New guy's arts! (NSF56k)

Gachamecha Athlete

[Check my two latest posts for newest art.. please?]

Long-time lurker here. I love how you guys critique pieces that people show, so I thought I'd share some of mine. So you know... I could have them ripped to shreds.

And so I share with you my (get ready) high school newsletter comics!

So here's the premise: My catholic school's mascot is the raven. My art teacher suggested he be a hero that runs around saving students. So I took the idea and made a comic of it in the school paper.

Below is the first issue of Teen Raven, introducing the hero and assuming the use of the word twizzlers is funny... Enjoy!



Page 1




Page 2




Yes, two entire pages of this thing was printed on hundreds of papers. May God help us all.

Now- TEAR IT APART!!

DarkPrimus

I don't get it.

(ohms)Crunchy

I didn't find it that funny for some reason. I think it needs "stupid" writing to go along with the randomness of it.

Munacra

is that Abe Lincoln munching on fritos on the penultimate panel of page 2?

Chop Logic

Gachamecha Athlete wrote:

My catholic school's mascot is the raven.

The veding machine should of been possesed by satan, and ravenman should have performed an exorcism on it.

Try and work that in the next comic.

Sheri

Munacra wrote:

is that Abe Lincoln munching on fritos on the penultimate panel of page 2?

Penultimate?

Get back to WB.

Grifter

BOOOOOOOOORRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG

This is cornier than those old toothpaste comic ads they used to have in comic books. Will Teen Raven save us from gingivitis next?

Gachamecha Athlete

Yes, that is indeed Abe Lincoln.

grifter81, could you elaborate? Is it the writing? Art?

Keep the crits coming!

(ohms)Crunchy

This comic needs to be pimped out like the PA:AC Tournament battles, where it's totally random and awesome.

EDIT: There's way too much stuff going on in the comic at once. Too much detail. And the writing is boring.

paulwind

Bad Idea+Inside Jokes+American Drawing BAD Manga+Catholocism=Piss Poor Comic.

DarkPrimus

It's for a Catholic school newspaper? That explains why the humor is non-existant.

I'll give you this: it's drawn better than any cartoons that showed up in my high school's newspaper.

Munacra

Sheri wrote:

Munacra wrote:

is that Abe Lincoln munching on fritos on the penultimate panel of page 2?

Penultimate?

Get back to WB.

talking about that, the WB has gotten a heavy influx of shitty stories, which parallels with what's been going on here.

what's the dealie, yo?

Sheri

Munacra wrote:

Sheri wrote:

Munacra wrote:

is that Abe Lincoln munching on fritos on the penultimate panel of page 2?

Penultimate?

Get back to WB.

talking about that, the WB has gotten a heavy influx of shitty stories, which parallels with what's been going on here.

what's the dealie, yo?

I left the stupid faucet on. Sorry, dudes.

DarkPrimus

Munacra wrote:

Sheri wrote:

Munacra wrote:

is that Abe Lincoln munching on fritos on the penultimate panel of page 2?

Penultimate?

Get back to WB.

talking about that, the WB has gotten a heavy influx of shitty stories, which parallels with what's been going on here.

what's the dealie, yo?

It's spelled "dealio".

Munacra

yeah, but I use words like penultimate. that means I can use dealie, yo.

Grifter

Gachamecha Athlete wrote:

grifter81, could you elaborate? Is it the writing? Art?

The art is alright. We've seen much worse around here. The main problem is that it's incredibly unimaginative. There's nothing to it. The writing is just very bland and uninspired. It's not funny. It's not interesting. It's not fun. It's very vanilla and dull.

DarkPrimus

Munacra wrote:

yeah, but I use words like penultimate. that means I can use dealie, yo.

Does using "dealie, yo" prevent you from capitalizing the beginning of your sentences properly?

Munacra

DarkPrimus wrote:

Munacra wrote:

yeah, but I use words like penultimate. that means I can use dealie, yo.

Does using "dealie, yo" prevent you from capitalizing the beginning of your sentences properly?

haha. touche.

Super Namicchi

Munacra wrote:

DarkPrimus wrote:

Munacra wrote:

yeah, but I use words like penultimate. that means I can use dealie, yo.

Does using "dealie, yo" prevent you from capitalizing the beginning of your sentences properly?

haha. touche.

Munacra's statements aren't meant for critics.

Frankly I don't see what's the dealie, yo.

Pious

You totally have to make him save students from a boy molesting priest!

Your art isn't to bad. Your just not that funny.

Gachamecha Athlete

Yeah, the molesting priest and demon possession combo would be awesome... but I'm sure that would get me expelled/damnated in an instant.

So the general consensus on the art is a "meh"

while the writing/humor a collective "no"


So the main problem is the writing... I guess I'll look into real comics that are actually funny and study the execution of their dialogue. Along with that, I'll be sure to add more life to the art come next issue. In the meanwhile, anyone have any tips/links on writing and humor in general?

Rye

Write dialog that someone you don't know would find funny. True, the comic is meant for that audience, but you'll never branch out if everything is always "inside" humor.

The art is too grey. If you squint, all you see are the boxes and sound effects. try using black in the forground or background to add dimension to a panel.

art monkey

In context of what it is, it actually isn't too bad.
Inside jokes in a school where all the students will appreciate the novelty involed will probably see you a slight view of success.
Branching it past that niche however, not so good chances. As everyone here has pointed out.

The point being, for what you want it to do, it's doing just fine (tho, could also be alot better). For any appreciation past your school, best not to post in here. You have to bring more to the table than an insiders novelty to appease these AC critics.

I will stand with Grifter on this one though. The idea driving this is corny and parodic. It bores people because it just doesn't demand any form of attention or respect. The newspaper will limit your output, with censorship and the likes, but people here are used to being challenged. Be daring if you want to make an impression in here. They'll respect you all the more for it.

Gachamecha Athlete

Hm.. I didn't really think the jokes were that "inside", besides the school mascot and some of the students making appearances.

Obviously the comic isn't meant for the general public, but just as a demonstration as what my comics are like. I was looking for a critique in terms of execution and artwork. But what I've gotten from you guys beyond helpful. At my highschool, I don't really get any critiques beyond "It's good.." or "there's a comic?"

But now I'm excited- to show you guys more stuff that is. And when I get my tablet this christmas... 8)

I'll show more art soon.

Gachamecha Athlete

Here is some rushed inked-and-colored work, with some colors bleeding into each other, going over the lines... Inked by hand, colored in photoshop....

I wish I had a tablet


Lincoln!!


The same Lincoln, just with fixed lighting, and a shorter height for some reason...


Einstein


Go action Einstein! Go!


Its Amelia Earhart! Who knows why!


Amelia again! Slightly piffed!


Here are some quick sketches.


It's Vacuum man!


Narutos yo.

Crits are of asking.

scarlet st.

Shouldn't the school mascot be God

Gachamecha Athlete

scarlet st. wrote:

Shouldn't the school mascot be God

It should, shouldn't it...














(bump)





Oh- and heres more art.




Promotional poster-type thing. Critique!

TwoRightFeet

Is...is the cheese-headed man holding "Gleep" from Herculoids?

TimTheSloth

none of your guys have chins, there should be some distance between their necks and the front of their faces.