Ended up having a third "sort of date" with Coffee "not ready for a relationship at the moment" Girl. Had a good time but in the end wish I hadn't bothered. Now I just like her more.
To be honest I'm tired of the whole dating thing online and off at the moment. Think I'll be taking my profiles down and having a break from it. Might resume things in the summer. Bipolar girl has said she'll get in touch with me at the start of April when she gets back in to the country but I'm not holding my breath and this thing with Coffee Girl will probably fizzle out.
I had some fun though and met some new people so not a bad run.
Are there any cultural considerations I should keep in mind when dealing with a Chinese girl? Specifically from Shanghai. I'm wondering things like, what is the typical Shanghaiyan(?) urbanite approach to dating/relationships/intimacy and whatnot.
There isn't a smiley face big enough to describe my third date last night ... Ended up not getting home until 5 in the morning. God bless internet dating.
Steam
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
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mrt144King of the NumbernamesRegistered Userregular
Are there any cultural considerations I should keep in mind when dealing with a Chinese girl? Specifically from Shanghai. I'm wondering things like, what is the typical Shanghaiyan(?) urbanite approach to dating/relationships/intimacy and whatnot.
I know this is the internet, so we may have some insight, but this seems really specific.
I have some interesting thoughts about first dates, if anyone is interested.
I have a first date tomorrow with someone I met off OKC, and I'm excited about it. The guy I'm meeting with appears to be very good looking, a great conversationalist (at least in our e-mails so far), and strikes me as kind, thoughtful, and generous.
In the past, I've tried to downplay my own excitement before a first date. I tell myself not to get my hopes up, that this is most likely going to end up in another, eventual rejection, and the only question is when and where and if it will be him or me.
But that kind of thinking, I've since realized, is terrible. I actually really love this feeling of excitement, first of all, and it makes me feel good to relish it. And so I've been thinking: It's okay to be excited. But what is it that I should be excited about?
A first date represents a huge spectrum of possibilities. Over on one end of the spectrum, the best possible outcome is that it's the beginning of a long term, meaningful, amazing relationship. Another still excellent outcome is a relationship that lasts just a few months or weeks -- it's not a long term relationship, but it's still great. Friendship is another possibility, perhaps after one of the previous outcomes, or just after the first date, and the degree of closeness of the friendship is another wide range of possibilities, none of them bad. And absolute worst thing that could reasonably happen is you get to meet someone interesting and have lunch with him, and that's it ... and that's still pretty great.
So, I've decided to really relish this excitement. I'm not excited because I know this is the beginning of anything (other than lunch). Though I am open to a long term relationship, I'm mostly just excited for lunch, and for the huge range of possibilities it represents.
I like doing something that I enjoy for a first date so even if the date is a completely socially awkward penguin, at least I had some fun. Eating is fun, so good times.
Are there any cultural considerations I should keep in mind when dealing with a Chinese girl? Specifically from Shanghai. I'm wondering things like, what is the typical Shanghaiyan(?) urbanite approach to dating/relationships/intimacy and whatnot.
I know this is the internet, so we may have some insight, but this seems really specific.
Yeah it is. I've got no problem finding out how someone from a completely different world approaches these things on my own, but I asked just in case and google didn't help me (maybe i suck at googling).
Just had my first OKC date. We had coffee and lunch at this nice coffee house. Can't say things went badly (though I had issues stalling during conversation), but I didn't really feel any strong connection. I suppose it could be because it was just our first meeting, but I'd think I'd rather just be friends with her. And while I'm terrible at reading people, that's the vibe I was getting from her.
Still a good experience, though.
Edit; Got a 4/5 star rating from another girl, so I think I know who to message next.
hmm my zoo date was canceled for rain. She didn't really want to do any backup plans. Though still wants to do zoo later.
maybe a bad sign.
Aioua on
life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
No - too high stakes for a first date. make it a third date.
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kaliyamaLeft to find less-moderated foraRegistered Userregular
OK, i'm back in the game - I deleted bits of my profile i didn't like but haven't figured out what to replace it with yet. Thoughts? http://www.okcupid.com/profile/yaymoral
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kaliyamaLeft to find less-moderated foraRegistered Userregular
Posting my profile here for my annual review, see if there are things that are outdated or need to be changed: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Munkus
Also because I was just messaged out of the blue by a gorgeous woman who shares my personality type, almost all of my interests, sense of humor, and ideals about public service.
Except she lives across the country.
But holy shit, she seems perfect, and after one phonecall I'm already crushing on her pretty bad.
a) why waste time on phone calls?
b) all of your pics appear to be at the same head-angle. you can do better than zoolander on that front.
Edit; Got a 4/5 star rating from another girl, so I think I know who to message next.
I find it frustrating when someone "rates" me highly or I get the "so-and-so chose you!" thing. Like, great, thanks. Now what.
Click on his profile and check him out. If you feel he might be worth dating, give him 4/5 stars. He'll get a message saying such and know that you're vaguely interested, and then maybe he'll feel inclinded to send you a message knowing that there is a mutual interest.
Alternately, just send him a message since you know he seems to find you at least somewhat attractive or dateable.
So being new to this I haven't yet bothered to message anyone.
I was messaged by a lady with similar interests and weirdness levels, She sent me two message and I replied with two, I expected her to get back to me then as I thought this was the warm up to a date of sorts, though the subject was never really broached, still she never replied back to my last message. Does that mean she's just not interested anymore or that I just said something stupid and scared her off?
nah I've seen from the online message that she's been online a few times at the same time as me so your probably right, just move on
I gotta say, I do this all the time. I realize it makes me a bad person. It doesn't even mean I'm not interested. I likely just don't know how to proceed. Half the time I log on, read messages, am not sure how to reply, get distracted. Sometimes I then forget I even got a message, especially when I did the reading at 4 a.m. on my phone or something. Then eventually I remember and feel guilty about it or like I have to think up a good excuse which makes me take even longer... you see where this is going.
You might want to bring up the date thing sooner next time. Some people don't know how to deal with messaging someone who seems maybe interested but doesn't know how to proceed themselves, so they just panic and stop replying, like me! Or you could even drop another quick note, like don't even mention that she hasn't replied, but just act like you're assuming she just hasn't gotten a chance to reply yet and say something like "Oh just wanted to drop you a line because [some random event that your profile indicated you might enjoy] is going down this weekend and I thought you might want to come with me"...
nah I've seen from the online message that she's been online a few times at the same time as me so your probably right, just move on
I gotta say, I do this all the time. I realize it makes me a bad person. It doesn't even mean I'm not interested. I likely just don't know how to proceed. Half the time I log on, read messages, am not sure how to reply, get distracted. Sometimes I then forget I even got a message, especially when I did the reading at 4 a.m. on my phone or something. Then eventually I remember and feel guilty about it or like I have to think up a good excuse which makes me take even longer... you see where this is going.
You might want to bring up the date thing sooner next time. Some people don't know how to deal with messaging someone who seems maybe interested but doesn't know how to proceed themselves, so they just panic and stop replying, like me! Or you could even drop another quick note, like don't even mention that she hasn't replied, but just act like you're assuming she just hasn't gotten a chance to reply yet and say something like "Oh just wanted to drop you a line because [some random event that your profile indicated you might enjoy] is going down this weekend and I thought you might want to come with me"...
well to be completely honest her first message was basically along the lines of "I can't wait to see that new 3D star wars movie" but knowing from experience and the advice in this thread that the cinema is the worst first date ever as well as the fact I wanted to chat a bit first to see if we'd get a long I decided to semi-ignore the probable massive hint by just messaging her a few times.
I'm thinking it came across to her as not being interested but meeting up with someone after just one message isn't my style.
Not very effective, IMO. You are good-looking and can write well, so I think you needn't do anything but get them to have coffee with you and never ever mention PA. High risk strategies seem unnecessary.
Not very effective, IMO. You are good-looking and can write well, so I think you needn't do anything but get them to have coffee with you and never ever mention PA. High risk strategies seem unnecessary.
D'oh.
I do enjoy the fact that you mention not to mention PA. Is that something you've had experience with? =p
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kaliyamaLeft to find less-moderated foraRegistered Userregular
Not very effective, IMO. You are good-looking and can write well, so I think you needn't do anything but get them to have coffee with you and never ever mention PA. High risk strategies seem unnecessary.
D'oh.
I do enjoy the fact that you mention not to mention PA. Is that something you've had experience with? =p
Actually, no, an ex is now a forum member on account of mentioning it. But she is not most girls.
nah I've seen from the online message that she's been online a few times at the same time as me so your probably right, just move on
I gotta say, I do this all the time. I realize it makes me a bad person. It doesn't even mean I'm not interested. I likely just don't know how to proceed. Half the time I log on, read messages, am not sure how to reply, get distracted. Sometimes I then forget I even got a message, especially when I did the reading at 4 a.m. on my phone or something. Then eventually I remember and feel guilty about it or like I have to think up a good excuse which makes me take even longer... you see where this is going.
You might want to bring up the date thing sooner next time. Some people don't know how to deal with messaging someone who seems maybe interested but doesn't know how to proceed themselves, so they just panic and stop replying, like me! Or you could even drop another quick note, like don't even mention that she hasn't replied, but just act like you're assuming she just hasn't gotten a chance to reply yet and say something like "Oh just wanted to drop you a line because [some random event that your profile indicated you might enjoy] is going down this weekend and I thought you might want to come with me"...
Yeah, this. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time by not thinking this way earlier. I keep on having things stall after a couple of messages and never actually meeting anyone. I don't find it easy at all to get to know someone through text alone so really I need to be meeting in person sooner rather than later.
Anyway, I had a wink or whatever from a girl a few weeks back. It took me a week to get around to writing to her, then we had a couple of days of emails back and forth, then no response from her from another week. So this time I just manned up and asked her out, and we're going to a comedy show this weekend
nah I've seen from the online message that she's been online a few times at the same time as me so your probably right, just move on
I gotta say, I do this all the time. I realize it makes me a bad person. It doesn't even mean I'm not interested. I likely just don't know how to proceed. Half the time I log on, read messages, am not sure how to reply, get distracted. Sometimes I then forget I even got a message, especially when I did the reading at 4 a.m. on my phone or something. Then eventually I remember and feel guilty about it or like I have to think up a good excuse which makes me take even longer... you see where this is going.
You might want to bring up the date thing sooner next time. Some people don't know how to deal with messaging someone who seems maybe interested but doesn't know how to proceed themselves, so they just panic and stop replying, like me! Or you could even drop another quick note, like don't even mention that she hasn't replied, but just act like you're assuming she just hasn't gotten a chance to reply yet and say something like "Oh just wanted to drop you a line because [some random event that your profile indicated you might enjoy] is going down this weekend and I thought you might want to come with me"...
Yeah, this. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time by not thinking this way earlier. I keep on having things stall after a couple of messages and never actually meeting anyone. I don't find it easy at all to get to know someone through text alone so really I need to be meeting in person sooner rather than later.
Anyway, I had a wink or whatever from a girl a few weeks back. It took me a week to get around to writing to her, then we had a couple of days of emails back and forth, then no response from her from another week. So this time I just manned up and asked her out, and we're going to a comedy show this weekend
I don't even get that far ... If I send a message that does get a reply (which is seldom enough), usuall I don't get a second reply - and I have no idea what goes wrong.
A few days ago I came across a profile of a girl that listed "wes anderson" under movies, so I send her a message "So what is your favorite Wes Anderson movie" - her reply "Well ... all of them of course".
And I have no idea what I should reply ... Also, I am pretty sure, no matter what I reply - I won't get another answer. And this happens all the damn time. Once I asked a girl out in the second message - no reply. Ok, so maybe that was a bit fast - next time I didn't ask the (different) girl out in the second message - still no reply.
I have tried "Hey, so I am <insert name here>, I am <age> and blah blah blah" ... I've tried to be funny, I've tried the "So you are into X, thats nice, tell me more", I've tried similar stuff to the "So what is your favorite Wes Anderson movie" line. One time (not in band camp) a girl had a photo of her holding an alligator (somewhere in the swamps around New Orleans) with some weird looking dudes in the background. I asked her "so, from which 70s porn movie are these guys?" - got a laugh and a response. Followup mail - nada.
Either I am constantly trying the wrong approach, even if I switch things up or ... I don't know. Maybe I am missing something. So it is always kinda baffling to me how easily people on here seem to a) hold conversations and b) actually go to dates.
Posts
I assume yes. We're talking about Dating on the Internet, not necessarily Internet Dating.
To be honest I'm tired of the whole dating thing online and off at the moment. Think I'll be taking my profiles down and having a break from it. Might resume things in the summer. Bipolar girl has said she'll get in touch with me at the start of April when she gets back in to the country but I'm not holding my breath and this thing with Coffee Girl will probably fizzle out.
I had some fun though and met some new people so not a bad run.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
I know this is the internet, so we may have some insight, but this seems really specific.
I have a first date tomorrow with someone I met off OKC, and I'm excited about it. The guy I'm meeting with appears to be very good looking, a great conversationalist (at least in our e-mails so far), and strikes me as kind, thoughtful, and generous.
In the past, I've tried to downplay my own excitement before a first date. I tell myself not to get my hopes up, that this is most likely going to end up in another, eventual rejection, and the only question is when and where and if it will be him or me.
But that kind of thinking, I've since realized, is terrible. I actually really love this feeling of excitement, first of all, and it makes me feel good to relish it. And so I've been thinking: It's okay to be excited. But what is it that I should be excited about?
A first date represents a huge spectrum of possibilities. Over on one end of the spectrum, the best possible outcome is that it's the beginning of a long term, meaningful, amazing relationship. Another still excellent outcome is a relationship that lasts just a few months or weeks -- it's not a long term relationship, but it's still great. Friendship is another possibility, perhaps after one of the previous outcomes, or just after the first date, and the degree of closeness of the friendship is another wide range of possibilities, none of them bad. And absolute worst thing that could reasonably happen is you get to meet someone interesting and have lunch with him, and that's it ... and that's still pretty great.
So, I've decided to really relish this excitement. I'm not excited because I know this is the beginning of anything (other than lunch). Though I am open to a long term relationship, I'm mostly just excited for lunch, and for the huge range of possibilities it represents.
Yeah it is. I've got no problem finding out how someone from a completely different world approaches these things on my own, but I asked just in case and google didn't help me (maybe i suck at googling).
Still a good experience, though.
Edit; Got a 4/5 star rating from another girl, so I think I know who to message next.
Steam: pazython
More importantly, did you win?
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
I spent years training for this day.
I lost. But not by much.
Obviously, you didn't use enough blue sparks.
Steam: pazython
maybe a bad sign.
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
Nothing says "Im into you" like a blue shell up the wazoo. Some women are into that.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
I find it frustrating when someone "rates" me highly or I get the "so-and-so chose you!" thing. Like, great, thanks. Now what.
No - too high stakes for a first date. make it a third date.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/yaymoral
a) why waste time on phone calls?
b) all of your pics appear to be at the same head-angle. you can do better than zoolander on that front.
Alternately, just send him a message since you know he seems to find you at least somewhat attractive or dateable.
I was messaged by a lady with similar interests and weirdness levels, She sent me two message and I replied with two, I expected her to get back to me then as I thought this was the warm up to a date of sorts, though the subject was never really broached, still she never replied back to my last message. Does that mean she's just not interested anymore or that I just said something stupid and scared her off?
Maybe she only logs in a couple times a week and hasn't even seen your replies yet.
I've currently tried to theme it. What do you think?
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/sbd_guy
I gotta say, I do this all the time. I realize it makes me a bad person. It doesn't even mean I'm not interested. I likely just don't know how to proceed. Half the time I log on, read messages, am not sure how to reply, get distracted. Sometimes I then forget I even got a message, especially when I did the reading at 4 a.m. on my phone or something. Then eventually I remember and feel guilty about it or like I have to think up a good excuse which makes me take even longer... you see where this is going.
You might want to bring up the date thing sooner next time. Some people don't know how to deal with messaging someone who seems maybe interested but doesn't know how to proceed themselves, so they just panic and stop replying, like me! Or you could even drop another quick note, like don't even mention that she hasn't replied, but just act like you're assuming she just hasn't gotten a chance to reply yet and say something like "Oh just wanted to drop you a line because [some random event that your profile indicated you might enjoy] is going down this weekend and I thought you might want to come with me"...
well to be completely honest her first message was basically along the lines of "I can't wait to see that new 3D star wars movie" but knowing from experience and the advice in this thread that the cinema is the worst first date ever as well as the fact I wanted to chat a bit first to see if we'd get a long I decided to semi-ignore the probable massive hint by just messaging her a few times.
I'm thinking it came across to her as not being interested but meeting up with someone after just one message isn't my style.
Not very effective, IMO. You are good-looking and can write well, so I think you needn't do anything but get them to have coffee with you and never ever mention PA. High risk strategies seem unnecessary.
D'oh.
I do enjoy the fact that you mention not to mention PA. Is that something you've had experience with? =p
Actually, no, an ex is now a forum member on account of mentioning it. But she is not most girls.
Yeah, this. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time by not thinking this way earlier. I keep on having things stall after a couple of messages and never actually meeting anyone. I don't find it easy at all to get to know someone through text alone so really I need to be meeting in person sooner rather than later.
Anyway, I had a wink or whatever from a girl a few weeks back. It took me a week to get around to writing to her, then we had a couple of days of emails back and forth, then no response from her from another week. So this time I just manned up and asked her out, and we're going to a comedy show this weekend
I don't even get that far ... If I send a message that does get a reply (which is seldom enough), usuall I don't get a second reply - and I have no idea what goes wrong.
A few days ago I came across a profile of a girl that listed "wes anderson" under movies, so I send her a message "So what is your favorite Wes Anderson movie" - her reply "Well ... all of them of course".
And I have no idea what I should reply ... Also, I am pretty sure, no matter what I reply - I won't get another answer. And this happens all the damn time. Once I asked a girl out in the second message - no reply. Ok, so maybe that was a bit fast - next time I didn't ask the (different) girl out in the second message - still no reply.
I have tried "Hey, so I am <insert name here>, I am <age> and blah blah blah" ... I've tried to be funny, I've tried the "So you are into X, thats nice, tell me more", I've tried similar stuff to the "So what is your favorite Wes Anderson movie" line. One time (not in band camp) a girl had a photo of her holding an alligator (somewhere in the swamps around New Orleans) with some weird looking dudes in the background. I asked her "so, from which 70s porn movie are these guys?" - got a laugh and a response. Followup mail - nada.
Either I am constantly trying the wrong approach, even if I switch things up or ... I don't know. Maybe I am missing something. So it is always kinda baffling to me how easily people on here seem to a) hold conversations and b) actually go to dates.