Great and Humorous Epitaphs

Black IceBlack Ice Charlotte, NCRegistered User regular
edited July 2009 in Social Entropy++
I used to know a few classy (er, classless) epitaphs - but alas, I forgot them many years ago, and Google is failing to supply me with entertaining epitaphs. I'm already planning on playing AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" and Young Jeezy's "Bury Me a G" at my funeral. Just like Biggie Smalls, I intend for my funeral to be a mother fucking party - I'm sick of those cliché, downtrodden and depressing ones. My loved ones will be celebrating the life I lived, not mourning the loss of it!

To match - no, outdo - my ballin' funeral service, I need a great epitaph - plus, I have a hunch that many others may benefit from such a colloquial exchange of ideas.

Pictures are welcome, as are plain text entries. To start us off:
Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
Here lies a man named Zeke.
Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.
Killed 1876 in a Dance Hall brawl.
Her last words: "Circumstances led me to this end."
He got a fish-bone
In his throat
And then he sang
An angel note.
1867-1946
“The defense rests”

bestepitaphever.jpg

a86_e11.jpg

As you can see, all I can really find are irrelevant, wild west epitaphs - often transcribed by acquaintances or complete strangers!

And before you begin.. I already know of this one:
1632465188_small.jpg

Black Ice on
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Posts

  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Bryar Kelly
    Beloved Husband and Father
    1993-2082

    I Win Swordfights on
    lfYVHTd.png
  • MarshmallowMarshmallow Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    I'm planning on having my death declared in absentia.

    Marshmallow on
  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Man's Best Friend

    Zonugal on
    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Phineas Q Hashpipe esq
    1983-2456

    Killed while saving his loving family from a horrible hyperspace explosion

    #pipe on
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies wook

    1981-2009

    Explosive Rectal Prolapse

    the wook on
  • TabascoTabasco Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Wreckage Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship.

    Tabasco on
    Life is too important to be taken seriously.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • DadouwDadouw Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Dadou,
    I am not french

    Dadouw on
  • DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
  • MarthMarth Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Marth

    1991-2060

    Snoo-snoo

    Marth on
    Steam PSN LoL: SadSchaub Battle.net: SadSchaub#1357
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    the wook on
  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    King Leonidas
    540s BC -August 11, 480 BC
    Every Night He Dines in Hell.

    Zonugal on
    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Ain't never killed a man who did not need killing

    that is superb

    The Black Hunter on
  • GravesGraves Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Graves
    1990-1965
    "The clocktower, doc! It gets hit by lightning!"

    Graves on
  • wyld_thangwyld_thang Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    One of the best I know...
    Jack-Lemmon-Tombstone.jpg

    wyld_thang on
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Monkeyfeet
    1990-2034

    Great fighter pilot in the alpha centauri wars

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • marty_0001marty_0001 I am a file and you put documents in meRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Aww "defense rests" is a little sad.

    marty_0001 on
  • General NemoGeneral Nemo The Mighty Shame Church for DogsRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    "General Nemo 1989-2012
    Man did he suck a lot of dick"

    and in small print below that

    "no like seriously dude"

    General Nemo on
  • HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Hacksaw
    He tells the truth elsewhere, I swear!

    Hacksaw on
  • DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    I think we're all forgetting the major one here, the one that should have been in the OP

    screen4.png

    Dislexic on
    batsig.jpg
  • slowslow Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Dislexic wrote: »
    I think we're all forgetting the major one here, the one that should have been in the OP

    screen4.png
    best post itt, shut it down

    slow on
  • General NemoGeneral Nemo The Mighty Shame Church for DogsRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    pepperony

    General Nemo on
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    what game is that from?

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Monkeyfeet wrote: »
    what game is that from?

    PACK UP YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT

    Dislexic on
    batsig.jpg
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    I'm so sorry. I'll put the name of the game on my real gravestone

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Meissnerd

    1987-2009

    tried wooks fitness plan

    Meissnerd on
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Monkeyfeet

    1990-2078

    Sucking Dick Bought This Tombstone

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    Here lies Meissnerd

    1987-2009

    tried wooks fitness plan

    you haven't even started yet

    the wook on
  • slowslow Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Monkeyfeet wrote: »
    Here lies Monkeyfeet

    1990-2078

    Sucking Dick Bought This Tombstone
    outstanding

    slow on
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    the wook wrote: »
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    Here lies Meissnerd

    1987-2009

    tried wooks fitness plan

    you haven't even started yet

    you get one cheaper for pre-emptive purchases

    Meissnerd on
  • L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Spike Milligan: "Duirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite", Irish for "I told you I was ill."


    Also when his friend Harry Secombe died: '"I'm glad he died before me, because I didn't want him to sing at my funeral." A recording of Secombe singing was played at Milligan's memorial service.'

    L|ama on
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Restart Y/N?

    Rhesus Positive on
    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • rational vashrational vash Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here Lies Rational Vash

    1991-1945

    Multiverse theory is shit, seriously don't go back in time and kill your grandfather, shit.

    rational vash on
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here Lies Metzger Meister

    His coffin was heavy as fuck.

    Metzger Meister on
  • L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    'The man-blob inside didn't really make it any lighter, either'

    L|ama on
  • Run Run RunRun Run Run __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2009
    Runcubed

    1989-2167 (?)

    Do NOT open!

    Run Run Run on
    kissing.jpg
  • JC of DIJC of DI I think we're fucked up. I know I am.Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    1932 - 2001

    Died tragically rescuing his family from the wreckage of a destroyed sinking battleship

    JC of DI on
    PJWczLu.png
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here lies Kyle Reese
    *1992 +1989

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    here-lies-emmett-brown1.jpg

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    L|ama wrote: »
    'The man-blob inside didn't really make it any lighter, either'

    "You think he smells bad NOW..."

    Metzger Meister on
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited July 2009
    Here Lies The Reverend DrZiplock
    Hope to hell God has a sense of humor.

    DrZiplock on
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