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The many divine skills of Kim Jong Un
Matthew
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Okay, hopefully this is okay to post here.
With the revelation of our supreme leader's divine weather control powers, I thought that we who possess special inside information on Kim Jong Un's many talents should finally reveal them to the world! Through my special contacts in North Korea, I have discovered several things.
1. Not only is Kim Jong Un, the best rock singer, pop singer, country singer, polka performer, square dance caller, techno musician, guitarist, pianist, drummer, bassist, flutist, sax player, and (it goes without saying) rapper in North Korea (if not all Asia), he is also the creator and only performer of a whole new type of genre.
2. This genre us called Unix to those who know of its existence, named for its creator, but it's true name is unpronounceable to those who are not Kim Jong Un, as it is written and performed in his own, self-created private language. Those who have heard this language call it "too complex, efficient and beautiful for mere mortal tongues."
3. The music in question has only been played for close party officials, but one of them, speaking under a vow of secrecy, claimed it was so beautiful, that God himself came down, to ask the Supreme Leader if he could use it to liven up his own place. Kim Jong Un refused, and God left, admitting he was right.
This is only what I know, surely you guys have heard more?
With the revelation of our supreme leader's divine weather control powers, I thought that we who possess special inside information on Kim Jong Un's many talents should finally reveal them to the world! Through my special contacts in North Korea, I have discovered several things.
1. Not only is Kim Jong Un, the best rock singer, pop singer, country singer, polka performer, square dance caller, techno musician, guitarist, pianist, drummer, bassist, flutist, sax player, and (it goes without saying) rapper in North Korea (if not all Asia), he is also the creator and only performer of a whole new type of genre.
2. This genre us called Unix to those who know of its existence, named for its creator, but it's true name is unpronounceable to those who are not Kim Jong Un, as it is written and performed in his own, self-created private language. Those who have heard this language call it "too complex, efficient and beautiful for mere mortal tongues."
3. The music in question has only been played for close party officials, but one of them, speaking under a vow of secrecy, claimed it was so beautiful, that God himself came down, to ask the Supreme Leader if he could use it to liven up his own place. Kim Jong Un refused, and God left, admitting he was right.
This is only what I know, surely you guys have heard more?
+5
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He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
it was then that I carried you."
Sorry for calling you an asshole, Matthew. I'm just angry that I foolishly requested a name change to a man who talks to empty chairs.
he's been here since 2006. that is how.
I've been here since 2006 and my username totally sucks
You joined early enough to be Mathew, so you really have no excuse.
Well crap, this is really on me then
Are any of the apostles still available as usernames? Can I get my name changed to one of those guys?
i do not possess this information. i can only inform you of your failures, not advise you how to succeed.
Not taken:
@Philip
Taken:
@Peter
@John
@Simon
@Andrew
@James
@ThadDeus
@Bartholomew
@James
@Matthew
@Judas
@Judas Iscariot
@nathanael
@Thomas
@Matthias (replaced Judas after his death)
Other apostles
@Paul
@andronicus
@Silas
not taken:
@Timothy
@Apollos
@Junia
edit- whoops, some of the names are real users but didn't show up in the autocomplete
It is my understanding that to be an apostle you had to have met Jesus, which is how Paul got in because his vision counted as "meeting" Jesus. But the word can also be simply a generic term for a follower. Because I'm pretty sure that the other apostles like Andronicus hadn't met Jesus either.
also, wtf, "Timothy" isn't taken? Then why did I bother with the gibberish that is "gvzbgul"?
You say unfortunate as if I am not hanging out here with a Lucifer avatar. Judas is a best case scenario for me.
Kim Jong Un
Six foot eight weighs a fucking ton
Opponents beware
Opponents beware
He's coming
He's coming
He's coming
Let me lay it on line he had two on the vine
I mean two sets of testicles so divine
On a horse made of crystal he patrolled the land
With the mason ring and schnauzer with his perfect hands
Here comes Un in control
Women dig his snuff and his gallant stroll
Ate opponents brains and invented cocaine
He's coming
He's coming
He's coming
Kim Jong Un
Kim Jong Un
Six foot twenty fucking killing for fun
Spread Spread Parallel
He's coming
He's coming
He's coming
Sue me if I go to fast but the sons of his opponents wish he was their dad
Got a fist for his fist got a brain for his heart
He'll kick you apart
He'll kick you apart
He'll save children but not the Yankee children
He'll save children but not the Yankee children
He'll save children but not the Yankee children
He'll save children but not the Yankee children
He had a pocket full of horses fucked the shit out of bears
He threw a knife into heaven
And could kill with a stair
He made love like an eagle falling out of the sky
Killed his gwanjangnim in a duel and he never said why
Kim Jong Un
Kim Jong Un
Twelve stories high made of radiation
The present beware
The future beware
He's coming
He's coming
He's coming
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
Old but gold
This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
More like old butt gold am i right fellas?
also old SNL bits.
And my username is also shit.
Thaddeus was the disciple who introduced Jesus to David of the house of Matthew's pioneering lyra compositions on pretty ladies and chilling out to the max.
No offense taken. I was not very good at what you would call Internet names when I first started here (i'm still not any good, but that's neither here nor there), so I just used my real name.
Now back on topic.
Kim Jong Un possess a harem of 5 million women rejected by the Miss Universe pageant.
For being too beautiful.
But instead, it's with a megalomaniac.