Did a few comics, need some critiques/advice

N8

So as a highschool project me and a buddy did a little comic project, and I did the art with my mouse and we had an some decent script and you know, the people in the class got a kick out of it plus the website's production quality is fairly high for anything anybody ever does for a highschool project, but we wanted to see if we could take this project outside that little self-contained universe and so I bought a tablet, and have started redoing the art for our first five installments! Thus Pirate Video is born!

Now that you have that brief history lesson under your belt, you are the perfect candidate to be one the first to see this new stuff and I really want to hear what people think of them. I put a lot of work into getting it right, but I mean I'm always striving to make it better! Let me know what you guys think!

DarkPrimus

I'm... I'm waiting for the punchline.

Should I break out a Snickers bar?

N8

Maybe I should hook you up with a Kit Kat so you can give me a break.

DarkPrimus

N8 wrote:

Maybe I should hook you up with a Kit Kat so you can give me a break.

Now why isn't this sort of witty repartee present in the comic?

The Celestial

I like how the characters don't change at all in any frame except the face and the arm on the white dude.

And the weird thing about the manager of Wire World is that his head is really tiny.

Oh, and I agree with DarkPrimus.

How do you people find the Artist's Corner? Is there a secret pamplet handed out whenever someone and his "buddy" make a webcomic that has a list of forums to hit up?

N8

DarkPrimus wrote:

N8 wrote:

Maybe I should hook you up with a Kit Kat so you can give me a break.

Now why isn't this sort of witty repartee present in the comic?

I don't write em. I'm the art monkey.

DarkPrimus

The white dude's arm is suddenly a foot shorter in the last panel. Is that the joke?

N8

DarkPrimus wrote:

The white dude's arm is suddenly a foot shorter in the last panel. Is that the joke?

Foreshortening I'm gonna say, but the jury is still out

It's cool though guys, I'm not offended or anything, I didn't expect your love juices to be spilling all over these things, just productive stuff is what I'm here to read. I'll take that into consideration, it's only two comics in and I'm not giving up on it so... might as well not try and crush my soul.

DarkPrimus

N8 wrote:

DarkPrimus wrote:

N8 wrote:

Maybe I should hook you up with a Kit Kat so you can give me a break.

Now why isn't this sort of witty repartee present in the comic?

I don't write em. I'm the art monkey.

Your sig says you're the captain. Are you a bunch of monkey pirates?

N8

If I said yes, would you be my friend?

DarkPrimus

N8 wrote:

If I said yes, would you be my friend?

Maybe if you made the writer monkey walk the plank.

N8

We run more of a metaphorical ship here. What if I just hit him with a plank, would that suffice for now? I say give the writer monkey a few more comics to find his stride, you know what they say about monkeys at a typewriter. [/opening for witty retort]

Grifter

I really love it when people come here and start pimping out their webcomics without participating in the community and with no general interest in it to begin with.

The Celestial

Well, it's not a one-hit-post for once. He's actually responding.

I give him another page before the verbal assaults happen.

N8

I'm here for the long haul, baby.

And hell, nobody's said the art is bad yet, and the script is reborn anew every comic so the way I see it my checklist is short...

[x] Make Comic Funnier (Shiiiiieeeet)
[x] Hit Writer Monkey in Face with Plank
[x] Redraw the Characters Every Frame (52 weeks in a year, 4 frames per comic, roughly 2 characters per frame, so atleast 416 redundant body recreations give or take... would put hair on my chest, no doubt)

Grifter

Well, the art isn't bad. It's just pretty generic for a webcomic.

N8

Yea, I just picked up the tablet so it takes some getting used to and I'm reaaaaallly not a cartoon artist, like I'll post up my Blizzard Art Contest Entry maybe as well, so this is new territory for me, I'm still searching for my style but yea, generic. I need a schtick.

ALSO, I fixed the guy's head size. In all my excitement to put up my comic, I never really looked at that very critically... it was freakin small.

Jandaru

N8 wrote:

[x] Redraw the Characters Every Frame (52 weeks in a year, 4 frames per comic, roughly 2 characters per frame, so atleast 416 redundant body recreations give or take... would put hair on my chest, no doubt)

There's nothing redundant about practice.

Besides, there's no reason to keep each panel laid out the same as the last. Mix things up a bit, get some variety going on in there.

N8

Yea I was just being facescious, I know I'm a lazy bum. That's actually my own biggest gripe, I'll try my best to mix it up as much as possible on the next few.

(turning off my sig because it's getting obnoxious)

Lewis Rice

Not so much I comment on the comic...But I'll add one in anyway, I like it, it can go places. But also, the homepage of your site, it's basically identical to Penny Arcade's homepage.

flyingmonkey

N8 wrote:

DarkPrimus wrote:

N8 wrote:

Maybe I should hook you up with a Kit Kat so you can give me a break.

Now why isn't this sort of witty repartee present in the comic?

I don't write em. I'm the art monkey.

Yes but this sort of witty repartee (that word is awesome btw) should be in the comic. Fire the writer, strike out on your own!

But seriously, the art isn't bad, just bland. And if you add in bland writing to that then it's a dum dum dum..bland comic. Spice it up a bit. If there's going to be a lot of this "just 2 guys talking" stuff then at least look at them whilst they talk from different angles.

The Celestial

actually I'm pretty I'm sure I said the art awas bad when I said each frame was a acopy-paste except for the faces/arms.

Kewop Decam

The Celestial wrote:

actually I'm pretty I'm sure I said the art awas bad when I said each frame was a acopy-paste except for the faces/arms.

PA does that a lot and no one minds... or do they?

N8

Re-using the bodies across frames when the characters are in the same position =/= bad. Almost every big comic I read does it anyway, and a ton of the smaller ones that I pass through sporatically. PA, CAD, PvP, VGCats doit, and last I checked..... they're doing alright. I'll just tone it down.

The actual look/quality of the art is another matter. C'mon if you're gonna rip my comic up, work with what you've got! I've been here a LOT (to these forums that is) and seen what you guys do to people who bring their comics here (SHOCK!? then why did I do it?) and I'm in all honesty looking for some crits, even harsh ones, but shieeet, hit me with something you didn't pull out of your ass.

So with that, noted and moving along.

Grim Outlook

you said this started as a high school project?

what grade did it get?

Pious

Kewop Decam wrote:

The Celestial wrote:

actually I'm pretty I'm sure I said the art awas bad when I said each frame was a acopy-paste except for the faces/arms.

PA does that a lot and no one minds... or do they?

I can understand if there isn't alot of movement going to happen in 3 panels, but to do it in two pages is just absolutly lazy. Even though in 3 panels PA does change the expretion on the faces and hand expretion quite a bit. If two people are talking to each other standing and not moving anywere, the only real thing that moves is their facial and body language. So to combat this you usually change camera angles and positions.

My two cents.

tynic

N8 wrote:

The actual look/quality of the art is another matter. C'mon if you're gonna rip my comic up, work with what you've got! I've been here a LOT (to these forums that is) and seen what you guys do to people who bring their comics here (SHOCK!? then why did I do it?) and I'm in all honesty looking for some crits, even harsh ones, but shieeet, hit me with something you didn't pull out of your ass.

So with that, noted and moving along.

Guy's thumb in panel one is total arse.

Is that what you're looking for? Nitpicking critiques that gloss over the gaping flaws in your wobbly-lined generica so that when you 'fix' them you get a false sense of 'improvement' even though you haven't really changed up anything? Go for it. But you're working in a saturated market, it's probably best to try and bring something new to the table. Apparently wit and originality are beyond the grasp of whatever baboons put this thing together, so maybe you should think about making the art a little special. And that means putting some goddamn effort in.

paulwind

N8 wrote:

Re-using the bodies across frames when the characters are in the same position =/= bad. Almost every big comic I read does it anyway, and a ton of the smaller ones that I pass through sporatically. PA, CAD, PvP, VGCats doit, and last I checked..... they're doing alright. I'll just tone it down.

The actual look/quality of the art is another matter. C'mon if you're gonna rip my comic up, work with what you've got! I've been here a LOT (to these forums that is) and seen what you guys do to people who bring their comics here (SHOCK!? then why did I do it?) and I'm in all honesty looking for some crits, even harsh ones, but shieeet, hit me with something you didn't pull out of your ass.

So with that, noted and moving along.

Done and done.

First: Don't bring PvP into your argument--Kurtz is a hack.
Second: Yeah it's tempting to reuse frames and drawings in your comics, and some professional cartoonists DO that sometimes, but last I checked, you're NOT a professional cartoonist--plus, your art is so unappealing it's almost like punishment to show it to us twice. It's not a bad thing to redraw your characters. Not only is it good practice, but it will build a relationship between your incredibly boring characters and yourself, as well as FORCE you as an artist to be able to draw the characters the same way.
Third: The actual look/quality of the art. I honestly don't think you're looking for real crits. We've already told you what's wrong, and if you were REALLY concerned with fixing your art, you wouldn't still be arguing for it. So float away, back to your mom's dining room table, let the computer mouse get cold, and draw with your HANDS.

As for something I didn't pull out of my ass? Your comic sucks huge undulating balls. (Inside Jokes+No Punchlines)xBad Art=Failure. I realize you're working on it for your highschool paper or whatever the hell ever, but when you post the EXACT SAME comic on the interweb and hope to get results like Gabe and Tycho, you're in for a surprise. The jokes and events at your high school don't translate nearly as well as you think they do to everyone else in the world. And your art sucks. It makes baby Jesus cry. It always makes me sad when people who have the means and tools to make great art don't bother, fuck it up, or ignore people who are willing to help.

N8

paulwind wrote:

Done and done.

First: Don't bring PvP into your argument--Kurtz is a hack.
Second: Yeah it's tempting to reuse frames and drawings in your comics, and some professional cartoonists DO that sometimes, but last I checked, you're NOT a professional cartoonist--plus, your art is so unappealing it's almost like punishment to show it to us twice. It's not a bad thing to redraw your characters. Not only is it good practice, but it will build a relationship between your incredibly boring characters and yourself, as well as FORCE you as an artist to be able to draw the characters the same way.
Third: The actual look/quality of the art. I honestly don't think you're looking for real crits. We've already told you what's wrong, and if you were REALLY concerned with fixing your art, you wouldn't still be arguing for it. So float away, back to your mom's dining room table, let the computer mouse get cold, and draw with your HANDS.

As for something I didn't pull out of my ass? Your comic sucks huge undulating balls. (Inside Jokes+No Punchlines)xBad Art=Failure. I realize you're working on it for your highschool paper or whatever the hell ever, but when you post the EXACT SAME comic on the interweb and hope to get results like Gabe and Tycho, you're in for a surprise. The jokes and events at your high school don't translate nearly as well as you think they do to everyone else in the world. And your art sucks. It makes baby Jesus cry. It always makes me sad when people who have the means and tools to make great art don't bother, fuck it up, or ignore people who are willing to help.

Now THAT is what I'm talking about.

I've given it some thought and here is what is happening; I'll be writing (after I put out the first few comics that set up the whole story/setting), and I'll try and pump some character and style into the art that feels more me. I'm DEFINETLY concerned with fixing the art, just saying I agree it's generic as opposed to technically 'bad', both are undesirable reviews. I'll change your mind, or try.

As for what grade it got, 100% (The written component carried most of that weight fyi). Basically my highschool teacher creamed over production value (not saying this is anything special as a webcomic, but as a highschool project). The outline was basically to research an industry and then develop a service/product that fits in that industry that interests us taking into account the common traits across the industry leaders... so it was almost part of the project to approximate the elements of PA and CAD and the reason I'm here now is to have people help me make something better than cheap imitations.

MagicToaster

Can you draw that tanned character in other poses?

It seems that every time you draw him he's looking in the same direction, with the same expression drawn at the same angle.

Seriously, look at your comic, your avatar and sig! It's the same pose!

N8

The next comic which I'm drawing right now has him in a couple different poses. I just had to make avatars, two comics, promo stuff, all this other junk with the characters on it over the course of 3ish days between work and other things, so I've done some recycling. Despite how basic they look, I can't draw these very fast yet I'm working on it though!

Kewop Decam

MagicToaster wrote:

Can you draw that tanned character in other poses?

It seems that every time you draw him he's looking in the same direction, with the same expression drawn at the same angle.

Seriously, look at your comic, your avatar and sig! It's the same pose!

This will really show if he understands the anatomy of his own character. I'm hoping you did plenty of sketches in different positions before starting on the next comic because this could be frustrating if you haven't.

N8

Here's a sample of what's in store for the third strip, and what will be the standard moving forward. I decided to just showcase the plain art version without the storyline because the comic isn't supposed to be posted for a day or two, this is just to see if the new direction is good, a little more unique? More dynamic?

Tell me what you guys think!

Sir Peechizworth

It makes me sad that the buttons on the bottom of your page don't actually do anything. It also makes me sad that the comic isn't on the first page.

Lly

Sir Peechizworth wrote:

It makes me sad that the buttons on the bottom of your page don't actually do anything. It also makes me angry that the comic isn't on the first page.

Noone wants to read your 'blog'. The only site where I don't mind seeing their news/blog on the front page is PA because they are well written and generally amusing. Don't make me click more times than once to see your comic, because I won't.

Well, to be honest I won't anyway because it's blandness incarnate, but you get the message.

edit: The art is ok, but it would only make for a worthwhile comic if the writing was great. Which it isn't.

N8

The buttons were intended to be the nav originally but time constraints made that impossible, the current site is a placeholder, and the writing is 'under new management' so give it more chances than the first two that were written for a highschool project I'll change your mind I hope

And yea moving the comic to the front page PROBABLY, but maybe not because the site is going to be receiving some new features and we'll have to see how that pans out.

NightDragon

Don't do that skew thing with that kind of text. Frankly, I don't like ever seeing that done, because it's ALWAYS way too obvious that it was done by a computer, rather than by hand, as the rest of the comic tends to be.

Also, you've skewed it way too much...which also just brings out the "ZOMG COMPUTER" aspect more.

Lly

NightDragon wrote:

Don't do that skew thing with that kind of text. Frankly, I don't like ever seeing that done, because it's ALWAYS way too obvious that it was done by a computer, rather than by hand, as the rest of the comic tends to be.

Also, you've skewed it way too much...which also just brings out the "ZOMG COMPUTER" aspect more.

Yeah the perspective on that text is far too exaggerated.

N8

Fixed

flipsidezw

Panel 1-
White guy: How'd it go in there?
Black guy: I, I don't really know.

Panel2-
Man off panel: So, if given a chance to steal, would you:
a) steal
b) not steal
c) have an affair with my wife
Black guy: Umm, not steal?

Panel 3-
Man off panel: If a customer is confrontational do you:
a) remain calm
b) be just as confrontational
c) consider having an adult relationship with your manager.
Black guy: Aahhh....

N8

Hired.