I've been off the drugs for quite a few years now. I found the trick was being on them at the correct dosage long enough to figure out what "normal" is. Now it's just a matter of ruthless vigilance, to make sure I'm not spiraling too far in either direction. I can recognize when I'm going up or down and if its genuine emotional response or just brain chemicals (I know it's a purely academic distinction). I have coping mechanisms in place (most involve a few hours alone shooting things in video games) but it works. There is hope on the other end of the drug train.
I agree completely. Even for a given person there can be periods that necessitate medication and periods that don't. If I'm not medicated and my stress level tweaks upward I go batshit insane with anxiety. Other people, while they might receive some benefit from medication during those times, might also be able to manage their issues with exercise or conversation. I don't think one way of dealing is better than the other, and I'm not entirely sure what the phrase 'normal' means in the context of a mind that's broken on some level.
Having been put on lexapro for a few months I can defiantly tell you that subjectively you do notice that your emotional experience is limited by being on this drug. I was told that if I came off it I would most lightly become depressed again and lived in fear of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSRI_discontinuation_syndrome . Anyone thinking of staying long term on an SSRI should take 1 minute to have a look at Robert Whitaker's website. http://www.madinamerica.com/2011/11/depression-2/ . The bottom line is that the long term use of SSRIs causes a person to fare less well in life due to having a chemical imbalance in their brains (caused by the SSRI) and be MORE prone to depressive episodes in the future compared to someone who does not take SSRI medication.
When I first started taking Welbutrin (I went on both that and Lexapro eventually since I've apparently been severely depressed since I was 8), I was playing Red Dead Redemption daily. The onset of these drugs caused uncomfortable hallucinations and waking dreams for me, and the RDR dream came at me several times: I was on a stagecoach driven by sick horses when, out of nowhere, these rocket-powered horses with bodies contorted and frozen in painful expressions appeared out of nowhere, bound to the stagecoach by a metal bar, propelling the stagecoach at a healthy pace across the sunset-lit desert.
The Lexapro was gentler and came at me more like eyes smiling out of the mojoverse. The effect was immediately obvious - all the self medicating I'd done in order to properly socialize with human beings all made sense. Without these chemicals, who would, before the medication, like a manically depressed slut, seduce me and leave me reeling and desperate, actually talking to people or even facing my common abject fear of the world seemed totally impossible.
But yeah, I am changed. I am still in there, in here, my basic views and sense of humor remain intact, but there is a missing depth of feeling, good and bad, like TB so eloquently described. With two drugs, the tunnel is narrower and covers more dimensions. I still believe firmly that there is work to be done on the body/mind that can supersede the need for the pills - work that may be impossible while on the drugs, but work that our culture and economy hardly leave us space and time to accomplish.
Posts
The Lexapro was gentler and came at me more like eyes smiling out of the mojoverse. The effect was immediately obvious - all the self medicating I'd done in order to properly socialize with human beings all made sense. Without these chemicals, who would, before the medication, like a manically depressed slut, seduce me and leave me reeling and desperate, actually talking to people or even facing my common abject fear of the world seemed totally impossible.
But yeah, I am changed. I am still in there, in here, my basic views and sense of humor remain intact, but there is a missing depth of feeling, good and bad, like TB so eloquently described. With two drugs, the tunnel is narrower and covers more dimensions. I still believe firmly that there is work to be done on the body/mind that can supersede the need for the pills - work that may be impossible while on the drugs, but work that our culture and economy hardly leave us space and time to accomplish.
* \m/
U