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the bad joke thread

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Wyborn wrote: »
    There is no God

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    So.. I may be misremembering.... but,.......

    so in eighth grade we had 15 minutes before a period for "indepedent reading" time, basically 15 minutes of silence to read whatever we wanted. every class did it, mine happened to conveniently be right before English. Our English teacher that year also organized a donated mini-library in the back of her classroom, and a lot of us gave books for it.

    So this kid (who, some time later after he was transferred to military academy, I belatedly would come to realize was my first crush~) found a joke book in the library and started reading it, then started laughing hysterically at how bad the jokes were and decided he was going to interrupt the silence to tell us some of the jokes.

    We died laughing at his telling of them. It became a recurring thing in that class. Even the teacher loved it.

    And.... I'm pretty sure it was that very hamburger joke book. Like. My memory is bad, but it's about 90% positive.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    darleysamdarleysam On my way to UKRegistered User regular
    Fyndir wrote: »
    Syphyre wrote: »
    March 28
    Why isn't 'phonetic' spelled the way it sounds?

    Also what cruel bastard came up with "dyslexia"?

    Why is there no mnemonic to help you remember how to spell the word mnemonic?

    And couldn't they have found a shorter word than 'abbreviate'?

    forumsig.png
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    TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    why does 'monosyllabic' have so many?

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Why does nothing sound like "onomatopoeia"?

    Why isn't a building called a built?

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    NeveronNeveron HellValleySkyTree SwedenRegistered User regular
    Why does 'heterological' cause a paradox if you try to apply it to itself?

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    SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    March 30
    A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

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    GizzyGizzy i am a cat PhoenixRegistered User regular
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Syphyre wrote: »
    March 30
    A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

    That's... more accurate than I care to admit

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    I know this calendar is clearly designed for like, an office environment.

    But man, the amount of generic office humor is staggering.

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    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    I know this calendar is clearly designed for like, an office environment.

    But man, the amount of generic office humor is staggering.

    I will not say you have a case of The Mondays.

    I will not say you have a case of The Mondays.

    I will not say you have a case of The Mondays.

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    I know this calendar is clearly designed for like, an office environment.

    But man, the amount of generic office humor is staggering.

    I will not say you have a case of The Mondays.

    I will not say you have a case of The Mondays.

    I will not say you have a case of The Mondays.

    I like, fully expect one of the future days on this calendar to be a dictionary definition styled description of The Mondays.

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    DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    Syphyre wrote: »
    March 30
    A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

    That's... more accurate than I care to admit

    What does this mean for those of us with desks that look post-apocalyptic

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    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Dixon wrote: »
    Syphyre wrote: »
    March 30
    A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

    That's... more accurate than I care to admit

    What does this mean for those of us with desks that look post-apocalyptic

    I'm guessing that means you have nice clean drawers.

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    TayaTaya Registered User regular
    Where do the burgers go on New Year's Eve?
    To a meat ball!

    Which burgers love to act?
    Ham-burgers!

    Why do burgers run the gauntlets?
    To test their meattle!

    When the crooked hamburger took it on the "lamb," where did it go?
    Oh, "ewe" know!

    Seriously, when the crooked hamburger took it on the lam, where did it go?
    Heidelburg-er, Germany!

    What is the hamburger's motto?
    If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

    What happened to the pilot who flew into a 4,000-pound mountain of meat?
    He got grounded!

    How was the hamburger murdered?
    First it was "rolled," then smothered in onions!

    What do they say about the noise at the Burger Land Super Bowl?
    It's pan-demonium!

    Which burgers can tell your fortune?
    Medium burgers!

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited March 2015
    Taya wrote: »
    Where do the burgers go on New Year's Eve?
    To a meat ball!

    Which burgers love to act?
    Ham-burgers!

    Why do burgers run the gauntlets?
    To test their meattle!

    When the crooked hamburger took it on the "lamb," where did it go?
    Oh, "ewe" know!

    Seriously, when the crooked hamburger took it on the lam, where did it go?
    Heidelburg-er, Germany!

    What is the hamburger's motto?
    If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

    What happened to the pilot who flew into a 4,000-pound mountain of meat?
    He got grounded!

    How was the hamburger murdered?
    First it was "rolled," then smothered in onions!

    What do they say about the noise at the Burger Land Super Bowl?
    It's pan-demonium!

    Which burgers can tell your fortune?
    Medium burgers!

    biznyJC.gif

    joshofalltrades on
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    DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Dixon wrote: »
    Syphyre wrote: »
    March 30
    A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

    That's... more accurate than I care to admit

    What does this mean for those of us with desks that look post-apocalyptic

    I'm guessing that means you have nice clean drawers.

    ....or we've run out of drawers.

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Jelly?

    That's my jam!

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I'm ashamed to admit that was an original

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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    I'm ashamed to admit that was an original

    But so good it should be preserved for posterity.

    steam_sig.png
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    SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    March 31
    Employee Evaluation: "He sets low personal standards and then constantly fails to achieve them."

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    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    I hate my math calendar. Today is a big trigonometry question and I would love to dig into it, but the answer is 31, I know it, you know it, the fucking calendar knows it, so why go through the charade of doing out the work?

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    I hate my math calendar. Today is a big trigonometry question and I would love to dig into it, but the answer is 31, I know it, you know it, the fucking calendar knows it, so why go through the charade of doing out the work?

    It's the journey, not the destination.

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I hate my math calendar. Today is a big trigonometry question and I would love to dig into it, but the answer is 31, I know it, you know it, the fucking calendar knows it, so why go through the charade of doing out the work?

    Maybe the calendar did that for the first couple of months and then stopped!

    Probably not, though.

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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    I hate my math calendar. Today is a big trigonometry question and I would love to dig into it, but the answer is 31, I know it, you know it, the fucking calendar knows it, so why go through the charade of doing out the work?

    It's the journey, not the destination.

    You don't get full credit unless you show your work.

    steam_sig.png
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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    ...I don't know it...

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    GizzyGizzy i am a cat PhoenixRegistered User regular
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    Switch Animal Crossing Friend Code: SW-5107-9276-1030
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    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Nah - the calendar continues to cheat with it's answers.
    It's hard to write out on the forums so I snapped a pic too...

    jnmn87x3tk7g.jpg

    I'll leave the proof to your imaginations but if my 10 year old kid can get every question right then maybe rethink the format of your calendar!

    cal.jpg 44.5K
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    SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    That's it? OK, I need a picture of the entire page to see if they're all that easy.

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    GarthorGarthor Registered User regular
    That's not a big trigonometry problem.

    That is the tiniest trigonometry problem.

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Let's pretend for just a second that I am some sort of idiot that never did calculus or trigonometry, in fact, I might have even dropped out of high school, and am having trouble figuring out how to do that problem. The theta represents an angle, yeah?

    so, (2sin squared * theta + 2cosin squared * theta) squared
    plus
    (3sin squared * theta + 3cosin squared * theta) cubed

    How do?

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Theta is 2pi isn't it? So it's the twice the squared sin of theta + twice the cosin squared of theta, which would both have to be rounded.

    How could the answer be 31?

    Or are trigonomic functions of theta all conveniently whole numbers?

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    JayKaosJayKaos Registered User regular
    For any given theta, sin squared theta plus cosin squared theta is one, so just factor out the twos and threes and go from there.

    Steam | SW-0844-0908-6004 and my Switch code
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    JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    2 sin^2 theta + 2 cos^2 theta = 2
    2^2 = 4

    3 sin^2 theta + 3 cos^2 theta = 3
    3^3 = 27

    27 + 4 = 31

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    JayKaos wrote: »
    For any given theta, sin squared theta plus cosin squared theta is one, so just factor out the twos and threes and go from there.

    Oh, that makes that a LOT simpler.
    Joolander wrote: »
    2 sin^2 theta + 2 cos^2 theta = 2
    2^2 = 4

    3 sin^2 theta + 3 cos^2 theta = 3
    3^3 = 27

    27 + 4 = 31

    So the answer is the day of the month? I hope that's not true for every problem in the calendar, or else HOW FUCKING BORING.

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    DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Theta is 2pi isn't it? So it's the twice the squared sin of theta + twice the cosin squared of theta, which would both have to be rounded.

    How could the answer be 31?

    Or are trigonomic functions of theta all conveniently whole numbers?

    Theta is used a lot like x is in equations, as a variable for an angle.

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
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    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    JayKaos wrote: »
    For any given theta, sin squared theta plus cosin squared theta is one, so just factor out the twos and threes and go from there.

    Oh, that makes that a LOT simpler.
    Joolander wrote: »
    2 sin^2 theta + 2 cos^2 theta = 2
    2^2 = 4

    3 sin^2 theta + 3 cos^2 theta = 3
    3^3 = 27

    27 + 4 = 31

    So the answer is the day of the month? I hope that's not true for every problem in the calendar, or else HOW FUCKING BORING.

    Every single day of every single month the answer is the fricking day of the month.

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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    JayKaos wrote: »
    For any given theta, sin squared theta plus cosin squared theta is one, so just factor out the twos and threes and go from there.

    Oh, that makes that a LOT simpler.
    Joolander wrote: »
    2 sin^2 theta + 2 cos^2 theta = 2
    2^2 = 4

    3 sin^2 theta + 3 cos^2 theta = 3
    3^3 = 27

    27 + 4 = 31

    So the answer is the day of the month? I hope that's not true for every problem in the calendar, or else HOW FUCKING BORING.

    Every single day of every single month the answer is the fricking day of the month.

    Nobody ever said it was a Hard Math Problem of the Day Calendar.

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    SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    March 1st - Henri Becquerel discovers radioactivity. Radioactive materials have half-lifes. Becquerel has three syllables. Half-Life 3 confirmed.

    March 2nd - The Bank of England issues the first one-pound and two-pound banknotes. 1 + 2 = 3. Half-Life 3 confirmed.

    March 3rd - Apollo program: NASA launches Apollo 9 to test the lunar module. 3*3 = 9. Apollo has 6 letters. 6/2 = 3. Half-Life 3 confirmed.
    I'm terrible at this stuff.

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    NeveronNeveron HellValleySkyTree SwedenRegistered User regular
    Syphyre wrote: »
    March 3rd - Apollo program: NASA launches Apollo 9 to test the lunar module. 3*3 = 9. Apollo has 6 letters. 6/2 = 3. Half-Life 3 confirmed.

    March 3: 3/3. Apollo: six letters, three syllables, 6=3*2, 2 denotes a sequel. Half-Life 3 confirmed.

    "Lunar Module" - "Mod"? ROT13 of "Lunar" is "Yhane", y is similar to an upside-down lamda, so let's read it upside-down. "ǝuɐɥʎ" - "λμgua"? The Mugua River flows through Hualien Country for 42km - Hualien, 42, λ? Half-Life 3 confirmed to include a H2G2 mod.

This discussion has been closed.