty much says then and there that your intention is to get in their pants. You are adjusting your behavior upon seeing that the goal is unattainable.
Whereas if you are not discriminating based on their relationship status - or any other status for that matter - that means you are a genuine person and you are interested in them as individuals, as people, rather than as potential one-time or long-term mates.
Do we agree?
If you're just being interested in them as individuals, rather than as potential mates, then you're not really flirting or hitting on them and your point is irrelevant.
I keep em broke
Wake up one morning with some money they're subject to go crazy you know?
I keep em lookin good, pretty, and all that, y'know?
But no dough.
When I get a bitch, I got a bitch.
right on
What makes flirting flirting is not the sexual and/or romantic intentions behind it. Hell, I flirt with old ladies. I don't do it because I want to fuck them, I like it because it makes the interaction more fun.
*takes a shot of tequila*
oh ho ho ho
no, but seriously, I liked it.
Unfortunately I don't have much to add as I'm a '"let them know how you feel" duder' and it hasn't got me anywhere.
I suppose that in itself is a decent matter to be discussed, if it hasn't been already.
If there is no sexual or romantic intent, not even implicitly, then it's not flirting, at least not how it's being categorized in this thread. Nobody cares if you flirt with someone if what you mean by "flirt" is "be attentive, interested, clever, conversational, complimentary, etc." That's just making good conversation. Where people are objecting is when you are acting on sexual or romantic interest, aimed at a person in a relationship.
I don't know there have been at least six or seven successful relationships arising from these forums :P
It'll get you somewhere eventually! Don't be put off letting them know how you feel, because it's much better and solves a lot of problems that get seen in H/A all the time.
But why don't you think you're getting anywhere? Do you blame your technique or have you just not found the right person?
Host familying (in my experience) invariably results in either people hooking up or hilarious misunderstandings. Mostly hilarious misunderstandings. Cultural differences lol
https://medium.com/@alascii
There is a huuuuuuge difference between being flirty in general and actively flirting/hitting on a person. You may/may not make a distinction between flirting and hitting on, but most people here are talking about it in the sense where person a wants to hook up with person b on some level.
For me, I can be flirty with ANYONE... guys, girls, old people, whatever. But I only flirt/hit on people I have an active interest in. If I know someone is in a serious relationship, I can be flirty, but I won't flirt (if you can get that distinction).
And yes, being in a relationship DOES change the perception of a person in certain areas. This doesn't have to reek of objectification or possessiveness, granted that can certainly be taking place.
If someone hits on your SO, and your SO says they are in a relationship and happy then it should by all rights end there unless there. If the person hitting on your SO says/implies something along the lines of, "what's he/she got to do with us, lets get our groove on" and just keeps at it, that is an insult to both you and your SO because that person has directly stated that they don't care about either party (let alone the relationship), only what they can get from one of them.
This is of course assuming the relationship was healthy, committed, the person flirting knew the other was in a relationship, and the party being hit on was not actually interested. Anyone could bring up a large number of factors that could make hitting on a person in a relationship forgivable, if not completely acceptable.
It's not difficult to gauge where you should or should not go in the conversation based on the other person's feedback.
Regardless of any other factor of the situation, if you know that the SO of a girl/guy wouldn't be comfortable with you flirting/hitting on/whatevering that girl/guy, how would doing that not be disrespectful? I don't see how any of you can claim that it wouldn't be disrespectful, for the simple fact that you're doing it knowing full well that the SO wouldn't be okay with it.
Keep in mind, this has nothing to do with your opinion or how you're doing it or the any other factors of the situation. This is purely a question of whether or not you can do something knowing full well that it'd make the person upset and not be disrespecting them.
(I can already see this turning into a "It's none of his business what I say to her" argument, but oops, there's the Post button anyway, we'll get to it when it goes there.)
I think one of the big problems people have is making the assumption that if you are insulted/angry/annoyed by someone hitting on your SO then one of the following must be true:
1) You are insecure about your relationship.
2) You are possessive of your SO and treat them like you own them.
3) You are paranoid/insecure about your SO.
4) You are jealous and immature.
While any/all of those certainly could be true, they don't have to be.
There's a happy medium between being okay with random people blatantly hitting on and copping feels off your SO left and right and actually threatening someone with physical violence for complimenting your date's appearance.