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Chindogu: How to be Unuseless
Meissnerd
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Dudes have been inventing stuff for years, always to better mankind. Chindogu are inventions that are wildly impractical, and they have a very specific use. The key word here is use, as Chindogu inventions are not useless.
Hey Meiss! You say. I can't wrap my head around this crazy concept. Well buddy, let me give you some examples:
The Back Scratchers T-Shirt!
Just tell a friend what location your itch is located, (C1, G6 etc.) and have it relieved in a manner of seconds!
The Butter Stick!
Why dirty a knife when you can use this marvellous piece of genius. It's even portable, so you can slather butter on whatever you like!
The Automated Noodle Cooler!
In a hurry? Got to have your noodles before the big meeting? Ta da, here is your automated noodle cooler!
This one is self explanatory.
Other examples of Chindogu are:
- a combined household duster and cocktail-shaker, for the housewife who wants to reward herself as she's going along;
- the all-day tissue dispenser, which is basically a toilet roll fixed on top of a hat, for hay fever sufferers;
- duster slippers for cats, so they can help out with the housework;
- the all-over plastic bathing costume, to enable people who suffer from aquaphobia to swim without coming into contact with water.
And finally, the Sacred Tenents of Chindogu
Wikipedia wrote:Chindōgu is the Japanese art of inventing ingenious everyday gadgets that, on the face of it, seem like an ideal solution to a particular problem. However, Chindōgu has a distinctive feature: anyone actually attempting to use one of these inventions, would find that it causes so many new problems, or such significant social embarrassment, that effectively it has no utility whatsoever. Thus, Chindōgu are sometimes described as 'unuseless' – that is, they cannot be regarded as 'useless' in an absolute sense, since they do actually solve a problem; however, in practical terms, they cannot positively be called 'useful'.
Hey Meiss! You say. I can't wrap my head around this crazy concept. Well buddy, let me give you some examples:
The Back Scratchers T-Shirt!
Just tell a friend what location your itch is located, (C1, G6 etc.) and have it relieved in a manner of seconds!
The Butter Stick!
Why dirty a knife when you can use this marvellous piece of genius. It's even portable, so you can slather butter on whatever you like!
The Automated Noodle Cooler!
In a hurry? Got to have your noodles before the big meeting? Ta da, here is your automated noodle cooler!
This one is self explanatory.
Other examples of Chindogu are:
- a combined household duster and cocktail-shaker, for the housewife who wants to reward herself as she's going along;
- the all-day tissue dispenser, which is basically a toilet roll fixed on top of a hat, for hay fever sufferers;
- duster slippers for cats, so they can help out with the housework;
- the all-over plastic bathing costume, to enable people who suffer from aquaphobia to swim without coming into contact with water.
And finally, the Sacred Tenents of Chindogu
1. A Chindogu cannot be for real use
It is fundamental to the spirit of Chindogu that inventions claiming Chindogu status must be, from a practical point of view, (almost) completely useless. If you invent something which turns out to be so handy that you use it all the time, then you have failed to make a Chindogu. Try the Patent Office.
2. A Chindogu must exist
You're not allowed to use a Chindogu, but it must be made. You have to be able to hold it in your hand and think 'I can actually imagine someone using this. Almost.' In order to be useless, it must first be.
3. Inherent in every Chindogu is the spirit of anarchy
Chindogu are man-made objects that have broken free from the chains of usefulness. They represent freedom of thought and action: the freedom to challenge the suffocating historical dominance of conservative utility; the freedom to be (almost) useless.
4. Chindogu are tools for everyday life
Chindogu are a form of nonverbal communication understandable to everyone, everywhere. Specialised or technical inventions, like a threehandled sprocket loosener for drainpipes centred between two under-the-sink cabinet doors (the uselessness of which will only be appreciated by plumbers), do not count.
5. Chindogu are not for sale
Chindogu are not tradable commodities. If you accept money for one you surrender your purity. They must not even be sold as a joke.
6. Humour must not be the sole reason for creating a Chindogu
The creation of Chindogu is fundamentally a problem-solving activity. Humour is simply the by-product of finding an elaborate or unconventional solution to a problem that may not have been that pressing to begin with.
7. Chindogu is not propaganda
Chindogu are innocent. They are made to be used, even though they cannot be used. They should not be created as a perverse or ironic comment on the sorry state of mankind.
8. Chindogu are never taboo
The International Chindogu Society has established certain standards of social decency. Cheap sexual innuendo, humour of a vulgar nature, and sick or cruel jokes that debase the sanctity of living things are not allowed.
9. Chindogu cannot be patented
Chindogu are offerings to the rest of the world - they are not therefore ideas to be copyrighted, patented, collected and owned. As they say in Spain, mi Chindogu es tu Chindogu.
10. Chindogu are without prejudice
Chindogu must never favour one race or religion over another. Young and old, male and female, rich and poor - all should have a free and equal chance to enjoy each and every Chindogu.
It is fundamental to the spirit of Chindogu that inventions claiming Chindogu status must be, from a practical point of view, (almost) completely useless. If you invent something which turns out to be so handy that you use it all the time, then you have failed to make a Chindogu. Try the Patent Office.
2. A Chindogu must exist
You're not allowed to use a Chindogu, but it must be made. You have to be able to hold it in your hand and think 'I can actually imagine someone using this. Almost.' In order to be useless, it must first be.
3. Inherent in every Chindogu is the spirit of anarchy
Chindogu are man-made objects that have broken free from the chains of usefulness. They represent freedom of thought and action: the freedom to challenge the suffocating historical dominance of conservative utility; the freedom to be (almost) useless.
4. Chindogu are tools for everyday life
Chindogu are a form of nonverbal communication understandable to everyone, everywhere. Specialised or technical inventions, like a threehandled sprocket loosener for drainpipes centred between two under-the-sink cabinet doors (the uselessness of which will only be appreciated by plumbers), do not count.
5. Chindogu are not for sale
Chindogu are not tradable commodities. If you accept money for one you surrender your purity. They must not even be sold as a joke.
6. Humour must not be the sole reason for creating a Chindogu
The creation of Chindogu is fundamentally a problem-solving activity. Humour is simply the by-product of finding an elaborate or unconventional solution to a problem that may not have been that pressing to begin with.
7. Chindogu is not propaganda
Chindogu are innocent. They are made to be used, even though they cannot be used. They should not be created as a perverse or ironic comment on the sorry state of mankind.
8. Chindogu are never taboo
The International Chindogu Society has established certain standards of social decency. Cheap sexual innuendo, humour of a vulgar nature, and sick or cruel jokes that debase the sanctity of living things are not allowed.
9. Chindogu cannot be patented
Chindogu are offerings to the rest of the world - they are not therefore ideas to be copyrighted, patented, collected and owned. As they say in Spain, mi Chindogu es tu Chindogu.
10. Chindogu are without prejudice
Chindogu must never favour one race or religion over another. Young and old, male and female, rich and poor - all should have a free and equal chance to enjoy each and every Chindogu.
Meissnerd on
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oh god, I'm so sorry.
I do remember little umbrellas on shoes though.
my... my penis?
You aren't allowed to sell it to others for use. Sorry.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
Hey man, I'm pretty sure Vegas allows that sort of thing.
thought you were refering to Zonky's wang for a minute there.
As if I'd ever use a knife after that, like a goddamn fool.
one of these and some white sugar and your got the ultimate fattie dip'n stix
you lose
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
<insert joke involving a forumer's vagina here>
Edit: beaten like a redheaded stepchild
they're Opiliones or harvestmen
That was precisely my thought, but I already had a TFS interaction today, so I held back. "It'll feel indistinguishable from a real one!" Haha, no it won't.
hohoho
where's weekoldsushi
edited for the politically pussified nohdon'tsaythat
"If you're going to play tiddly winks, play it with man hole covers."
- John McCallum
lighting cigarettes with the power of the sun. nice.
an implement to turn pages
or a weight that makes sure the buttered side of your toast will always be face up if it falls
I think a parachute is a more unuseless solution to this problem.
In case you're stuck on a desert island and really need to smoke a fag.
Brilliant!