1) Drink whenever there's a cutaway gag
2) Whenever a gag goes on too long start drinking when you've had enough and don't stop until it ends.
First episode I tried this with? The one with the 7 minute chicken fight. I nearly died that night.
We did a Lord of the Rings marathon night watching all three films with a drinking game. Problem was the drinking game was one I pulled off from the Internet, printed, and handed out without checking.
Turns out the game was based around the first film and one of the rules was:
Everytime you see Gollum - 3 Gulps.
Most people didn't make it to the 3rd film. Someone projectile vomited and I did things I forgot about and wasn't too proud of in the morning.
My friends want to try the Withnail and I drinking game - every time a drink is consumed onscreen, you drink.
If they went as far as matching the drinks, they would end up drinking 9.5 glasses of red wine, 1 pint of cider, 1 shot of lighter fluid, 2.5 shots of gin, 6 glasses of sherry, 13 whiskeys and half a pint of ale.
The David Caruso Drinking Game is where it's at.
CSI: Miami drinking game to some, idk.
Probably some funny/embarassing moments connected to them, but I'd have to ask my friends. Don't recall much.
Her response? Wait, let me go find the email.
"That song is interesting. Thanks for sharing it. Not quite sure I get it... is that how you felt before leaving? Monochrome? And it had what sounded like a weird sexual reference... hope you're not trying to say you're gay or bi."
Welp, got my attempt at conviviality out of the way for the next year :P
Wait, what's the weird sexual reference? I didn't hear anything weirdly sexual.
I mean, ok the guy is french but that doesn't mean he's gay.
Got a new one and it's a tale of true love and like any real love it can only end in tragedy.
Was out with friends in a book and movie place. Some girl over-heard me talking about my love of Toshiro Mifune and Akira Kurosawa movies, comics, mst3k, etc. Came over and talked to me. Turns out she likes pretty much everything I like and I mean everything. I'm thinking wow. A girl that loves starfox, I think I just met my soul mate. Not that bad looking either. I start talking to my friends about her and making "the one" jokes and all that and they are just like "yeah, sure man."
So we leave the building and I'm talking about how I should go back and get her number and that is when my friends inform me that "she" is a he and "he" had a sex change during high school and that is how they know. I wondered why hiser voice was so deep.
By the way, as we were talking I informed him "she" was the first girl I had ever met that liked the same things I do.
Ahhh that is awesome. You are totally gay now, no going back.
Reminds me of my gay story.
I was about 18 and working as a parking lot attendant (the guy who collects your money when you leave a paid parking structure) one summer and this guy pulled up. He was in his late thirties or early forties. He starts with the same small talk that every other person that comes through does.
"Man it's really hot today"
"yes it is"
"You must be hot in that booth"
"I have an air conditioner"
"Oh that must be nice"
"yes it is"
"Do you like to party?"
"yes it i.....wait what?"
"you know, party, get drunk and have fun"
"ummm I don't see how that is any of your business"
"What's your phone number?"
"WHAT!? NO! nonononono I'm not into that"
"Come on"
"nope"
"You don't like to have fun? My name's Ricky"
"Please pull through sir"
That's something my friend seems to forget when drunk. Actual conversation:
Him: How much would you need to be paid to give me a blowjob? Me: There are some things in this world I either do for free or not at all. Him:... For free?
He's straight, which makes me think that he's usually joking, but occasionally I wonder.
This story contains some strains of awesome, with a moment of embarrassment at the end...
So, my wife and I met this chick online, and we've been talkin' to her for the last few days, and we all agree it'd to get together and see where things go, despite us knowing that it'll probably end up in bed...
Anyways, so we go pick her up and take her out to dinner where upon it was at this moment when we were sitting at the booth in restaurant that we realize her back pack is a Yoda pack, which of course shoots her up a good 10 points on the awesome scale, and she proceeds to speak geek, which makes us happier of course. Anyways, so we eat, have a fun time talkin' get in the car and decide it's time to head back to our place.
So there we are at our place knowing what we all wanna do, but no one is saying anything, and a good couple hours go by before we finally hit the bedroom and start foolin' around. My wife decided that in the interest of not freaking her out too much, that I should have sex with he chick and while watched, so we start to go at it, gettin' her all happy, when we decide to try a couple other positions and end up doggy, so there I am nailing her pretty damn hard only to notice that I've been accidentally bangin' her head into the head board of the bed, which is vertical slats, which I'm sure made the head trauma worse... Anyways, we scooch down further on the bed and listening to this chick enjoying herself, she finally collapses after a good 25 minutes of fun and curls up into a fetal position proclaiming "I'm done"... My wife and I exchange glances, knowing that I haven't finished yet, but feel a little bad for her, because apparently I broke her... So my wife decides to let me start having sex with her... Well lo and behold she's really turned on, which makes it slightly harder for me to get off since there's next to no friction in there due to the level of wetness, so my wife gets herself off, and I'm still goin' at it for another 20 minutes or so befoer she gives up too, leaving me in bed with two women, both of which are exhausted from sex, and me sitting there bsically goin' "Damnit!" as I hadn't gotten my own rocks off yet...
*sigh*
Not fair at all I say....
Anyways, the embarassing bit was me bangin' her head into the head board, and breaking her... Everyone left happy though, only person still able to move was me, and that's cause they just left me hangin'....
You bonked a girl's head while having a threesome. Is it just me or is this the second time you've told a story about having a threesome in the same thread?
Guys this one time I was banging three chicks at once and they were all completely satisfied and I went for the money shot and I missed HOW EMBARASSING
Anyways:
At a previous place of employment we had a huge assortment of strange individuals working. One of which stood out because he had some crazy nervous disorder or something. He was always rocking back and forth and looking around suspiciously. Never, ever talked to anybody and I would always catch him in the food court rocking back and forth while eating. Oh and he always speed walked to places. I still have no idea what he worked on or did but man did it weird me out every time I saw him.
Freakinchair on
I'd construct a situation such that everyone died at the exact same moment so that we could attack whatever afterlife there happens to be en masse and so take it over and create a perfect unending afterlife existence. Also, everyone who wanted one would have an afterlife pony.
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MrMonroepassed outon the floor nowRegistered Userregular
1) Drink whenever there's a cutaway gag
2) Whenever a gag goes on too long start drinking when you've had enough and don't stop until it ends.
First episode I tried this with? The one with the 7 minute chicken fight. I nearly died that night.
We did a Lord of the Rings marathon night watching all three films with a drinking game. Problem was the drinking game was one I pulled off from the Internet, printed, and handed out without checking.
Turns out the game was based around the first film and one of the rules was:
Everytime you see Gollum - 3 Gulps.
Most people didn't make it to the 3rd film. Someone projectile vomited and I did things I forgot about and wasn't too proud of in the morning.
Last Christmas Eve, after my family got finished opening presents, I found out that I was a twin. However, my mom miscarried the other baby while she was pregnant.
o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O
Um...thanks for the info? ...Merry Christmas?
In all fairness, it was more of a "heads up info when you think about having kids of your own" anecdote, but still...seriously? On Christmas?
1) Drink whenever there's a cutaway gag
2) Whenever a gag goes on too long start drinking when you've had enough and don't stop until it ends.
First episode I tried this with? The one with the 7 minute chicken fight. I nearly died that night.
We did a Lord of the Rings marathon night watching all three films with a drinking game. Problem was the drinking game was one I pulled off from the Internet, printed, and handed out without checking.
Turns out the game was based around the first film and one of the rules was:
Everytime you see Gollum - 3 Gulps.
Most people didn't make it to the 3rd film. Someone projectile vomited and I did things I forgot about and wasn't too proud of in the morning.
The general gist is that I received Oral Sex from a none-too attractive member of the opposite sex whom was actually leaning over my unconscious (or so I thought) friend towards the end of the credits of the 3rd film. This took to the bedroom. She left in a taxi not long after.
I thought I'd got away with no-one knowing (I was less than proud) in the morning until I walked down to the living room and my friends were reading something on my phone laughing. It was a message from her saying:
"Do you remember giving each other head last night?"
I read it, and whilst reading it my friend whom she'd lent over the previous night placed his arm on my shoulder and said "I certainly do."
I haven't too this day lived it down. It's much less embarassing when you haven't met the girl though.
1) Drink whenever there's a cutaway gag
2) Whenever a gag goes on too long start drinking when you've had enough and don't stop until it ends.
First episode I tried this with? The one with the 7 minute chicken fight. I nearly died that night.
We did a Lord of the Rings marathon night watching all three films with a drinking game. Problem was the drinking game was one I pulled off from the Internet, printed, and handed out without checking.
Turns out the game was based around the first film and one of the rules was:
Everytime you see Gollum - 3 Gulps.
Most people didn't make it to the 3rd film. Someone projectile vomited and I did things I forgot about and wasn't too proud of in the morning.
The general gist is that I received Oral Sex from a none-too attractive member of the opposite sex whom was actually leaning over my unconscious (or so I thought) friend towards the end of the credits of the 3rd film. This took to the bedroom. She left in a taxi not long after.
I thought I'd got away with no-one knowing (I was less than proud) in the morning until I walked down to the living room and my friends were reading something on my phone laughing. It was a message from her saying:
"Do you remember giving each other head last night?"
I read it, and whilst reading it my friend whom she'd lent over the previous night placed his arm on my shoulder and said "I certainly do."
I haven't too this day lived it down. It's much less embarassing when you haven't met the girl though.
Leaning over your friend? A girl on one side of him gave you head while you were on the other side?
1) Drink whenever there's a cutaway gag
2) Whenever a gag goes on too long start drinking when you've had enough and don't stop until it ends.
First episode I tried this with? The one with the 7 minute chicken fight. I nearly died that night.
We did a Lord of the Rings marathon night watching all three films with a drinking game. Problem was the drinking game was one I pulled off from the Internet, printed, and handed out without checking.
Turns out the game was based around the first film and one of the rules was:
Everytime you see Gollum - 3 Gulps.
Most people didn't make it to the 3rd film. Someone projectile vomited and I did things I forgot about and wasn't too proud of in the morning.
The general gist is that I received Oral Sex from a none-too attractive member of the opposite sex whom was actually leaning over my unconscious (or so I thought) friend towards the end of the credits of the 3rd film. This took to the bedroom. She left in a taxi not long after.
I thought I'd got away with no-one knowing (I was less than proud) in the morning until I walked down to the living room and my friends were reading something on my phone laughing. It was a message from her saying:
"Do you remember giving each other head last night?"
I read it, and whilst reading it my friend whom she'd lent over the previous night placed his arm on my shoulder and said "I certainly do."
I haven't too this day lived it down. It's much less embarassing when you haven't met the girl though.
And to think we almost missed hearing about it! That is hilarious.
I don't know what's creepier: you getting a bj while she leans over your conscious friend, or your friend pretending to be asleep while it happened instead of getting the hell out of there.
I don't know what's creepier: you getting a bj while she leans over your conscious friend, or your friend pretending to be asleep while it happened instead of getting the hell out of there.
I'll openly admit it was definitely not the classiest of things to do on my behalf.
(and I think he was too...well...shocked to say anything)
ok since the topic came up i have a long long exposition about something that actually happened (as far as i can tell) to one of my friends in college.
ok, so my friend (well we weren't really friends but we shared the same group of friends) is a blond-haired blue-eyed guy from texas with a 'cute boyish look' and a rather small but athletic build. just imagine what it would look like if a baby picture of you grew up into a 20 year old guy with short curly blonde hair. i should also mention that this friend was from somewhere in texas where his parents were apparantly very well off. this all comes to play in the story, which in fact takes place in texas over a summer break.
he was going out (to some bar or club or restaraunt, i cant remember where) with his friends from back home who also brought around a new aquaintance for him to meet. the new guy they brought was a very fat black guy, im talking 350 lbs fat. he was a nice enough guy and all and after meeting and introductions/small talk, they decide to go to their destination.
my friend however is a car nut (and i mean nut) and it turns out that the new guy had a very rare and obviously expensive car that could sit 2 people. so being the guy that he is, he decides to take a ride with the new guy and get to ride in a car that probably cost more than his college education while his friends go together in another car.
on the way my friend starts talking about cars and how the new guy knows people etc etc and learns that basically this guy is a trust fund baby whose father left him a ton of money that gets doled out each month. as they continue to drive along, the guy asks "so how much money would be 'a lot' to you, like how much would make you say 'thats a lot of money'?". so after a little bit of careful consideration, my friend said 50,000 dollars or about a years tuition, room and board for him.
a little time goes by as they chat about cost of school whatnot when this 350lb black guy says, "you seem like an open person, so i have a proposition for you. i'll give you 100,000 dollars if you.......... let me.......... give you a blow job". needless to say he was a little flustered, its not every day you can make 100,000 dollars and get a blowjob at the same time. so after his initial shock passed (which he said took a few minutes of having the guy repeat himself) he started asking specific questions.
how would the money be transfered? off shore bank accounts where you can see the money being sent before hand. won't the government care? no, since its all done out of country. have you ever done this before? I've had 3 out of 9 people say yes and get the money. why not just get a gay guy to do this to for free, it would just be easier? I like to see how the straight guys react to it (he was bi), i'm really good so it usually doesn't take long for them to get off (he made some reference to melting in his mouth here).
after a time, they arrive at the bar/club/eatery place and my friend says "i'm sorry but no i can't." The guy accepts it (no problem man) and they move on and apparantly have a great time with the original group of friends. when they come out, the guy comes over to my friend again and says "how about for 150,000 dollars?" as they are walking to the car (not sure whether the other people he was with knew what was going on). my friend thought about it but again said no.
so once again they get back into the same car and drive back to where they all meet. my friend is still in the same car as the black guy and they once again start talking about cars. when they are almost home, the guy says "Ok, final offer, 300,000 dollars." which again leads my friend to decline. his parents are well off, he had a nice car and an HDTV at college (this was around 2006) so he didn't need the money. they apparantly hung out a couple more times over the summer without it coming up again.
now when i first heard this story, a bunch of my friends were sitting in the room listening to it. when he came to the end of the story and after everyone stops laughing and starts cracking jokes, i blurt out "he would have had me at 100,000" to which my gay-chicken friend replied "he would have had me at free blow job"
so we called my texas friend "Mr. 300,000" and my other friend was "fucking gay"
Shortly after moving into my new, ground-floor flat I fell asleep with the lights on and the curtains open. I am woken at half four in the morning by a knocking sound. I look around and realise that some guy is standing in my garden, looking in my window and knocking. I sit up and he takes a photo of me in my bed then buggers off.
I've made a point of closing my curtains ever since.
Hah, that reminds me of this time I was out drinking with my friends. We were wandering around the neighborhood at some terrible hour in the morning when we notice a house with a U-Haul parked outside. Newly moved in, there is not a curtain on this house. So, drunk as we are, we think it would be hilarious to peer inside. So I crawl through the garden but it's really dark so I pull out my phone for light. I'm using the flash on its camera to find my way, right? Suddenly, this girl pops up in the window out of bed. I freak out, flash the camera, and run away.
Oh man, I thought that story was going to take a turn for the horrific any minute. Your friend is smart, he never would have seen a dime of that money. If rich people started giving $100,000 blowjobs, they wouldn't stay rich for long.
Last Christmas Eve, after my family got finished opening presents, I found out that I was a twin. However, my mom miscarried the other baby while she was pregnant.
o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O
Um...thanks for the info? ...Merry Christmas?
In all fairness, it was more of a "heads up info when you think about having kids of your own" anecdote, but still...seriously? On Christmas?
Last Christmas Eve, after my family got finished opening presents, I found out that I was a twin. However, my mom miscarried the other baby while she was pregnant.
o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O
Um...thanks for the info? ...Merry Christmas?
In all fairness, it was more of a "heads up info when you think about having kids of your own" anecdote, but still...seriously? On Christmas?
Last Christmas Eve, after my family got finished opening presents, I found out that I was a twin. However, my mom miscarried the other baby while she was pregnant.
o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O
Um...thanks for the info? ...Merry Christmas?
In all fairness, it was more of a "heads up info when you think about having kids of your own" anecdote, but still...seriously? On Christmas?
So here I am two nights ago zoning out in front of the TV before bed when I need to take a shit. No problem, I go and take care of business, flush, wash my hands, leave the bathroom.
I then realize the flushing sound hasn't stopped. I turn around, flip on the lights, and see the toilet bowl overflowing with shitwater at an alarmingly rapid rate. All I can do is stand there and gape, hoping that it'll just fucking stop. But it just keeps coming.
I don't even have any shoes on, so I do the only thing I can do: I wade in, grab the plunger, proceed to cause even more shitwater to overflow before finally clearing the obstruction. By now the bathroom is in half an inch of standing brown water, the rugs are soaked through, and it's only because whoever put in the wood floors in this house installed them about 3/4 of an inch above the level of the bathroom floor that the entire house hasn't been inundated with shitwater.
Cleanup took almost an hour and a half: wringing the rugs out to dry and getting them in the wash, dry mopping the whole floor (filled the goddamn bucket), bleach mopping the floor twice, rinse mopping the floor just to be safe, wiping down the toilet, and taking a shower. It was four in the morning before I finally got to bed.
The worst part is the bathroom still smells faintly of shit, and I've cleaned every surface the shitwater possibly could have touched to eradicate the smell. It just won't go away.
Your toilet uses too goddamn much water. Put some bricks or something in the tank, for everyone's sake.
The problem is that it was clogged. The way its designed, if the water never goes down the tank never stops filling up. It was going for an unusually long time, which is the only reason I noticed it and didn't come back in the morning to discover my bathroom steeped in shit soup.
Your toilet uses too goddamn much water. Put some bricks or something in the tank, for everyone's sake.
The problem is that it was clogged. The way its designed, if the water never goes down the tank never stops filling up. It was going for an unusually long time, which is the only reason I noticed it and didn't come back in the morning to discover my bathroom steeped in shit soup.
You've never had a clogged toilet before?
I have, but the way mine's designed the bowl empties and whatever water was in the tank drains down to flush and refill the bowl. If the thing overflows I get a few cups of water (et cetera) on the floor. A toilet that runs continuously when clogged sounds like a pretty terrible design.
Your toilet uses too goddamn much water. Put some bricks or something in the tank, for everyone's sake.
The problem is that it was clogged. The way its designed, if the water never goes down the tank never stops filling up. It was going for an unusually long time, which is the only reason I noticed it and didn't come back in the morning to discover my bathroom steeped in shit soup.
You've never had a clogged toilet before?
I have, but the way mine's designed the bowl empties and whatever water was in the tank drains down to flush and refill the bowl. If the thing overflows I get a few cups of water (et cetera) on the floor. A toilet that runs continuously when clogged sounds like a pretty terrible design.
Huh, who knew I was a toilet elitist?
This house was built in something like 1950, so toilet technology might not have been as advanced.
It definitely isn't a water-conserving toilet even when it runs normally. I'll see if I can locate a brick or two.
I've had a toilet overflow with shitwater before, but it was a old toilet [ the ones notorious for running non stop if the flapper didn't land just right ]
inundated the bathroom and hallway with shitwater.
Oh ho ho ho, not just any shitwater, but Diarrhea shitwater. I would have moved out if I didn't have a connection that I could get industrial grade disinfectants from [ Seriously, this shit is fucking strong. Like, a really strong. Think of a nuclear hand grenade that blows up only germs. Stuff you buy at the store is like a mosquito bite compared to a howitzer cannon ]
On my first week of summer camp counsellor training, the toilet in our cabin exploded, spilling shit water that was essentially drawn straight from the lake all over the floor. On the floor was my wallet, hat and trousers - the money survived, but my trousers took three washes before they stopped smelling of shitty lake water and took on the smell of regular lake water that permeated pretty much all of my possessions.
I too have an ancient toilet that is plenty capable of overflowing with shitty water at any given moment; I keep Ol' Trusty nearby to ward off the evil shitty water spirits. Of course, no that I've said this, I'll be cleaning up some sort of mess in the immediate future.
This also reminds of what I have come to call the Kratatoa Incident. Have you ever seen a toilet expel water like a fountain? How about shitty water? Spoilered for long:
I went into the bathroomstop a nosebleed, threw the bloody tissues into and flushed. To my horror, the bloody-papery mess is surging back towards me and proceeds to clear the rim as bloody/shitty water inudates my bathroom. I immediately toss as many towels as I can find to hold back the shitty waters, but they're getting soaked through at an alarming rate. The aforementioned plunger is nowhere to be found. I strip off my shitty, wet socks and jeans and run downstairs to fetch more towels -- this is a second floor bathroom -- as well as to locate the plunger.
The laundry room where the spare towels were was almost directly below the unfortunate bathroom; this I did not consider until I felt the tell-tale drip-drip-drip of shitty water on my shoulder. The shitty floodwaters had managed to escape from the bathroom via the floor. Tearing off my now soiled shirt, I located the towels and deployed them strategically on both floors. I then went back downstairs, washed my hands, and secured a hamper to evacuate the soiled towels upstairs. I thought the worst was over. I found the plunger in another bathroom, and immediately set off to do battle with the toilet in naught but my skivvies. I plunged the everloving shit out of that toilet, and the fetid flood receded. I gave the toilet a relieved flush and was promptly greeted by another fountain of shitty water. My skivvies, naturally, got the worst of it, but I barely noticed that as I lunged for the water shutoff.
Covered in shitty water, I again did battle with the toilet, oblivious to the brown deluge that had penetrated my terry-cotton Maginot Line. I again plunged the everlasting shit out of the toilet, and to my relief, the shitty water was vanquished back to the depths of the septic tank. The inch of shitty water making its way to hallway was quite another matter. I found an overlooked facecloth to wipe my shit-stained feet, raced downstairs, and grabbed a mop. Bit by bit, I reclaimed the bathroom from the shitwater, emptying the contents of the bucket into the toilet. But that wasn't the worst of it.
I smelled like shit, the bathroom smelled like shit, and I was far from done. I found the strongest disinfectant that I could and applied it liberally in the bathroom. I wrung every last conceivable bit of shit out of the mop, did marathon loads of laundry, and put basically everything back to rights. It took 3 hours or so, not including the world-record shower following the incident. I told nobody of this incident except my twin brother who happened to share that bathroom with me. Upon hearing my tale of woe, he fessed up. Yes, he had used the bathroom before me. Yes, he was aware that something was wrong with the toilet. He had merely forgotten to write me a note.D:
The toilet has been calm for several years, but it could erupt again at any time. I make sure at all times to appease the bathroom gods lest their anger manifest itself again.
TL;DR = If your elderly toilet is not "feeling well", leave a note.
Posts
So, what you do is, every time they say fertile...
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Rules:
1) Take a shot every time a braid is pulled
2) You must finish reading the chapter.
3)Prologue counts as 1 chapter regardless of length.
See, that one is designed to kill.
See how many books I've read so far in 2010
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
If they went as far as matching the drinks, they would end up drinking 9.5 glasses of red wine, 1 pint of cider, 1 shot of lighter fluid, 2.5 shots of gin, 6 glasses of sherry, 13 whiskeys and half a pint of ale.
Tried that with some friends once but we had to give up partway through when he downs 2 of them in the space of 5 minutes.
CSI: Miami drinking game to some, idk.
Probably some funny/embarassing moments connected to them, but I'd have to ask my friends. Don't recall much.
Wait, what's the weird sexual reference? I didn't hear anything weirdly sexual.
I mean, ok the guy is french but that doesn't mean he's gay.
Was out with friends in a book and movie place. Some girl over-heard me talking about my love of Toshiro Mifune and Akira Kurosawa movies, comics, mst3k, etc. Came over and talked to me. Turns out she likes pretty much everything I like and I mean everything. I'm thinking wow. A girl that loves starfox, I think I just met my soul mate. Not that bad looking either. I start talking to my friends about her and making "the one" jokes and all that and they are just like "yeah, sure man."
So we leave the building and I'm talking about how I should go back and get her number and that is when my friends inform me that "she" is a he and "he" had a sex change during high school and that is how they know. I wondered why hiser voice was so deep.
By the way, as we were talking I informed him "she" was the first girl I had ever met that liked the same things I do.
I took it pretty well, but I might be gay.
Reminds me of my gay story.
I was about 18 and working as a parking lot attendant (the guy who collects your money when you leave a paid parking structure) one summer and this guy pulled up. He was in his late thirties or early forties. He starts with the same small talk that every other person that comes through does.
"Man it's really hot today"
"yes it is"
"You must be hot in that booth"
"I have an air conditioner"
"Oh that must be nice"
"yes it is"
"Do you like to party?"
"yes it i.....wait what?"
"you know, party, get drunk and have fun"
"ummm I don't see how that is any of your business"
"What's your phone number?"
"WHAT!? NO! nonononono I'm not into that"
"Come on"
"nope"
"You don't like to have fun? My name's Ricky"
"Please pull through sir"
Pushy old gay guys are weird.
This line made me laugh so hard.
"Go onnnnnn"
"No"
"Please"
"No"
"Pretty please"
"No"
"Pretty pretty please"
"No"
"Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top"
"Hmmm... Go on then"
And thus the humping begins.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Him: How much would you need to be paid to give me a blowjob?
Me: There are some things in this world I either do for free or not at all.
Him:... For free?
He's straight, which makes me think that he's usually joking, but occasionally I wonder.
So, my wife and I met this chick online, and we've been talkin' to her for the last few days, and we all agree it'd to get together and see where things go, despite us knowing that it'll probably end up in bed...
Anyways, so we go pick her up and take her out to dinner where upon it was at this moment when we were sitting at the booth in restaurant that we realize her back pack is a Yoda pack, which of course shoots her up a good 10 points on the awesome scale, and she proceeds to speak geek, which makes us happier of course. Anyways, so we eat, have a fun time talkin' get in the car and decide it's time to head back to our place.
So there we are at our place knowing what we all wanna do, but no one is saying anything, and a good couple hours go by before we finally hit the bedroom and start foolin' around. My wife decided that in the interest of not freaking her out too much, that I should have sex with he chick and while watched, so we start to go at it, gettin' her all happy, when we decide to try a couple other positions and end up doggy, so there I am nailing her pretty damn hard only to notice that I've been accidentally bangin' her head into the head board of the bed, which is vertical slats, which I'm sure made the head trauma worse... Anyways, we scooch down further on the bed and listening to this chick enjoying herself, she finally collapses after a good 25 minutes of fun and curls up into a fetal position proclaiming "I'm done"... My wife and I exchange glances, knowing that I haven't finished yet, but feel a little bad for her, because apparently I broke her...
*sigh*
Not fair at all I say....
Anyways, the embarassing bit was me bangin' her head into the head board, and breaking her...
Anyways... Fun stuff...
Movie Collection
Foody Things
Holy shit! Sony's new techno toy!
Wii Friend code: 1445 3205 3057 5295
Anyways:
At a previous place of employment we had a huge assortment of strange individuals working. One of which stood out because he had some crazy nervous disorder or something. He was always rocking back and forth and looking around suspiciously. Never, ever talked to anybody and I would always catch him in the food court rocking back and forth while eating. Oh and he always speed walked to places. I still have no idea what he worked on or did but man did it weird me out every time I saw him.
Hey
Hey
This is the S&E thread.
exposition, please
Is not an appropriate story. Because you left out the actual strange/embarrassing part.
o_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_Oo_O
Um...thanks for the info? ...Merry Christmas?
In all fairness, it was more of a "heads up info when you think about having kids of your own" anecdote, but still...seriously? On Christmas?
The general gist is that I received Oral Sex from a none-too attractive member of the opposite sex whom was actually leaning over my unconscious (or so I thought) friend towards the end of the credits of the 3rd film. This took to the bedroom. She left in a taxi not long after.
I thought I'd got away with no-one knowing (I was less than proud) in the morning until I walked down to the living room and my friends were reading something on my phone laughing. It was a message from her saying:
"Do you remember giving each other head last night?"
I read it, and whilst reading it my friend whom she'd lent over the previous night placed his arm on my shoulder and said "I certainly do."
I haven't too this day lived it down. It's much less embarassing when you haven't met the girl though.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Leaning over your friend? A girl on one side of him gave you head while you were on the other side?
That's... that's...
And to think we almost missed hearing about it! That is hilarious.
I'll openly admit it was definitely not the classiest of things to do on my behalf.
(and I think he was too...well...shocked to say anything)
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
ok, so my friend (well we weren't really friends but we shared the same group of friends) is a blond-haired blue-eyed guy from texas with a 'cute boyish look' and a rather small but athletic build. just imagine what it would look like if a baby picture of you grew up into a 20 year old guy with short curly blonde hair. i should also mention that this friend was from somewhere in texas where his parents were apparantly very well off. this all comes to play in the story, which in fact takes place in texas over a summer break.
he was going out (to some bar or club or restaraunt, i cant remember where) with his friends from back home who also brought around a new aquaintance for him to meet. the new guy they brought was a very fat black guy, im talking 350 lbs fat. he was a nice enough guy and all and after meeting and introductions/small talk, they decide to go to their destination.
my friend however is a car nut (and i mean nut) and it turns out that the new guy had a very rare and obviously expensive car that could sit 2 people. so being the guy that he is, he decides to take a ride with the new guy and get to ride in a car that probably cost more than his college education while his friends go together in another car.
on the way my friend starts talking about cars and how the new guy knows people etc etc and learns that basically this guy is a trust fund baby whose father left him a ton of money that gets doled out each month. as they continue to drive along, the guy asks "so how much money would be 'a lot' to you, like how much would make you say 'thats a lot of money'?". so after a little bit of careful consideration, my friend said 50,000 dollars or about a years tuition, room and board for him.
a little time goes by as they chat about cost of school whatnot when this 350lb black guy says, "you seem like an open person, so i have a proposition for you. i'll give you 100,000 dollars if you.......... let me.......... give you a blow job". needless to say he was a little flustered, its not every day you can make 100,000 dollars and get a blowjob at the same time. so after his initial shock passed (which he said took a few minutes of having the guy repeat himself) he started asking specific questions.
how would the money be transfered? off shore bank accounts where you can see the money being sent before hand. won't the government care? no, since its all done out of country. have you ever done this before? I've had 3 out of 9 people say yes and get the money. why not just get a gay guy to do this to for free, it would just be easier? I like to see how the straight guys react to it (he was bi), i'm really good so it usually doesn't take long for them to get off (he made some reference to melting in his mouth here).
after a time, they arrive at the bar/club/eatery place and my friend says "i'm sorry but no i can't." The guy accepts it (no problem man) and they move on and apparantly have a great time with the original group of friends. when they come out, the guy comes over to my friend again and says "how about for 150,000 dollars?" as they are walking to the car (not sure whether the other people he was with knew what was going on). my friend thought about it but again said no.
so once again they get back into the same car and drive back to where they all meet. my friend is still in the same car as the black guy and they once again start talking about cars. when they are almost home, the guy says "Ok, final offer, 300,000 dollars." which again leads my friend to decline. his parents are well off, he had a nice car and an HDTV at college (this was around 2006) so he didn't need the money. they apparantly hung out a couple more times over the summer without it coming up again.
now when i first heard this story, a bunch of my friends were sitting in the room listening to it. when he came to the end of the story and after everyone stops laughing and starts cracking jokes, i blurt out "he would have had me at 100,000" to which my gay-chicken friend replied "he would have had me at free blow job"
so we called my texas friend "Mr. 300,000" and my other friend was "fucking gay"
Hah, that reminds me of this time I was out drinking with my friends. We were wandering around the neighborhood at some terrible hour in the morning when we notice a house with a U-Haul parked outside. Newly moved in, there is not a curtain on this house. So, drunk as we are, we think it would be hilarious to peer inside. So I crawl through the garden but it's really dark so I pull out my phone for light. I'm using the flash on its camera to find my way, right? Suddenly, this girl pops up in the window out of bed. I freak out, flash the camera, and run away.
Did you get jerky? Was it from her?
Oh, I am so going to hell for laughing at that.
I then realize the flushing sound hasn't stopped. I turn around, flip on the lights, and see the toilet bowl overflowing with shitwater at an alarmingly rapid rate. All I can do is stand there and gape, hoping that it'll just fucking stop. But it just keeps coming.
I don't even have any shoes on, so I do the only thing I can do: I wade in, grab the plunger, proceed to cause even more shitwater to overflow before finally clearing the obstruction. By now the bathroom is in half an inch of standing brown water, the rugs are soaked through, and it's only because whoever put in the wood floors in this house installed them about 3/4 of an inch above the level of the bathroom floor that the entire house hasn't been inundated with shitwater.
Cleanup took almost an hour and a half: wringing the rugs out to dry and getting them in the wash, dry mopping the whole floor (filled the goddamn bucket), bleach mopping the floor twice, rinse mopping the floor just to be safe, wiping down the toilet, and taking a shower. It was four in the morning before I finally got to bed.
The worst part is the bathroom still smells faintly of shit, and I've cleaned every surface the shitwater possibly could have touched to eradicate the smell. It just won't go away.
The problem is that it was clogged. The way its designed, if the water never goes down the tank never stops filling up. It was going for an unusually long time, which is the only reason I noticed it and didn't come back in the morning to discover my bathroom steeped in shit soup.
You've never had a clogged toilet before?
I have, but the way mine's designed the bowl empties and whatever water was in the tank drains down to flush and refill the bowl. If the thing overflows I get a few cups of water (et cetera) on the floor. A toilet that runs continuously when clogged sounds like a pretty terrible design.
Huh, who knew I was a toilet elitist?
This house was built in something like 1950, so toilet technology might not have been as advanced.
It definitely isn't a water-conserving toilet even when it runs normally. I'll see if I can locate a brick or two.
inundated the bathroom and hallway with shitwater.
Oh ho ho ho, not just any shitwater, but Diarrhea shitwater. I would have moved out if I didn't have a connection that I could get industrial grade disinfectants from [ Seriously, this shit is fucking strong. Like, a really strong. Think of a nuclear hand grenade that blows up only germs. Stuff you buy at the store is like a mosquito bite compared to a howitzer cannon ]
This also reminds of what I have come to call the Kratatoa Incident. Have you ever seen a toilet expel water like a fountain? How about shitty water? Spoilered for long:
The laundry room where the spare towels were was almost directly below the unfortunate bathroom; this I did not consider until I felt the tell-tale drip-drip-drip of shitty water on my shoulder. The shitty floodwaters had managed to escape from the bathroom via the floor. Tearing off my now soiled shirt, I located the towels and deployed them strategically on both floors. I then went back downstairs, washed my hands, and secured a hamper to evacuate the soiled towels upstairs. I thought the worst was over. I found the plunger in another bathroom, and immediately set off to do battle with the toilet in naught but my skivvies. I plunged the everloving shit out of that toilet, and the fetid flood receded. I gave the toilet a relieved flush and was promptly greeted by another fountain of shitty water. My skivvies, naturally, got the worst of it, but I barely noticed that as I lunged for the water shutoff.
Covered in shitty water, I again did battle with the toilet, oblivious to the brown deluge that had penetrated my terry-cotton Maginot Line. I again plunged the everlasting shit out of the toilet, and to my relief, the shitty water was vanquished back to the depths of the septic tank. The inch of shitty water making its way to hallway was quite another matter. I found an overlooked facecloth to wipe my shit-stained feet, raced downstairs, and grabbed a mop. Bit by bit, I reclaimed the bathroom from the shitwater, emptying the contents of the bucket into the toilet. But that wasn't the worst of it.
I smelled like shit, the bathroom smelled like shit, and I was far from done. I found the strongest disinfectant that I could and applied it liberally in the bathroom. I wrung every last conceivable bit of shit out of the mop, did marathon loads of laundry, and put basically everything back to rights. It took 3 hours or so, not including the world-record shower following the incident. I told nobody of this incident except my twin brother who happened to share that bathroom with me. Upon hearing my tale of woe, he fessed up. Yes, he had used the bathroom before me. Yes, he was aware that something was wrong with the toilet. He had merely forgotten to write me a note.D:
The toilet has been calm for several years, but it could erupt again at any time. I make sure at all times to appease the bathroom gods lest their anger manifest itself again.
TL;DR = If your elderly toilet is not "feeling well", leave a note.