Hey, is this here thread fairgame to talk about sexy time issues one may be having? It’s something I’d keep in spoiler tags because obviously this is not a thing that everyone wants to read about, but it would be getting into some personal Inquisitor issues.
If this kind of talk isn’t germane to the thread though I get it and I’ll seek out some other venues for this topic.
Hey, is this here thread fairgame to talk about sexy time issues one may be having? It’s something I’d keep in spoiler tags because obviously this is not a thing that everyone wants to read about, but it would be getting into some personal Inquisitor issues.
If this kind of talk isn’t germane to the thread though I get it and I’ll seek out some other venues for this topic.
Just remember that it's a pg-13 forum, otherwise go for it
Haha yeah the goal isn’t to be graphic to be certain. Okay, here goes.
Stuff about Inquisitor’s sex life follows, if you don’t want to read it, well, I really can’t blame you:
I probably should start off by just saying this isn’t some weird subtle brag attempt. This is an issue that is negatively impacting the quality of my sex life.
I’m having a lot of difficulty reaching orgasm during penetrative sex. It’s been an issue for a bit now, but I just chalked it up to most of my occasional sex over the last few years being one night stands with folks I was variously into.
Anyway, now I that I am dating a woman I quite fancy it’s something I need to address. As I mentioned earlier we had sex earlier this week. Overall it was a great experience, and it seems like she had a good time. However, I didn’t reach orgasm and just kind of stopped and was done. It was a good moment, I didn’t want to drag things past it being fun just to orgasm. I didn’t really bring it up with her in that moment either because it was a nice moment that happened much sooner and faster than I expected and I didn’t want to spoil it.
It has been an issue with partners in the past, basically dragging out sex longer than either partner is enjoying it just so I can hit an arbitrary finish line.
There are a few potential contributing factors that I am trying to address.
1. When I’m single I probably slap box the one eyed chap too much. Typically once a day. I’m guessing it’s gotten me too used to the amount of controlled, fixed pressure of a hand that penetrative sex doesn’t provide. So basically I’ve stopped entirely for now.
2. The kind of foolish belief that sex is about the man making the woman feel good, like a job, and that the man will essentially take care of themselves a long the way. It makes the whole thing a rather workmanlike, high pressure affair and I know it’s not a great way to look at sex. This was also the first time with the lady in question which obviously ups then feeling of performance pressure. I need to work on rehabilitating this view.
This was the first time with the lady so I didn’t want to bring it up. If it becomes a consistent thing obviously the answer is the same answer to most sex problems: communication. There are other ways to finish. I just also worry that she might take it as something wrong with her or something wrong that she is doing. So I will need to broach the topic correctly. I am hoping though that with some adjustments that I’ll be able to reach orgasm more easily, however.
But yeah, mostly just wanted to see if folks thought there may be other issues at play that might be impacting things? Or other things to try to help improve the situation. We were using a condom which obviously makes things harder but safe sex is important to both of us.
At some level I know the answer is “just talk to her about it” but it’s a weird thing to broach a week into a relationship.
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3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
Inq I think you've identified the reason you might be experiencing that, and the solution I would suggest for now. If you scroll through the Savage Love archives this also comes up a fair bit in there and Dan has a bunch of different, good answers.
I'd recommend finding advice from someone who's not a transphobic, biphobic piece of shit, personally. There's a lot of good sex columnists out there who don't completely suck as human beings (and, not-infrequently, as an advice-giver)
I'm gonna try to be a little positive today. I like it when men compliment my eyebrows, hair/ hair color in a non-creepy way. It happens pretty often irl and online. Much better than any "hi how are you".
I like the white bit at the tip of your tail, it really brings the coat together.
Aw.
Today I got complimented on brows. Told this metalhead guy did he want me to fix his too.
The answer was affirmative btw. Despite him having great brows and better fur than me.
grrmusha on
+11
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
I was very sad this morning, because I was divorced and alone and going to work on a grey rainy Saturday.
After work, I happened to run into two very dear friends at the grocery store in two different encounters, and now I am at home in a house that I love cooking a bomb-ass pot of chili and drinking good beer and watching the Venture Brothers.
How long to ignore someone (you used to date and then remained friends with) via text message if you were kind of mad at them because they were kind of inconsiderate, and you used to text too much tbh, and just wanted a break but didn’t want to be like fuck off forever hmm
Can I fuckin live, leave me alone for a few days at least, that doesn't mean I want you to not talk / not be friends forever
I don't even talk to anyone but my best friend regularly tbh
this wasn't actually a question i guess, just an expression of emotion
How long to ignore someone (you used to date and then remained friends with) via text message if you were kind of mad at them because they were kind of inconsiderate, and you used to text too much tbh, and just wanted a break but didn’t want to be like fuck off forever hmm
Can I fuckin live, leave me alone for a few days at least, that doesn't mean I want you to not talk / not be friends forever
I don't even talk to anyone but my best friend regularly tbh
this wasn't actually a question i guess, just an expression of emotion
texting/IM boundaries are hard to negotiate sometimes. It's absolutely not reasonable to expect someone to always respond to text messages right away but everyone's got their own threshold for what they think an acceptable limit is before they're being rudely ignored. Back in the day it was a lot easier to have some time away from people when you needed it but these days everyone's expected to be Always Online and so it can be hard to just step away for a bit. Your frustration is understandable and relatable.
How long to ignore someone (you used to date and then remained friends with) via text message if you were kind of mad at them because they were kind of inconsiderate, and you used to text too much tbh, and just wanted a break but didn’t want to be like fuck off forever hmm
Can I fuckin live, leave me alone for a few days at least, that doesn't mean I want you to not talk / not be friends forever
I don't even talk to anyone but my best friend regularly tbh
this wasn't actually a question i guess, just an expression of emotion
texting/IM boundaries are hard to negotiate sometimes. It's absolutely not reasonable to expect someone to always respond to text messages right away but everyone's got their own threshold for what they think an acceptable limit is before they're being rudely ignored. Back in the day it was a lot easier to have some time away from people when you needed it but these days everyone's expected to be Always Online and so it can be hard to just step away for a bit. Your frustration is understandable and relatable.
yeah, it really is a technology thing, that boundary is tough because it's so easy to shoot someone a text at any time
i saw something someone recently said about how like... it used to be that brb and g2g etc were common bits of online conversation when we were chatting on our computers... but now there is no more brb and g2g because you're always on and always connected
[i also remember this bit from a standup (and maybe it was chris rock, and maybe he's problematic about some things but) a fair point about how relationships can be harder these days due to always being connected, compared to, you go to work and are away from someone and then you come back and you're like.. you have time to miss someone??!]
i dunno
technology and being overconnected is weird for me
i dunno how the kids deal with it
(i guess the kids don't actually deal with it that well given some studies i've seen)
How long to ignore someone (you used to date and then remained friends with) via text message if you were kind of mad at them because they were kind of inconsiderate, and you used to text too much tbh, and just wanted a break but didn’t want to be like fuck off forever hmm
Can I fuckin live, leave me alone for a few days at least, that doesn't mean I want you to not talk / not be friends forever
I don't even talk to anyone but my best friend regularly tbh
this wasn't actually a question i guess, just an expression of emotion
texting/IM boundaries are hard to negotiate sometimes. It's absolutely not reasonable to expect someone to always respond to text messages right away but everyone's got their own threshold for what they think an acceptable limit is before they're being rudely ignored. Back in the day it was a lot easier to have some time away from people when you needed it but these days everyone's expected to be Always Online and so it can be hard to just step away for a bit. Your frustration is understandable and relatable.
yeah, it really is a technology thing, that boundary is tough because it's so easy to shoot someone a text at any time
i saw something someone recently said about how like... it used to be that brb and g2g etc were common bits of online conversation when we were chatting on our computers... but now there is no more brb and g2g because you're always on and always connected
[i also remember this bit from a standup (and maybe it was chris rock, and maybe he's problematic about some things but) a fair point about how relationships can be harder these days due to always being connected, compared to, you go to work and are away from someone and then you come back and you're like.. you have time to miss someone??!]
i dunno
technology and being overconnected is weird for me
i dunno how the kids deal with it
(i guess the kids don't actually deal with it that well given some studies i've seen)
Hardly anyone has figured out how to deal with it. It's actually kind of a huge sociological problem right now. The tech has evolved so much quicker than we can, collectively, and while society can eventually sort it out, it's gonna take a lot of time and there's gonna be a lot of hurt in the process. Best you can do is figure out what your own personal needs and boundaries should be (not necessarily are because most of us do a bad job of self-regulating) and do your best to communicate that clearly to the people in your life.
i'm glad more people are realizing this about technology though and there are more and more books and discussions about this all, and tools being made to help
setting personal boundaries is a good step, and also using those tools to help enforce those boundaries you decide upon (oh lord thank god they put that screen time stuff in iOS 12)
poo
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KetarCome on upstairswe're having a partyRegistered Userregular
Not content to let German Scrabble steal the spotlight, the 6th edition of The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary was released today by Merriam-Webster. It finally adds "ok" and "ew" as well as non-English words like arancini, macaron, bibimbap, cotija and sriracha. 300 new words total.
Oh, they also added beatdown, zomboid, wayback, botnet, emoji, facepalm, frowny and hivemind.
Not content to let German Scrabble steal the spotlight, the 6th edition of The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary was released today by Merriam-Webster. It finally adds "ok" and "ew" as well as non-English words like arancini, macaron, bibimbap, cotija and sriracha. 300 new words total.
Oh, they also added beatdown, zomboid, wayback, botnet, emoji, facepalm, frowny and hivemind.
Posts
Sometimes the worst art is the best
Steam ID - VeldrinD | SS Post | Wishlist
Would you call it a barrowing experience?
Sure as fuck didn't have any good loot.
By showing up.
They passin' out participation trophies over at the drink and draw.
They're shaped like shot glasses and have alcohol in them.
I said yep this summer totally doing it
Today is the first day of autumn, I have not sat upon a bike
Goddamnit
Kept just not doing it
Woulda been nice to have learned before Paris
Oh well
There are always people and cars around
I should wake up at 4am and go try tomorrow
If this kind of talk isn’t germane to the thread though I get it and I’ll seek out some other venues for this topic.
I hadn't ridden a bike in ~15 years before buying one last month. I was a little wobbly at first but about 5 minutes in I was fine. DO EEEET
Just remember that it's a pg-13 forum, otherwise go for it
Stuff about Inquisitor’s sex life follows, if you don’t want to read it, well, I really can’t blame you:
I’m having a lot of difficulty reaching orgasm during penetrative sex. It’s been an issue for a bit now, but I just chalked it up to most of my occasional sex over the last few years being one night stands with folks I was variously into.
Anyway, now I that I am dating a woman I quite fancy it’s something I need to address. As I mentioned earlier we had sex earlier this week. Overall it was a great experience, and it seems like she had a good time. However, I didn’t reach orgasm and just kind of stopped and was done. It was a good moment, I didn’t want to drag things past it being fun just to orgasm. I didn’t really bring it up with her in that moment either because it was a nice moment that happened much sooner and faster than I expected and I didn’t want to spoil it.
It has been an issue with partners in the past, basically dragging out sex longer than either partner is enjoying it just so I can hit an arbitrary finish line.
There are a few potential contributing factors that I am trying to address.
1. When I’m single I probably slap box the one eyed chap too much. Typically once a day. I’m guessing it’s gotten me too used to the amount of controlled, fixed pressure of a hand that penetrative sex doesn’t provide. So basically I’ve stopped entirely for now.
2. The kind of foolish belief that sex is about the man making the woman feel good, like a job, and that the man will essentially take care of themselves a long the way. It makes the whole thing a rather workmanlike, high pressure affair and I know it’s not a great way to look at sex. This was also the first time with the lady in question which obviously ups then feeling of performance pressure. I need to work on rehabilitating this view.
This was the first time with the lady so I didn’t want to bring it up. If it becomes a consistent thing obviously the answer is the same answer to most sex problems: communication. There are other ways to finish. I just also worry that she might take it as something wrong with her or something wrong that she is doing. So I will need to broach the topic correctly. I am hoping though that with some adjustments that I’ll be able to reach orgasm more easily, however.
But yeah, mostly just wanted to see if folks thought there may be other issues at play that might be impacting things? Or other things to try to help improve the situation. We were using a condom which obviously makes things harder but safe sex is important to both of us.
At some level I know the answer is “just talk to her about it” but it’s a weird thing to broach a week into a relationship.
Steam Switch FC: 2799-7909-4852
I still can't play and sing at the same time, which is a shame because the lyrics are my favorite part of that song
did you know that Elton John has a special big ol' walk-in closet specifically for all his glasses?
yeah singing and playing an instrument simultaneously causes some sort of hardlock in my brain, so I feel ya there
Aw.
Today I got complimented on brows. Told this metalhead guy did he want me to fix his too.
The answer was affirmative btw. Despite him having great brows and better fur than me.
After work, I happened to run into two very dear friends at the grocery store in two different encounters, and now I am at home in a house that I love cooking a bomb-ass pot of chili and drinking good beer and watching the Venture Brothers.
Things are actually pretty good.
They even got a german rapper to make a promo video.
Uh, wow.
I had to look this up
it is amazing and also might just be the singularity of Germanness.
Steam Switch FC: 2799-7909-4852
The recipient is doing well
Awesomely admirable thing to do!
Can I fuckin live, leave me alone for a few days at least, that doesn't mean I want you to not talk / not be friends forever
I don't even talk to anyone but my best friend regularly tbh
this wasn't actually a question i guess, just an expression of emotion
texting/IM boundaries are hard to negotiate sometimes. It's absolutely not reasonable to expect someone to always respond to text messages right away but everyone's got their own threshold for what they think an acceptable limit is before they're being rudely ignored. Back in the day it was a lot easier to have some time away from people when you needed it but these days everyone's expected to be Always Online and so it can be hard to just step away for a bit. Your frustration is understandable and relatable.
Damn that's incredibly good.
Pumpkin check?
yeah, it really is a technology thing, that boundary is tough because it's so easy to shoot someone a text at any time
i saw something someone recently said about how like... it used to be that brb and g2g etc were common bits of online conversation when we were chatting on our computers... but now there is no more brb and g2g because you're always on and always connected
[i also remember this bit from a standup (and maybe it was chris rock, and maybe he's problematic about some things but) a fair point about how relationships can be harder these days due to always being connected, compared to, you go to work and are away from someone and then you come back and you're like.. you have time to miss someone??!]
i dunno
technology and being overconnected is weird for me
i dunno how the kids deal with it
(i guess the kids don't actually deal with it that well given some studies i've seen)
Hardly anyone has figured out how to deal with it. It's actually kind of a huge sociological problem right now. The tech has evolved so much quicker than we can, collectively, and while society can eventually sort it out, it's gonna take a lot of time and there's gonna be a lot of hurt in the process. Best you can do is figure out what your own personal needs and boundaries should be (not necessarily are because most of us do a bad job of self-regulating) and do your best to communicate that clearly to the people in your life.
setting personal boundaries is a good step, and also using those tools to help enforce those boundaries you decide upon (oh lord thank god they put that screen time stuff in iOS 12)
Oh, they also added beatdown, zomboid, wayback, botnet, emoji, facepalm, frowny and hivemind.
And sheeple.
And twerk.
all real words FIREFOX