I started writing a battle section for Tycho...and couldn't stop. Maybe I'll get to writing the other three later?
Penny Arcade’s getting’ paid, can’t evade, be afraid,
Of the blades (self-made) arrayed in my serenade;
I’m rolling twenty; you trollin’ plenty
Kris and Scott gotta flame for their fame ‘cause they failing funny.
Scott and Kris, makin’ comics that are so pedestrian,
Beatin’ dead horses thinking they might be a top equestrian,
Give it a rest on this quest – you can’t see? That the best in your head’s
Just a flutter of my dick for me?
With heads in the sand these words you can’t remand,
Can’t stand; nothing more than an also-ran. Haven’t you heard?
I’m the hip-hop C’thulu, bending concepts askew, making you two
Eschew further lyrics that you will both live to rue.
Boys beggin’ for Kickstart, I’m whippin out my bic start
Teachin’ you antic art – the lesson that I impart?
In pants or on screen, yo’ bit is just a bit part.
Like a lich with an itch to be rich I enrich my niche,
Burnin’ up the Frequency like I’m burning pitch,
Now Kris close your eyes, Scott cut me a switch;
Time to make your kitch my bitch like an ostrich.
Green Dream on
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Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited June 2011
[Tycho]
They. Might.
Hate on Gabe for getting clout, Hate on 'Cade for selling out
But. I.
Give the best don't marginalize, make dick jokes an' capitalize;
Sell platinum merchandise, makes fly duds for all the guys;
Gets me rich and wins the prize: a bullseye from Thompson's eyes
But. My.
Hit list drops like flies, beat the rap buy alibi's
So much dough could give you wives, but nope, so sad for all your lives
[Scott]
Hey now dudes, no disrepectin', but I don't think ya'll learned ya lesson.
Haters gonna hate cause wolf date rape, not dick jokes from low-rate flat-mates.
Let me demonstrate: you can't write to relate, 50% of your market defenestrate
TRIGGER WARNING: it's over by the morning. Flash in the pan, no one's mourning.
[Gabe]
Big talk, big man. What'd you say bout flash in the pan?
Now I mean no disrepesctin', ain't been any respectin' since '97
We bring gamers with cutting wit. Number1 in a million unique hits.
Anybody stay fer Scott's tits? Two ditz kids, kiss....
"Will they? Won't they?" Wanna solve things in a sexual way?
Not PvP: WE TEASE YOU READ. Please. PvP jumped the shark
When Buck was having bloody farts. Explain my art?
Drop yo' flaccid rhymes, an' watch my acid etch my sign
Cause it pays-us the be a P-A-play-as makin' mecca for the V.G. Jesus
So go, new age Judas, can't be the lewdest, too prude, magnet of BOO
But even changin the 'tude , getting crude won't make you top dude when ya
Cant make em come with Johansson's vagina. At the end o' the day ya still big-baby-whina'
Munkus Beaver on
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
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Tossrocktoo weird to livetoo rare to dieRegistered Userregular
edited June 2011
Munkus you a biter
"Big talk from a big man" was my line
unless that's homage, then we're cool
Tossrock on
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited June 2011
I did not read any of the other submissions. That would be plagiarism.
Munkus Beaver on
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
I started writing a battle section for Tycho...and couldn't stop. Maybe I'll get to writing the other three later?
Penny Arcade’s getting’ paid, can’t evade, be afraid,
Of the blades (self-made) arrayed in my serenade;
I’m rolling twenty; you trollin’ plenty
Kris and Scott gotta flame for their fame ‘cause they failing funny.
Scott and Kris, makin’ comics that are so pedestrian,
Beatin’ dead horses thinking they might be a top equestrian,
Give it a rest on this quest – you can’t see? That the best in your head’s
Just a flutter of my dick for me?
With heads in the sand these words you can’t remand,
Can’t stand; nothing more than an also-ran. Haven’t you heard?
I’m the hip-hop C’thulu, bending concepts askew, making you two
Eschew further lyrics that you will both live to rue.
Boys beggin’ for Kickstart, I’m whippin out my bic start
Teachin’ you antic art – the lesson that I impart?
In pants or on screen, yo’ bit is just a bit part.
Like a lich with an itch to be rich I enrich my niche,
Burnin’ up the Frequency like I’m burning pitch,
Now Kris close your eyes, Scott cut me a switch;
Time to make your kitch my bitch like an ostrich.
this is sensational, the horse line and ostrich line are absurdly good
I'm not going to enter this but I do want to make two rhyme requests
orange/door hinge
and
saucier/dossier
I will give it my 1:30 best, sir.
My rhymes smooth like courvoisier,
mix 'em like a saucier,
feed 'em to your girl,
then I'll add her to my dossier.
I'm the Apple of pimps!
Next to me? You're an orange
My dicks the God of Thunder.
Your shit squeaks like a door hinge.
I'll try this. Never ever rapped before (written or otherwise).
jerry:
yo I'm tycho as in brahe, observin the stars
but I musta messed up, ever hookin' up with y'all
nothing but a perma-bridesmaid who can't fit in his dress
and a never-was with dad issues, yo your style's a mess
that's right kurtz, you'll alway be number two while we laugh
but at least with Kstraub you're two and a half
ya see don't mess with me, I got 20 on my die
hey mike take over I'm tired from carrying these guys
mike:
hey kurtz how long's it been
since we all hit the scene
hey kurtz how long's it been
since you first got on yo' knees
no no don't bother gettin' up
just 'cause we entered the room
Come over when yer done slobbin' on straub's knob
'cause my dick's drier than Dune.
Kstraub:
sorry to interrupt you lovers, but I'm showin' off my might
'cause unlike you, we run comics on our own
plus the most popular part of your 'site
our fans layin' down paper
our new show getin' a boost
while you sitting at home
fuckin' an orange for juice
kurtz:
ya know it's painful
hearin' these rhymes y'all botch
you guys can't win a rap battle,
'guys can't even hang on to a watch
I see jerry gettin' all heated
draggin' his ass in ping pong
better be savin' your energy
for when you're paintin' my dong
Mike:
Okay, okay, I think that I figured out the trick
We can't lose if I make rhymin' reference to my dick
My dong is long and it's covered in pubes
My hard-on's strong when I look at some boobs
Let me see, um, for breakfast I had an orange I uh
Know that doesn't make sense but I wanna say "vagina"
Jerry:
Michael, you know what maybe I should step in.
Not to step on your toes but in order to win
We'll need my expanded vocabulary.
This is my wheelhouse so just leave it to me.
Oh shit bitches, gonna get interred
Under an avalanche of obscure absurd words.
The labyrinthine sentences my mind can spawn
Are more mind-melting than the Necronomicon.
Bet you've never seen a fucker rhyme "sialagogic."
Mike:
What, like PVP?
Jerry:
That's "shitty webcomic."
Kris: Scott we are getting DESTROYED we have GOT to step it up big-time buddy!
Scott: I hear that my mans! And I've got just the thing: an in-rap Blamstorm!
Kris: Great idea! I'LL start.
Kris:
I'm pitchin' two dipstick two-bit half-wits
Emittin' lame-ass shit, nerds pissed
About games and shit?
Bitchin' how hittin' a switch trips a glitch
How the framerate dips in something called Mount and Blade?
No one gives a shit!
Slit wrists, jock-itch, or a kick in the dick
Are all better than this! It's called "Penny Arcade."
Scott:
That's not too bad, but how about this?
It's about two guys named Scott and Kris.
Their god-like art is the best in town,
Ladies touchin' themselves whenever they come 'round.
Spittin' fly-ass rhymes like Doctor Seuss
Droppin' mad rad Blams like bolts from Zeus
Pleasin' the fans while Mike's jackin' off to Jerry jackin' off at the zoo,
Name of the Blam? Heh, the very rap song you're listening' to.
i got this far and had to stop... probably for the best
Mike:
PENNY ARCADE, PENNY ARCADE, dropping bombs on ya brain like a fuckin air raid
went from a loser, never been laid. now i get paid to stand on tha stage.
'fore we start these tracks, holla at my homies back at PAX
straight waiting in line for really cheap nylon back packs
so old skool played games on phone lines, hated nickels and dimes
waste of my time, well i only wanted a quarter per rhyme
plug in the jack off to get that creamy download
all over you facebook and watch as this viral chode
makes it trending to be back up in myspace
free to play with my sing-along-dong in this case
Jer-E:
PENNY ARCADE, PENNY ARCADE, so good at copulation that we get paid
tired of hearing the same old things that always get said
no need to worry, yeah just put your faith in me
no cause for alarm like a press release from sony
my endless bank of knowledge cannot be overdrawn
in this game of life you are just my fuckin pawn
in this instance, we rolling so deep that the DM just dropped MDMA
and what can i say, am i the fucking DEA?
should i leap from this window into a fucking bale of hay
and free-run away
nah not my style, i got more initiative than that
serving you this swagger like valve does hats
do you follow me? can i keep my verbose dose
of overflowing verse continue to blow ya nose?
like the sims, only two walls in this house
broke the fourth one down like the merc with a mouth
Supposed it is, I'm
Opposed in the biz
Rest assured, only one against me
Holds stock in Cheez Wiz
Over your head with a metaphor-
Gabe:
Plane are your skills like nothing
On toast, I'd tell you to bring
Your most, but not even a strong king
Can hoist zero talent, try a mighty sling
Of arrows, it's your only chance
To end my neverendin' dominance
Grab a shovel
You soiled your pants
Scott:
Shit, I guess it's time to brake now
Guess my rhymes are primed to break down
Your pitiful fat joke aside
Of your brain knows it's a future hellride
Driven by me, as I steer clear
Of desperate insults I think I hear
Weight insults flop to my ear
Kris:
I come in like month 4 of the year
Taxin your psyche with dread and fear
My presence, cause it ain't Christmas
Real sorry you had to miss this
This meaning relevance
This meaning pride
I'd advise a d-dam
For your matter grey
I just blew your mind
Have a nice day
Good Looking Fat Guy on
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StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular
Internally, Brian (merch guy) and I like to torment Dave Coffman (PAX guy that is super shy) by taking on his (not actually his. Brian and I made it for him) West Coast 80s Rap Persona, DJ DeeCoff. We turn the quiet, mild mannered vegetarian into a lyrical flowing sex-hound that runs PAX on the side.
and a signed copy of the upcoming Season 2 DVD.
(NO LINK YET)
Given the creators (Kris/Scott and Mike/Jerry), I thought that what might be interesting was a contest that had you write a rap battle between the two groups. Is this weird? Yes, it's probably weird. But before we unleashed it onto the wild, I wanted to test the waters with you guys to see if it had legs.
Let's say 12-16 verses each side?
If it does well in here, we'll put it out into the world (whoever is best here I'm sure we can come up with a separate prize, and yeah the stuff you submit here will be put into the main pool as well).
I'm sure this has been appropriately answered already, but whatever the outcome, you should know that any time anyone wants to do a rap battle for any reason, the answer to the question "should we do this rap battle" is always 100% in the affirmative
furthermore, if this does not happen, I will fall into a crushing depression that will likely end with my lifeless body found clogging the gutters of Spokane (even though I do not live anywhere near Washington State).
Kris
Rappin with these motherfuckers, slower than a turtle
Leapin over motherfuckers like I'm running hurdles
You like that boys? Yeah, I made it myself
Your rhymes gather dust like they sittin' on a shelf
Now I'll pass the mic back soon as I am good and able
Hold up, cause this chick is giving head under the table
I'm a ladies man, get with all the girls I can
Make em all so wet that they'll call me Aquaman
First verse man oh I guess I'm just the best
I will always give you more I will never give you less
Now make a dice roll, cause I got an extra hit
I ain't gotta keep goin, we all know I'm the shit
Mike
White Boy rappin, everybody stand clear
Rhymes so beautiful they make you shed a tear
I know you like that chicken with the sweet and sour sauce
I'll go and get you some soon as you call me the boss
Now pack it up son, the big boys are playin
We about to beat you like a fuckin Super Saiyan
Hurry up man cause I got a bitch waitin
and y'all got a date with your hands masturbatin
You keep goin and a goin like the Energizer bunny
But you never beat me son, ain't that shit funny?
I let the beat build man, I ain't gotta rush
Specially since your raps sound like yo mouth made outta mush
Now I am not a pro, but you are fuckin amateurs
this ain't a rap battle it's a damn rap massacre
Scott
What you got, son? Yeah damn right nothin
Play you like an Xbox, pushin all your buttons
Rock out with my cock out yeah do it freestyle
Beat you like a bitch by a fucking quarter mile
Fuck yourself man, go and get bent
Put some glasses on me, fuckin' Clark Kent
Yeah Superman bitch, my rhymes are super tight
Fly some honeys down cause they's my Kryptonite
Been a little while since I got my dick wet
Lil time I'll be fuckin bitches I ain't met
Been out the game, never been a playa
Gimme few months, be player of the year (ye-uh)
Never touch me man, never come near (ne-uh)
Rhymes fall apart like they made in Korea
Jerry
We ain't done son, that first rap was foreplay
Fuckin Girl Talk we can do this shit All Day
Might seem cocky, but man we're just better
Bustin out rhymes making all these girls wetter
I know we chalk white and ain't very burly
but we spit you down the drain like a fuckin verbal swirly
So bring out your best, dogs, bring out ya A-Game
Never beat us kids, ain't that a damn shame
See a fly girl and I'll be all on that
Tear shit up like playin Mortal Kombat
No Fatalities son, I don't want her dead
No decapitations but I'm still getting head
This shit come natural, guess I'm a phenom
When I beat y'all ya got a shoulder to lean on
We gotta get goin man, feelin kinda sick
Sincerely, PA. PS: Suck our dicks
this is not about rap at all, but: hey Khoo, 'what-if' time.
Had you not met Mike and Jerry, what did you plan to do, and/or what do you think you'd be doing these days?
I'm just curious as to what industry you'd be running from behind the scenes right now if it weren't this one.
this is not about rap at all, but: hey Khoo, 'what-if' time.
Had you not met Mike and Jerry, what did you plan to do, and/or what do you think you'd be doing these days?
I'm just curious as to what industry you'd be running from behind the scenes right now if it weren't this one.
I'd be in games one way or the other. Other than that, it's tough to tell. I'm a pretty adaptable person, so what would have caught my eye if I had not run into MJ isn't a question I can answer.
but yes, definitely games. I love love love games.
Announcer (Ryan North): OH SHIT, ITS THE WEBCOMIC THROWDOWN! KRIS STRAUB, SCOTT KURTZ, SHOW THESE PEOPLE WHAT YOU GOT!
Kris:
first of all, I'm The Straub, let me start with introductions
when it comes to webcomics, i've bred a metric fuck-ton
i got blams, chainsawsuits and f-chords
a Blank Label and a Halfpixel's all i need to f-yours
Scott:
we the new game in town, motherfuckin Toonhound
we kickstart more than your poorly-drawn fingers can count
ive won Eisner and Harvey, your Lookouts made me bored
and i sure as fuck didnt see your faces at the goddamn Reuben Awards
Kris:
dont fuck around, show the beard some respect,
watch your mouth or ill starslip a noose around your neck
Scott:
im the unstopable force in comics, dont try to push me
this shit is PvP - we the players, you the pussies.
Ryan: OH SHIT! YOU MOTHA FUCKAS GOT SERVED! GABE! TYCHO! HOW YOU GONNA TOP THAT?!?
Tycho:
everyone, step up and see what the fucking hum-drum did.
wait, were you the first webcomic in Time's Top One Hundred?
my intellect is impeccable, my cohort's creative cream delectable
your fecal matter's ineffectual.
i could go on for eternity
verbal lacerations so bad youll need mother fuckin surgery.
Gabe:
and you're screaming 'stop hurtin me!'
this shit is child's play, lets send the babies back to the nursery.
You fruity fuckers, you fucking with the Photoshop Hero
How many people came to the PvP Expo? Zero.
we run this shit. what else can I say?
Jim winks and says 'have a magical day.'
Ryan: DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! PENNY ARCADE BROUGHT THE FIRE! THIS SHIT IS BANGIN! I CANT DECIDE WHO WON! WE MIGHT NEED ANOTHER ROUND!
Tycho
Mothafucka we are Penny-arcade, you can't mess wit' us
You best respect or you'll get decked when you addressin' us
We bring down entire sites just by makin' a joke
Our link's a death sentence, fool, now yo bandwidth's broke
Kris
You think you guys got game? Well you ain't never seen this
Give the ladies bliss while their boyfriends hiss dismiss their impotent diss
I got my comics on the net and y'all would be remiss
if ya miss my kiss to yo wife's abyss all courtesy of kris
Gabe
It's cool that you guys draw, too bad you wannabe
the difference here is when I draw people wanna see
Y'all think you're walking tall, well I got news for you
The funniest thing you got is a fuckin' stupid goatee
Scott
I can see why you'd be jealous of us, i'm just sayin'
Cause we runnin' this place, while you sit there playin'
It's impossible for us not to be awesome you see
kstraub and scott kurtz takin' over completely
Posts
Penny Arcade’s getting’ paid, can’t evade, be afraid,
Of the blades (self-made) arrayed in my serenade;
I’m rolling twenty; you trollin’ plenty
Kris and Scott gotta flame for their fame ‘cause they failing funny.
Scott and Kris, makin’ comics that are so pedestrian,
Beatin’ dead horses thinking they might be a top equestrian,
Give it a rest on this quest – you can’t see? That the best in your head’s
Just a flutter of my dick for me?
With heads in the sand these words you can’t remand,
Can’t stand; nothing more than an also-ran. Haven’t you heard?
I’m the hip-hop C’thulu, bending concepts askew, making you two
Eschew further lyrics that you will both live to rue.
Boys beggin’ for Kickstart, I’m whippin out my bic start
Teachin’ you antic art – the lesson that I impart?
In pants or on screen, yo’ bit is just a bit part.
Like a lich with an itch to be rich I enrich my niche,
Burnin’ up the Frequency like I’m burning pitch,
Now Kris close your eyes, Scott cut me a switch;
Time to make your kitch my bitch like an ostrich.
Satans..... hints.....
I was trying to hit 12 verses, 3 per dude. That was definitely an undertaking that I couldn't quite master.
"Pax, Child's Play, got 'em givin' us money in droves
The only thing you've organized is an orgy with dick-wolves"
They. Might.
Hate on Gabe for getting clout, Hate on 'Cade for selling out
But. I.
Give the best don't marginalize, make dick jokes an' capitalize;
Sell platinum merchandise, makes fly duds for all the guys;
Gets me rich and wins the prize: a bullseye from Thompson's eyes
But. My.
Hit list drops like flies, beat the rap buy alibi's
So much dough could give you wives, but nope, so sad for all your lives
[Scott]
Hey now dudes, no disrepectin', but I don't think ya'll learned ya lesson.
Haters gonna hate cause wolf date rape, not dick jokes from low-rate flat-mates.
Let me demonstrate: you can't write to relate, 50% of your market defenestrate
TRIGGER WARNING: it's over by the morning. Flash in the pan, no one's mourning.
[Gabe]
Big talk, big man. What'd you say bout flash in the pan?
Now I mean no disrepesctin', ain't been any respectin' since '97
We bring gamers with cutting wit. Number1 in a million unique hits.
Anybody stay fer Scott's tits? Two ditz kids, kiss....
"Will they? Won't they?" Wanna solve things in a sexual way?
Not PvP: WE TEASE YOU READ. Please. PvP jumped the shark
When Buck was having bloody farts. Explain my art?
Drop yo' flaccid rhymes, an' watch my acid etch my sign
Cause it pays-us the be a P-A-play-as makin' mecca for the V.G. Jesus
So go, new age Judas, can't be the lewdest, too prude, magnet of BOO
But even changin the 'tude , getting crude won't make you top dude when ya
Cant make em come with Johansson's vagina. At the end o' the day ya still big-baby-whina'
"Big talk from a big man" was my line
unless that's homage, then we're cool
this is sensational, the horse line and ostrich line are absurdly good
My rhymes smooth like courvoisier,
mix 'em like a saucier,
feed 'em to your girl,
then I'll add her to my dossier.
I'm the Apple of pimps!
Next to me? You're an orange
My dicks the God of Thunder.
Your shit squeaks like a door hinge.
jerry:
yo I'm tycho as in brahe, observin the stars
but I musta messed up, ever hookin' up with y'all
nothing but a perma-bridesmaid who can't fit in his dress
and a never-was with dad issues, yo your style's a mess
that's right kurtz, you'll alway be number two while we laugh
but at least with Kstraub you're two and a half
ya see don't mess with me, I got 20 on my die
hey mike take over I'm tired from carrying these guys
mike:
hey kurtz how long's it been
since we all hit the scene
hey kurtz how long's it been
since you first got on yo' knees
no no don't bother gettin' up
just 'cause we entered the room
Come over when yer done slobbin' on straub's knob
'cause my dick's drier than Dune.
Kstraub:
sorry to interrupt you lovers, but I'm showin' off my might
'cause unlike you, we run comics on our own
plus the most popular part of your 'site
our fans layin' down paper
our new show getin' a boost
while you sitting at home
fuckin' an orange for juice
kurtz:
ya know it's painful
hearin' these rhymes y'all botch
you guys can't win a rap battle,
'guys can't even hang on to a watch
I see jerry gettin' all heated
draggin' his ass in ping pong
better be savin' your energy
for when you're paintin' my dong
Okay, okay, I think that I figured out the trick
We can't lose if I make rhymin' reference to my dick
My dong is long and it's covered in pubes
My hard-on's strong when I look at some boobs
Let me see, um, for breakfast I had an orange I uh
Know that doesn't make sense but I wanna say "vagina"
Jerry:
Michael, you know what maybe I should step in.
Not to step on your toes but in order to win
We'll need my expanded vocabulary.
This is my wheelhouse so just leave it to me.
Oh shit bitches, gonna get interred
Under an avalanche of obscure absurd words.
The labyrinthine sentences my mind can spawn
Are more mind-melting than the Necronomicon.
Bet you've never seen a fucker rhyme "sialagogic."
Mike:
What, like PVP?
Jerry:
That's "shitty webcomic."
Kris: Scott we are getting DESTROYED we have GOT to step it up big-time buddy!
Scott: I hear that my mans! And I've got just the thing: an in-rap Blamstorm!
Kris: Great idea! I'LL start.
Kris:
I'm pitchin' two dipstick two-bit half-wits
Emittin' lame-ass shit, nerds pissed
About games and shit?
Bitchin' how hittin' a switch trips a glitch
How the framerate dips in something called Mount and Blade?
No one gives a shit!
Slit wrists, jock-itch, or a kick in the dick
Are all better than this! It's called "Penny Arcade."
Scott:
That's not too bad, but how about this?
It's about two guys named Scott and Kris.
Their god-like art is the best in town,
Ladies touchin' themselves whenever they come 'round.
Spittin' fly-ass rhymes like Doctor Seuss
Droppin' mad rad Blams like bolts from Zeus
Pleasin' the fans while Mike's jackin' off to Jerry jackin' off at the zoo,
Name of the Blam? Heh, the very rap song you're listening' to.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
PENNY ARCADE, PENNY ARCADE, dropping bombs on ya brain like a fuckin air raid
went from a loser, never been laid. now i get paid to stand on tha stage.
'fore we start these tracks, holla at my homies back at PAX
straight waiting in line for really cheap nylon back packs
so old skool played games on phone lines, hated nickels and dimes
waste of my time, well i only wanted a quarter per rhyme
plug in the jack off to get that creamy download
all over you facebook and watch as this viral chode
makes it trending to be back up in myspace
free to play with my sing-along-dong in this case
Jer-E:
PENNY ARCADE, PENNY ARCADE, so good at copulation that we get paid
tired of hearing the same old things that always get said
no need to worry, yeah just put your faith in me
no cause for alarm like a press release from sony
my endless bank of knowledge cannot be overdrawn
in this game of life you are just my fuckin pawn
in this instance, we rolling so deep that the DM just dropped MDMA
and what can i say, am i the fucking DEA?
should i leap from this window into a fucking bale of hay
and free-run away
nah not my style, i got more initiative than that
serving you this swagger like valve does hats
do you follow me? can i keep my verbose dose
of overflowing verse continue to blow ya nose?
like the sims, only two walls in this house
broke the fourth one down like the merc with a mouth
Kris goes to jupiter to get more stupider.
word
Best line of the contest, in my opinion
Supposed it is, I'm
Opposed in the biz
Rest assured, only one against me
Holds stock in Cheez Wiz
Over your head with a metaphor-
Gabe:
Plane are your skills like nothing
On toast, I'd tell you to bring
Your most, but not even a strong king
Can hoist zero talent, try a mighty sling
Of arrows, it's your only chance
To end my neverendin' dominance
Grab a shovel
You soiled your pants
Scott:
Shit, I guess it's time to brake now
Guess my rhymes are primed to break down
Your pitiful fat joke aside
Of your brain knows it's a future hellride
Driven by me, as I steer clear
Of desperate insults I think I hear
Weight insults flop to my ear
Kris:
I come in like month 4 of the year
Taxin your psyche with dread and fear
My presence, cause it ain't Christmas
Real sorry you had to miss this
This meaning relevance
This meaning pride
I'd advise a d-dam
For your matter grey
I just blew your mind
Have a nice day
West Hartford, CT?
Seriously?
Yes.
furthermore, if this does not happen, I will fall into a crushing depression that will likely end with my lifeless body found clogging the gutters of Spokane (even though I do not live anywhere near Washington State).
Kris
Rappin with these motherfuckers, slower than a turtle
Leapin over motherfuckers like I'm running hurdles
You like that boys? Yeah, I made it myself
Your rhymes gather dust like they sittin' on a shelf
Now I'll pass the mic back soon as I am good and able
Hold up, cause this chick is giving head under the table
I'm a ladies man, get with all the girls I can
Make em all so wet that they'll call me Aquaman
First verse man oh I guess I'm just the best
I will always give you more I will never give you less
Now make a dice roll, cause I got an extra hit
I ain't gotta keep goin, we all know I'm the shit
Mike
White Boy rappin, everybody stand clear
Rhymes so beautiful they make you shed a tear
I know you like that chicken with the sweet and sour sauce
I'll go and get you some soon as you call me the boss
Now pack it up son, the big boys are playin
We about to beat you like a fuckin Super Saiyan
Hurry up man cause I got a bitch waitin
and y'all got a date with your hands masturbatin
You keep goin and a goin like the Energizer bunny
But you never beat me son, ain't that shit funny?
I let the beat build man, I ain't gotta rush
Specially since your raps sound like yo mouth made outta mush
Now I am not a pro, but you are fuckin amateurs
this ain't a rap battle it's a damn rap massacre
Scott
What you got, son? Yeah damn right nothin
Play you like an Xbox, pushin all your buttons
Rock out with my cock out yeah do it freestyle
Beat you like a bitch by a fucking quarter mile
Fuck yourself man, go and get bent
Put some glasses on me, fuckin' Clark Kent
Yeah Superman bitch, my rhymes are super tight
Fly some honeys down cause they's my Kryptonite
Been a little while since I got my dick wet
Lil time I'll be fuckin bitches I ain't met
Been out the game, never been a playa
Gimme few months, be player of the year (ye-uh)
Never touch me man, never come near (ne-uh)
Rhymes fall apart like they made in Korea
Jerry
We ain't done son, that first rap was foreplay
Fuckin Girl Talk we can do this shit All Day
Might seem cocky, but man we're just better
Bustin out rhymes making all these girls wetter
I know we chalk white and ain't very burly
but we spit you down the drain like a fuckin verbal swirly
So bring out your best, dogs, bring out ya A-Game
Never beat us kids, ain't that a damn shame
See a fly girl and I'll be all on that
Tear shit up like playin Mortal Kombat
No Fatalities son, I don't want her dead
No decapitations but I'm still getting head
This shit come natural, guess I'm a phenom
When I beat y'all ya got a shoulder to lean on
We gotta get goin man, feelin kinda sick
Sincerely, PA. PS: Suck our dicks
Had you not met Mike and Jerry, what did you plan to do, and/or what do you think you'd be doing these days?
I'm just curious as to what industry you'd be running from behind the scenes right now if it weren't this one.
SE++ Map Steam
Khoogle
Obviously.
but yes, definitely games. I love love love games.
Announcer (Ryan North): OH SHIT, ITS THE WEBCOMIC THROWDOWN! KRIS STRAUB, SCOTT KURTZ, SHOW THESE PEOPLE WHAT YOU GOT!
Kris:
first of all, I'm The Straub, let me start with introductions
when it comes to webcomics, i've bred a metric fuck-ton
i got blams, chainsawsuits and f-chords
a Blank Label and a Halfpixel's all i need to f-yours
Scott:
we the new game in town, motherfuckin Toonhound
we kickstart more than your poorly-drawn fingers can count
ive won Eisner and Harvey, your Lookouts made me bored
and i sure as fuck didnt see your faces at the goddamn Reuben Awards
Kris:
dont fuck around, show the beard some respect,
watch your mouth or ill starslip a noose around your neck
Scott:
im the unstopable force in comics, dont try to push me
this shit is PvP - we the players, you the pussies.
Ryan: OH SHIT! YOU MOTHA FUCKAS GOT SERVED! GABE! TYCHO! HOW YOU GONNA TOP THAT?!?
Tycho:
everyone, step up and see what the fucking hum-drum did.
wait, were you the first webcomic in Time's Top One Hundred?
my intellect is impeccable, my cohort's creative cream delectable
your fecal matter's ineffectual.
i could go on for eternity
verbal lacerations so bad youll need mother fuckin surgery.
Gabe:
and you're screaming 'stop hurtin me!'
this shit is child's play, lets send the babies back to the nursery.
You fruity fuckers, you fucking with the Photoshop Hero
How many people came to the PvP Expo? Zero.
we run this shit. what else can I say?
Jim winks and says 'have a magical day.'
Ryan: DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! PENNY ARCADE BROUGHT THE FIRE! THIS SHIT IS BANGIN! I CANT DECIDE WHO WON! WE MIGHT NEED ANOTHER ROUND!
Mothafucka we are Penny-arcade, you can't mess wit' us
You best respect or you'll get decked when you addressin' us
We bring down entire sites just by makin' a joke
Our link's a death sentence, fool, now yo bandwidth's broke
Kris
You think you guys got game? Well you ain't never seen this
Give the ladies bliss while their boyfriends hiss dismiss their impotent diss
I got my comics on the net and y'all would be remiss
if ya miss my kiss to yo wife's abyss all courtesy of kris
Gabe
It's cool that you guys draw, too bad you wannabe
the difference here is when I draw people wanna see
Y'all think you're walking tall, well I got news for you
The funniest thing you got is a fuckin' stupid goatee
Scott
I can see why you'd be jealous of us, i'm just sayin'
Cause we runnin' this place, while you sit there playin'
It's impossible for us not to be awesome you see
kstraub and scott kurtz takin' over completely
Anyway thank you for helping out on this. Everyone that already submitted here will be automatically entered. They are great.