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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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Posts

  • 3v3v Registered User
    edited August 2009
    3v on
    512285-1.png
    PantsB wrote: »
    Koreans 4 Gate like this
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  • TalleyrandTalleyrand Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I don't really have any crazy gf stories but I've got a couple crazy first date stories, posted a few of them before actually. I think I mentioned the curse I apparently have on me at one point. Any girl I try to sleep with will immediately have some sort of shit fall out of the sky onto their heads.

    The last example was this girl I met through Okc. Because of past experiences I didn't really use the site anymore or had nearly zero interest in dating. Well I get an email that this girl has messaged me about something so I go check out her profile. She's a little large but has her own kind of charm and is apparently a very sexually-active person. At that point I was still a virgin in the sense that I had done everything except make it to 3rd base or homeplate or whatever. This doesn't mean I responded simply because I wanted to get laid but it definitely influenced the thought process behind it. I don't remember exactly how it went. I think we messaged each other for a day, I ended up calling her, and then totally out of character I asked her if she wanted to go meet someplace that night.

    She said yes so we ended up meeting at Whataburger and talking to a lot of her new coworkers since she'd be starting her job there soon. Then we decided to go catch a movie since eating at a fastfood place isn't much of a date. Throughout the night the conversation kept getting into dirty topics since we're both lowbrow individuals. This lead to us fooling around in the theatre for the first 20 minutes of Wolverine. I end up deciding that I'd much rather score than see a mediocre comic-book movie I'd seen before so we walk out to my car. After driving around the parking lot for an appropriate corner I remember the spot I liked going by myself so much so I drive us out to some abandoned road where there's more potholes than asphalt, it's nighttime, and the place is closed in by trees and shrubbery. She probably thought she was going to get murdered and stuffed into the trunk at that point. Well we finally ended up at an abandoned train trestle that goes out over a lagoon where you can see all the lights on the freeway in the distance; pretty romantic actually. So she's no longer scared of getting turned into a lampshade and we get down to business.

    Well it turned out we only had one condom, which I put on the wrong way since I never had to deal with the things before and it was dark. So we get desperate enough that we decide to turn it inside out use it the right way. Well the back seat of my car must have been too small or something or maybe it was just bad angles but things weren't working out and I had to resort to just fingerbanging her until she seemed satisfied and then calling it a night. We managed to pass another guy on the "road" back meaning if things had worked like they were supposed to he probably would have driven by us while we were having sex in the car.

    Ok well here's where the curse comes in. Some time goes by without us talking and about a week later I find out she's been kicked out of her apartment by her room mate because he thought she was going to snitch on him to his boyfriend in Iraq since he'd been cheating. Her dog had died a few days before that. There was a possibility she wasn't going to be able to graduate highschool that year. She was going to have to move out to Florida with her mom, away from her new job and friends. And she missed her period.

    I seriously stopped breathing for 10 seconds when she told me that. Of course I asked her what she wanted to do if she ended up being pregnant and when she said abortion I offered to pay for it and take her to the clinic. In the end it didn't matter because apparently stress can make that time of the month go hay-wire. Go figure.

    I swear, the next person I try to stick my dick into is just going to spontaneously combust in front of me.

    Talleyrand on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Okay, so my now-fiancee and I went through some rocky Break up - get back together - break up stages as we were maturing past our high school fling relationship and finding out who we were in our college-age years.

    Nothing too crazy, but I distinctly remember the horniest we've ever been for the longest time was during the three months in a summer, we were in probably our second break up, but now out of high school, free to do whatever. That basically came down to fooling around and screwing around wherever, and frequently risking getting caught. By her parents, by our siblings, everybody. I'm not aiming to brag, multiple times we came close to being discovered by either of our parents, which could have resulted in something minor like everybody laughing it off that 'the broken up' couple can't get enough action, or worse 'my daughter is fucking her ex in our bed while we're in the living room her ass is getting kicked out of this house'. Or her dad would've shot me. Either is a definite reality.

    But that was the craziest I've had in 5 years of a relationship with this girl. Tame, really. But my now ex-roommate takes the cake for fucked up situations and the resulting karma-ass-kicking.
    When he moved in, he was in a relationship with 'Vanessa'. First incident where we could tell Vanessa was either off a tad, or there was already a cog in the relationship, was when Ken the roomy and my gf go to the grocery store to pick up a few things, take him to the bank to get an account set up, show him basics around town because he wasn't local, and in general get a few errands done while saving gas. Well one of Vanessa's friends calls her, says Ken is with some girl. We don't hear the resulting argument from the living room that night, but no matter how much Ken tries to explain that he was with MY gf, whom Vanessa has already met, they yell at eachother for a good hour and then he just goes to bed.

    So next day we find out there 'on a break'. However, that break lasts a few weeks, but they're still seeing eachother. Going out on dates. Camping out. Presumably still fucking. Whatever, not our business. Then Ken comes home one night and says 'check out this girl I made out with!" showing us pictures on his cell of some girl straight outta Hot Topic, and really not looking like she's topping 18. Ken says 19. Whatever. Obviously the topic of Vanessa comes up, and Ken says "Oh, she knows". Well the next morning she comes over, early, and head into the back door (his room). Then the yelling. Oh the fun yelling. After a good 2 hours, she leaves, and Ken comes in saying "Well I broke up with her".

    So this is the whole next month:
    Vanessa goes into creepy-stalker mode. Stops by, yearns to talk to him, even goes into his room once when he was sleeping, and just sat there until he woke up. Myspace's me and Crystal 'wanting to be better friends'. Crystal ignores it ... I mark it as SPAM.
    At the same time Ken is dating a 17 year old he met ... somewhere. Did I mention he's almost 23?
    At the same same time, he's dating a third girl, thankfully not a minor.
    Apparently they all know of eachother (Vanessa, the kid, and the ... well, third wheel). Apparently they "All fight over me on Myspace" says Ken. I tell him this can only end bad, and I know he's gotten threats from Vanessa's brother, and he better not bring any of this shit to my house because I don't need it. Let him get his ass beat up or shot or whatever on someone else's lawn.

    The piece de resistance:
    Vanessa comes over near the end of the month. Haven't seen her in a week or so, and it's odd. They spend the whole time in his room, talking. Then they both leave for the entire day. Ken comes back, Vanessa leaves in her car, and the first words out of his mouth when he comes in are "Well, Vanessa's pregnant. Says she missed a pill. Yeah, so I'll be moving out by the 1st".

    So yeah. And she very well could be faking it to 'win' this little battle royale of love, but I don't care. He was a shitty roommate and I'm glad to have my house to myself again.

    MetroidZoid on
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  • HenroidHenroid Radio Demon Internet HellRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Passerbye wrote: »
    I have a knack for attracting friends who attract abusive boyfriends.

    Example the first (we'll call her L).

    L has an abusive, alcoholic father, an abusive step-father, and a brother who is literally a pimp. Her mother died of a drug overdose when she was 6. L is also incredibly beautiful and incredibly intelligent. As a result of her beauty, she gets a lot of attention. As a result of her brains, she thinks she's smart enough to avoid the bad boys.

    First few boyfriends are emotionally abusive or neglectful but she doesn't like them much, so she dumps him. Next boyfriend seems nice for the first few months, so she falls for him. He pushes her into a wall, she excuses it as stress. He punches her in the face, she makes the 'I deserved it' excuses because she was complaining about one of her classes. He rapes her in the art building boys bathroom while his friends watch and cheer him on (he says it's because he caught her talking to her older sister about their "private problems"), she refuses to go to the police. It's only after I get a picture (thank God I had my camera) of him taking a baseball bat to her that she agrees to report him (only after I say I'll do it with or without her involvement, since I have the photo).

    Might I mention this was happening to a 15 year old girl? And that the bf in question is a 24 year old Marine? Yeah. Thankfully she's undergone lots of therapy and is now happy with her girlfriend of 2 years.

    Example the second (who we'll call S) will have to come later. Duties outside the apartment call.

    Can you take a moment to clarify that she's alright now or not? Because your story has filled me with unspeakable rage (and hell, this happened in closer proximity to you).

    Henroid on
    Nobody likes me but that's okay. I'm used to it.
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Henroid wrote: »
    Passerbye wrote: »
    I have a knack for attracting friends who attract abusive boyfriends.

    Example the first (we'll call her L).

    L has an abusive, alcoholic father, an abusive step-father, and a brother who is literally a pimp. Her mother died of a drug overdose when she was 6. L is also incredibly beautiful and incredibly intelligent. As a result of her beauty, she gets a lot of attention. As a result of her brains, she thinks she's smart enough to avoid the bad boys.

    First few boyfriends are emotionally abusive or neglectful but she doesn't like them much, so she dumps him. Next boyfriend seems nice for the first few months, so she falls for him. He pushes her into a wall, she excuses it as stress. He punches her in the face, she makes the 'I deserved it' excuses because she was complaining about one of her classes. He rapes her in the art building boys bathroom while his friends watch and cheer him on (he says it's because he caught her talking to her older sister about their "private problems"), she refuses to go to the police. It's only after I get a picture (thank God I had my camera) of him taking a baseball bat to her that she agrees to report him (only after I say I'll do it with or without her involvement, since I have the photo).

    Might I mention this was happening to a 15 year old girl? And that the bf in question is a 24 year old Marine? Yeah. Thankfully she's undergone lots of therapy and is now happy with her girlfriend of 2 years.

    Example the second (who we'll call S) will have to come later. Duties outside the apartment call.

    Can you take a moment to clarify that she's alright now or not? Because your story has filled me with unspeakable rage (and hell, this happened in closer proximity to you).

    Gammarah on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I don't really have any stories about crazy girlfriends. I've got some great stories about girlfriends getting me in crazy situations, though.

    Like the time I threw down with two NSA/DHS guys over a headwrap, or the time I spent in interrogation after helping my lady move out of the dorms.

    Or how I can never go to Tajikistan, because there's a man there who has told me he's honor-bound to put out my left eye, then give me his summer home.

    That sort of thing.

    Dating + International Incidents = James Bond - the awesome toys.

    Edit: To clarify, I had a thing for small brown girls with accents in school, and I started college in the fall of '01. These are important details.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • HenroidHenroid Radio Demon Internet HellRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Oh, well alright then.

    Henroid on
    Nobody likes me but that's okay. I'm used to it.
  • MorgensternMorgenstern Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My only crazy story sounds like it's out of a bad movie.

    My last ex had two brothers and a father who were in the Hells Angels. She was quite nice and had very lofty ambitions, but when I broke up with her because she talked the talk but really had nothing to show for in terms of following up on her goals, I had three angry card carrying Hells Angels in my apartment, with a gun in my face, telling me to stay with her because I was "good for her and someone needs to make sure she gets the life she deserves, motherfucker". When I said "sure, whatever, don't fucking kill me", we were all best friends again.

    The only way I got out of dating her was by moving the fuck across country.

    Morgenstern on
    “Every time we walk along a beach some ancient urge disturbs us so that we find ourselves shedding shoes and garments or scavenging among seaweed and whitened timbers like the homesick refugees of a long war.” - Loren Eiseley
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My only crazy story sounds like it's out of a bad movie.

    My last ex had two brothers and a father who were in the Hells Angels. She was quite nice and had very lofty ambitions, but when I broke up with her because she talked the talk but really had nothing to show for in terms of following up on her goals, I had three angry card carrying Hells Angels in my apartment, with a gun in my face, telling me to stay with her because I was "good for her and someone needs to make sure she gets the life she deserves, motherfucker". When I said "sure, whatever, don't fucking kill me", we were all best friends again.

    The only way I got out of dating her was by moving the fuck across country.
    This one sounds like a keeper.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My only crazy story sounds like it's out of a bad movie.

    My last ex had two brothers and a father who were in the Hells Angels. She was quite nice and had very lofty ambitions, but when I broke up with her because she talked the talk but really had nothing to show for in terms of following up on her goals, I had three angry card carrying Hells Angels in my apartment, with a gun in my face, telling me to stay with her because I was "good for her and someone needs to make sure she gets the life she deserves, motherfucker". When I said "sure, whatever, don't fucking kill me", we were all best friends again.

    The only way I got out of dating her was by moving the fuck across country.

    Haha, holy shit dude. Thats crazy. Maybe she'd have the life she deserved if that fucker didn't go to peoples houses and point guns at people.

    Gammarah on
  • MorgensternMorgenstern Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Hahahaha, one would think. I grew up around a lot of these guys. My step-dad and uncle were in the HA as well. Crazy is part of the culture.

    Morgenstern on
    “Every time we walk along a beach some ancient urge disturbs us so that we find ourselves shedding shoes and garments or scavenging among seaweed and whitened timbers like the homesick refugees of a long war.” - Loren Eiseley
  • Element BrianElement Brian Peanut Butter Shill Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    I don't really have any stories about crazy girlfriends. I've got some great stories about girlfriends getting me in crazy situations, though.

    Like the time I threw down with two NSA/DHS guys over a headwrap, or the time I spent in interrogation after helping my lady move out of the dorms.

    Or how I can never go to Tajikistan, because there's a man there who has told me he's honor-bound to put out my left eye, then give me his summer home.

    That sort of thing.

    Dating + International Incidents = James Bond - the awesome toys.

    Edit: To clarify, I had a thing for small brown girls with accents in school, and I started college in the fall of '01. These are important details.


    Wait wait...soo Left Eye > Summer Home? Cuz I dunno, thats pretty tempting, plus you do have two eyes, its not like you need both.

    Element Brian on
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  • UmaroUmaro Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My first girlfriend was your typical bipolor/eating disorder/self-mutilation cocktail. Lots of fun was had until she started cutting her vagoo open.

    No one I know IRL is ever going to hear that story gurrrrrhghnnnngh.

    Umaro on
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  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Wait wait...soo Left Eye > Summer Home? Cuz I dunno, thats pretty tempting, plus you do have two eyes, its not like you need both.
    I'm pretty attached to my eyes, personally.

    Besides, with my luck I'd wind up breaking some other local or Islamic law, or be picked up by the Feds on the way back home for something related. I don't have the best track record.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Umaro wrote: »
    My first girlfriend was your typical bipolor/eating disorder/self-mutilation cocktail. Lots of fun was had until she started cutting her vagoo open.

    No one I know IRL is ever going to hear that story gurrrrrhghnnnngh.

    Whatttt dude I almost vomited reading that.

    Gammarah on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    Umaro wrote: »
    My first girlfriend was your typical bipolor/eating disorder/self-mutilation cocktail. Lots of fun was had until she started cutting her vagoo open.

    No one I know IRL is ever going to hear that story gurrrrrhghnnnngh.

    Whatttt dude I almost vomited reading that.
    Holy shit, man. Vaginas are to be admired, loved and occasionally licked.

    Even the thought of oh god can't finish sentence.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • Gar kingGar king Registered User
    edited August 2009
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    I don't really have any stories about crazy girlfriends. I've got some great stories about girlfriends getting me in crazy situations, though.

    Like the time I threw down with two NSA/DHS guys over a headwrap, or the time I spent in interrogation after helping my lady move out of the dorms.

    Or how I can never go to Tajikistan, because there's a man there who has told me he's honor-bound to put out my left eye, then give me his summer home.

    That sort of thing.

    Dating + International Incidents = James Bond - the awesome toys.

    Edit: To clarify, I had a thing for small brown girls with accents in school, and I started college in the fall of '01. These are important details.





    I'm really going to need you to clarify why? also how nice is the summer home, is it worth losing an eye over

    Gar king on
    Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
    zel999.png
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah I've only really had one serious relationship, and out of the two of us I'm probably crazier. However, I do have one crazy story. I'm pretty sure I've told it before but not in a while.

    So we had a pregnancy scare. She missed her period. We never used condoms. Anyways, I'm white and she was east indian, neither of us were really religious (me = 0) but she had some hindu-ish beliefs. Her mother had recently died of cancer, which was really shitty she was a super nice lady. So yeah... my gf refused to even consider the option of an abortion on the basis that it could have been the soul of her mother reincarnated.

    I.... what do you say to that?! There is nothing in this world made of logic and reason to make someone of that mindset change their opinion. Thank god she wasn't actually pregnant, cause no way in hell was I ready to be a father at 21 or 22 or however old I was.

    Al_wat on
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  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Al_wat wrote: »
    Yeah I've only really had one serious relationship, and out of the two of us I'm probably crazier. However, I do have one crazy story. I'm pretty sure I've told it before but not in a while.

    So we had a pregnancy scare. She missed her period. We never used condoms. Anyways, I'm white and she was east indian, neither of us were really religious (me = 0) but she had some hindu-ish beliefs. Her mother had recently died of cancer, which was really shitty she was a super nice lady. So yeah... my gf refused to even consider the option of an abortion on the basis that it could have been the soul of her mother reincarnated.

    I.... what do you say to that?! There is nothing in this world made of logic and reason to make someone of that mindset change their opinion. Thank god she wasn't actually pregnant, cause no way in hell was I ready to be a father at 21 or 22 or however old I was.

    It's one thing to endure the occasional week-long visit of a mother-in-law. It's an entirely different thing to spoon feed it, change it's shitty pants, and pay for one out of your own pocket for upteen years. Bullet = dodged.

    MetroidZoid on
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  • Gennenalyse RuebenGennenalyse Rueben Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Uhhh, I really don't have anything crazy like some of the stories in this thread. It'd be impossible for me to, really, as I've only had two girlfriends -- and one of the two lasted all of a week. In fact, the only story I have really is extremely tame, though it does relate to the first girlfriend. Please keep in mind I was like 11 for this and tune things accordingly, because this is not crazy like the "girl went nuts and accused me of rape!" or "my ex stranded me in Ohio!" stories. At all. It might not even be that nuts, but it sure as heck was surreal for me.

    It was just one normal summer day way back in the 90's. I was lounging about doing whatever when I get called to the front door by my grandmother. Apparently a young girl about my age was asking about me, something rather shocking to me. Even more shocking is that like the second thing she says to me is "Do you have a girlfriend?" And, well, that's how I got my first girlfriend! And then how glorious it was to find out that she sought out the first boy she could find because all her friends had boyfriends and by god did she want one, too.

    So we hang out a bit over the summer because of...I don't even remember. She was bossy, dragged me around (she was scrawny but surprisingly strong), and just generally forced me to do things whether I wanted to or not. I distinctly recall her once shoving me to the ground, jumping on top of me, and trying to french kiss me only to discover that I had no idea how to. She was also constantly trying to get me to touch her butt, feel various parts of her body (not private parts, think more like her thighs and stomach and chest), and all sorts of things that I didn't understand and felt really uncomfortable doing. Then there was the droning on and on about babies and how she wanted to be a mother, which was almost disturbing. I was absurdly innocent and naive as a kid, so this stuff just confused and embarrassed me.

    Eventually I just got fed up with her. I didn't like this girl, not as a friend and especially not as a girlfriend. Far too controlling, never listened, would pout when she didn't get her way and scream like a banshee if you didn't give into that. I don't even remember the actual thing that got my weak little self to get out of that "relationship", but I recall leaving her screaming at me to listen at some point. Not that it really mattered to her in the end, she found another boy to seize control of a few months later. No clue what happened to her, as her family moved away a couple years later. Not that I care at all, I just can't provide a proper ending.

    Uhm, as I said it's not really on the level of crazy that could be found in this thread. But for my shy, naive self at the age of 11 (or maybe it was 12) it was batshit insane. I had no idea what the hell to make of what was going on. Maybe that says more about me, I dunno, I wasn't exactly your average kid.

    Gennenalyse Rueben on
  • Element BrianElement Brian Peanut Butter Shill Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I think it says a pretty good deal of you as a kid. Despite being extremely naive, you knew when to jump ship and bail.

    Element Brian on
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  • Raiden333Raiden333 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Alright, I play a brief part in this story, but it's weird enough that I have to share it. I'm not changing any names because I don't think anyone who knows who we are posts here, but if they do, too bad. Every word is true.

    When I was a Freshman in high school, I was a hopeless romantic. I wanted a girlfriend and I wanted one bad. This girl Crystal (yes, should have been my first sign) in my English class was the only person besides me who seemed to enjoy reading, so we formed a fast friendship which quickly turned into me pining after her day and night.

    However, Crystal had a boyfriend. For two years before we met. He was a football player, the 2nd tallest person in the school, and was nicknamed Ogre all 4 years of highschool. It was incredibly stupid for me to be pining after Crystal with this in play, but I was an idiot.

    Around the end of our freshman school year, Crystal apparently decided she wanted to spice up her life with some drama. She dumps Ogre and tells me she's been falling for me for months. "Oh shit," you say, "How did our narrator live through this?" I lived through this because Ogre is actually a fucking saint. He was depressed and heartbroken, but through several mutual friends the word was passed that he had no ill will towards either of us.

    So, considering dumping her boyfriend for me didn't cause any drama, two weeks into our 'relationship' Crystal quickly informs me that it's just not working out between us anymore and she needs some time to herself. Time to herself meaning trying as hard as she can to get her ex back, who had just found himself a new relationship with another girl at school (who had her own issues, but I never knew her well enough to even start into). Crystal is now left with no boyfriends.

    This, of course, is my fault. And I still have feelings for her (I told you I was an idiot) so I have to deal with her raving to me about all the shitty men she's going out with in rapid succession to try to make Ogre jealous enough to take her back. I found a real girlfriend soon afterward and slowly cut off contact.

    Now, it turned out Ogre had issues of his own. He's a clingy motherfucker. How clingy? During our highschool prom, he had the DJ pause the music and make a special announcement and proposed to his girlfriend on stage in front of the entire senior class. She tearfully accepted, which we all interpreted as joy, until we found out she dumped him the day afterward.

    I can't fill in the remaining 3 years, but the story does have an ending: About 6 months ago I went into K-mart where a friend of mine works, to pay him back some cash I owed him, and saw Crystal and Ogre shopping for baby clothes holding a newborn.

    Raiden333 on
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  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    This thread should turn me off to dating forever.

    But now I just want to do it more. Goddamnit.

    cooljammer00 on
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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    This thread should turn me off to dating forever.

    But now I just want to do it more. Goddamnit.

    Naw, just remember that like most things in life dating has a learning curve. If you're smart you'll note the warning signs in the thread. If you're not, then you'll pick up some stories. If you're me...well I have some nice scars. :mrgreen:

    Thomamelas on
  • TerrendosTerrendos Decorative Monocle Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah, now I want to go out and date a crazy woman so I can have some cool stories to tell.

    Let's check my qualifications:
    1. Naive
    2. Oblivious to women's feelings
    3. Not afraid of guns

    I should be a perfect candidate for a crazy story!

    Terrendos on
  • Loren MichaelLoren Michael Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I will simply mention that there are roving bands of Chinese high school girls who seek foreigners and will use the lunar calendar to say that they're two years older than they actually are.

    If you come to China, ask for the birth year if she looks young.

    Loren Michael on
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  • electricitylikesmeelectricitylikesme Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Terrendos wrote: »
    Yeah, now I want to go out and date a crazy woman so I can have some cool stories to tell.

    Let's check my qualifications:
    1. Naive
    2. Oblivious to women's feelings
    3. Not afraid of guns

    I should be a perfect candidate for a crazy story!
    Or being tied up in a basement and murdered.

    electricitylikesme on
  • DalbozDalboz Resident Puppy Eater Right behind you...Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I got involved with a friend's girlfriend once (he wasn't actually close to me or anything, and we barely spoke to each other at that point). In my defense, she told me that she'd broken up with my friend before anything happened between us...at least physically. She basically instigated phone sex with me the one night, then called me the next night saying she was really confused about how she was feeling. Then the next day she called me and said that she broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to see me. After a rather torrid affair, she basically told me that she was actually still with her boyfriend, although "on a break," whatever the Hell that means.

    Anyway, that didn't last much longer after she got really clingy and practically tried to move in with me within two weeks and while I guess she was still technically dating my friend. I had to kick her out, then she started phone stalking me so that I stopped picking up my phone, but she still kept trying to call me for months. Eventually it stopped. That was my biggest brush with crazy.

    Dalboz on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gar king wrote: »
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    I don't really have any stories about crazy girlfriends. I've got some great stories about girlfriends getting me in crazy situations, though.

    Like the time I threw down with two NSA/DHS guys over a headwrap, or the time I spent in interrogation after helping my lady move out of the dorms.

    Or how I can never go to Tajikistan, because there's a man there who has told me he's honor-bound to put out my left eye, then give me his summer home.

    That sort of thing.

    Dating + International Incidents = James Bond - the awesome toys.

    Edit: To clarify, I had a thing for small brown girls with accents in school, and I started college in the fall of '01. These are important details.





    I'm really going to need you to clarify why? also how nice is the summer home, is it worth losing an eye over
    My dating record in college included a lot of instances of the suffix -stan. As in Tajikistan, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, etc. 9/11 happened just as I was starting school.

    Thus, I tended to find myself in situations where I was a "person of interest" for various federal investigative programs, and being the genius teenager that I was, I reacted fairly poorly to this.

    The eye/summerhome thing was the result of me trying to keep a confrontation between my not-yet Tajik girlfriend and a pair of suited feds from escalating to the point where they were strip searching her. Apparently the combination of seeing her without her shirt on and trying to help her get it back was enough to get me both a threat of violence and a token of thanks from her well-off father. As well as a night in an unnamed Agency's interrogation room.

    God help me if she ever told him about the other things we did.

    OptimusZed on
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  • gigEsmallsgigEsmalls __BANNED USERS
    edited August 2009
    My girlfriend cheated on me. I didn't find out until after we'd broken up, but she'd been cheating on me. With another girl.

    I don't know what hurts more - that she didn't tell me, or that she never invited me to join in.

    Second part.

    gigEsmalls on
    big l wrote: »
    $5 says gigEsmalls never responds to this excellent post.
  • gigEsmallsgigEsmalls __BANNED USERS
    edited August 2009
    This girl and I have been chatting online and on the phone for almost two years but have never met in person as we're several states away. She has a bf and I have gf but her and I still have the occasional phone & cyber sex. If she ever comes to visit... it's gonna be crazy.

    gigEsmalls on
    big l wrote: »
    $5 says gigEsmalls never responds to this excellent post.
  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah, women sure are weird, huh guys?

    Crazy crazy chicks.
    Am I doing this right? I'm not very good at sexism.

    poshniallo on
    I figure I could take a bear.
  • TheMarshalTheMarshal Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    poshniallo wrote: »
    Yeah, women sure are weird, huh guys?

    Crazy crazy chicks.
    Am I doing this right? I'm not very good at sexism.

    Most of us haven't dated guys. I'm sure if we had, we'd have some "crazy dudes" stories as well.

    TheMarshal on
  • syndalissyndalis Getting Classy On the WallRegistered User, Loves Apple Products regular
    edited August 2009
    My story is pretty fucked up... haven't seen one that beats this level of crazy yet...

    I started looking at all manners of religion in my late teens and early 20s, having completely discarded Catholocism. I checked out Buddhism, Islam, Shinto, other flavors of Christianity, Voodoo.... you name it, I went there. I even read LaVey's writings (Satanic Bible) out of curiosity, since I had basically thrown everything out the window.

    It was a few years after my initial looking around that I ran into a girl at a V:tM LARP (yeah yeah, laugh at me all you want) I was playing at the time. We will call her D. D was very new-agey, open to all kinds of things (which definitely piqued my current interests at the time)... and we hit it off immediately. Thus, through her, i ran into Tantra, Reiki, Crystal bullshit, Alien/UFO nutjobs, and native american spirituality. It was (what felt like) a fun, monogamous, and deep relationship. I had thanksgiving with her out of state family, for the love of god...

    On our two year anniversary, I learned something pretty significant.

    She was with somebody else.

    Not just *with* somebody else, but she was a servant to that somebody else. As in Master/Slave, for the whole time I had been in the relationship. Not just a *slave* to somebody else, but a full-out submissive sex slave (something that didn't match her bedroom antics AT ALL). And the final bing cherry on this sundae of bullshit? She was convinced that particular someone else was an alien from another planet.

    So, you see this is the deal. this guy (Ken was his name... though he had another name like gleepdoglurp or something to that effect), managed to buffalo a group of women, aged 18-35, into believing he was an alien who possesed the body of poor ken, and was using him as a vessel to impart mysteries of the universe to them. these women were all given a choice. Many years of hard study, meditation, and prayer to reach a level at which they could ascend from the planet.... or a few years of good deep dicking. they apparently all chose the latter. This sex cult of his ALSO mowed his lawn, cleaned his house, and paid his bills, as he "didn't understand the world that he has been placed on." So, they would rotate shifts of time with him... go to his house for an after noon or an evening... sometimes the whole group would show up, smoke pot, and have an orgy. I knew none of this because it fell in line with all of her other new-age activities that she would go to one of the friends' houses and do their thing. But needless to say, that dude is the worlds greatest scam artist, and he has been riding my now ex-girlfriend for all it was worth. The relationship ended on the spot.

    That same weekend, I drove my truck into a ditch, fucked it up, and lost my job. [/country song]. Bad week.

    syndalis on
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  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    poshniallo wrote: »
    Yeah, women sure are weird, huh guys?

    Crazy crazy chicks.
    Am I doing this right? I'm not very good at sexism.

    You forgot to mention only good for cooking/sex.
    I kid, obviously.

    Also Syndalis wins for pure crazy, but Raiden has the best ending.

    Gammarah on
  • WillethWilleth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    SkutSkut wrote: »
    The only one I have that's close to crazy is your typical cheating ex.
    except she was fucking her brother.

    God dammit, now you've ruined my story.

    Willeth on
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  • Shazkar ShadowstormShazkar Shadowstorm Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    that is a clever scam

    Shazkar Shadowstorm on
    poo
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    syndalis wrote: »
    So, you see this is the deal. this guy (Ken was his name... though he had another name like gleepdoglurp or something to that effect), managed to buffalo a group of women, aged 18-35, into believing he was an alien who possesed the body of poor ken, and was using him as a vessel to impart mysteries of the universe to them. these women were all given a choice. Many years of hard study, meditation, and prayer to reach a level at which they could ascend from the planet.... or a few years of good deep dicking. they apparently all chose the latter. This sex cult of his ALSO mowed his lawn, cleaned his house, and paid his bills, as he "didn't understand the world that he has been placed on." So, they would rotate shifts of time with him... go to his house for an after noon or an evening... sometimes the whole group would show up, smoke pot, and have an orgy. I knew none of this because it fell in line with all of her other new-age activities that she would go to one of the friends' houses and do their thing. But needless to say, that dude is the worlds greatest scam artist, and he has been riding my now ex-girlfriend for all it was worth. The relationship ended on the spot.

    I've heard your story before because I remember how awesome that dude is.

    RocketSauce on
  • DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm having a hard time deciding between "alien cult" and "incest cheating" as far as the most bizarre story in this thread.

    Duffel on
  • kildykildy Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Alien Cult. I lived close enough to WV that incest cheating doesn't surprise me.

    But convincing a pack of people to be sex slaves and pay your bills and do your chores? Seriously, how does one even wake up one day and decide to do that. The hell.

    kildy on
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