I too have an ancient toilet that is plenty capable of overflowing with shitty water at any given moment; I keep Ol' Trusty nearby to ward off the evil shitty water spirits. Of course, no that I've said this, I'll be cleaning up some sort of mess in the immediate future.
This also reminds of what I have come to call the Kratatoa Incident. Have you ever seen a toilet expel water like a fountain? How about shitty water? Spoilered for long:
I went into the bathroomstop a nosebleed, threw the bloody tissues into and flushed. To my horror, the bloody-papery mess is surging back towards me and proceeds to clear the rim as bloody/shitty water inudates my bathroom. I immediately toss as many towels as I can find to hold back the shitty waters, but they're getting soaked through at an alarming rate. The aforementioned plunger is nowhere to be found. I strip off my shitty, wet socks and jeans and run downstairs to fetch more towels -- this is a second floor bathroom -- as well as to locate the plunger.
The laundry room where the spare towels were was almost directly below the unfortunate bathroom; this I did not consider until I felt the tell-tale drip-drip-drip of shitty water on my shoulder. The shitty floodwaters had managed to escape from the bathroom via the floor. Tearing off my now soiled shirt, I located the towels and deployed them strategically on both floors. I then went back downstairs, washed my hands, and secured a hamper to evacuate the soiled towels upstairs. I thought the worst was over. I found the plunger in another bathroom, and immediately set off to do battle with the toilet in naught but my skivvies. I plunged the everloving shit out of that toilet, and the fetid flood receded. I gave the toilet a relieved flush and was promptly greeted by another fountain of shitty water. My skivvies, naturally, got the worst of it, but I barely noticed that as I lunged for the water shutoff.
Covered in shitty water, I again did battle with the toilet, oblivious to the brown deluge that had penetrated my terry-cotton Maginot Line. I again plunged the everlasting shit out of the toilet, and to my relief, the shitty water was vanquished back to the depths of the septic tank. The inch of shitty water making its way to hallway was quite another matter. I found an overlooked facecloth to wipe my shit-stained feet, raced downstairs, and grabbed a mop. Bit by bit, I reclaimed the bathroom from the shitwater, emptying the contents of the bucket into the toilet. But that wasn't the worst of it.
I smelled like shit, the bathroom smelled like shit, and I was far from done. I found the strongest disinfectant that I could and applied it liberally in the bathroom. I wrung every last conceivable bit of shit out of the mop, did marathon loads of laundry, and put basically everything back to rights. It took 3 hours or so, not including the world-record shower following the incident. I told nobody of this incident except my twin brother who happened to share that bathroom with me. Upon hearing my tale of woe, he fessed up. Yes, he had used the bathroom before me. Yes, he was aware that something was wrong with the toilet. He had merely forgotten to write me a note.D:
The toilet has been calm for several years, but it could erupt again at any time. I make sure at all times to appease the bathroom gods lest their anger manifest itself again.
TL;DR = If your elderly toilet is not "feeling well", leave a note.
Her response? Wait, let me go find the email.
"That song is interesting. Thanks for sharing it. Not quite sure I get it... is that how you felt before leaving? Monochrome? And it had what sounded like a weird sexual reference... hope you're not trying to say you're gay or bi."
Welp, got my attempt at conviviality out of the way for the next year :P
Wait, what's the weird sexual reference? I didn't hear anything weirdly sexual.
I mean, ok the guy is french but that doesn't mean he's gay.
that's just it - the reference only exists in her head. The only part I could even fathom being slightly suggestive is the "friends take me back home and care for me" section, which would be retarded.
Actually, I could totally see her getting upset at that line.
METAzraeL on
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
I too have an ancient toilet that is plenty capable of overflowing with shitty water at any given moment; I keep Ol' Trusty nearby to ward off the evil shitty water spirits. Of course, no that I've said this, I'll be cleaning up some sort of mess in the immediate future.
This also reminds of what I have come to call the Kratatoa Incident. Have you ever seen a toilet expel water like a fountain? How about shitty water? Spoilered for long:
I went into the bathroomstop a nosebleed, threw the bloody tissues into and flushed. To my horror, the bloody-papery mess is surging back towards me and proceeds to clear the rim as bloody/shitty water inudates my bathroom. I immediately toss as many towels as I can find to hold back the shitty waters, but they're getting soaked through at an alarming rate. The aforementioned plunger is nowhere to be found. I strip off my shitty, wet socks and jeans and run downstairs to fetch more towels -- this is a second floor bathroom -- as well as to locate the plunger.
The laundry room where the spare towels were was almost directly below the unfortunate bathroom; this I did not consider until I felt the tell-tale drip-drip-drip of shitty water on my shoulder. The shitty floodwaters had managed to escape from the bathroom via the floor. Tearing off my now soiled shirt, I located the towels and deployed them strategically on both floors. I then went back downstairs, washed my hands, and secured a hamper to evacuate the soiled towels upstairs. I thought the worst was over. I found the plunger in another bathroom, and immediately set off to do battle with the toilet in naught but my skivvies. I plunged the everloving shit out of that toilet, and the fetid flood receded. I gave the toilet a relieved flush and was promptly greeted by another fountain of shitty water. My skivvies, naturally, got the worst of it, but I barely noticed that as I lunged for the water shutoff.
Covered in shitty water, I again did battle with the toilet, oblivious to the brown deluge that had penetrated my terry-cotton Maginot Line. I again plunged the everlasting shit out of the toilet, and to my relief, the shitty water was vanquished back to the depths of the septic tank. The inch of shitty water making its way to hallway was quite another matter. I found an overlooked facecloth to wipe my shit-stained feet, raced downstairs, and grabbed a mop. Bit by bit, I reclaimed the bathroom from the shitwater, emptying the contents of the bucket into the toilet. But that wasn't the worst of it.
I smelled like shit, the bathroom smelled like shit, and I was far from done. I found the strongest disinfectant that I could and applied it liberally in the bathroom. I wrung every last conceivable bit of shit out of the mop, did marathon loads of laundry, and put basically everything back to rights. It took 3 hours or so, not including the world-record shower following the incident. I told nobody of this incident except my twin brother who happened to share that bathroom with me. Upon hearing my tale of woe, he fessed up. Yes, he had used the bathroom before me. Yes, he was aware that something was wrong with the toilet. He had merely forgotten to write me a note.D:
The toilet has been calm for several years, but it could erupt again at any time. I make sure at all times to appease the bathroom gods lest their anger manifest itself again.
TL;DR = If your elderly toilet is not "feeling well", leave a note.
Middle school. Roughly 12 - 13 years ago. I was about 12 - 13.
Our class had gone on a trip to France for a week. On this particular day we had chosen to visit a church near the coast. We were being given a tour by one of the priesthood when I realised I had the most massive itch around my balls.
So I moved to the back of the group and went to town. Now after a few minutes of scratching the group moved on and I followed, moving back to the front of the group. We moved around the church for another 20 minutes or so when I had the most shocking realisation.
The scratching had left my genitalia hanging out of my shorts. I had been walking around the house of the lord with my meat and two veg swinging in the breeze. I quickly "tucked" myself back in and scuttled out ahead of the rest of the leaving group. For some reason my friends didn't understand why I was so quiet on the way back to the hotel
I've got a brand new one. It's a bit unbelieveable, but I swear it happened.
Edit: Spoilerd for length
If you read the military thread, you'll know that I'm in Iraq right now, probably a month or so before I come back to the States. Facebook is the primary communication device I use to keep in touch with everyone back home. A few days ago I get a Facebook message from a girl I don't know named Jamie something saying "So, this is really random I know, but Rob"(guy in my unit)"said you were single and I was just wondering if you were interested in talking... let me know... Sorry if that is too blunt..."
For reference, I've never had a girlfriend. I've never ever had a girl so much as ask me in person if I was dating anyone or anything resembling proposition. Now I get this out of the blue. I didn’t know who this girl was, but I had just gone to a PT test a couple days before with Rob. There was a girl with him from his office from another unit, and I kind of figured it must be her.
So I messaged her back saying “hey, no its not too blunt, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, nothing against you, blah blah blah, by the way were you the girl with Rob at the PT test?”
I was not prepared for the response.
"I hate when people beat around the bush! no, I didn't go with Rob to the pt test... I completely understand. I have been with mostly women so, I am just testing things out I guess you could say... lol..."
Whoawhoawhoa, WHOA! This chick is bi. Or at least, she trying to figure it out. I look at her profile, she's pretty cute, and see that she has it set to interested in women, and I note she goes to college at a neighboring state, where a lot of guys in our unit are from. So I email Rob asking who is this chick. He tells me she’s some friend of Carl’s(another guy in my unit) that has been messaging him. She asked him if he knew any single guys and he gave her my name because I was the first guy he thought of that “wasn’t a douchebag.” Well, thanks for the compliment. But I didn’t mention, Rob is a Chaplain’s Assistant. I was being whored out by my Chaplain’s Assistant. I must really seem hopelessly alone.
Anyway, I work next door to Carl. When he comes in I ask him.
“Hey, do you know this Jamie <last name>?”
“…..who”
“Jamie <last name>.”
“……” confused look
“goes to <small local college>”
“Is she a lesbian?” not quite the answer I was expecting
“Um, yes”
“Yeah, I think I went to a couple classes with her”
So I laid out all the facts. There’s a lesbian, who’s tired of Slot B and wants to try out Tab A. She’s willing to go after the friend of a friend of a guy she had a couple classes with a year ago. On the one hand, I could find myself living a Nakatomi story. On the other, I could get the –itis. My verdict: Petri dish. Ten-foot pole and all that. This may end up being the worst decision of my life, or it could be the best decision.
And no, I’m not going to go after that to give you guys something else to laugh at.
I've got a brand new one. It's a bit unbelieveable, but I swear it happened.
Edit: Spoilerd for length
If you read the military thread, you'll know that I'm in Iraq right now, probably a month or so before I come back to the States. Facebook is the primary communication device I use to keep in touch with everyone back home. A few days ago I get a Facebook message from a girl I don't know named Jamie something saying "So, this is really random I know, but Rob"(guy in my unit)"said you were single and I was just wondering if you were interested in talking... let me know... Sorry if that is too blunt..."
For reference, I've never had a girlfriend. I've never ever had a girl so much as ask me in person if I was dating anyone or anything resembling proposition. Now I get this out of the blue. I didn’t know who this girl was, but I had just gone to a PT test a couple days before with Rob. There was a girl with him from his office from another unit, and I kind of figured it must be her.
So I messaged her back saying “hey, no its not too blunt, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, nothing against you, blah blah blah, by the way were you the girl with Rob at the PT test?”
I was not prepared for the response.
"I hate when people beat around the bush! no, I didn't go with Rob to the pt test... I completely understand. I have been with mostly women so, I am just testing things out I guess you could say... lol..."
Whoawhoawhoa, WHOA! This chick is bi. Or at least, she trying to figure it out. I look at her profile, she's pretty cute, and see that she has it set to interested in women, and I note she goes to college at a neighboring state, where a lot of guys in our unit are from. So I email Rob asking who is this chick. He tells me she’s some friend of Carl’s(another guy in my unit) that has been messaging him. She asked him if he knew any single guys and he gave her my name because I was the first guy he thought of that “wasn’t a douchebag.” Well, thanks for the compliment. But I didn’t mention, Rob is a Chaplain’s Assistant. I was being whored out by my Chaplain’s Assistant. I must really seem hopelessly alone.
Anyway, I work next door to Carl. When he comes in I ask him.
“Hey, do you know this Jamie <last name>?”
“…..who”
“Jamie <last name>.”
“……” confused look
“goes to <small local college>”
“Is she a lesbian?” not quite the answer I was expecting
“Um, yes”
“Yeah, I think I went to a couple classes with her”
So I laid out all the facts. There’s a lesbian, who’s tired of Slot B and wants to try out Tab A. She’s willing to go after the friend of a friend of a guy she had a couple classes with a year ago. On the one hand, I could find myself living a Nakatomi story. On the other, I could get the –itis. My verdict: Petri dish. Ten-foot pole and all that. This may end up being the worst decision of my life, or it could be the best decision.
And no, I’m not going to go after that to give you guys something else to laugh at.
Alright man, reading it is not near as funny as it was when we found out last night. You gotta be very discriptive about the fact that a girl, whom you've never met. Asked if you wanted to more or less 'Hook Up'.
On top of that, not only have you never met this girl, but the friend who said you were single has never met the girl either - and ON TOP OF THAT, the Friend of the friend who DOES know the girl ---- ONLY knows her because he had a class with her a year ago. It makes the fact that it actually happened that much more amazing.
And way to leave me out... (I was the one encouraging him to go for it - even after he found out she's a lesbo :P .)
P.S. Obviously I'm deployed with Juggerbot....
Macen on
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Element BrianPeanut Butter ShillRegistered Userregular
You seem concerned she has some kind of disease because she's promiscuous, or something? Who knows if she even is? She just wants to try hetero-ing it up.
I'm pretty sure lesbians are less likely to have STDs due to the diminished exchange of fluids, if anything.
Oh finally I have a story to tell! It may not deliver but I will try.
This was maybe a year and a half ago. My girlfriend of the time and I were living together in an apartment - we had lived there for a year and were moving out in a couple weeks. A friend of ours from college was staying and sleeping on the pullout couch in the living room. On a Saturday morning I hear a knock at the bedroom door. "Yeah?" My friend opens the door and he has this look of horror on his face. In a frantic voice, he says "dude, where's your plunger?!" Of course, we had lived in this apartment for a year and had never had a need for a plunger, so we didn't have one. Anyway, I get up and I had to have a look in the bathroom - Jesus Christ he had dumped one of the most hellacious dumps I had ever seen, and blamed the beer shits. So anyway I issued the girlfriend the warning of "don't go in the bathroom for the love of God" and friend and I head over to the hardware store to get a plunger to deal with the shitmergency.
And way to leave me out... (I was the one encouraging him to go for it - especially after he found out she's a lesbo :P .)
Fixed.
Also, perhaps it's because I'm from a small town and I'm not used to this shit, but when a girl is attempting to get with a guy she knows absolutely nothing about, that leads me to believe she has no standards.
Seriously, she's not any more likely to have and STD than any other random girl. You've got guys who have been married for years get STDs because their wives cheat on them, no fault of their own. If you're too scared to go after this girl because she used to be a lesbian, you're probably going to be too scared to have sex in 95% of the sexable situations you find yourself in. Just use protection and maybe ask her to get tested.
Seriously, she's not any more likely to have and STD than any other random girl. You've got guys who have been married for years get STDs because their wives cheat on them, no fault of their own. If you're too scared to go after this girl because she used to be a lesbian, you're probably going to be too scared to have sex in 95% of the sexable situations you find yourself in. Just use protection and maybe ask her to get tested.
Seriously, she's not any more likely to have and STD than any other random girl. You've got guys who have been married for years get STDs because their wives cheat on them, no fault of their own. If you're too scared to go after this girl because she used to be a lesbian, you're probably going to be too scared to have sex in 95% of the sexable situations you find yourself in. Just use protection and maybe ask her to get tested.
Smooth.
You just need to broach the subject the right way.
"Bitch, I think your junk might be rotten. Why don't you go on and get your shit tested, and maybe I'll reconsider throwing one in you."
Seriously, she's not any more likely to have and STD than any other random girl. You've got guys who have been married for years get STDs because their wives cheat on them, no fault of their own. If you're too scared to go after this girl because she used to be a lesbian, you're probably going to be too scared to have sex in 95% of the sexable situations you find yourself in. Just use protection and maybe ask her to get tested.
Smooth.
You just need to broach the subject the right way.
"Bitch, I think your junk might be rotten. Why don't you go on and get your shit tested, and maybe I'll reconsider throwing one in you."
Also, another winner is to be humming Sir Mix-a-lot when you first meet them.
So on our tenth anniversary this year I arranged a trip to a location close to my beloved's heart (Bruges) for a few nights in a fine hotel. I also fashioned, with my own two fair hands, an engagement ring for the purposes of popping the question. All was a surprise, and she only knew that we were going away somewhere. So we get the train down to London and we veer sharply left to Eurostar and she is pleasingly thrilled at the prospect ahead of her. I don't usually arrange our holidays, but had gotten all my ducks in a row and kept the booking slips, tickets and passports all together in one folder. I open the folder and get our passports out ready to be checked. Cue ominous music.
That's funny, I think, opening my passport. That photo doesn't look right. That's the one in my old passport.
Fuck.
I have to shove the missus on to the Eurostar, get a train back home, pick up the passport, get another train back to London then get another Eurostar over to Bruges and meet her there, all the time paying the £Rape prices that UK trains cost if you buy tickets on the day. Nine hours late, I arrive at midnight. I have not been trusted with travel arrangements since.
Technically, provided you have EU citizenship (ie were born in Europe), you shouldn't need a passport to travel around.
Trying to convince anyone of that is fun, however.
Well yes, but the passport is the easiest way to prove your EU citizenship. It's not like he brought his old passport but accidentally had his birth certificate with him.
EDIT: Bahahaha I'm a fucking idiot. Wheeeeeeeee! I'm gonna leave this post as a testament to stupidity.
Willeth on
@vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming! @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
So on our tenth anniversary this year I arranged a trip to a location close to my beloved's heart (Bruges) for a few nights in a fine hotel. I also fashioned, with my own two fair hands, an engagement ring for the purposes of popping the question. All was a surprise, and she only knew that we were going away somewhere. So we get the train down to London and we veer sharply left to Eurostar and she is pleasingly thrilled at the prospect ahead of her. I don't usually arrange our holidays, but had gotten all my ducks in a row and kept the booking slips, tickets and passports all together in one folder. I open the folder and get our passports out ready to be checked. Cue ominous music.
That's funny, I think, opening my passport. That photo doesn't look right. That's the one in my old passport.
Fuck.
I have to shove the missus on to the Eurostar, get a train back home, pick up the passport, get another train back to London then get another Eurostar over to Bruges and meet her there, all the time paying the £Rape prices that UK trains cost if you buy tickets on the day. Nine hours late, I arrive at midnight. I have not been trusted with travel arrangements since.
Dara O'Brien had a good stand-up skit about this type of thing.
"I'm sorry, but this passport's expired."
"What? It's still me."
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
So wait, some random person looked that shit up on your computer and put it on a word document (I'm assuming to print it, I can't think of another reason to do that)? Why wouldn't you use a personal computer or the library?
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
So wait, some random person looked that shit up on your computer and put it on a word document (I'm assuming to print it, I can't think of another reason to do that)? Why wouldn't you use a personal computer or the library?
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
So wait, some random person looked that shit up on your computer and put it on a word document (I'm assuming to print it, I can't think of another reason to do that)? Why wouldn't you use a personal computer or the library?
No, it was just on the clipboard history. The icon indicated that it was copied from my browser. As for why somebody would use my computer for this instead of their own, I'm still struggling with that one.
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
So wait, some random person looked that shit up on your computer and put it on a word document (I'm assuming to print it, I can't think of another reason to do that)? Why wouldn't you use a personal computer or the library?
Presumably it was his boss.
His boss was out. Since she can work from home, I'm assuming that she would use her personal computer to find information, especially since she was supposed to be at home.
So, strange moment for me and embarrassing moment for my friends.
I was giving some friends a ride home a few days ago. I stayed parked for a minute to let the car warm up. My friends in the car(all girls, I feel as though this is important) start goofing around. They're goofing off, and I'm just laughing. I'm not laughing because they're goofing around, though. I'm laughing because two other kids with a camera are pointing at my car. I give them a Thumbs Up.
The one with the camera jumps on my hood. This promptly causes them to look at the front of the car and give him a "What the Fuck?" look. I'm still laughing away. He's gotten a few pictures by now, and walks off. My friends start asking me what the hell that was about, but I'm laughing way to much to answer.
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
So wait, some random person looked that shit up on your computer and put it on a word document (I'm assuming to print it, I can't think of another reason to do that)? Why wouldn't you use a personal computer or the library?
Presumably it was his boss.
His boss was out. Since she can work from home, I'm assuming that she would use her personal computer to find information, especially since she was supposed to be at home.
I read it a bit oddly, somehow missed that he'd gotten back from lunch instead of stepping in that day.
So, strange moment for me and embarrassing moment for my friends.
I was giving some friends a ride home a few days ago. I stayed parked for a minute to let the car warm up. My friends in the car(all girls, I feel as though this is important) start goofing around. They're goofing off, and I'm just laughing. I'm not laughing because they're goofing around, though. I'm laughing because two other kids with a camera are pointing at my car. I give them a Thumbs Up.
The one with the camera jumps on my hood. This promptly causes them to look at the front of the car and give him a "What the Fuck?" look. I'm still laughing away. He's gotten a few pictures by now, and walks off. My friends start asking me what the hell that was about, but I'm laughing way to much to answer.
I thought it was funny.
Wait, the guy just jumped up onto your car's hood? Good lord, I would have beaten that kid senseless.
So, strange moment for me and embarrassing moment for my friends.
I was giving some friends a ride home a few days ago. I stayed parked for a minute to let the car warm up. My friends in the car(all girls, I feel as though this is important) start goofing around. They're goofing off, and I'm just laughing. I'm not laughing because they're goofing around, though. I'm laughing because two other kids with a camera are pointing at my car. I give them a Thumbs Up.
The one with the camera jumps on my hood. This promptly causes them to look at the front of the car and give him a "What the Fuck?" look. I'm still laughing away. He's gotten a few pictures by now, and walks off. My friends start asking me what the hell that was about, but I'm laughing way to much to answer.
I thought it was funny.
Wait, the guy just jumped up onto your car's hood? Good lord, I would have beaten that kid senseless.
Not really jumped so much as leaned on.
Another friend of mine did jump onto it later that day, though. That was an odd day, all in all.
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
This is why you lock your computer (windows key + l) whenever you walk away from it.
So I work in an office area. My workspace is inside a fully walled room that has a little window looking out into the main hallway. My boss also works from this room, but she works from home a lot. Like today.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
This is why you lock your computer (windows key + l) whenever you walk away from it.
How about enlisting an electrical engineer to hook up a microwave transformer under your desk, feeding high current electrical charges to the home keys of your keyboard.
Then, constructing an RFID device that ties into the aforementioned device, allowing you to sit at the PC without issue, but when anyone else sits at the desk they receive a deadly does of electrical justice.
Locking is ctrl+alt+delete, then 'k' also. I find that's easier. I got it down to a reflex to hit that whenever I got up at work, because there was a tradition around the office of pranking people who left their computers unlocked and unattended.
Locking is ctrl+alt+delete, then 'k' also. I find that's easier. I got it down to a reflex to hit that whenever I got up at work, because there was a tradition around the office of pranking people who left their computers unlocked and unattended.
Yeah, we did that as well. A favourite was to take a screenshot of the desktop, set it as the background, and then lock the computer and put the login screen off-screen.
Willeth on
@vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming! @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Locking is ctrl+alt+delete, then 'k' also. I find that's easier. I got it down to a reflex to hit that whenever I got up at work, because there was a tradition around the office of pranking people who left their computers unlocked and unattended.
Yeah, we did that as well. A favourite was to take a screenshot of the desktop, set it as the background, and then lock the computer and put the login screen off-screen.
Haha, I did exactly that too.
I don't think anyone ever fell for it though (or at least wouldn't admit it).
Posts
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that's just it - the reference only exists in her head. The only part I could even fathom being slightly suggestive is the "friends take me back home and care for me" section, which would be retarded.
Actually, I could totally see her getting upset at that line.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
Gaffero you are now The Pirate of Shitwater.
STEAM
Our class had gone on a trip to France for a week. On this particular day we had chosen to visit a church near the coast. We were being given a tour by one of the priesthood when I realised I had the most massive itch around my balls.
So I moved to the back of the group and went to town. Now after a few minutes of scratching the group moved on and I followed, moving back to the front of the group. We moved around the church for another 20 minutes or so when I had the most shocking realisation.
The scratching had left my genitalia hanging out of my shorts. I had been walking around the house of the lord with my meat and two veg swinging in the breeze. I quickly "tucked" myself back in and scuttled out ahead of the rest of the leaving group. For some reason my friends didn't understand why I was so quiet on the way back to the hotel
Edit: Spoilerd for length
For reference, I've never had a girlfriend. I've never ever had a girl so much as ask me in person if I was dating anyone or anything resembling proposition. Now I get this out of the blue. I didn’t know who this girl was, but I had just gone to a PT test a couple days before with Rob. There was a girl with him from his office from another unit, and I kind of figured it must be her.
So I messaged her back saying “hey, no its not too blunt, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now, nothing against you, blah blah blah, by the way were you the girl with Rob at the PT test?”
I was not prepared for the response.
"I hate when people beat around the bush! no, I didn't go with Rob to the pt test... I completely understand. I have been with mostly women so, I am just testing things out I guess you could say... lol..."
Whoawhoawhoa, WHOA! This chick is bi. Or at least, she trying to figure it out. I look at her profile, she's pretty cute, and see that she has it set to interested in women, and I note she goes to college at a neighboring state, where a lot of guys in our unit are from. So I email Rob asking who is this chick. He tells me she’s some friend of Carl’s(another guy in my unit) that has been messaging him. She asked him if he knew any single guys and he gave her my name because I was the first guy he thought of that “wasn’t a douchebag.” Well, thanks for the compliment. But I didn’t mention, Rob is a Chaplain’s Assistant. I was being whored out by my Chaplain’s Assistant. I must really seem hopelessly alone.
Anyway, I work next door to Carl. When he comes in I ask him.
“Hey, do you know this Jamie <last name>?”
“…..who”
“Jamie <last name>.”
“……” confused look
“goes to <small local college>”
“Is she a lesbian?” not quite the answer I was expecting
“Um, yes”
“Yeah, I think I went to a couple classes with her”
So I laid out all the facts. There’s a lesbian, who’s tired of Slot B and wants to try out Tab A. She’s willing to go after the friend of a friend of a guy she had a couple classes with a year ago. On the one hand, I could find myself living a Nakatomi story. On the other, I could get the –itis. My verdict: Petri dish. Ten-foot pole and all that. This may end up being the worst decision of my life, or it could be the best decision.
And no, I’m not going to go after that to give you guys something else to laugh at.
How about if we asked really nicely?
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Alright man, reading it is not near as funny as it was when we found out last night. You gotta be very discriptive about the fact that a girl, whom you've never met. Asked if you wanted to more or less 'Hook Up'.
On top of that, not only have you never met this girl, but the friend who said you were single has never met the girl either - and ON TOP OF THAT, the Friend of the friend who DOES know the girl ---- ONLY knows her because he had a class with her a year ago. It makes the fact that it actually happened that much more amazing.
And way to leave me out... (I was the one encouraging him to go for it - even after he found out she's a lesbo :P .)
P.S. Obviously I'm deployed with Juggerbot....
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
You seem concerned she has some kind of disease because she's promiscuous, or something? Who knows if she even is? She just wants to try hetero-ing it up.
I'm pretty sure lesbians are less likely to have STDs due to the diminished exchange of fluids, if anything.
Just wear a rubber.
This was maybe a year and a half ago. My girlfriend of the time and I were living together in an apartment - we had lived there for a year and were moving out in a couple weeks. A friend of ours from college was staying and sleeping on the pullout couch in the living room. On a Saturday morning I hear a knock at the bedroom door. "Yeah?" My friend opens the door and he has this look of horror on his face. In a frantic voice, he says "dude, where's your plunger?!" Of course, we had lived in this apartment for a year and had never had a need for a plunger, so we didn't have one. Anyway, I get up and I had to have a look in the bathroom - Jesus Christ he had dumped one of the most hellacious dumps I had ever seen, and blamed the beer shits. So anyway I issued the girlfriend the warning of "don't go in the bathroom for the love of God" and friend and I head over to the hardware store to get a plunger to deal with the shitmergency.
Fuck what a bad TOTP.
Fixed.
Also, perhaps it's because I'm from a small town and I'm not used to this shit, but when a girl is attempting to get with a guy she knows absolutely nothing about, that leads me to believe she has no standards.
Then again, she's pretty cute.
And she's bi.
And she has no standards. :winky:
Smooth.
You just need to broach the subject the right way.
"Bitch, I think your junk might be rotten. Why don't you go on and get your shit tested, and maybe I'll reconsider throwing one in you."
Magic Online - Bertro
That's funny, I think, opening my passport. That photo doesn't look right. That's the one in my old passport.
Fuck.
I have to shove the missus on to the Eurostar, get a train back home, pick up the passport, get another train back to London then get another Eurostar over to Bruges and meet her there, all the time paying the £Rape prices that UK trains cost if you buy tickets on the day. Nine hours late, I arrive at midnight. I have not been trusted with travel arrangements since.
Choose Your Own Chat 1 Choose Your Own Chat 2 Choose Your Own Chat 3
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Only on the condition that he never runs a trip again.
Trying to convince anyone of that is fun, however.
EDIT: Bahahaha I'm a fucking idiot. Wheeeeeeeee! I'm gonna leave this post as a testament to stupidity.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Dara O'Brien had a good stand-up skit about this type of thing.
"I'm sorry, but this passport's expired."
"What? It's still me."
And so on, but funnier.
So today I get back from lunch and the light in my room is turned off. That's odd, I don't turn my light off until I leave for the day. Whatever, must have done it absentmindedly.
Now, you know in Word how when you're doing a lot of copy-pasting, the clipboard manager pops up? Right. So that thing just popped up for me. And down there in the history, I see "Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."
What. The. Fuck.
So wait, some random person looked that shit up on your computer and put it on a word document (I'm assuming to print it, I can't think of another reason to do that)? Why wouldn't you use a personal computer or the library?
Presumably it was his boss.
No, it was just on the clipboard history. The icon indicated that it was copied from my browser. As for why somebody would use my computer for this instead of their own, I'm still struggling with that one.
His boss was out. Since she can work from home, I'm assuming that she would use her personal computer to find information, especially since she was supposed to be at home.
The one with the camera jumps on my hood. This promptly causes them to look at the front of the car and give him a "What the Fuck?" look. I'm still laughing away. He's gotten a few pictures by now, and walks off. My friends start asking me what the hell that was about, but I'm laughing way to much to answer.
I thought it was funny.
I read it a bit oddly, somehow missed that he'd gotten back from lunch instead of stepping in that day.
...Maybe one of the cleaning staff?
Wait, the guy just jumped up onto your car's hood? Good lord, I would have beaten that kid senseless.
Another friend of mine did jump onto it later that day, though. That was an odd day, all in all.
Pretty much this.
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as in being silly or as in shenanigans
This is why you lock your computer (windows key + l) whenever you walk away from it.
How about enlisting an electrical engineer to hook up a microwave transformer under your desk, feeding high current electrical charges to the home keys of your keyboard.
Then, constructing an RFID device that ties into the aforementioned device, allowing you to sit at the PC without issue, but when anyone else sits at the desk they receive a deadly does of electrical justice.
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Or, you know, locking windows thing. . . .
Yeah, we did that as well. A favourite was to take a screenshot of the desktop, set it as the background, and then lock the computer and put the login screen off-screen.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Haha, I did exactly that too.
I don't think anyone ever fell for it though (or at least wouldn't admit it).