There's...there's a new scene here, if you wanna look at it.
(Enter RICH at the head of the stairs)
RICH: (Enthusiastically pursuing an argument) Any man can be bought, and ultimately, corrupted towards your own depraved ends. Haven’t you read that Donald Trump book I sent you?
MORE: No Mr. Rich.
STEWARD (Contemptuously) Master Richard Rich.
RICH: No, really! Money is the most direct way…
MORE: I said no goddamnit.
RICH: But pleasure will work just as well. Or titles, women, houses, hotels, get-out-of-jail-free cards…
MORE: Babies! The lot of you!
RICH: Or a nice big juicy – BOOT TO THE HEAD.
MORE: (Finally interested) Pray don’t explain this new development! Now you wouldn’t happen to know how this can be done and in what degree would you? Don’t tell me we’re fucking getting somewhere!
RICH: First you cut off his hand, but then you’re all “Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.”
MORE: Ah, for a moment there I forgot you were an idiot. (slides cup to RICH)
RICH (To STEWARD) Evening, Chucklefuck.
STEWARD (Snubbing) 'Evening, sir.
RICH: No, it’s actually quite scientific; in fact, a recent study showed that as application of the pimp hand tended towards infinity, the frequency of backtalking hoes tended towards zero.
MORE: Mmhm … (grabs Rich’s arm and walks with him) You know, a question just popped into my head; who the hell told you to read Machiavelli? (RICH breaks away laughing a smidge too long, MORE smiles) Keep laughing kid, if you don’t tell me then we’re going to head to the Rumpus Room with the bears and the tusks… (More laughter) … Alright let’s get the peanut butter.
RICH: Aw, snap. Okay, it was Cromwell.
MORE: Well then… (Goes back to the wine) You couldn’t find a stouter fellow.
RICH: Cromwell’s so stout he has to turn sideways to walk through a field.
MORE: Don’t repeat what I just said in different fucking words.
RICH: And he says he’s going to do something for me. He said he would have done it already but he left the chloroform in his other jacket
MORE: Oh so you know him?
RICH: Exactly how much do you know about me, Sir Thomas?
MORE: Anything you’ve told me.
RICH: I've let you know everything! Honestly, if you don’t know me by now, you may never never never know me.
MORE: Rich, go back to Oshkosh; you’re turning into a woman.
RICH: Those damn doctors, I knew it was too soon to come of the hormone treatments. Do you know how much I have to show for the last seven months’ work?
MORE: WORK?
RICH: Work! Waiting’s work when you wait as I wait: Hard. Rock hard. For seven months, that’s two hundred days in metric, I have to show: The phone number of the Cardinal’s outer doorman, the AIM of the Cardinal’s inner doorman, and I can’t tell you the trouble I’ve had keeping those two in the dark about each other, the Cardinal’s chamberlain’s hand in my chest, his nipple in my ear, one sorely overworked prostate… Oh, and half a lewd offer delivered at fifty paces by the Duke of Norfolk. Doubtless he mistook me for an altar boy, a common error.
MORE: I remember him being a cheerful bird.
RICH: Everyone’s cheerful here, you’re all wealthy as fuck and drunk around the clock. Also of course, the dudeship of Sir Thomas More. Or should I say acquaintance?
MORE: Say dudeship.
Rich: Well, there you go! “A righteous dude of Sir Thomas and still no office? He mustn’t be putting out.”
MORE: Why the fuck did you just ask me if you weren’t going to use my opinion. (HARUMPH) Deano has a job opening for you; you get living quarters, a woman, and a monthly stipend.
RICH: A woman? How quaint. What kind of post?
MORE: At the Grizzly school.
RICH: Now you’re just being cruel. You know I’m not allowed to work with children anymore.
MORE: Man should strut where he won’t get fucked over. Here, have a look at this Rich. (Hands him silver cup) Look at this cup… look at it.
RICH: Ballin’.
MORE: Canadian… You want it?
RICH Why?
MORE: Do you want it or not?
RICH: Well – Thank you, of course. Thank you! I would like to thank the Academy, from the bottom of my heart. I would like to thank Emily Watson, Fernando Montenegro and my friend Cate Blanchett, ABLOO, the greatest one who ever was, Meryl Streep, I… I don’t feel very deserving of this in your presence. I would like to thank Harvey Weinstein and everybody at Miramax films for their undying support of me. I would like to – I would like – ABLOO I wouldn’t be in this auditorium, let alone up here, if it wasn’t for two incredibly talented men: Our director, John Madden, thank you so much for all that you gave me, you were inspiring and BLUB to my soulful partner Joseph Fiennes who BLUBLUB I share this with, I wouldn’t be here without him. ABLOOBLUB I would like thank the rest of our miraculous cast and crew, BLUB our producers Donna Gelati and David blarbleblargh DIDN’T FORGET YOU THIS TIIIME! And especially Jim McGill, and Sophie Shant, and my friend Ben Affleck, ABLUBLUBLOO. And my BLUB wonderful BLUB agent Rick Kurtzman who is a beautiful man and a wonderful agent AND IN HIS CASE THAT IS NOT AN OXYMORON!!! And GLUBLUB I would like to thank Harold Brown, Stewart Gelwart and Steven Nuvain BLOOBLUB. I would not have been able to GLUBLUB play this role had I not understood love of BLUB this magnitude and for thatIwouldliketothankmyfamilymymotherIstarblebblbarlbBLOOBLOOBLUBLUBBABLOO and my brother Jake Paltrow who is just the DEAREST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD, my earthly guardian angel Mary Whitmore GLUBLOBLOOLUB, and especially to my father BLUBBLE Paltrow BLURBLUBLUB insurmountable odds BLOOBLOOB and to my Grandpa Buster GLUBBLEBUB who almost made it here tonight GLUB but couldn’t quite get here HUBLUB Grandpa I want you to know that ABLOOBLOOOOBLUBLUBGULBGLUB and we thank you for that. I would like to dedicate this award to two young men who lost their lives very early HUBLUBLOOBLUB we miss you so much and I THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOO MUCH EVERYBODY!!! BLUBLOOBLUB!!!
MORE: You’re going to sell it aren’t you you little shit?
RICH: Oh, natch.
MORE: Oh, and what will you be using this new bank for?
RICH (With sudden ferocity) A meth lab.
MORE: (laughter)
RICH: And I want a pretty new dress with sequins just like yours.
Posts
Anyone?
There's...there's a new scene here, if you wanna look at it.
RICH: (Enthusiastically pursuing an argument) Any man can be bought, and ultimately, corrupted towards your own depraved ends. Haven’t you read that Donald Trump book I sent you?
MORE: No Mr. Rich.
STEWARD (Contemptuously) Master Richard Rich.
RICH: No, really! Money is the most direct way…
MORE: I said no goddamnit.
RICH: But pleasure will work just as well. Or titles, women, houses, hotels, get-out-of-jail-free cards…
MORE: Babies! The lot of you!
RICH: Or a nice big juicy – BOOT TO THE HEAD.
MORE: (Finally interested) Pray don’t explain this new development! Now you wouldn’t happen to know how this can be done and in what degree would you? Don’t tell me we’re fucking getting somewhere!
RICH: First you cut off his hand, but then you’re all “Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.”
MORE: Ah, for a moment there I forgot you were an idiot. (slides cup to RICH)
RICH (To STEWARD) Evening, Chucklefuck.
STEWARD (Snubbing) 'Evening, sir.
RICH: No, it’s actually quite scientific; in fact, a recent study showed that as application of the pimp hand tended towards infinity, the frequency of backtalking hoes tended towards zero.
MORE: Mmhm … (grabs Rich’s arm and walks with him) You know, a question just popped into my head; who the hell told you to read Machiavelli? (RICH breaks away laughing a smidge too long, MORE smiles) Keep laughing kid, if you don’t tell me then we’re going to head to the Rumpus Room with the bears and the tusks… (More laughter) … Alright let’s get the peanut butter.
RICH: Aw, snap. Okay, it was Cromwell.
MORE: Well then… (Goes back to the wine) You couldn’t find a stouter fellow.
RICH: Cromwell’s so stout he has to turn sideways to walk through a field.
MORE: Don’t repeat what I just said in different fucking words.
RICH: And he says he’s going to do something for me. He said he would have done it already but he left the chloroform in his other jacket
MORE: Oh so you know him?
RICH: Exactly how much do you know about me, Sir Thomas?
MORE: Anything you’ve told me.
RICH: I've let you know everything! Honestly, if you don’t know me by now, you may never never never know me.
MORE: Rich, go back to Oshkosh; you’re turning into a woman.
RICH: Those damn doctors, I knew it was too soon to come of the hormone treatments. Do you know how much I have to show for the last seven months’ work?
MORE: WORK?
RICH: Work! Waiting’s work when you wait as I wait: Hard. Rock hard. For seven months, that’s two hundred days in metric, I have to show: The phone number of the Cardinal’s outer doorman, the AIM of the Cardinal’s inner doorman, and I can’t tell you the trouble I’ve had keeping those two in the dark about each other, the Cardinal’s chamberlain’s hand in my chest, his nipple in my ear, one sorely overworked prostate… Oh, and half a lewd offer delivered at fifty paces by the Duke of Norfolk. Doubtless he mistook me for an altar boy, a common error.
MORE: I remember him being a cheerful bird.
RICH: Everyone’s cheerful here, you’re all wealthy as fuck and drunk around the clock. Also of course, the dudeship of Sir Thomas More. Or should I say acquaintance?
MORE: Say dudeship.
Rich: Well, there you go! “A righteous dude of Sir Thomas and still no office? He mustn’t be putting out.”
MORE: Why the fuck did you just ask me if you weren’t going to use my opinion. (HARUMPH) Deano has a job opening for you; you get living quarters, a woman, and a monthly stipend.
RICH: A woman? How quaint. What kind of post?
MORE: At the Grizzly school.
RICH: Now you’re just being cruel. You know I’m not allowed to work with children anymore.
MORE: Man should strut where he won’t get fucked over. Here, have a look at this Rich. (Hands him silver cup) Look at this cup… look at it.
RICH: Ballin’.
MORE: Canadian… You want it?
RICH Why?
MORE: Do you want it or not?
RICH: Well – Thank you, of course. Thank you! I would like to thank the Academy, from the bottom of my heart. I would like to thank Emily Watson, Fernando Montenegro and my friend Cate Blanchett, ABLOO, the greatest one who ever was, Meryl Streep, I… I don’t feel very deserving of this in your presence. I would like to thank Harvey Weinstein and everybody at Miramax films for their undying support of me. I would like to – I would like – ABLOO I wouldn’t be in this auditorium, let alone up here, if it wasn’t for two incredibly talented men: Our director, John Madden, thank you so much for all that you gave me, you were inspiring and BLUB to my soulful partner Joseph Fiennes who BLUBLUB I share this with, I wouldn’t be here without him. ABLOOBLUB I would like thank the rest of our miraculous cast and crew, BLUB our producers Donna Gelati and David blarbleblargh DIDN’T FORGET YOU THIS TIIIME! And especially Jim McGill, and Sophie Shant, and my friend Ben Affleck, ABLUBLUBLOO. And my BLUB wonderful BLUB agent Rick Kurtzman who is a beautiful man and a wonderful agent AND IN HIS CASE THAT IS NOT AN OXYMORON!!! And GLUBLUB I would like to thank Harold Brown, Stewart Gelwart and Steven Nuvain BLOOBLUB. I would not have been able to GLUBLUB play this role had I not understood love of BLUB this magnitude and for thatIwouldliketothankmyfamilymymotherIstarblebblbarlbBLOOBLOOBLUBLUBBABLOO and my brother Jake Paltrow who is just the DEAREST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD, my earthly guardian angel Mary Whitmore GLUBLOBLOOLUB, and especially to my father BLUBBLE Paltrow BLURBLUBLUB insurmountable odds BLOOBLOOB and to my Grandpa Buster GLUBBLEBUB who almost made it here tonight GLUB but couldn’t quite get here HUBLUB Grandpa I want you to know that ABLOOBLOOOOBLUBLUBGULBGLUB and we thank you for that. I would like to dedicate this award to two young men who lost their lives very early HUBLUBLOOBLUB we miss you so much and I THANK YOU THANK YOU SOOO MUCH EVERYBODY!!! BLUBLOOBLUB!!!
MORE: You’re going to sell it aren’t you you little shit?
RICH: Oh, natch.
MORE: Oh, and what will you be using this new bank for?
RICH (With sudden ferocity) A meth lab.
MORE: (laughter)
RICH: And I want a pretty new dress with sequins just like yours.
I'm back so I'll try to get more out sometime soon
WHERE IS EVERYBODY ELSE HUH
I remember this thread.
Uh.
So, actors. Anyone else still in?