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Let's bitch about quirks in videogame logic!
emnmnme
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
It's 1996. There you are, Jack Slaughter McActionson, running down corridors in the latest FPS. Even though you have ten grenades and twenty rockets, you have to backtrack through the level to look for a key to open a flimsy wooden door locked with a puny deadbolt. Yes, it makes no sense when you think about it but we gamers usually just roll with it and keep on playing. Hell, maybe our brains have been reconditioned to accept logical wackiness - some common glitches and limitations are so endearing that they're expected staples in their genres. For example, can you imagine playing an RTS these days without a population cap? If there's room for more farms/mines/whatever to support more soldiers, who says you can't break the game and flood your enemy with hundreds of units? Or how about shopkeepers in RPGs? All of reality could be in danger from a mighty, evil force and yet those greedy bastards won't lower their prices to help the heroes finish of the big boss.
For years, devs and publishers have covered up technical shortcomings or hardware limitations in their games in plenty of creative ways and some of the quick and dirty solutions are gut bustingly hilarious given the context of the what you're playing. Invisible walls are a classic offender that are still around today. They might be camouflaged with burning debris or a chest-high wall but the idea is still there - the player can't stray too far from the intended path or else he'll get lost or become bored.
The most humorous way to explain away shortcomings? Plot. Early N64 games were plagued with fog in the background. This trick made landscape pop up less noticeable but some games were much foggier than others. Superman 64 decided to make the best of it and credited Lex Luthor for releasing some kind of Kryptonite fog around Metropolis to confuse and weaken our hero. Another good one was from Jurassic Park: Trespasser. You know, that FPS with the marooned girl who had a health meter on her boobs? Players also wondered why she only used her bizarre-looking right arm to do everything. The devs made an effort to have her use both arms in the game but I can only guess it looked worse or wasn't doable. The final explanation was she just broke her left arm after the plane crash and it's useless throughout the whole game.
Other bits of 'gaming logic' - scripted monster closets, carrying more equipment doesn't slow your character down, a fighter with a full health bar hits just as hard as when they have a sliver left, you're always outnumbered a million to one.
For years, devs and publishers have covered up technical shortcomings or hardware limitations in their games in plenty of creative ways and some of the quick and dirty solutions are gut bustingly hilarious given the context of the what you're playing. Invisible walls are a classic offender that are still around today. They might be camouflaged with burning debris or a chest-high wall but the idea is still there - the player can't stray too far from the intended path or else he'll get lost or become bored.
The most humorous way to explain away shortcomings? Plot. Early N64 games were plagued with fog in the background. This trick made landscape pop up less noticeable but some games were much foggier than others. Superman 64 decided to make the best of it and credited Lex Luthor for releasing some kind of Kryptonite fog around Metropolis to confuse and weaken our hero. Another good one was from Jurassic Park: Trespasser. You know, that FPS with the marooned girl who had a health meter on her boobs? Players also wondered why she only used her bizarre-looking right arm to do everything. The devs made an effort to have her use both arms in the game but I can only guess it looked worse or wasn't doable. The final explanation was she just broke her left arm after the plane crash and it's useless throughout the whole game.
Other bits of 'gaming logic' - scripted monster closets, carrying more equipment doesn't slow your character down, a fighter with a full health bar hits just as hard as when they have a sliver left, you're always outnumbered a million to one.
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I mean, at least they had an explanation in place for those things; destroyable things were scanable and had their alloy or material defined, which meant what weapon to use. Still sorta silly.
I think one of my favorite instances of this is Starcraft. A gigantic spaceship the size of a city functions perfectly with one hit point left. It flies around, shoots lasers, etc. But if a Marine squeezes off a single round in its direction... BOOOOOOM!
I just bought Mass Effect yesterday, and I don't even know why Wrex is in my squad.
Next time I see him, he's hanging out in the Normandy's locker room. At what point did I ever tell this guy I was hiring him? And since this was all before I even got the Spectre promotion, who is it who decided I had the authority to hire mercs so they could hang out on our ships? I barely even spoke two sentences to the dude before that point. At least the Taurian was a cop already on an investigation into Saren, and Tali specifically asked to join in while the Captain was present.
My favorite remains taking out and putting on iron boots makes you sink, but carrying them around doesn't.
Use [key] on [lock]
you have used [key] on [lock]
A [snake] lunges out of the keyhole and bites you, killing you.
Handmade Jewelry by me on EtsyGames for sale
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Worst of all you needed these bizarro tokens for a frikking POLICE STATION.
"Well Jim I'm gonna hit the break room. I'll leave the king's crest with the typewriter pin and clock key if you wanna join me later. Remember to jump the third step in the fireplace staircase."
I'd love if games did people getting shot properly too. Shooting a guy in the chest once should not reduce his health bar a big chunk, it should knock him on the ground, and he should slowly bleed out, but maybe be able to get a few shots off whilst he is dying. I guess COD4s multiplayer thing is a bit like that, but I think it is a mechanic that could really be fantstic, especially for single player games. For most games, people are either dead or alive, and no real inbetween.
Oh, and while I was looking for that, I found this other flaw in video game logic: People charging you money when you're trying to save their lives. Offenders are every RPG ever, and RE4:
One of those makes sense - the relief behind Chief Irons' desk in his office. It's proven throughout the files and general aesthetic style of the Police Station that Irons loves tacky, bizarre art (The statue puzzle on the second floor western hallway, file: Chief Secretary's Diary A). He's also a bit on the whacko side (see files: Federal Police Dept. Internal Investigation Report, Chief Secretary's Diary
The chess plug lock, on the other hand, being masterminded by "Thomas, the old man who works in the scrap yard", who did it because he gets a raging boner for chess. This makes no goddamn sense.
Addendum: Specifically, the biggest gripe I have about RE2 (but by no means the only one) is that it is actually easier to access the Police Stations' weapons locker than it is to get into the Raccoon City sewers. This is royally messed up logic at work.
I bet that happens in Nethack.
The best part is that this is discussed at the very start of Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. You run into the priest outside Dracula's castle and he's like, "Hey the church sent me here to supply you two." And after Jonathan and Charlotte are like "Oh nice!" he says, "There's, uh, one more thing... it's a matter of, erm, economics..." Like almost word for word.
I've always let that one pass, because I could totally see Tim Curry doing that.
~ Buckaroo Banzai
Is this from the 3rd one? I don't remember anything like that from the first 2.
I think my complaint from Resident Evil was the design of the buildings.
I mean in the mansion there are what, all of two whole bathrooms in the entire complex? Maybe 3?
I think the Simon the Sorcerer games should get a free pass, considering A Wizard Did Itâ„¢. All the inventory items went into Simon's hat.
Time tends to be screwy in games. In Beasts and Bumpkins, there was a day/night cycle and a season cycle, but each season only lasted a day. It was like they were living in a mix between Generic Medieval England and the North Pole. Although you only have to try and play The Sims to see just how dull and restrictive accurate time simulations can be. Well, not that accurate - I seem to recall it taking almost an hour to have a shower.
There's also the issue of how I can kill fifty wolves without getting one corpse, how armour taken from a gnome fits my seven-foot barbarian, and how professional guards will ignore anything suspicious short of you dancing in front of them, given enough time.
http://www.awkwardzombie.com/comic1-102207.php
Another good one:
http://www.awkwardzombie.com/comic1-073007.php
Grandia II had an amazing moment early on mocking this exact thing:
Main character: "Oh no! The doors locked! What can i do?"
Sidekick bird character "Erm...break the window? YOU'VE GOT A MASSIVE SWORD"
Main character "Oh...yeah"
So many times i've wanted to do that in RPG's. Grandia II is one of my favourites.
And then there's Oblivion's classic over-encumbering system. You've got 15 swords, 12 shields, 90 potions, dozens of books, and you're leaping down the hill happy as can be. Then you pick a grape from a tree and suddenly you're rooted to the spot =D
Zelda is the biggest offender. Welcome to the vast and prosperous kingdom of Hyrule! Hey buddy, you know your "kingdom" is a town, a horse ranch, a lake, a couple of trees, and a sandbox right? There's maybe 50 people living here. 50 people does not a kingdom make. Where are the farms, where do you get your food, what do you trade and barter with, and why are there no roads leading out of this shithole despite the fact you specifically mention the fact there are other population centers around.
This, seriously, is why I've never finished a Zelda game. The world feels constructed and artificial, existing only for the purpose of housing more puzzles than citizens. Granted that earlier on this was due to technological constraints, but there was no need for Twilight Princess to be exactly the bloody same.
Yeap, as popularized brilliantly by Old Man Murray. The sad thing is, playing it at the time didn't seem odd, which speaks volumes about the logic of adventure games.
And re: RE: being evil removes your need to urinate. It's scientific fact.
I don't mind the hammerspace, Because I'd rather have some enjoyment with a game than have it be a 1:1 reality where i can only carry 2 or 3 items.
Wurm Online had a similar injury system, where you were screwed if your legs got injured and it took a very long time to heal, mainly involving slapping on poultices. Mount & Blade doesn't have healing potions, either - you're at the mercy of time and your party's medicinal skills.
Theft is another weird issue; either you can steal everything that's not nailed down as long as nobody sees the actual theft take place (never mind you're just ambling into people's houses and after you leave they're a whole lot emptier), or you're bound by some moral code not to touch anything.
Theres a classic list of RPG cliches that's been round for years thats always a good laugh:
http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html
I've never minded this. Simply because people would bitch that they can't run a game because there's 50,000 completely pointless NPCs making the game run at negative fifty frames per second.
I've always taken the view that each on screen character represented X number of NPCs, depending on teh size of the village that X could be anywhere from 5 to 50 depending on various assumptions on the supposed population density and infrastructure available.
Perhaps I overthink things, as well.
I was SHOCKED when I played Shemue and I though "Hey, this door's locked," then went next door and a nice old lady answered after I knock and was wondering why Ryo wasn't barging past her to loot the place.
End of Half-life:ep2 spoilers
It's as if their afraid of winning too easily. Then again, the first lesson at villain school is always give the hero a chance.
That's, er, an interesting way of thinking about it.
The thing is, that they wouldn't even need 50,000 NPCs either. Just make it clear to the player that this is only a small slice of the kingdom. Maybe add a token farm here and there. Just make it believable.
I also assume that there is vast farm area and such as well, but not implemented because there is no point in the story for it to be there, and implementing pointless areas are a performance and monetary waste.
The explanation is that that the magic of items of the same slot interfer with one another.
So...
Cutscene Deaths.
"Hey, I'm super awesome, and if I die in battle, just use a (insert recovery item here) on me and I'll be A-Okay! Wait, what, that's the main bad guy?
Goddamnit. *Death warble*"
Yeah, I'll give you that one. I never said it was a sensible request, just one that really irks me. And there are games that do it well too. World of Warcraft shows farms and ranches along with cities and wilderness. Or even smaller games like Assassin's Creed. It's possible, to make your game world believable and relevant, just tricky.