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In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium there is only [chat]
Echo
ski-bapba-dapModerator mod
ski-bapba-dapModerator mod
So I play with little plastic dudes. One of the too many games I play is this little game called Warhammer 40k.
8th edition is released on Saturday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltcj92gRwec
And man I'm busy so here's a story about Eldrad Ulthran.
8th edition is released on Saturday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltcj92gRwecAnd man I'm busy so here's a story about Eldrad Ulthran.
You know, Eldrad Ulthran really is a dick. I've said it before, and I have absolutely no doubt that I will say it again. He has skill and power of heights that are only reachable, even for most Eldar, in their dreams, and how does he use them? He uses them like this:
Years ago, a minor Ork Waaagh sprung up and launched itself against the Mon-Keigh world they call Lentak II. It's an insignificant planet by any definition except, apparently, Eldrad's. He summoned me and told me we were going to Lentak, and that it was of the utmost importance to see that a certain battle took a particular course. He also told me to bring along the best sniper I could find, adding that "He might come in handy," with a wink like he was passing on some kind of secret message. Typical Eldrad behavior, that.
So, we get down to the surface of Lentak and locate the "important" battle, in a rocky pass high up in a mountain range. Eldrad isn't wearing his helmet, the better to display the horribly annoying half-smile that's on his face the whole time, the one he puts on when he knows something you don't and is about to use that information. I'm busy projecting an illusion to keep the Mon-Keigh and the Orks from noticing us, Eldrad and the sniper are just watching the battle from the rock outcrop where we're standing. Finally, Eldrad points at a particular Ork nob riding in the back of one of their wartrukks.
"That one. Take off his ear. His *left* ear. Right...now."
The sniper fires, cleanly severing the Ork's ear. The thing roars like the beast it is, looks around, and smacks the Ork beside it right off the back of the bouncing vehicle. The fallen Ork doesn't even have time to stop rolling before it gets run over by another Ork on a warbike; the bike nearly crashes, and one of the bombs sitting in a rack near the back bounces loose and falls to the ground. Eldrad looks at it, nods in satisfaction, and motions for us to leave.
Five of the Mon Keigh years pass. Five blessed, beloved years, in which I do not hear or see Eldrad a single time. I don't know where he was, or what he does when he's not busy being a dick; probably off seducing Tau or members of whatever other young race has caught his fancy recently. Anyway, those five years pass all too quickly, and then Eldrad comes back, contacts me, and tells me we're going back to Lentak II, just the two of us. This, of course, sets my teeth on edge, because I know he's going to do something unbearably dickish, but I can't exactly refuse the most important Farseer of my Craftworld.
Sure enough, we wind up back in that same mountain pass, watching a column of Imperial Guard troops march past. This time, we're down at roughly the same level as the guardsmen, but since there are only two of us, it's easy for me to project sufficient camouflage. Good thing, because Eldrad sure wasn't helping. I notice that the wreckage from the battle years ago hasn't been completely cleaned; some has been pushed up against the walls of the pass, some hasn't.
I belatedly remember the fallen bomb and start to look for it, but before I can spot it, a Chimera with a commissar riding in its open hatch finds it on its own. The explosion bounces the vehicle into the air, and the unsecured commissar goes flying. Shrapnel flies towards us and I dodge, rolling across the ground to avoid the splintered metal.
When I look up, I see Eldrad, standing with the sunrise behind him, posed like a statue with his head high and his fists on his hips. An instant later, the commissar's hat lands right on his head. And Eldrad, the dick, holds the pose and smirks at me. I almost dropped the illusion and let the mon-keigh kill us both, but then I realized Eldrad would probably have some way of escaping even that.
Never in my nearly twenty thousand years of life have I met a bigger dick than Eldrad Ulthran.
+30
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Posts
AMA
Are you a fungi?
it's a portable format, for documents
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
hit the gym lawyer up
You lose fractions
Need a tailors tape
No, that is a myth.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Speaking of North Korea, I feel tremendous sympathy for the college student who just came back from North Korea in a coma because they probably beat him nearly to death. But it's a weird sympathy, like the sympathy someone has for someone after they walked into a den full of hungry lions while wearing a meat suit and calling "here kitty kitty."
Like, this is a terrible terrible situation and result that was 100% avoidable.
People are totally getting jiggy with it.
o_O
'Avoidable' doesn't justify this shit.
think how amazing it will make your dick pics though
Your dick playfully poking out of kim jong un's mouth
your balls tickling his bottom teeth
That has nothing to do with DA's comment.
Only if you throw up on it too
Civilization has collapsed on this block. We must keep watch, for if we let our guard down for a second, our neighbors will kill us and ransack our house for our resources.
Did you just post via snail mail?
At least you have the internet, so you haven't fully descended into stone-age madness.
I'm at 35 years
i am so good at yoga i am going to start doing handstands and firing bows with my feet
and i'm like
i um assembled a table and one of four chairs before giving up because the styrofoam packaging annoyed me
there are 195 countries I'd visit before I'd visit North Korea
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
it's kind of like.. vacationing or visiting totalitarian dictatorships is a bad idea or something
Yeah, it's more on the level of poking a big angry grizzly bear with a sharp stick while being covered in honey. At some point in your decision process you decided to strip naked, cover yourself in honey, find a sharp stick, find an angry grizzly bear and still, at that point, proceed to poke the bear with the stick.