I forget in which thread I read this, but it was one of these "help I have a secret" deals, so I'll reiterate what was written several times in there.
The bottom line is this; Who benefits from you telling her this? The answer is only you. You're being selfish because you can't stand the guilt. Telling her will only hurt her.
You've stopped seeing the person, you both know it was wrong, end of story. The next part is deciding what you did means for your relationship, as stated by many before me. Frankly it looks like you're shopping around to see what else is out there, and you're in college, you probably won't get another chance to do that with such a large "pool" if you will.
Anyway, don't tell her, it cannot go well and your feelings of guilt won't go away because you'll still feel guilty for what you did and you'll have her on your case for the rest of time about where you are, what you're doing, and who you're seeing.
If you think it will end the relationship, then end it without telling her. When he inevitably asks why, say something along the liens of "I've really betrayed your trust and I didn't think we could work it out."
Good idea bad idea?
Improvolone on
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Taking back what I said earlier, I'm not going to go up to tell her today. I really don't want to loose my current girlfriend, and this past thing was a lapse in judgment and rationality. I'm not going to be seeing the other girl anymore, we both realize that it was a mistake, and have admitted that.
I'll spend tonight and tomorrow thinking about it, getting a good nights sleep and eating a good meal.
For everybody who has responded I really do appreciate it. 48 hours ago I wasn't expecting to be getting into this abhorrent mess and a lot of your responses have helped me immensely.
If you're not going to see this other girl because something might happen... thats a pretty fucking good sign you shouldn't stay with your current girlfriend.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
I forget in which thread I read this, but it was one of these "help I have a secret" deals, so I'll reiterate what was written several times in there.
The bottom line is this; Who benefits from you telling her this? The answer is only you. You're being selfish because you can't stand the guilt. Telling her will only hurt her.
You've stopped seeing the person, you both know it was wrong, end of story. The next part is deciding what you did means for your relationship, as stated by many before me.
Yeah, false. I don't particularly care what happens w/r/t to OP, but since people are apparently going to keep referencing this false premise, I'm going to offer a counter argument so others can reference that later too.
The false premise that is foundational to this argument is that the girlfriend doesn't or shouldn't have agency within the relationship -- specifically, that "the next part" of "deciding what you did means for your relationship" somehow only applies to the boyfriend, and that the girlfriend is not and should not be involved in this decision. You don't somehow get to unilaterally decide "I stopped seeing this person, I know it was wrong but it's over now, I won't do it again, and since I won't do it again, it won't impact our relationship, so there's no point in talking about it."
People keep offering this argument like it's some big humanitarian gesture towards recognizing that other people have feelings. You know what? Fuck you. If you were concerned about how the other person felt, the solution isn't "don't get caught cheating," it's "don't cheat." This is nothing but a selfish desire to deny decision-making agency to another human being by denying her the opportunity to make the same informed decisions that you get to make, thus saving you from the bother of having to deal with the annoyance and the consequence of her opinions and decisions which may or may not coincide with your own. And in the meantime it's masquerading as a paternally-condescending protectionism whereby you treat your significant other like a child who is somehow not capable of emotionally surviving the tragic revelation that contrary to her high opinion of you, you are, in fact, a giant douchenozzle.
The OP's girlfriend survived finding out that there isn't actually a Santa Claus or an Easter Bunny or a Tooth Fairy. She'll get over finding out her boyfriend kissed another girl. Stop treating her like a goddamned child.
Dude, don't tell her, but break up with her shortly. Your actions make it clear you're not completely devoted to the relationship. Even your language "my current girlfriend" indicates that you're looking past this relationship.
And, on the plus side, getting over the lies surrounding Santa's existence is akin to betrayal in a relationship, so it won't be a big deal and she'll get over it without problem. Great!
probably not adding any help to the conversation, but I wish 2 hours was a long distance relationship for me. I live in central Florida and my girlfriend lives in Edmonton, Canada. I would kill for 2 hours to be long distance for us.
If you're going to break up a 18 month relationship over a petty little kiss, then that's plain foolish. What you've built greatly outweighs a meaningless kiss. If you want to stay in the relationship, don't tell your girlfriend, it will just blow this mole hill into a mountain. You haven't been having a torrid affair under the nose of your girlfriend. You made a poor decision and regret it. That's how you learn. Throwing away something good because of a mistake is one of the most ridiculous things you could do.
On the other hand if there was a deeper dissatisfaction being expressed by this kiss, then break up with her.
Owning up to the consequences of your mistake is paramount. It's not his decision whether or not the relationship is over, it's hers. Advising that he continue to lie to his girlfriend because he doesn't want to "throw away something good because of a mistake" is dishonest, childish, and stupid.
That's what I figure. If the OP gets the chance to analyze what he did and decide whether he wants to keep seeing his girl, then she should also get the chance to decide if she wants to keep seeing the OP. Maybe she'll think it was no big deal as long as it never happens again. Or maybe it'll crush her. Either way, she deserves to be given the chance to make an informed decision on what's going on in her life.
Dude, don't tell her, but break up with her shortly. Your actions make it clear you're not completely devoted to the relationship. Even your language "my current girlfriend" indicates that you're looking past this relationship.
I completely agree with this and don't think it could be said any better.
I forget in which thread I read this, but it was one of these "help I have a secret" deals, so I'll reiterate what was written several times in there.
The bottom line is this; Who benefits from you telling her this? The answer is only you. You're being selfish because you can't stand the guilt. Telling her will only hurt her.
You've stopped seeing the person, you both know it was wrong, end of story. The next part is deciding what you did means for your relationship, as stated by many before me.
Yeah, false. I don't particularly care what happens w/r/t to OP, but since people are apparently going to keep referencing this false premise, I'm going to offer a counter argument so others can reference that later too.
The false premise that is foundational to this argument is that the girlfriend doesn't or shouldn't have agency within the relationship -- specifically, that "the next part" of "deciding what you did means for your relationship" somehow only applies to the boyfriend, and that the girlfriend is not and should not be involved in this decision. You don't somehow get to unilaterally decide "I stopped seeing this person, I know it was wrong but it's over now, I won't do it again, and since I won't do it again, it won't impact our relationship, so there's no point in talking about it."
People keep offering this argument like it's some big humanitarian gesture towards recognizing that other people have feelings. You know what? Fuck you. If you were concerned about how the other person felt, the solution isn't "don't get caught cheating," it's "don't cheat." This is nothing but a selfish desire to deny decision-making agency to another human being by denying her the opportunity to make the same informed decisions that you get to make, thus saving you from the bother of having to deal with the annoyance and the consequence of her opinions and decisions which may or may not coincide with your own. And in the meantime it's masquerading as a paternally-condescending protectionism whereby you treat your significant other like a child who is somehow not capable of emotionally surviving the tragic revelation that contrary to her high opinion of you, you are, in fact, a giant douchenozzle.
The OP's girlfriend survived finding out that there isn't actually a Santa Claus or an Easter Bunny or a Tooth Fairy. She'll get over finding out her boyfriend kissed another girl. Stop treating her like a goddamned child.
Sorry man, but at the end of the day, everyone's happier by him not telling her. In the end, the consequences of our actions determine whether or not we should make them and whether or not they are the best outcome.
Too bad I'm posting on my iphone, otherwise I would note at greater length that your argument largely consists of emotionally charged nonsense. She will not be happier for decision making agency. He doesn't get to deal with the annoyance and she doesn't get hurt. Everyone is in an emotionally better place.
In the end, the real lesson to fucking up is "don't do it again," not "PAY FOR YOUR SINS, HEATHEN." If you're going to do something wrong, do it right. At this point, damage control is more important than some act of karmic balancing.
EDIT: The way you're phrasing this reminds me of a lot of the hive-mind thinking regarding relationships on this board. You seem to imply that there is always one best solution and one correct answer to any relationship problem (that answer always seems to be "let it burn."). Besides making me suspect the relationship experience of the board, I must remind you that every situation is different.
Taking back what I said earlier, I'm not going to go up to tell her today. I really don't want to loose my current girlfriend, and this past thing was a lapse in judgment and rationality. I'm not going to be seeing the other girl anymore, we both realize that it was a mistake, and have admitted that.
I'll spend tonight and tomorrow thinking about it, getting a good nights sleep and eating a good meal.
For everybody who has responded I really do appreciate it. 48 hours ago I wasn't expecting to be getting into this abhorrent mess and a lot of your responses have helped me immensely.
Yea, she should have the right to decide whether or not you lose her, not you. You're lying to her and continuing this relationship based on the lie that she can trust you. You don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions and are finding any way possible to justify or lessen the responsibility of your betrayal of the relationship. You must have no respect for her to cheat on her and then not even feel that you should be honest with her and let her know.
It's not up to you to decide whether or not your SO wants to stay with you. It's her decision, and it should be based on who you actually are, not who you want her to think you are.
I read somewhere to really think about the consequences first, If you think she will honestly forgive you, then tell her.
BUT if you think there is any chance of your relationship being thrown out the window(and you only did it once and dont intend to do it again) then dont tell her.
Thank you. Cripes, I hate that argument so damn much.
For the record, I'm a female, and I would absolutely want to be told if my S.O. had cheated on me. Pain or no pain, break-up or no, the right thing to do is to tell her.
I read somewhere to really think about the consequences first, If you think she will honestly forgive you, then tell her.
BUT if you think there is any chance of your relationship being thrown out the window(and you only did it once and dont intend to do it again) then dont tell her.
He didn't intend to do it the first time. If this is something she'd want to know he's obligated to tell her unless he views the rules of their relationship as pick and choose whichever is easiest for him.
Thank you. Cripes, I hate that argument so damn much.
For the record, I'm a female, and I would absolutely want to be told if my S.O. had cheated on me. Pain or no pain, break-up or no, the right thing to do is to tell her.
Yes. A million times yes. I'm female as well, and I would be even more pissed off if he didn't tell me the truth. And imagine if she found out from another source. That's even worse, dude. Telll herrr.
Thank you. Cripes, I hate that argument so damn much.
For the record, I'm a female, and I would absolutely want to be told if my S.O. had cheated on me. Pain or no pain, break-up or no, the right thing to do is to tell her.
I don't understand why people think it is the purpose of life to make sure others experience as little pain as possible.
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
Thank you. Cripes, I hate that argument so damn much.
For the record, I'm a female, and I would absolutely want to be told if my S.O. had cheated on me. Pain or no pain, break-up or no, the right thing to do is to tell her.
Thank you. Cripes, I hate that argument so damn much.
For the record, I'm a female, and I would absolutely want to be told if my S.O. had cheated on me. Pain or no pain, break-up or no, the right thing to do is to tell her.
Indeed. SammyF is full of crap.
Sammy is the one arguing that the OP should tell her. So, what the heck are YOU talking about?
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
Honestly, sometimes a lie is much, much better than the truth. I am not equating the following situation to this, but to demonstrate.
About 8 years ago, my parents divorced out of the blue. No warning, nothing, just my mother telling us that she was going to leave. As weird as that was, for about 6 months (trial separation and all that) I was under the impression that my dad was the problem, someway, somehow, and the we (me and my sis) weren't. Now, after these 6 months, my mother calls me up to break the news about her pushing through with the divorce...not only does she tell me this, she also tells me that a major part of the reason is us, she never wanted us, never loved us, we were means to an end and that end had been 'served'...hence, she didn't want to take care of us anymore.
What do you think I prefer? The initial lie, or the truth?
Sure, looking from the outside, people always say they prefer the truth. That is, if you ask them the question 'Would you like to be lied to?'. However, the answer to this question has little to do with the consequences of the truth or lie, nothing to do with the emotions involved or the choices, it has to do with an ingrained sense of what is right and wrong.
To truly consider what would be the right answer, you cannot consider whether the 'facts' you have or the truth or lies, you can only consider the consequences of either. So, when considering whether the OP should tell his girl or not, consider what would be the pros and cons to each option, not whether it is actually the truth.
Disclaimer: Before you all scream that I am morally relativistic...yes, to a degree this is. To a degree, this can be used to justify lying, this can be used to justify controlling other peoples lives, etc. I see that, I do not propose this, I am just showing that the 'truth forever' is the be all end all of this.
Every successful relationship has at least one lie in its foundations somewhere. It could be a little lie like "I wanted to hang out with you instead of doing something with my friends instead" or a big lie like "I didn't sleep with someone else while you were away fighting the giant ant people".
Honestly though, long distance relationships are REALLY FUCKING HARD and for a huge proportion of the populous some infidelity will be almost unavoidable.
If you regret it, if you don't want to do it again and if you still love her don't tell her about it.
I guarantee it won't eat away at you, but her coming to visit you so immediately after your mistake might be akward.
Every successful relationship has at least one lie in its foundations somewhere.
Nope. I wouldn't be surprised if there are plenty, but this is far from a requirement.
The fact of the matter is, if you SO expects complete honesty from you you should be giving it to them.
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FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
there is literally no reason whatsoever to tell her. you're obviously headed for a breakup, and rightfully so, and telling her would just make her feel worse.
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HalfmexI mock your value systemYou also appear foolish in the eyes of othersRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
Sammy is spot-on.
Folks, keeping the girlfriend in the dark does two things:
1. Delays the inevitable. One of two things is the case here: A) she is highly suspicious of the situation already and has an inkling something went wrong or she found out already somehow and is merely waiting for the OP to fess up. B, while a remote possibility, is still possible nonetheless and A is actually quite probable. There's also the very real possibility that he'll become so stricken with guilt that it will come out on its own. Nevertheless, cheating is bad enough. Cheating AND lying about it is pretty much the cardinal sin of any relationship.
2. Shows that the OP has little faith in the relationship to begin with. First, it's an 18 month old relationship. Second, it's an 18 month old long distance relationship. That's not exactly a recipe for success right there, but it can still work. However the method for doing it is not to build the relationship on a foundation of lies and infidelity. If he wants this to work, he's going to have to own up to his mistake in person, and they can work on their relationship from there. If it ends, then the lesson is for him to learn.
OP, say whatever you're going to say to your girlfriend, but mean it. Be honest. Not telling her takes care of things right now, but does nothing for the future of your relationship. If you really want this thing to work, you need to put the effort into it to repair the damage. If, however, you'd prefer to end it, and there's nothing wrong with that avenue of approach either, then do so, but don't drag it out.
Well she's under the impression that he's been faithful to her. That's not the truth. It feels like if the OP just sweeps it under the rug, then he's pretending to be someone who has always been faithful to her. So the relationship is a bit of a lie because the gf isn't with the person she thinks she's with.
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FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
that doesn't mean anything. of course she's with the person she thinks she's with, she just didn't know that he made a conscious, successful effort to fuck another girl behind her back. the relationship is obviously on its way out and he needs to find a new girl because he's obviously not that into this one, and she needs to find a guy that treats her right. telling the girl that she's been cheated on before the inevitable breakup is only going to make her feel worse.
that doesn't mean anything. of course she's with the person she thinks she's with, she just didn't know that he made a conscious, successful effort to fuck another girl behind her back. the relationship is obviously on its way out and he needs to find a new girl because he's obviously not that into this one, and she needs to find a guy that treats her right. telling the girl that she's been cheated on before the inevitable breakup is only going to make her feel worse.
From the OP's last post, he's not breaking up with his current and has no intention to in the future. So if he wants to continue in the relationship, I think it's only fair that the gf gets to make an informed decision.
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FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
i didn't say he had an intention to break up with her, i said the relationship is obviously on its way out whether either of the involved parties knows it or not.
That doesn't mean it won't keep going on for a while. People have been known to drag these things out beyond their best before dates. Even if your estimation is correct, it seems like the OP is going to try to stay with her for at least some time.
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FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
oh, i'm sure it'll keep on sputtering for a while before it dies. i'm just saying, there's not exactly a bright future ahead for the two of them together.
that doesn't mean anything. of course she's with the person she thinks she's with, she just didn't know that he made a conscious, successful effort to fuck another girl behind her back. the relationship is obviously on its way out and he needs to find a new girl because he's obviously not that into this one, and she needs to find a guy that treats her right. telling the girl that she's been cheated on before the inevitable breakup is only going to make her feel worse.
He didn't fuck the girl. He kissed her.
I still think the truth is the best, out of respect for her. Look, he fucked up. He was weak, now it's his job to own up to it, and let the girl decide if he's worth keeping around.
there is literally no reason whatsoever to tell her. you're obviously headed for a breakup, and rightfully so, and telling her would just make her feel worse.
I have a feeling he will still feel like she when she bursts into tears and starts calling him horrible things and says she never wants to see him again.
Doing the right thing isn't always about doing what will feel the best for everyone involved.
Dealing with unfortunate shit is part of the human experience.
Improvolone on
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FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
Why is it "the right thing" if it makes everyone feel bad? That's a crock. Telling her that he cheated on her to appease some abstract moral conviction is completely divorced from reality and all sense of the practicality of the decision he has to make.
He's done her wrong, and now he can tell her and make her feel worse for his own sake, or he can suck it up and save her some grief.
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The bottom line is this; Who benefits from you telling her this? The answer is only you. You're being selfish because you can't stand the guilt. Telling her will only hurt her.
You've stopped seeing the person, you both know it was wrong, end of story. The next part is deciding what you did means for your relationship, as stated by many before me. Frankly it looks like you're shopping around to see what else is out there, and you're in college, you probably won't get another chance to do that with such a large "pool" if you will.
Anyway, don't tell her, it cannot go well and your feelings of guilt won't go away because you'll still feel guilty for what you did and you'll have her on your case for the rest of time about where you are, what you're doing, and who you're seeing.
Good idea bad idea?
I'll spend tonight and tomorrow thinking about it, getting a good nights sleep and eating a good meal.
For everybody who has responded I really do appreciate it. 48 hours ago I wasn't expecting to be getting into this abhorrent mess and a lot of your responses have helped me immensely.
Yeah, false. I don't particularly care what happens w/r/t to OP, but since people are apparently going to keep referencing this false premise, I'm going to offer a counter argument so others can reference that later too.
The false premise that is foundational to this argument is that the girlfriend doesn't or shouldn't have agency within the relationship -- specifically, that "the next part" of "deciding what you did means for your relationship" somehow only applies to the boyfriend, and that the girlfriend is not and should not be involved in this decision. You don't somehow get to unilaterally decide "I stopped seeing this person, I know it was wrong but it's over now, I won't do it again, and since I won't do it again, it won't impact our relationship, so there's no point in talking about it."
People keep offering this argument like it's some big humanitarian gesture towards recognizing that other people have feelings. You know what? Fuck you. If you were concerned about how the other person felt, the solution isn't "don't get caught cheating," it's "don't cheat." This is nothing but a selfish desire to deny decision-making agency to another human being by denying her the opportunity to make the same informed decisions that you get to make, thus saving you from the bother of having to deal with the annoyance and the consequence of her opinions and decisions which may or may not coincide with your own. And in the meantime it's masquerading as a paternally-condescending protectionism whereby you treat your significant other like a child who is somehow not capable of emotionally surviving the tragic revelation that contrary to her high opinion of you, you are, in fact, a giant douchenozzle.
The OP's girlfriend survived finding out that there isn't actually a Santa Claus or an Easter Bunny or a Tooth Fairy. She'll get over finding out her boyfriend kissed another girl. Stop treating her like a goddamned child.
And, on the plus side, getting over the lies surrounding Santa's existence is akin to betrayal in a relationship, so it won't be a big deal and she'll get over it without problem. Great!
That's what I figure. If the OP gets the chance to analyze what he did and decide whether he wants to keep seeing his girl, then she should also get the chance to decide if she wants to keep seeing the OP. Maybe she'll think it was no big deal as long as it never happens again. Or maybe it'll crush her. Either way, she deserves to be given the chance to make an informed decision on what's going on in her life.
I completely agree with this and don't think it could be said any better.
Sorry man, but at the end of the day, everyone's happier by him not telling her. In the end, the consequences of our actions determine whether or not we should make them and whether or not they are the best outcome.
Too bad I'm posting on my iphone, otherwise I would note at greater length that your argument largely consists of emotionally charged nonsense. She will not be happier for decision making agency. He doesn't get to deal with the annoyance and she doesn't get hurt. Everyone is in an emotionally better place.
In the end, the real lesson to fucking up is "don't do it again," not "PAY FOR YOUR SINS, HEATHEN." If you're going to do something wrong, do it right. At this point, damage control is more important than some act of karmic balancing.
EDIT: The way you're phrasing this reminds me of a lot of the hive-mind thinking regarding relationships on this board. You seem to imply that there is always one best solution and one correct answer to any relationship problem (that answer always seems to be "let it burn."). Besides making me suspect the relationship experience of the board, I must remind you that every situation is different.
Yea, she should have the right to decide whether or not you lose her, not you. You're lying to her and continuing this relationship based on the lie that she can trust you. You don't want to deal with the consequences of your actions and are finding any way possible to justify or lessen the responsibility of your betrayal of the relationship. You must have no respect for her to cheat on her and then not even feel that you should be honest with her and let her know.
BUT if you think there is any chance of your relationship being thrown out the window(and you only did it once and dont intend to do it again) then dont tell her.
That's just my opinion though.
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Thank you. Cripes, I hate that argument so damn much.
For the record, I'm a female, and I would absolutely want to be told if my S.O. had cheated on me. Pain or no pain, break-up or no, the right thing to do is to tell her.
Yes. A million times yes. I'm female as well, and I would be even more pissed off if he didn't tell me the truth. And imagine if she found out from another source. That's even worse, dude. Telll herrr.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
I don't understand why people think it is the purpose of life to make sure others experience as little pain as possible.
Indeed. SammyF is full of crap.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
Sammy is the one arguing that the OP should tell her. So, what the heck are YOU talking about?
About 8 years ago, my parents divorced out of the blue. No warning, nothing, just my mother telling us that she was going to leave. As weird as that was, for about 6 months (trial separation and all that) I was under the impression that my dad was the problem, someway, somehow, and the we (me and my sis) weren't. Now, after these 6 months, my mother calls me up to break the news about her pushing through with the divorce...not only does she tell me this, she also tells me that a major part of the reason is us, she never wanted us, never loved us, we were means to an end and that end had been 'served'...hence, she didn't want to take care of us anymore.
What do you think I prefer? The initial lie, or the truth?
Sure, looking from the outside, people always say they prefer the truth. That is, if you ask them the question 'Would you like to be lied to?'. However, the answer to this question has little to do with the consequences of the truth or lie, nothing to do with the emotions involved or the choices, it has to do with an ingrained sense of what is right and wrong.
To truly consider what would be the right answer, you cannot consider whether the 'facts' you have or the truth or lies, you can only consider the consequences of either. So, when considering whether the OP should tell his girl or not, consider what would be the pros and cons to each option, not whether it is actually the truth.
Disclaimer: Before you all scream that I am morally relativistic...yes, to a degree this is. To a degree, this can be used to justify lying, this can be used to justify controlling other peoples lives, etc. I see that, I do not propose this, I am just showing that the 'truth forever' is the be all end all of this.
Honestly though, long distance relationships are REALLY FUCKING HARD and for a huge proportion of the populous some infidelity will be almost unavoidable.
If you regret it, if you don't want to do it again and if you still love her don't tell her about it.
I guarantee it won't eat away at you, but her coming to visit you so immediately after your mistake might be akward.
https://medium.com/@alascii
The fact of the matter is, if you SO expects complete honesty from you you should be giving it to them.
Folks, keeping the girlfriend in the dark does two things:
1. Delays the inevitable. One of two things is the case here: A) she is highly suspicious of the situation already and has an inkling something went wrong or
2. Shows that the OP has little faith in the relationship to begin with. First, it's an 18 month old relationship. Second, it's an 18 month old long distance relationship. That's not exactly a recipe for success right there, but it can still work. However the method for doing it is not to build the relationship on a foundation of lies and infidelity. If he wants this to work, he's going to have to own up to his mistake in person, and they can work on their relationship from there. If it ends, then the lesson is for him to learn.
OP, say whatever you're going to say to your girlfriend, but mean it. Be honest. Not telling her takes care of things right now, but does nothing for the future of your relationship. If you really want this thing to work, you need to put the effort into it to repair the damage. If, however, you'd prefer to end it, and there's nothing wrong with that avenue of approach either, then do so, but don't drag it out.
Edit: That wasn't a reply to anyone specific. I'm just saying.
https://medium.com/@alascii
From the OP's last post, he's not breaking up with his current and has no intention to in the future. So if he wants to continue in the relationship, I think it's only fair that the gf gets to make an informed decision.
He didn't fuck the girl. He kissed her.
I still think the truth is the best, out of respect for her. Look, he fucked up. He was weak, now it's his job to own up to it, and let the girl decide if he's worth keeping around.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
:^:
Doing the right thing isn't always about doing what will feel the best for everyone involved.
Dealing with unfortunate shit is part of the human experience.
He's done her wrong, and now he can tell her and make her feel worse for his own sake, or he can suck it up and save her some grief.