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I never thought I would do this...[Girl Thread]
Spawnbroker
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, so here's the deal. Me and my girlfriend have been best friends for a good 10 years now. We decided to try the long-distance thing and ended up breaking it off in February because of emotional issues on her part. Recently we decided to give it a shot again because she is making a sincere effort to change her issues with being in a serious relationship.
Alright, so tonight we had a conversation that disturbed me. It was about what would happen in 4 years when I graduate from West Point...apparently it didn't quite click to her that I would be in the army after that. She has a wedding planning business that she started, and she is quite happy with. She lives in the Houston area, and that's where her business is based because those are the people she knows. I asked her what would happen when I graduate from here, and she said she doesn't want to move away from Houston to a boring army base in the middle of nowhere just to be with me.
Considering we both have strong feelings for each other, and are both madly in love with the other...this language confuses me. If it came down to choosing between my job or her, it wouldn't even be a question in my mind which came first. Can anyone explain this to me, and why she is insisting that her job is more important than our relationship, even 4 years down the line?
Alright, so tonight we had a conversation that disturbed me. It was about what would happen in 4 years when I graduate from West Point...apparently it didn't quite click to her that I would be in the army after that. She has a wedding planning business that she started, and she is quite happy with. She lives in the Houston area, and that's where her business is based because those are the people she knows. I asked her what would happen when I graduate from here, and she said she doesn't want to move away from Houston to a boring army base in the middle of nowhere just to be with me.
Considering we both have strong feelings for each other, and are both madly in love with the other...this language confuses me. If it came down to choosing between my job or her, it wouldn't even be a question in my mind which came first. Can anyone explain this to me, and why she is insisting that her job is more important than our relationship, even 4 years down the line?
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So what's stopping you from serving the minimum required and then moving to Houston, rather than making a life-long career out of the military?
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I'm not making a life-long career. I will be serving the minimum 5 years and then getting out.
I guess my line of thinking here is, if she isn't willing to go wherever I end up in 4 years, why are we doing this? I don't know if I can handle 9 years of long distance. I have communicated as much to her.
Its a difficult situation. You want her to put you before her job, friends, and family. But you are putting your job before her, in this instance. I mean, i understand that you are likely locked in to this obligation, right? I dont really know the US military arrangements, but thats my understanding. Still, you are effectively forcing her to abandon her old life because of your job.
It does suck, but unfortunately thats the reality of being in the armed services. It really takes a certain kind of partner to be willing to completely uproot (sometimes quite frequently) and its really not suitable for most people.
Granted, prior experience states that you really don't have much choice in first duty station.
Do people seriously make plans this far ahead? Man..me and my gf can't even agree what we will do in a month.
I don't know, my first advice would be not to worry about it right now, seeing as soooo much can happen in four years. She might not even be living in Houston anymore. Or you might be elsewhere.
It honestly sounds like maybe you're a little more madly in love with each other than she is. You might need to at least consider going back to being madly best friends for the duration of this.
I was in this exact situation in 2001 when my then-boyfriend joined the Navy, except I made the choice to move with him and marry him when he graduated from OCS. I have to be honest with you, it was still a long distance relationship even though we lived in the same house.
Newly commissioned officers in any branch of the military are overworked and underpaid both financially and in terms of free time, and the first thing that suffers is your home life and your relationships. A relationship, mind you, that is supposed to be your first line of support in times of greatest stress and exhaustion. Life as a military spouse/girlfriend is not easy and I would caution you strongly that the additional stress of a long-term, long-distance relationship will make your life more difficult and unecessarily painful.
Also keep in mind that a lot can happen in your four years at West Point, you may end up being only friends with this lady, you may decide to date someone much closer to home, she may even change her mind completely and everything will be A-OK. In the meantime don't stress out about it too much but remember that if you're committed to the Army, they expect to be your first priority.
I'm not sure how the OP can rail against her choosing her profession over him, and yet choose his profession, the Army, over her.
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DUDE. You are in a for a world of shit.
I too am in the military (navy) and can speak to you exactly how this is going to work. You do your time at the academy during the year and she is in Houston. You see each other maybe 1 month out of 9. If you are lucky. That is including weekend trips. During the summer you are going to be in training At least another 1-2 months.
So in a 1 year period you see her maybe 2 months total.
Now fast forward 4 years and you graduate great w00t. Oh wait time to go to your school. So you move and for 6-10 months you are BUSTING YOUR ASS at your new school whatever it is. (they are all fast paced stressful and difficult some more than most.) Even if you guys move in together at this point its nothing like what you had before college. There is little free time and tons more stress. Plus you are now an officer and expected to do all kinds of shit you never had to worry about as a cadet. You take your job home with you every night. It is not 9-5.
You finish school and get sent to your unit. Which may or may not already be deployed. If it isnt expect to be deployed within 6 months. And army deployments can be LONG! longer than navy ones anyway. So again you are not going to be around her.
Now WHile all that is going on you have cajoled her into moving in with you. She moves away from all the friends family and people she has ever known. And is in some fucking army base in the middle of no where. YEAH OKLAHOMA! or worse. She only knows maybe 1 or 2 of your friends and if they have wives maybe them. (the JO wife pool can be pretty small) She does not have a job anymore and she has no one to talk to all day while you are busting your ass trying to look good at your new Unit which is possibly about to be deployed. In about.... 3 weeks she is fucking miserable.
My point is this. I will give you the same advice I give all my 0-1s Stay single. Stay single as long as you possibly can. Until you have that first deployment under your belt all you are going to do is make your Significant other and yourself miserable. Can this sort of thing work? Yes absolutely. 90% of the time it doesnt. For a million more reasons than I have the time to write. Stay friends, Hell keep seeing each other. But make it clear, When you are gone you're gone and when you're back your back and thats it. Do not torture yourself with a long distance relationship that isnt feasible.
Besides your what 18 and 19? Fuck man go out and see the world and have sex with it. Don't tie yourself down to one girl you knew in high school. Get out there and live a little. Especially since it really isn't fair to put her through all that crap anyway.
What do I know though im just a sailor but I see this shit all the time and it makes you guys miserable. The happiest dudes on deployment are the single ones chasing the girls in Australia, Tailand, where ever the hell, and not worrying the whole time about their girlfriend, fiancee, wife screwing around behind their backs. (which o by the way is as rampant as the dudes boning tai whores)
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