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The Anti-Rotica Contest - And the winner is...
Brolo
BroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
BroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
Okay dudes here is the story - I have watched so much porn in my life that jerkin' it isn't even fun anymore.
It is time to give my dick a rest, and because of that I am getting rid of all my porn.
And giving it away to one of you.
I'm offering a prize to whoever can write the world's worst and most hilarious love scene in the history of the internet.
RULES/GUIDELINES:
- 350 words maximum
- Submissions must be posted in this thread, with !erotic written, in red, before the entry.
- Enter as many times as you like
- Sex isn't necessary but some degree of romance must be present, in keeping with the theme.
- Pieces can be fanfic, original, or a field guide to Jupiter; I don't care as long as it stinks.
- Can have a plot/beginning & ending or not; again, I don't care.
- No points for intentional bad grammar/misspellings. It's too easy to use mechanical errors as a crutch in place of genuinely awful writing.
- No points for "shock value" explicitness or overt grossness. Again, it's a crutch and too easy. (Plus it detracts from the funny.)
- No kids, animals, or toilet stuff.
- No plagiarism or ganking from fanfiction.net - I *will* check
- Contest ends one week from now - Wednesday July 16th, 11:59 pm EST
- Participants must be 18 or older
Prize package:
*
A 120GB IDE hard drive
Vantec Nexstar USB hard drive enclosure
Shipping to a location of the winner's choosing
*Crisis in Inifinite Cunts is some kind of DVD comic porn-game that has never worked for me (I think the file is corrupted or something)
**This OP and idea stolen unashamedly from my friend BBT
It is time to give my dick a rest, and because of that I am getting rid of all my porn.
And giving it away to one of you.
I'm offering a prize to whoever can write the world's worst and most hilarious love scene in the history of the internet.
RULES/GUIDELINES:
- 350 words maximum
- Submissions must be posted in this thread, with !erotic written, in red, before the entry.
- Enter as many times as you like
- Sex isn't necessary but some degree of romance must be present, in keeping with the theme.
- Pieces can be fanfic, original, or a field guide to Jupiter; I don't care as long as it stinks.
- Can have a plot/beginning & ending or not; again, I don't care.
- No points for intentional bad grammar/misspellings. It's too easy to use mechanical errors as a crutch in place of genuinely awful writing.
- No points for "shock value" explicitness or overt grossness. Again, it's a crutch and too easy. (Plus it detracts from the funny.)
- No kids, animals, or toilet stuff.
- No plagiarism or ganking from fanfiction.net - I *will* check
- Contest ends one week from now - Wednesday July 16th, 11:59 pm EST
- Participants must be 18 or older
Prize package:
*Vantec Nexstar USB hard drive enclosure
Shipping to a location of the winner's choosing
*Crisis in Inifinite Cunts is some kind of DVD comic porn-game that has never worked for me (I think the file is corrupted or something)
**This OP and idea stolen unashamedly from my friend BBT
Brolo on
0
Posts
ps hentai folder? really?
There is a little something for everybody there, I am hoping.
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because yeah explaining that one to the judge might be a bitch
what could it be
I love writing bad love scenes
Not so sure I can do funny, though
South American Pie 3
Sex on the back of a cloned Diplodocus was new for Ferdinand. suddenly
blog facebook steam twitter
Anything written by this man
I'm a One-Track Lover
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
I mean don't write about a dude fucking a farm animal.
Almost as bad as transformers porn art.
But I'm not posting this because I want your porn, I don't. Not having a penis attached means porn is not really my thang. Unless it's Sean Connery.
There are lots of different things and different kinds of things in that folder, yes.
You need to come over and stay the night. I have a tent in the back yard. Mom said it would be OK.
I also love Man to Man with Dean Learner. Matthew Holness is a God. These guys need to do something else and fast. Between their stuff and Boosh I almost want to become a redcoat.
P.S.
Matt Berry is my man crush.
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Young Drunk and Plump
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Active erection?: Y/N
Y
Erection egaged
i'm assuming no kids, animals, or toilet stuff
you conformist bastard
seriously
free hdd and enclosure?
yes please
I want Garth's face tattoed all over my body, but bigger.
You just made me go shop on Amazon.com
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
George had a late night at the office. The war was taking its toll on him and Laura was out of town promoting her new Library initiative in the Midwest. George envied her, though a Connecticut man he did enjoy the jaunts through the Midwest. Evangelical salt of the Earth people that elected him twice over.
He sighed heavy and rubbed his eyes "enough work for tonight," he thought. He walked into his private antechamber and sat down in front of his television. A modest set for a man of his stature. He turned it on and indulged in his guilty pleasure.
He picked up the dual shock control and picked up from his last save point.
As the cutscene began he noticed something strange. He saw Sephiroth's long flowing hair in the breeze, his pectorals rippling beneath the black leather costume. The single wing outstretched like an Angel condemned to spend eternity on the mortal plane. The striking beauty of his soft facial expressions, it was hard to believe he was just lines of code and photons on the screen.
Something stirred in his pants. He reached down to find the growing erection between his legs. As the cutscene continued Sephiroth revealed his weapon, the long pointed sword shimmering in the incandescence of moonlight. George did the same, his rock hard erection pointed skyward, wrinkled and grayed with worry and age but still a more than potent member.
He stroked it coyly as his eyes closed. His head titled back as a million thoughts raced through his head. Sephiroth, Laura, Condi, Harriet Myers, Scooter, Turdblossom. All at once as his hand feverishly pumped his Presidential Staff, as he liked to call it from time-to-time.
The point of release neared. He could feel it building up inside of him, it would be another "spilled glass of milk" for the staff to launder from his wool slacks. But suddenly, a "cough" from the back of the room. He was caught! The shame! The scandal! The horror! It was too late though, with an involuntary thrust George released and streams of sticky hotness covered his lap. Ashamed, as a teenage boy, he turned to see two figures. It was Condi and Tony. Both smiling wryly.
Condi held a tube of lube, Tony had brought cookies.
This night was far from over.
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
Though really, I also just want the hard drive.
...and crisis on infinite cunts.
sounds like fun to me
She had been waiting three years for him to return.
He had barely acknowledged her at the dinner table. Once she had thought he glanced at her; that a hint of a smile formed on his face. She thought him much improved since the day they had parted. His jaw was now better defined; finely chiselled and set in determination. The dark tan he had acquired while overseas beautifully complemented his jet-black eyes. When she gazed upon his countenance she felt her breaths grow shallow; her bosom heaved as the heart beneath throbbed so strongly that she feared it would become audible to those seated either side of her.
Once dinner had ended he thrust back his chair and rose majestically to his feet. She watched him retreat to the walled garden and then, excusing herself from the table, she followed him.
The evening air was cool and the grass beneath her feet pregnant with dew. He was standing with his broad back to her, a waft of smoke curling up from the cigarette held delicately between his strong, thick fingers.
‘I-’ She began, but before she could finish he had swung round and, deftly flicking the cigarette butt onto the stone path, swept her up in his tight embrace. She gave a little moan of happiness as she pressed her face up against his chest and drank in his faint, sweet bodily odour.
The cotton of her summer-dress was thin and, as he held her close to him, she could feel the heat emanating off his body; feel the tautness of his stomach and the buckle of his belt. There was something else, too; a growing hardness beneath the belt that was wholly strange and yet, as it pressed in against her skirts, naturally seeking a path between her thighs, now quite damp with excitement, it was not altogether unwelcome.
It might be hiliorious and it might just be nonsenseacle ramblings.
Really I just like porn.
I was thinking the same thing
I'd probably wipe it clean as soon as I got it
not bad yourself here. :^:
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
The porn is just the gravy on top