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The Anti-Rotica Contest - And the winner is...
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You people continue to arouse and horrify me.
Oh no...Oh god no...He's not getting rid of his porn. He's getting new porn!
We're his new porn!
Jon stirred in his seat nervously. He hadn't been on a blind date in so long. Sure, he knew who he was about to go out with, but he had never met her face-to-face.
A man walked up and startled Jon. "Can I get you something to drink, Mr. Stewart?" the server asked. He had almost a star-struck look in his eye, though Jon thought he would be used to seeing celebrities in Los Angelos.
"No, thank you. She should be here any minute now," Jon replied. As the server walked away, he realized his voice had cracked and his brow was damp with sweat. He called back to the server, "Actually, a glass of water, please." The server nodded with a smile and continued to walk.
Jon sat for a few more minutes. In time, he noticed a long black limousine coming towards the cafe on the street in front of it. This had to be her, he could feel it. Sure enough, the limo parked right in front of the cafe. A man walked out of car, walked around to the back, and opened the door.
There she was. Blond hair spilled out of the car, carried by the wind. Long, slender legs followed closely behind. As she stood up, she put on a pair of sunglasses and smiled at Jon as she walked towards him.
Jon's heart raced. She was gorgeous. The print ads and television spots never did her any justice like the sun on warm, windy day could. He could feel his heart beat louder and louder with every step she took towards him. By the time she was right in front of him, it was almost deafening.
As her lips formed to make words, Jon could hardly notice. He couldn't keep his eyes off her body. Her slender body reflected the light. She must have just put on lotion. She was wearing a low-cut shirt, and when she bent down to give him a hug, while she had the greatest smile Jon had ever seen, he could peer right into her shirt.
She sat down in the seat across from him. She began to talk, and Jon decided it was the voice angels use. "You know, Jon. I have to say, I've never really liked this place. It always seemed a little drab to me," she announced. "Would you mind if we went somewhere else? You haven't already ordered, have you?"
"Well, no, but my driver is supposed to pick me up here later," he replied.
"Then give him a call, and tell him to pick you up at Carlito's instead. I'll give you a ride there," she went on, "I promise you, you'll like this place so much more." She grabbed his hand. Her skin was so soft, Jon thought it must be made of silk. She walked him back to her limo, and he climbed in. The driver shut the door behind them, then ran around to the driver's seat, and started the car.
Jon couldn't feel himself. His entire body was numb with anticipation. The deafening silence was broken shortly down the road. "I know you want me, Jon."
Flabbergasted, Jon looked at the goddess. "I'm sorry?"
"I know you want me on your show. You could have just said something if you wanted to interview me. The question is, what do I get out of it?"
Jon sighed with relief. He thought he had been seen through. "I'm not quite sure what the studio would be willing to offer, honestly. But I can tell you it would be a great honor to interview you. I'm a big fan of yours."
She smiled. She reached over and pressed a button. The screen to the driver's cab went up, then she pressed another button, and classical music started to play. Then she did something Jon would never have thought. She moved in closer to him.
"Well, we'll just have to see how big of a fan you really are," she said with a grin as she put a hand on his lap, rubbing his member.
Jon quivered in his voice, "I don't know if I could Anne."
She leaned in close to his ear and whispered, causing Jon to nearly shudder. "Oh please. Call me Ms. Coulter."
Haha, I fucking knew it! Nicely done.
what.
hey
what are you doing to me here
!erotic
Gal looked at Mak with an expression he hadn't witnessed in ages, her maggoty grin reeking of the hot lust of Rut. Mak was an old ogre, wrinkled and small in nutsack, but Mak believed he still had it in him to pleasure this lusty hag. Her beard was long and luxurious, the dark curls rich with lice and mould.
"Mak!"
Her breath was an intoxicating brew of rotted lamb and mead. Mak felt his old bones stir at the summons.
"Ga-"
Bone shattered over his skull before he could repeat the reciprocation. His ears rang even as his phallus rose at this hag's apparent impatience. 'Gal no wait for saying of Gal'! Mak thought, amazed. 'Gal go straight for Bang'!
"I Bang!" Shouted Mak, as he lifted his own heavy bone.
"Mak Bang!" Throated Gal, as a second thundering crash resonated through the cavern.
Mak knew good bone from bad bone. Bang go well if fresh bone, and Maks was very fresh. The earthy scent of marrow joined the romantic fragrances of blood and lust now filling the room. The ogres joined in a rush of passion, knocking aside jars of mucus and crushing delicate human skulls. The flabby bodies smash uncerimoniously into a thin wall and smash through, filling the cavern with dust while convieniently obscuring the glorius sight.
And here we leave our ogre friends to do what two ogres in love do best. Thank you for watching National Geographic.
To be fair, he was starting to enjoy it.
For Sale: Trojan Condom. Never Used.
It is a celebration of specialness.
Is the idea to amuse or to arouse? Or both?
The goal is to both disgust and arouse, so Rolo finishes reading and looks at his erect member with a slowly growing sense of horror and realization. Now he realizes his folly, now that he has been aroused by an exceptionally detailed description of carebears shooting carebear stares up each others asses.
I figure it's time to end it all in a blaze of horribly hilarious porn that will kill my erection forever.
How many broads must a man come on...
Calli, I had Bush jerking it to Sephiroth and then an implied threeway with Condi Rice and Tony Snow involving lubrication and baked treats.
The bar is set, now paint the line motherfucker.
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
ahahahahahahahaha
!erotic
I am a single mother in her early thirties. Recently I had surgery that requires me to take high dosages of sleeping pills at night. They are very powerful and make me sleep heavily.
Starting about a week ago, I began waking up feeling sore, and agitated around my anus. I first thought that it was a possible side effect of the medication, but after consulting my doctor I was assured this was not the case.
It continued, and several nights later I forgot to take my medication. I fell asleep without much problem. I was shocked to be woken up later that night to sharp pains in my abdomen. I quickly realized that it was caused by my son (16 years old) penetrating me anally. I was so shocked I pretended to still be asleep because I did not know how to deal with it at the time.
Please I am desperate. I do not know how to confront my son about this, and I am afraid of going to sleep with my medication again. I love my son, but I feel violated and lost. How should I handle this? I pray that I raised a son I can be proud of, but I feel like I am losing him and this is tearing me apart. How can I save my him:?:
My first girlfriend and I were fooling around, since her being my first I had no idea what to do really. She's slowly jerking me off as we're making out and she proceeds to go down on my member. This is the first time she's ever done this, so I just lay there kinda stroking her titties as best I could. I had no idea I was suppose to warn her of my oncoming orgasm, which at the time she was deep throating me. I'm twisting her nipple ring I cum half way into her stomach, and as I came I gripped the nipple ring and she got up to throw up.
Here I am, holding a nipple ring as a girl is screaming in between pukes.
Incest-Rape, the peak of Internet comedy.
Oh
I see what you did there
good show :monocle:
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
That's what she said.
Wait...
Shibby has potential that is dangerous to my cause.
This is still my favourite one. Meissnerd, you are the bestest.
well i'm pretty sure it's for the best
... Did anyone else notice this?
Because girls never look at porn.