Why can't they find interesting people to bond with that are their age?
This is the part that makes it seem like you need to lighten up. Think of it this way: "Why can't you find a nice white girl to marry?" or "Aren't there any catholic boys you're interested in?"
On the subject of stupid injuries, I have a scar from running into a wall when I was about 6, 9 stitches right above my hairline. Well, it used to be right above my hairline, now it's right below my hairline
Going bald is not really embarassing, though. It is fun to use though, because it was completely my sister's fault. She was holding my hand and ran down a half-flight of stairs too fast, pulling me behind her so that I sailed right into the corner of the wall in the hallway at the bottom. 20 years later she'll still cringe and apologize when I mention it.
You feel free to lighten up when it's your mom. I'm creeped out. That is all.
And you can't help but think if the guy doesn't have an ulterior motive. I hope my mom doesn't. Then again, maybe he's fed up with girls his age. I'd much rather date a 32-year old than a ditzy 19-year old, but not one with a 12-year old kid. It just fucks so much stuff up.
I want to make a witty reference to Pony and shrooms. I'm coming up empty.
Hahaha, oh man, I just remembered something from my junior year of high school.
We got into WWII in US History, and needless to say, my friends and I were very much interested. Our music appreciation class was a joke, so we'd talk about it in there too. We got onto the subject of Hitler's oratory and how it was strange to see and listen to it, not being a German speaker. We decided he looked like a stupid jackass on stage and (jokingly) conjectured that those silly krauts were too easily swayed. Anyway, we were walking out of the music class and into English discussing this and laughing at his dramatic gestures. We walk into class, my friend sits down, and I do a little impression of ol' Adolf: slamming my fists on his desk and speaking bastardized German.
Then, I hear my other friend's voice "Yeah, that's not offensive to anyone in this room"
I turn around and notice that the single, sole, solitary, Jewish guy in our school had been standing there talking to our English teacher. My reaction? I was so embarrassed, I started laughing my ass off at the "Murphy's Law" of it. Jewish guy gives me a weird look and walks out of the room.
He was wearing a yarmulke.
It was October 2, 2006. I was pretending to be Hitler on (unknowingly at the time, I swear) Yom fucking Kippur.
I wonder if I'm on the Anti-Defamation League's watch list.
Hahaha, oh man, I just remembered something from my junior year of high school.
We got into WWII in US History, and needless to say, my friends and I were very much interested. Our music appreciation class was a joke, so we'd talk about it in there too. We got onto the subject of Hitler's oratory and how it was strange to see and listen to it, not being a German speaker. We decided he looked like a stupid jackass on stage and (jokingly) conjectured that those silly krauts were too easily swayed. Anyway, we were walking out of the music class and into English discussing this and laughing at his dramatic gestures. We walk into class, my friend sits down, and I do a little impression of ol' Adolf: slamming my fists on his desk and speaking bastardized German.
Then, I hear my other friend's voice "Yeah, that's not offensive to anyone in this room"
I turn around and notice that the single, sole, solitary, Jewish guy in our school had been standing there talking to our English teacher. My reaction? I was so embarrassed, I started laughing my ass off at the "Murphy's Law" of it. Jewish guy gives me a weird look and walks out of the room.
He was wearing a yarmulke.
It was October 2, 2006. I was pretending to be Hitler on (unknowingly at the time, I swear) Yom fucking Kippur.
I wonder if I'm on the Anti-Defamation League's watch list.
You should have told him that you too were Jewish and you were taking "Hitler" back, like black people are taking the n-word back.
Hahaha, oh man, I just remembered something from my junior year of high school.
We got into WWII in US History, and needless to say, my friends and I were very much interested. Our music appreciation class was a joke, so we'd talk about it in there too. We got onto the subject of Hitler's oratory and how it was strange to see and listen to it, not being a German speaker. We decided he looked like a stupid jackass on stage and (jokingly) conjectured that those silly krauts were too easily swayed. Anyway, we were walking out of the music class and into English discussing this and laughing at his dramatic gestures. We walk into class, my friend sits down, and I do a little impression of ol' Adolf: slamming my fists on his desk and speaking bastardized German.
Then, I hear my other friend's voice "Yeah, that's not offensive to anyone in this room"
I turn around and notice that the single, sole, solitary, Jewish guy in our school had been standing there talking to our English teacher. My reaction? I was so embarrassed, I started laughing my ass off at the "Murphy's Law" of it. Jewish guy gives me a weird look and walks out of the room.
He was wearing a yarmulke.
It was October 2, 2006. I was pretending to be Hitler on (unknowingly at the time, I swear) Yom fucking Kippur.
I wonder if I'm on the Anti-Defamation League's watch list.
You should have told him that you too were Jewish and you were taking "Hitler" back, like black people are taking the n-word back.
Hahaha, oh man, I just remembered something from my junior year of high school.
We got into WWII in US History, and needless to say, my friends and I were very much interested. Our music appreciation class was a joke, so we'd talk about it in there too. We got onto the subject of Hitler's oratory and how it was strange to see and listen to it, not being a German speaker. We decided he looked like a stupid jackass on stage and (jokingly) conjectured that those silly krauts were too easily swayed. Anyway, we were walking out of the music class and into English discussing this and laughing at his dramatic gestures. We walk into class, my friend sits down, and I do a little impression of ol' Adolf: slamming my fists on his desk and speaking bastardized German.
Then, I hear my other friend's voice "Yeah, that's not offensive to anyone in this room"
I turn around and notice that the single, sole, solitary, Jewish guy in our school had been standing there talking to our English teacher. My reaction? I was so embarrassed, I started laughing my ass off at the "Murphy's Law" of it. Jewish guy gives me a weird look and walks out of the room.
He was wearing a yarmulke.
It was October 2, 2006. I was pretending to be Hitler on (unknowingly at the time, I swear) Yom fucking Kippur.
I wonder if I'm on the Anti-Defamation League's watch list.
You should have told him that you too were Jewish and you were taking "Hitler" back, like black people are taking the n-word back.
Baby, you can't taste racism.
I had something happen to me like that once, to a guy who is now a pretty good friend. It was a pretty good lesson about watching one's mouth
The bee stories had me laughing pretty good. I did about 2 years in the pest control business and had to deal with quite a few varieties of the flying, stinging types, even got chased for literally 5 minutes by a pissed-off red wasp that wouldn't fucking die no matter what I hit it with. Eventually it just flew off.
Anyway, the one time I was genuinely scared was when I got called to a house with a wasp problem, and I was expecting yellow jackets or something, as they're common in Texas. Nope, we had Cicada Killers. Here's a couple of pics.
Now, I've since learned that they're extremely docile, but very curious, so they might seem aggressive. And the males are the only ones you'll find out of the nest, but they don't sting. All this wasn't known to me while I had about 6 or 7 hovering in front of my face while I was trying to hit them with a tiny stream of foam from the wasp killer spray I had. It was a little terrifying at the time.
The bee stories had me laughing pretty good. I did about 2 years in the pest control business and had to deal with quite a few varieties of the flying, stinging types, even got chased for literally 5 minutes by a pissed-off red wasp that wouldn't fucking die no matter what I hit it with. Eventually it just flew off.
Anyway, the one time I was genuinely scared was when I got called to a house with a wasp problem, and I was expecting yellow jackets or something, as they're common in Texas. Nope, we had Cicada Killers. Here's a couple of pics.
Now, I've since learned that they're extremely docile, but very curious, so they might seem aggressive. And the males are the only ones you'll find out of the nest, but they don't sting. All this wasn't known to me while I had about 6 or 7 hovering in front of my face while I was trying to hit them with a tiny stream of foam from the wasp killer spray I had. It was a little terrifying at the time.
We obviously need to build a border wall topped with flamethrowers.
Everything I found terrifying before I went into pest control is routine to me now. I never thought I'd be able to say that about rats, scorpions or giant wasps but I'm more terrified of housewives than I am of bugs now.
When I went on holiday with my then-girlfriend's family in France, we would eat alfresco and as such have the occasional wasp buzzing round. One night, we killed over fifty of them.
It wasn't until a few months later that I learned that a dead wasp gives off a hormone that attracts other wasps. We thought that it was the fruit juice attracting them, rather than their dead mates.
The bee stories had me laughing pretty good. I did about 2 years in the pest control business and had to deal with quite a few varieties of the flying, stinging types, even got chased for literally 5 minutes by a pissed-off red wasp that wouldn't fucking die no matter what I hit it with. Eventually it just flew off.
Anyway, the one time I was genuinely scared was when I got called to a house with a wasp problem, and I was expecting yellow jackets or something, as they're common in Texas. Nope, we had Cicada Killers. Here's a couple of pics.
Now, I've since learned that they're extremely docile, but very curious, so they might seem aggressive. And the males are the only ones you'll find out of the nest, but they don't sting. All this wasn't known to me while I had about 6 or 7 hovering in front of my face while I was trying to hit them with a tiny stream of foam from the wasp killer spray I had. It was a little terrifying at the time.
The insect overlords have arrive. I for one welcome them with open arms, and as a respected internet person, could bring more humans into their hives to be enslaved.
The insect overlords have arrive. I for one welcome them with open arms, and as a respected internet person, could bring more humans into their hives to be enslaved.
So I'm basically the only one here that is not deathly afraid of bees, I guess.
I rather like the furry little bastards.
Bees don't bug me. Spiders though... I'm a goddamned six-year-old girl when it comes to spiders.
This one here? You see how small that is? If that crawled across my desk right now, I'd be in across the room into the kitchen, screaming for my wife to kill it for me.
Hahaha, oh man, I just remembered something from my junior year of high school.
We got into WWII in US History, and needless to say, my friends and I were very much interested. Our music appreciation class was a joke, so we'd talk about it in there too. We got onto the subject of Hitler's oratory and how it was strange to see and listen to it, not being a German speaker. We decided he looked like a stupid jackass on stage and (jokingly) conjectured that those silly krauts were too easily swayed. Anyway, we were walking out of the music class and into English discussing this and laughing at his dramatic gestures. We walk into class, my friend sits down, and I do a little impression of ol' Adolf: slamming my fists on his desk and speaking bastardized German.
Then, I hear my other friend's voice "Yeah, that's not offensive to anyone in this room"
I turn around and notice that the single, sole, solitary, Jewish guy in our school had been standing there talking to our English teacher. My reaction? I was so embarrassed, I started laughing my ass off at the "Murphy's Law" of it. Jewish guy gives me a weird look and walks out of the room.
He was wearing a yarmulke.
It was October 2, 2006. I was pretending to be Hitler on (unknowingly at the time, I swear) Yom fucking Kippur.
I wonder if I'm on the Anti-Defamation League's watch list.
You should have told him that you too were Jewish and you were taking "Hitler" back, like black people are taking the n-word back.
Baby, you can't taste racism.
I had something happen to me like that once, to a guy who is now a pretty good friend. It was a pretty good lesson about watching one's mouth
so it was for me- I don't do Hitler impersonations any more
not on Yom Kippur anyway
also, holy shit, are those cicada killers related to those japanese wasps that go on a genocidal rampage against honey bees?
The insect overlords have arrive. I for one welcome them with open arms, and as a respected internet person, could bring more humans into their hives to be enslaved.
I believe that honor should be long to Rhesus after proving himself to the wasp queen, who then laid eggs in his brain.
I have one good bee story. When I was around 16 I helped out an older lady with her yard work, mostly lawn mowing. I had grown quite accustomed to winged stinging creatures, and learned that if I don't fuck with them, they don't fuck with me. Unless of course you are running a lawn mower right next to their nest, then they seem to give a fuck.
I first noticed the prick on the back of my leg near my ankle, I swatted at it, that's when I realized it wasn't going anywhere. I looked at my foot and saw the little fucker driving his stinger into my leg and I entered the longest string of curse words in my life. I swatted and kicked at him, killing him and knocking my shoe off in the process. That's when I made my way inside, leaving my shoe behind. I told the lady what happened, and she got me an ice pack and called my dad. I went back outside to get me shoe when I saw it covered in bees and the lawnmower handle covered as well. We both decided that I just let the shoe and lawnmower bee for the rest of the day when my dad rolls up with enough Raid to level an entire bee farm.
Cue the most epic bee war ever imagined.
In the end I think the dead count was somewhere near a hundred on my shoe and lawnmower, plus the entire nest was chemical bombed. The bees, or whatever they were, burrowed their way into the ground and when I stepped directly on the nest, I basically left a nice scent trail to the great invader.
After wards my dad told me a story about my grandpa handling a nest of burrowing bees. My grandpa, being a frugal fellow, decided the best course of action for clearing out a nest was to poor gasoline down the hole, you know to get them pissed off, and then park the lawn mower directly over the hole while it was running. I guess it worked.
Suicide Slyde on
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ShadowfireVermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered Userregular
So I'm basically the only one here that is not deathly afraid of bees, I guess.
I rather like the furry little bastards.
Bees don't bug me. Spiders though... I'm a goddamned six-year-old girl when it comes to spiders.
This one here? You see how small that is? If that crawled across my desk right now, I'd be in across the room into the kitchen, screaming for my wife to kill it for me.
My wife is like that with both spiders and bees. We get a lot of bugs in our apartment (the basement is dirt), so I'll bring spiders in from the outside and stick them on the occasional windowsill or pipe opening so they can make a web and have a feast. She is not... appreciative of my effort.
also, holy shit, are those cicada killers related to those japanese wasps that go on a genocidal rampage against honey bees?
Those are Japanese Hornets. If you've ever run into a hornet, you'll know they're constantly just really pissed off at everything around them. I won't fuck with hornets...I don't care what kind of chemicals I have access to, the hornets get left alone. I don't get paid enough for that shit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet <--- that's what you saw in the video. Incidentally, they're also known, in that region, as the Yak-Killer Hornet. Think about that for a minute.
The wasps are actually harmless unless you're a cicada. Sure, they're gigantic and seem to swarm all over the place, but they're really just checking shit out.
Reading the stories about people having house parties and such, I managed to remember one from back when I was around 8 or 9.
My step sister was having a house party, parents were out somewhere so hey why not, she's in high school, the popular girl so this thing takes off. And ff course, since the parent's aren't home, and I'm 8 I'm sure as fuck staying up late!
I'm sitting around my room with my door closed, wearing PJ's (think the PJ top and bottom little kids wear, with like spiderman or whatever on them) playing with my Lego or whatever the hell it was. I take off to the bathroom and go back to playing.
Finally after a while I decide it's time to head to bed, but discover that my blanket is missing. The hell is this crazy shit, I wonder?
I end up checking the guest bedroom first, but nope nothing in there. The door to my parents room is closed, so I bust in and see a large pile of blankets and quilts on my parents bed.
With a guy and girl making out underneath them all, people I've never seen before.
So of course I do the most logical thing, and stomp up to them, yell something, grab my blanket and storm the hell off.
I can only imagine what they must of seen - getting busy when all of the sudden the door fly's open, an angry little eight year old in cartoon PJ's barges in, grabs a blanket off the bed and storms back out.
The bee stories had me laughing pretty good. I did about 2 years in the pest control business and had to deal with quite a few varieties of the flying, stinging types, even got chased for literally 5 minutes by a pissed-off red wasp that wouldn't fucking die no matter what I hit it with. Eventually it just flew off.
Anyway, the one time I was genuinely scared was when I got called to a house with a wasp problem, and I was expecting yellow jackets or something, as they're common in Texas. Nope, we had Cicada Killers. Here's a couple of pics.
Now, I've since learned that they're extremely docile, but very curious, so they might seem aggressive. And the males are the only ones you'll find out of the nest, but they don't sting. All this wasn't known to me while I had about 6 or 7 hovering in front of my face while I was trying to hit them with a tiny stream of foam from the wasp killer spray I had. It was a little terrifying at the time.
Christ, I clicked on that spoiler and them immediately realized it was a mistake.
Uuuuugh.
Voting for the "Build a wall with texas on the other side" strategy, with the addendum that whenever one of these is spotted, we nuke the site from orbit.
Once I was biking around probably about ten miles per hour while wearing a t-shirt when suddenly I feel a small sting on my chest. I lightly feel around the area and manage to pinch a bee that somehow flew into my shirt while I was biking along. And then during this the chain fell off as it wasn't very good, and braking is really difficult with just one hand so I kind of had to ride it out.
So I had to wait a painfully long time while the bike slowed itself down to a halt with a bee -- still buzzing -- pinched down on the inside of my shirt. Then I got to take my shirt off and inside out on the side of the road, thankfully not very busy, and let the bee fly away. Not a lot of fun fixing the chain that time. I guess the bee must have flown through the shirt's collar... really made me happy I don't have any irrational fears of them.
When I was in second grade I was riding around my neighborhood on my bike, and I came across my hot 16 year old neighbor. To impress her, I decide I'm going to ride my bike with my eyes closed. I ended up wobbling out of control and hit a garage door, then slid across the pavement. I got up and was super embarrassed because she obviously saw it, she came over and asked if I was alright. I froze, stared at her for what felt like 5 minutes, and then ran home and left my bike lay. When I got home, I discovered I had road rash on my balls and wiener because I was wearing those loose cotton shorts that were popular in the early 90's. After I checked myself out, I decided to go get my bike and on the way out, my dad asks where my bike is. I tell him I left it on the corner not wanting to go into details. He's the strict marine type, and he was pissed that I would let my bike that he paid money for just lay around to get stolen. He delivers a swift kick to my ass while wearing boots.
When I was a kid I'd bike around the neighborhood with my brother/some friends.
One time we're going down a road and it's a really steep hill. Now I was an inexperienced biker and had never gone down this hill before (or any other hill, for that matter), so I just kept pedaling as normal.
By the time I hit the bottom I was going what seemed to me at the time like 40-50 miles an hour and was frantically hitting the brakes, which caused me to do a perfect forward flip- thank god for helments- and come crashing down on my back. Did I mention that the people I was with were still at the top of the hill and had a perfect view of the scene?
the summer after high school graduation my friends and i would go on long treks through our town on road bikes. We kept them up pretty well, basically a hobby (and we could all drive this wasn't by necessity)
so were on a pretty nice 5 or 6 mile ride from my friends house. about halfway, my friend scott's chain breaks. fuuuuuck.
so he's just kinda walking/gliding his bike along and we're all taking it slow. of course being the ass i am i'm making fun of him the whole time.
I speed up because i need to piss and i figure i'll just get to a gas station quick
my chain slips. then breaks. then wraps in my rear fucking spokes.
I shredded that entire wheel. broke like 8 spokes. totally un-rideable.
Friend with no chain glides past me.
fucker.
Seaborn111 on
</bush>
It's impossible for us to without a doubt prove the non-existence of God. We just have to take it on faith that he's imaginary..
also, holy shit, are those cicada killers related to those japanese wasps that go on a genocidal rampage against honey bees?
Those are Japanese Hornets. If you've ever run into a hornet, you'll know they're constantly just really pissed off at everything around them. I won't fuck with hornets...I don't care what kind of chemicals I have access to, the hornets get left alone. I don't get paid enough for that shit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet <--- that's what you saw in the video. Incidentally, they're also known, in that region, as the Yak-Killer Hornet. Think about that for a minute.
The wasps are actually harmless unless you're a cicada. Sure, they're gigantic and seem to swarm all over the place, but they're really just checking shit out.
Now, Tarantula Hawks...well..
ENOUGH GIANT INSECTS.
The hair on my body is so vertical, it can practically be used as a weapon.
Also, the first pic on that wiki article looks funny. Kind of like the wasp doesn't believe you.
I was microwaving something a couple of years ago and dropped some packaging or something. I bent down and misjudged the angles. I slammed into the corner of the microwave right between my eyes. And since the face has quite a bit of blood in it, you can imagine the mess it made.
Not that my brother cared. He was too busy laughing his ass off. And so any chance of the scar I had from when I was eight and I caught a set of keys with my face ever going away are now gone. It's nice and big now. At least I'll never have to worry about becoming a unibrow.
also, holy shit, are those cicada killers related to those japanese wasps that go on a genocidal rampage against honey bees?
Those are Japanese Hornets. If you've ever run into a hornet, you'll know they're constantly just really pissed off at everything around them. I won't fuck with hornets...I don't care what kind of chemicals I have access to, the hornets get left alone. I don't get paid enough for that shit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet <--- that's what you saw in the video. Incidentally, they're also known, in that region, as the Yak-Killer Hornet. Think about that for a minute.
The wasps are actually harmless unless you're a cicada. Sure, they're gigantic and seem to swarm all over the place, but they're really just checking shit out.
Now, Tarantula Hawks...well..
ENOUGH GIANT INSECTS.
The hair on my body is so vertical, it can practically be used as a weapon.
Also, the first pic on that wiki article looks funny. Kind of like the wasp doesn't believe you.
From the article:
Although a handful of Asian giant hornets can easily defeat the defenses of many individual honey bees, whose small stings cannot inflict much damage against such a large predator, the Japanese honey bee (Apis cerana japonica) possesses a collective defense against them.
When a hornet scout locates and approaches a Japanese honey bee hive it will emit specific pheromonal hunting signals. When the honey bees detect these pheromones, a hundred or so will gather near the entrance of the nest and set up a trap, keeping it open apparently to draw the hornet further into the hive or allow it to enter on its own. As the hornet enters the nest, a large mob of about five hundred honey bees surrounds it, completely covering it and preventing it from moving, and begin quickly vibrating their flight muscles. This has the effect of raising the temperature of the honey bee mass to 47 °C (117 °F). The honey bees can barely tolerate this temperature, but the hornet cannot survive more than 46 °C (115 °F), so it dies. Often several bees perish along with the intruder, but the death of the hornet scout prevents it from summoning reinforcements which would wipe out the colony.[9]
That is the coolest thing I have read in a long time.
Also, an incredibly horrifying moment that happened to me when I was pretty young (younger than 10):
I wake up because my mother gets me up, as usual, but this morning she's screaming hysterically and the first thing she does is run the bathtub and throw me into it, clothes and all. Meanwhile because I was just dragged out of a sound sleep I have no idea what's going on, but... wait... why do I feel kinda funny?
Yeah.
As it turns out, I had a stomach bug the night before, and sometime in the middle of the night I threw up in my sleep.
Without waking up or realizing it.
And because I was the sort of person as a kid who fidget and rolled over a lot in my sleep, by the time I woke up I was basically coated in my own vomit. So no wonder she was hysterical, really.
So yeah. I get the experience of waking up coated in my own disgusting bodily wastes well before 21 and without the fun of being drunk. Sucked to be me, I guess.
Posts
I want to make a witty reference to Pony and shrooms. I'm coming up empty.
We got into WWII in US History, and needless to say, my friends and I were very much interested. Our music appreciation class was a joke, so we'd talk about it in there too. We got onto the subject of Hitler's oratory and how it was strange to see and listen to it, not being a German speaker. We decided he looked like a stupid jackass on stage and (jokingly) conjectured that those silly krauts were too easily swayed. Anyway, we were walking out of the music class and into English discussing this and laughing at his dramatic gestures. We walk into class, my friend sits down, and I do a little impression of ol' Adolf: slamming my fists on his desk and speaking bastardized German.
Then, I hear my other friend's voice "Yeah, that's not offensive to anyone in this room"
I turn around and notice that the single, sole, solitary, Jewish guy in our school had been standing there talking to our English teacher. My reaction? I was so embarrassed, I started laughing my ass off at the "Murphy's Law" of it. Jewish guy gives me a weird look and walks out of the room.
He was wearing a yarmulke.
It was October 2, 2006. I was pretending to be Hitler on (unknowingly at the time, I swear) Yom fucking Kippur.
I wonder if I'm on the Anti-Defamation League's watch list.
That's... unfortunate.
You should have told him that you too were Jewish and you were taking "Hitler" back, like black people are taking the n-word back.
Baby, you can't taste racism.
I had something happen to me like that once, to a guy who is now a pretty good friend. It was a pretty good lesson about watching one's mouth
Anyway, the one time I was genuinely scared was when I got called to a house with a wasp problem, and I was expecting yellow jackets or something, as they're common in Texas. Nope, we had Cicada Killers. Here's a couple of pics.
Now, I've since learned that they're extremely docile, but very curious, so they might seem aggressive. And the males are the only ones you'll find out of the nest, but they don't sting. All this wasn't known to me while I had about 6 or 7 hovering in front of my face while I was trying to hit them with a tiny stream of foam from the wasp killer spray I had. It was a little terrifying at the time.
We obviously need to build a border wall topped with flamethrowers.
With Texas on the south of it. Sorry.
Everything I found terrifying before I went into pest control is routine to me now. I never thought I'd be able to say that about rats, scorpions or giant wasps but I'm more terrified of housewives than I am of bugs now.
It wasn't until a few months later that I learned that a dead wasp gives off a hormone that attracts other wasps. We thought that it was the fruit juice attracting them, rather than their dead mates.
Pardon me while I step out to go buy a flamethrower and some frag grenades.
JESUS CHRIST
For The Swarm!
Bees don't bug me. Spiders though... I'm a goddamned six-year-old girl when it comes to spiders.
so it was for me- I don't do Hitler impersonations any more
not on Yom Kippur anyway
also, holy shit, are those cicada killers related to those japanese wasps that go on a genocidal rampage against honey bees?
I believe that honor should be long to Rhesus after proving himself to the wasp queen, who then laid eggs in his brain.
I have one good bee story. When I was around 16 I helped out an older lady with her yard work, mostly lawn mowing. I had grown quite accustomed to winged stinging creatures, and learned that if I don't fuck with them, they don't fuck with me. Unless of course you are running a lawn mower right next to their nest, then they seem to give a fuck.
I first noticed the prick on the back of my leg near my ankle, I swatted at it, that's when I realized it wasn't going anywhere. I looked at my foot and saw the little fucker driving his stinger into my leg and I entered the longest string of curse words in my life. I swatted and kicked at him, killing him and knocking my shoe off in the process. That's when I made my way inside, leaving my shoe behind. I told the lady what happened, and she got me an ice pack and called my dad. I went back outside to get me shoe when I saw it covered in bees and the lawnmower handle covered as well. We both decided that I just let the shoe and lawnmower bee for the rest of the day when my dad rolls up with enough Raid to level an entire bee farm.
Cue the most epic bee war ever imagined.
In the end I think the dead count was somewhere near a hundred on my shoe and lawnmower, plus the entire nest was chemical bombed. The bees, or whatever they were, burrowed their way into the ground and when I stepped directly on the nest, I basically left a nice scent trail to the great invader.
After wards my dad told me a story about my grandpa handling a nest of burrowing bees. My grandpa, being a frugal fellow, decided the best course of action for clearing out a nest was to poor gasoline down the hole, you know to get them pissed off, and then park the lawn mower directly over the hole while it was running. I guess it worked.
My wife is like that with both spiders and bees. We get a lot of bugs in our apartment (the basement is dirt), so I'll bring spiders in from the outside and stick them on the occasional windowsill or pipe opening so they can make a web and have a feast. She is not... appreciative of my effort.
Those are Japanese Hornets. If you've ever run into a hornet, you'll know they're constantly just really pissed off at everything around them. I won't fuck with hornets...I don't care what kind of chemicals I have access to, the hornets get left alone. I don't get paid enough for that shit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet <--- that's what you saw in the video. Incidentally, they're also known, in that region, as the Yak-Killer Hornet. Think about that for a minute.
The wasps are actually harmless unless you're a cicada. Sure, they're gigantic and seem to swarm all over the place, but they're really just checking shit out.
Now, Tarantula Hawks...well..
My step sister was having a house party, parents were out somewhere so hey why not, she's in high school, the popular girl so this thing takes off. And ff course, since the parent's aren't home, and I'm 8 I'm sure as fuck staying up late!
I'm sitting around my room with my door closed, wearing PJ's (think the PJ top and bottom little kids wear, with like spiderman or whatever on them) playing with my Lego or whatever the hell it was. I take off to the bathroom and go back to playing.
Finally after a while I decide it's time to head to bed, but discover that my blanket is missing. The hell is this crazy shit, I wonder?
I end up checking the guest bedroom first, but nope nothing in there. The door to my parents room is closed, so I bust in and see a large pile of blankets and quilts on my parents bed.
With a guy and girl making out underneath them all, people I've never seen before.
So of course I do the most logical thing, and stomp up to them, yell something, grab my blanket and storm the hell off.
I can only imagine what they must of seen - getting busy when all of the sudden the door fly's open, an angry little eight year old in cartoon PJ's barges in, grabs a blanket off the bed and storms back out.
Christ, I clicked on that spoiler and them immediately realized it was a mistake.
Uuuuugh.
Voting for the "Build a wall with texas on the other side" strategy, with the addendum that whenever one of these is spotted, we nuke the site from orbit.
So I had to wait a painfully long time while the bike slowed itself down to a halt with a bee -- still buzzing -- pinched down on the inside of my shirt. Then I got to take my shirt off and inside out on the side of the road, thankfully not very busy, and let the bee fly away. Not a lot of fun fixing the chain that time. I guess the bee must have flown through the shirt's collar... really made me happy I don't have any irrational fears of them.
Thus began my life long bad luck with women.
PSN - CardboardNine
One time we're going down a road and it's a really steep hill. Now I was an inexperienced biker and had never gone down this hill before (or any other hill, for that matter), so I just kept pedaling as normal.
By the time I hit the bottom I was going what seemed to me at the time like 40-50 miles an hour and was frantically hitting the brakes, which caused me to do a perfect forward flip- thank god for helments- and come crashing down on my back. Did I mention that the people I was with were still at the top of the hill and had a perfect view of the scene?
My brother had a good laugh at that one.
the summer after high school graduation my friends and i would go on long treks through our town on road bikes. We kept them up pretty well, basically a hobby (and we could all drive this wasn't by necessity)
so were on a pretty nice 5 or 6 mile ride from my friends house. about halfway, my friend scott's chain breaks. fuuuuuck.
so he's just kinda walking/gliding his bike along and we're all taking it slow. of course being the ass i am i'm making fun of him the whole time.
I speed up because i need to piss and i figure i'll just get to a gas station quick
my chain slips. then breaks. then wraps in my rear fucking spokes.
I shredded that entire wheel. broke like 8 spokes. totally un-rideable.
Friend with no chain glides past me.
fucker.
ENOUGH GIANT INSECTS.
The hair on my body is so vertical, it can practically be used as a weapon.
Also, the first pic on that wiki article looks funny. Kind of like the wasp doesn't believe you.
Not that my brother cared. He was too busy laughing his ass off. And so any chance of the scar I had from when I was eight and I caught a set of keys with my face ever going away are now gone. It's nice and big now. At least I'll never have to worry about becoming a unibrow.
From the article:
Although a handful of Asian giant hornets can easily defeat the defenses of many individual honey bees, whose small stings cannot inflict much damage against such a large predator, the Japanese honey bee (Apis cerana japonica) possesses a collective defense against them.
When a hornet scout locates and approaches a Japanese honey bee hive it will emit specific pheromonal hunting signals. When the honey bees detect these pheromones, a hundred or so will gather near the entrance of the nest and set up a trap, keeping it open apparently to draw the hornet further into the hive or allow it to enter on its own. As the hornet enters the nest, a large mob of about five hundred honey bees surrounds it, completely covering it and preventing it from moving, and begin quickly vibrating their flight muscles. This has the effect of raising the temperature of the honey bee mass to 47 °C (117 °F). The honey bees can barely tolerate this temperature, but the hornet cannot survive more than 46 °C (115 °F), so it dies. Often several bees perish along with the intruder, but the death of the hornet scout prevents it from summoning reinforcements which would wipe out the colony.[9]
That is the coolest thing I have read in a long time.
edit: And here's a picture:
I wake up because my mother gets me up, as usual, but this morning she's screaming hysterically and the first thing she does is run the bathtub and throw me into it, clothes and all. Meanwhile because I was just dragged out of a sound sleep I have no idea what's going on, but... wait... why do I feel kinda funny?
Yeah.
As it turns out, I had a stomach bug the night before, and sometime in the middle of the night I threw up in my sleep.
Without waking up or realizing it.
And because I was the sort of person as a kid who fidget and rolled over a lot in my sleep, by the time I woke up I was basically coated in my own vomit. So no wonder she was hysterical, really.
So yeah. I get the experience of waking up coated in my own disgusting bodily wastes well before 21 and without the fun of being drunk. Sucked to be me, I guess.
GODDAMNIT.
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