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Vital Life Lessons (and how you learned them)
Flay
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
*hopes this thread will not massively backfire*
So, I'm interested in some of the life-changing experiences that people have had, but first lets establish some grounds on which to start.
It does not have to have been a particularly profound experience, but it must be significant enough to change the way you live your life (this might sound like a contradiction, but I'm sure it will apply to someone). The life lessons you've learnt and the way in which it changed your life may also be all-encompassing or very specific; it will depend on what is being learnt and how. The focus should generally be on experiences that have improved you, but there's no reason not to post if you have something to say that does not fall under this. Make sure you include an explanation of cause and effect (saying 'I learnt to revere the all-knowing all-seeing Flying Spaghetti Monster' without and description as to why will not cut it). If someone has posted a certain life lesson before and you want to post something similar, go ahead; no two people will have the same perspective on a situation. Now let us begin.
These are the first two things that come to mind. It was hard to choose one particular 'lesson' to categorise these, since there are several things that they could be classified as.
Don't believe everything you read/hear OR be critical of everything:
This probably seems like one of the less significant lessons to have learned from this particular situation, but it's the one I'm going to go with.
When I was younger (14 and below, basically) I was a very inactive kid. I never liked team sports and preferred to stay indoors. I was chubby during this time, but not quite fat. However, around the end of this time I became more conscious of my health and physical fitness (puberty had slimmed me down considerably by this point, but I was still thinking about heart, muscles etc...) and decided to change this. I still didn't particularly like team sports, so I chose a simple exercise regime. This started off with me going for a lap around the block every week or two, and as many pushups/situps as I could be bothered doing. At this point I decide to look up some resources on the internet (including our very own fitness thread). This, as it turned out, was a big mistake.
This wasn't bad at first; I was doing a fairly healthy amount of exercise and eating less junk. But as I read more, I found out more about how much exercise I (thought I) was supposed to be doing and, being partly OCD, these became ingrained as 'rules' in my head. The problem is, my mind was selecting the rules it thought were the 'correct' ones and ignoring everything else. I would see advice on how to train as a runner, and combine this with dieting strategies. For some reason it never occurred to me that expending more energy means eating more. You can see where this is going...
At the end of 2007 I was admitted to hospital with an eating disorder (thankfully not bulimia). My weight (if I remember correctly) was 53kg, I was 184.5cm tall. This isn't quite as bad as some of the other adolescents admitted to the hospital for the same reason. The bad thing was my heart: it had gone down to 30 bmp, which I was told by the doctor was basically heart attack level. And yet I never admitted (to myself or anyone else) that anything was wrong - in fact physically I felt fine.
Anyway, long story short, I eventually recovered (mostly, not all the way there yet) both physically and mentally. The point of this story isn't to say that the internet (or any other source) is wrong, or that exercise/healthy eating is bad. But now I understand that not everything is right and that this information may be situation specific, and I've learned to consider everything with a critical eye.
Be yourself:
Sorry about this one. I know it's basically the most generic life lesson there is (along with 'believe in yourself') but I'm sure it'll be repeated a couple of times in this thread. I'll try to make it quick.
Again regressing to childhood: During primary school I was always a bit of a misfit, and typically didn't have a wide circle of friends. People kept telling me that I'd finally make friends in high-school, though, and I assumed this would be due to some magical transformation that came bundled with puberty. Not quite, but the 'friends in high-school' bit did work out pretty well.
It was very lucky that I ended up going to a selective high-school, because this allowed me to meet people who were, in a way, similar to myself. I had always assumed that my lack of many friends was due to myself - and this was in some way true, because I had learned to be very reclusive and automatically assume that someone unknown was hostile. But it was also due in part to the people around me. Having friends was cool, but it also allowed me to develop confidence. I stopped being reclusive, learnt to talk to people and stopped mumbling and stuttering, learnt to make eye contact (at least sometimes) and stopped walking everywhere with my eyes glued to the ground.
But essentially, I haven't changed that much. I'm still kind of weird. But now I know this isn't a bad thing so long as you have the right attitude.
*exhales* I'm done. Now that's out of my system, lets hear your stories.
So, I'm interested in some of the life-changing experiences that people have had, but first lets establish some grounds on which to start.
It does not have to have been a particularly profound experience, but it must be significant enough to change the way you live your life (this might sound like a contradiction, but I'm sure it will apply to someone). The life lessons you've learnt and the way in which it changed your life may also be all-encompassing or very specific; it will depend on what is being learnt and how. The focus should generally be on experiences that have improved you, but there's no reason not to post if you have something to say that does not fall under this. Make sure you include an explanation of cause and effect (saying 'I learnt to revere the all-knowing all-seeing Flying Spaghetti Monster' without and description as to why will not cut it). If someone has posted a certain life lesson before and you want to post something similar, go ahead; no two people will have the same perspective on a situation. Now let us begin.
These are the first two things that come to mind. It was hard to choose one particular 'lesson' to categorise these, since there are several things that they could be classified as.
Don't believe everything you read/hear OR be critical of everything:
This probably seems like one of the less significant lessons to have learned from this particular situation, but it's the one I'm going to go with.
When I was younger (14 and below, basically) I was a very inactive kid. I never liked team sports and preferred to stay indoors. I was chubby during this time, but not quite fat. However, around the end of this time I became more conscious of my health and physical fitness (puberty had slimmed me down considerably by this point, but I was still thinking about heart, muscles etc...) and decided to change this. I still didn't particularly like team sports, so I chose a simple exercise regime. This started off with me going for a lap around the block every week or two, and as many pushups/situps as I could be bothered doing. At this point I decide to look up some resources on the internet (including our very own fitness thread). This, as it turned out, was a big mistake.
This wasn't bad at first; I was doing a fairly healthy amount of exercise and eating less junk. But as I read more, I found out more about how much exercise I (thought I) was supposed to be doing and, being partly OCD, these became ingrained as 'rules' in my head. The problem is, my mind was selecting the rules it thought were the 'correct' ones and ignoring everything else. I would see advice on how to train as a runner, and combine this with dieting strategies. For some reason it never occurred to me that expending more energy means eating more. You can see where this is going...
At the end of 2007 I was admitted to hospital with an eating disorder (thankfully not bulimia). My weight (if I remember correctly) was 53kg, I was 184.5cm tall. This isn't quite as bad as some of the other adolescents admitted to the hospital for the same reason. The bad thing was my heart: it had gone down to 30 bmp, which I was told by the doctor was basically heart attack level. And yet I never admitted (to myself or anyone else) that anything was wrong - in fact physically I felt fine.
Anyway, long story short, I eventually recovered (mostly, not all the way there yet) both physically and mentally. The point of this story isn't to say that the internet (or any other source) is wrong, or that exercise/healthy eating is bad. But now I understand that not everything is right and that this information may be situation specific, and I've learned to consider everything with a critical eye.
Be yourself:
Sorry about this one. I know it's basically the most generic life lesson there is (along with 'believe in yourself') but I'm sure it'll be repeated a couple of times in this thread. I'll try to make it quick.
Again regressing to childhood: During primary school I was always a bit of a misfit, and typically didn't have a wide circle of friends. People kept telling me that I'd finally make friends in high-school, though, and I assumed this would be due to some magical transformation that came bundled with puberty. Not quite, but the 'friends in high-school' bit did work out pretty well.
It was very lucky that I ended up going to a selective high-school, because this allowed me to meet people who were, in a way, similar to myself. I had always assumed that my lack of many friends was due to myself - and this was in some way true, because I had learned to be very reclusive and automatically assume that someone unknown was hostile. But it was also due in part to the people around me. Having friends was cool, but it also allowed me to develop confidence. I stopped being reclusive, learnt to talk to people and stopped mumbling and stuttering, learnt to make eye contact (at least sometimes) and stopped walking everywhere with my eyes glued to the ground.
But essentially, I haven't changed that much. I'm still kind of weird. But now I know this isn't a bad thing so long as you have the right attitude.
*exhales* I'm done. Now that's out of my system, lets hear your stories.
Flay on
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I don't think I really need to go into detail on that one.
My friend needs to learn this.
He never does.
eh. The crazy chicks keep it fun. You know, for a while. Then you gotta date not crazy chicks.
but they're listening to every word I say
And you've got to date at least one crazy chick in your lifetime, if only so you learn firsthand that sometimes pussy just ain't worth all the trouble and that there are plenty of perfectly normal women out there who won't threaten to castrate you and hang you from a lamppost by your entrails if you ever break up with them.
Every heterosexual male should also date an older chick/cougar at least once. Seriously, they'll rock your world. You don't know what you're missing.
I suppose everyone learns this eventually. I can still remember believing that if someone hurt you it was because they were a bad person, and that if someone left you it was because they didn't love you. Life's not that simple, though. Life can shit all over you and it won't necessarily be anyone's fault.
I don't lime things.
I ain't that sort of man.
But I do firmly agree with this statement.
Because dating a nutter is viewed as an entertaining diversion rather than a probably-life-threatening mistake which can fuck one over for years afterwards.
Or maybe you three are just...very young. Sorry, did I kill the buzz?
hmmm.
Religion Is Nutty: oh god, my entire life up until about age 19.
'Pretty' Ain't Worth Shit: First BF.
probably the most valuable one: You Can Get Damn Near Anywhere If You Stand Tall, Walk Fast and Glare Fiercely At Nothing In Particular. Bonus points for the Holding a Folder trick in office environments :P
burning out at uni was surprisingly useful. One learns not to sweat the small stuff.
Maybe you are just... very old. Opps, did I kill the buzz?
But yeah, dating a nutter chick doesn't usually end up with you dead. Crazy dudes be serious crazy. Wooooo society!
but they're listening to every word I say
Yeah, I was not really harmonizing with that conversation either. Partially because of the "oh, women"aspect that seemed to be lurking.
The crazy ones are good fucks but no use spending your life with, m i rite?
In terms of life lessons, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to give them out.
To expand on this: Confidence is everything. I don't remember when I learned that but I was always quiet and afraid of ridicule up until around freshman or sophomore year of high school. Then I realized, so what if a bunch of people ridicule you? If a bunch of other people enjoy your company it doesn't matter.
My dad regularly reminded me and my big sister that we should not piss into the wind, because then the urine would hit us.
There is no-one in this world, not a single person you know or love, that is completely incapable of ever betraying you.
No matter how much you may love or trust them, and no matter how much they might love or trust you, for every person there is the capacity and potential circumstances for them to turn against you.
It's different for everyone, and varies in their relationships from person to person. For some people, your closest and most trusted friends and loved ones, those circumstances and conditions might be so absurd and narrowly defined that they will (most likely) never come up and aren't worth thinking too much about.
But they exist, so a rational person always keeps this capacity in mind when dealing with anyone they trust or hold in confidence.
And ff you're betrayed by someone, truly hurt by them violating your trust and faith in them, your initial response should not be to deny that it is possible, but to understand what has happened to cause it to be this way.
It doesn't have to be paranoid, or cynical. Just realistic. Trying to pretend love or friendship or trust is unconditional and cannot ever be violated is naive and will end up setting you up to be hurt in a deep and very damaging fashion should that possible betrayal happen.
Well, that sounds creepy. Of course you might eventually be 'betrayed,' especially if you construe the term broadly, but still. That doesn't need bear on your relationships.
I knew that already I guess, but I didn't really get it until a couple of years back. I was sitting reading an essay, I can't remember which, something like 'On the American Fear of Dying' or something and it just hit me. People try to dress it up like something it isn't. We try to forget about it, trivialize or glorify or ignore it or say that it isn't the end, but it is.
And it made me deliriously happy to finally realize that truth, to... grok it in a way I never had. I'm not sure why it wasn't morbidly depressing, but it wasn't, it was liberating, wonderful, beautiful. I'm not sure if I was capable of appreciating life that much before. Or since, maybe.
Wait, was this supposed to be some kind of burn? Hilarity.
'Grok' Is Not A Word One Should Admit to Knowing.
I'm not talking about online dating like OkCupid and Craiglist and what not. I'm talking about relationships which much of their interaction happens through online, specially without rarely meeting in person.
I know we have a couple of people here in PA who are the exception to the rule and were able to make a real relationship out them, but for 99% of the time this is not the case.
When you start one, you think it's great, because you're connecting so well with a person. Probably cause you're just typing to a screen, you feel like you can be more open, and when the other person is being just as open you feel so close to them. Eventually though the whole distance/lack of touch and contact starts creeping up.
Worse yet, I found that many times one of the person's in the relationship is just looking for a bf/gf substitute. It will eventually happen that they will meet someone in real life that they can start a real relationship and they pull away from the previous online relationship, leaving the other person devastated. Yes, I speak from experience and yes, I was the one devastated. And on that note...
Friendships and relationships aren't 50/50.
This one killed me for a while. I am the type of person that really puts himself into any sort of friendship or relationship. I always care, always make sure to keep up with what's happening in people's live, try to offer advice, just really show I care. And all that care is not always returned as much.
For the longest time that annoyed me and hurt me. I expected everyone to put as much effort as I did, and it started messing with my head, and making me bitter towards some relationships. Finally it dawned on me that people did care, they just showed it their way. And I shouldn't expect them to do something out of their comfort feel, and I shouldn't change myself either.
Eventually you're all alone in the world.
Confidence is a very useful character trait.
Don't be afraid to do things outside of your comfort zone, usually doing this results in great things happening.
Don't take shit off people just because you think it will make things easier, it'll blow up in your face in the long run.
The whole Love and leave thing people have already said.
Being Happy Isn't Everything?
Still, if a doctor thinks you need surgery, it'd probably be best to heed his opinion.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Depends - does he think you need surgery because of A Life Threatening Condition or because He Thinks You Have Ugly Hair?
Ugly hair is a quality of life threatening condition.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
I learned this when I went on demonstrations against the miner's strike, the poll tax, and student loans.
The demos I was at were peaceful and massive. They became small and violent in the news. That was a big shock to me at the time.
God yes. Linked to this, all journalists are scum sucking parasites outside of a very small number of exceptions. Their entire career is founded on creating as much drama as they can and reducing ridiculously complicated events to be consumable by the lowest common denominator. The only reason I say exceptions is those who fall into bringing attention to events which do need uncovering. Risking life and lim for such. Truly the epitome of a necessary evil.
This, all of this.
It's amazing how far the first point has gotten me. Acting like you're supposed to be there will get you everywhere.
And the last part I think is one of the msot important things that you're really supposed to get out of college. The 'book learnin' is secondary to stuff like that.
This man speaks the truth.
Which is ironic, because you just admited to knowing it.
Grok is a word everyone should grok though.
but they're listening to every word I say
and the corollary; Pretending to be confident and being confident are the same thing.
Also; there's no such thing as motivation, just doing something or not doing it
Especially on the internet.
Two things.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
It's all small stuff.
As I get older I realized that the things which have been the hardest/most trouble I never saw coming. Worrying didn't help a thing.
Also from Being an EMT, the very first question I ask myself when something bad is happening, is
Is anyone dying? That always helps bring the paper due for class, or a meeting that i'm late for back to perspective.
The mother of a family friend was stabbed a few years back, and the newspapers published a tonne of "quotes" when he had never had contact with any reporters from that paper and when he hadn't uttered a single word of what they had said. I now think of the media as a soap opera of horrors.
I think she's a bit excessive, but lately I've been trying to have more conversations with people who I may not meet again about things that I might not even be incredibly interested in, and it's been fun. You never know what may come of it, and it's really rarely a bad experience.
I may have just argued that small talk can be nice which is not exactly a big lesson, but you have to understand that until I was 10 I did not smile when other people were around, and until I was 15 I spent most of my time in school reading novels.
Do or do not, there is no try?
Hmm, as for me...
Misery, depression, and sadness are natural (at least in limited quantities) and, more importantly, temporary. Just as all good things must come to an end, all tragedies eventually fade. Being unhappy now does not mean one will be unhappy forever, it just feels a bit like it.
No matter how nice, polite, friendly, intelligent, or awesome you are, there will always be a significant bloc of people who hate you with or without a good reason.
My mom never actually threatened my dad's life, but she did do a pretty thorough job of fucking him over for years afterwards. She's almost done at this point, I think, 7 years after the divorce was finalized and finished in the courts. He's going to find that his current wife is going to do the same. Inflicting death and physical injury aren't the only ways to harm someone. Furthering the assumption that men don't have anything to fear from psychologically/emotionally unstable partners because women are too weak to beat us to death isn't quite the burn you might have hoped.