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my idea of a perfect life
HalberdBlue
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I don't feel like working right now so instead I'm going to write about what I'd see as the perfect life. Since I don't feel like writing about it in any conventional way, I'm just gonna cover the various aspects of life.
Sleep - to go to sleep each night it'd be way more awesome to be uppercutted into bed like in a mortal combat game or something where it happens in slow motion with some horrible howl of pain, and then my body would slam on the bed a couple times and I'd be out.
Waking up - Each morning I want to wake up to an assassination attempt by which a ninja, pirate, sniper, George Clooney, etc bust through my window and then try to choke me to death or something and then I'd struggle with them on the ground until eventually I beat them into submission.
Going to breakfast - As I stumble down the stairs I want some crazy asian dude with a pink mohawk, nose piercings and an electric guitar just rocking out and singing an epic song (in engrish mind you because it would make it comical and yet badass at the same time) about what I have to do that day.
Eating Pancakes - with butter and chocolate chips...maybe syrup if I'm feeling crazy that morning
Driving to work - there's gonna have to be a ranking system of course and it'd be a lot like manhunt. You are not allowed to go after guys with a lower rank however if they are higher than you, by all means t-bone, smash and crash into their vehicle. NOTE- you only advance in rank if you flip their car over and it explodes (like in GTA). If someone is going too slow them I am legally allowed to use the fork lift on the front of my car to flip them the fuck over and throw them behind me.
Work - kind of like that one rugrats episode where they dream they are grown up and are pushing paper and getting tickets to reptar on ice. Oh you it is required that you punch your boss in the face every day.
Bathroom - a lot like bumper cars, but with toilets. A curtain for privacy I guess...if you really need to be that big of a pussy.
Lunch - with your spear in hand you run out to the local woods and hunt. Your catch must be eaten raw and on your desk on top of all your papers and work.
Meetings - if with a client you show up with your weapon of choice and they with theirs and fight to the death. Last one to live settles the agreement. Btw, maces look much more awesome then guns so don't be a pussy, medieval is the way to go.
Applying for a job - Battle with a lion. To the death. With guitars.
Xbox360- LOL33%
Walking to class - a gauntlet is lined up from your room to the class entrance and you must battle through it. Note that you are allowed to bring two other companions along with you, but you must announce yourselves as the three warriors of light.
Class - Boss fight. Wicked awesome music in the background. You are allowed to select your weapon before hand. I personally would battle with a fucking katana or two. The boss would be my teacher with laser beam capabilities and could breath fire.
Dinner - fucking dessert. Oh ya but the dessert is all on a giant slide that I ride down. It has like icecream and turkey and apple pie and shit all in it. I slide down headfirst with my mouth open and then get fire hosed when I reach the bottom so I'm are clean (somewhat).
Elevators - actually giant tubes, like you see in futuristic movies...kinda like those things that you put your money in at the bank.
Internet - is a series of tubes.
Retiring - must challenge the elite four, also before you die you must catch them all (there's only 151 so get started)
Drinking - Beer and mead. Nothing else is allowed. Mix a drink and get shot in the knee caps.
War - pillow fight...with badger carcasses. Why? Why the hell not?
Debating - trap cards are allowed to be activated. Choose well, and always believe in the heart of the cards.
Phones - are actually those little digimon things. When you get a call your digimon digivoles. Clean up his poop though otherwise he'll die.
At 12:35pm its required that you stop and take one of the following actions:
1. Hammertime
2. Collaborate and listen
End.
Sleep - to go to sleep each night it'd be way more awesome to be uppercutted into bed like in a mortal combat game or something where it happens in slow motion with some horrible howl of pain, and then my body would slam on the bed a couple times and I'd be out.
Waking up - Each morning I want to wake up to an assassination attempt by which a ninja, pirate, sniper, George Clooney, etc bust through my window and then try to choke me to death or something and then I'd struggle with them on the ground until eventually I beat them into submission.
Going to breakfast - As I stumble down the stairs I want some crazy asian dude with a pink mohawk, nose piercings and an electric guitar just rocking out and singing an epic song (in engrish mind you because it would make it comical and yet badass at the same time) about what I have to do that day.
Eating Pancakes - with butter and chocolate chips...maybe syrup if I'm feeling crazy that morning
Driving to work - there's gonna have to be a ranking system of course and it'd be a lot like manhunt. You are not allowed to go after guys with a lower rank however if they are higher than you, by all means t-bone, smash and crash into their vehicle. NOTE- you only advance in rank if you flip their car over and it explodes (like in GTA). If someone is going too slow them I am legally allowed to use the fork lift on the front of my car to flip them the fuck over and throw them behind me.
Work - kind of like that one rugrats episode where they dream they are grown up and are pushing paper and getting tickets to reptar on ice. Oh you it is required that you punch your boss in the face every day.
Bathroom - a lot like bumper cars, but with toilets. A curtain for privacy I guess...if you really need to be that big of a pussy.
Lunch - with your spear in hand you run out to the local woods and hunt. Your catch must be eaten raw and on your desk on top of all your papers and work.
Meetings - if with a client you show up with your weapon of choice and they with theirs and fight to the death. Last one to live settles the agreement. Btw, maces look much more awesome then guns so don't be a pussy, medieval is the way to go.
Applying for a job - Battle with a lion. To the death. With guitars.
Xbox360- LOL33%
Walking to class - a gauntlet is lined up from your room to the class entrance and you must battle through it. Note that you are allowed to bring two other companions along with you, but you must announce yourselves as the three warriors of light.
Class - Boss fight. Wicked awesome music in the background. You are allowed to select your weapon before hand. I personally would battle with a fucking katana or two. The boss would be my teacher with laser beam capabilities and could breath fire.
Dinner - fucking dessert. Oh ya but the dessert is all on a giant slide that I ride down. It has like icecream and turkey and apple pie and shit all in it. I slide down headfirst with my mouth open and then get fire hosed when I reach the bottom so I'm are clean (somewhat).
Elevators - actually giant tubes, like you see in futuristic movies...kinda like those things that you put your money in at the bank.
Internet - is a series of tubes.
Retiring - must challenge the elite four, also before you die you must catch them all (there's only 151 so get started)
Drinking - Beer and mead. Nothing else is allowed. Mix a drink and get shot in the knee caps.
War - pillow fight...with badger carcasses. Why? Why the hell not?
Debating - trap cards are allowed to be activated. Choose well, and always believe in the heart of the cards.
Phones - are actually those little digimon things. When you get a call your digimon digivoles. Clean up his poop though otherwise he'll die.
At 12:35pm its required that you stop and take one of the following actions:
1. Hammertime
2. Collaborate and listen
End.
HalberdBlue on
0
Posts
I just don't know
Your post is like that, only instead of cologne, it's "trying too hard."
edit: pooro you are my burn hero.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I am totally that guy
But you had me with the uppercutting into bed thing.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
Do you have change for a five?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
You know, like:
ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST WOULD BE SOOO COOL!
Then you get older and find out that ice cream for breakfast is generally not a good idea.
other than that -
undiluted garbage
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
making it worse
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
No, a perfect life would be pretty cool.
But you're here posting, so any such thing is clearly impossible.
NOW
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
If it comes back to you - they are probably just saying mean things and everyone is laughing at you.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Sir, I suspect you have not felt the sheer satisfaction there is to be had walking into your office with a deer slung over your shoulder and slamming it onto your desk, with blood and guts flying all over your 'important' papers.
MAKING
IT
WORSE
Sorry I don't have anything smaller than a 10 right now.
IF YOU IGNORE IT IT WILL GO AWAY
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
Man, I said that exact thing to my girlfriend the other night
We could walk to the gas station.
C'mon man I need this.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Shitty posts don't exit in a perfect world.
It is a little depressed.
During the interview it was drinking a little bowl of whiskey.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
That's what they said about the Herpes.
They were wrong
Satans..... hints.....
Thats almost how I imagined my teacher looking.
Hahaha, I'm sure glad you're joking.
A world where 1 in 4 people have herpes...that would be unbearable.
...wait.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
yeah but instead of taking steps to stop it, you guys are just fucking eachother everywhere
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.