One date I went on the girl complained about how all the previous people she dated were either drunk before hand or got drunk on the date. I figured out why when she began to tell the tale of why she was dating
I have given my phone number out a few times on okcupid for some rather interesting times
The first girl who really called me asked where I worked I told her [tiny]wal-mart[/tiny] I have it listed I am not fond of my job and she changed the subject rather quickly and after 5 minutes hung up
The second girl to call me and began to masturbate I really had no idea what she was doing till the heavy breathing and other sounds.
I got a stalker out of the third. It was a really werid week when she just showed up where I work and began to talk to me {she lived in El Paso drove the whole way] the werid thing was she knew things I do not talk to people about , Well I have online but not of certain things. She was the only person I had to go to the police and file a report about because it was really creepy
And the others well just texted me out of bordem
This is all just disturbing in various ways. Have you at least given out your number to occasionally non-disturbing results?
Hmm, four day silence from the girl I have undefined plans for a third date with this weekend. Ominous.
It's not too weird to have silence before a date, as I think a lot of people will hold off on trying to have a lot of conversation beforehand simply so they a) don't run through all the topics they'd talk about on the date and/or b) don't get too hyped up about the date only to end up disappointed.
But undefined makes it sound like you just have "let's get together this weekend" rather than an actual date figured out. Have you called her or contacted her?
Well, we had a confirmed day, with either outside plans, or a variety of possible inside plans if the weather continues to be awful here.
The silence is just a little unsettling since we were exchanging sort of silly bantering emails for a couple of days and then nada. I'm going to call tomorrow. I am opting to go with "she's just busy" as a presumption and a "maybe she changed her mind" as option b.
it was the smallest on the list but
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited May 2011
Org, you're a cool guy, but I think you're misrepresenting how you look to people. I remember you telling us why earlier, and I'd say either making your peace with it or getting it fixed would be the way to go. People who meet you offline may feel misled which regardless of other things they may be feeling isn't a great way to start it.
Maybe it's covered in your profile, I dunno. Even shots from the side or you doing action-y stuff or outside would be fine. Just my opinion so if stuff's working for you nevermind.
One date I went on the girl complained about how all the previous people she dated were either drunk before hand or got drunk on the date. I figured out why when she began to tell the tale of why she was dating
I have given my phone number out a few times on okcupid for some rather interesting times
The first girl who really called me asked where I worked I told her [tiny]wal-mart[/tiny] I have it listed I am not fond of my job and she changed the subject rather quickly and after 5 minutes hung up
The second girl to call me and began to masturbate I really had no idea what she was doing till the heavy breathing and other sounds.
I got a stalker out of the third. It was a really werid week when she just showed up where I work and began to talk to me {she lived in El Paso drove the whole way] the werid thing was she knew things I do not talk to people about , Well I have online but not of certain things. She was the only person I had to go to the police and file a report about because it was really creepy
And the others well just texted me out of bordem
This is all just disturbing in various ways. Have you at least given out your number to occasionally non-disturbing results?
In what way? the people who just texted me out of bordem seemed to be bored and not intrested in anything past that
I think she meant the whole batch. That when you moved the conversation from the online dating site to the telephone, you confronted someone who a) was focused strongly on your job, b) masturbated to your voice, c) stalked you, and d) texted you out of boredom.
It's kind of weird that you'd only bump into people who had no interest in actually doing anything. Except for the stalker, who wanted to do a lot more.
One date I went on the girl complained about how all the previous people she dated were either drunk before hand or got drunk on the date. I figured out why when she began to tell the tale of why she was dating
I have given my phone number out a few times on okcupid for some rather interesting times
The first girl who really called me asked where I worked I told her [tiny]wal-mart[/tiny] I have it listed I am not fond of my job and she changed the subject rather quickly and after 5 minutes hung up
The second girl to call me and began to masturbate I really had no idea what she was doing till the heavy breathing and other sounds.
I got a stalker out of the third. It was a really werid week when she just showed up where I work and began to talk to me {she lived in El Paso drove the whole way] the werid thing was she knew things I do not talk to people about , Well I have online but not of certain things. She was the only person I had to go to the police and file a report about because it was really creepy
And the others well just texted me out of bordem
This is all just disturbing in various ways. Have you at least given out your number to occasionally non-disturbing results?
In what way? the people who just texted me out of bordem seemed to be bored and not intrested in anything past that
You chose the simplest part of the story that pretty much everyone could've understood and explained it...
Congratulations, you're the CAD of dating adventures.
The first girl who really called me asked where I worked I told her wal-mart I have it listed I am not fond of my job and she changed the subject rather quickly and after 5 minutes hung up
No criticism intended but that was a rookie mistake. You should have made up a job.
I remember one time I was talking to this Jamaican or something woman off the internet. She sent a picture of her in a bikini on the beach and the sun was rising...man...it was a really great, artistic picture. Best I've ever seen from this internet dating nonsense.
So yeah, some good-looking black chick with a great body is interested in going out? Who am I to say no?
We exchange a couple emails. Then she asks why I emailed so late in the day and explains that she emailed late because she doesn't have a job. I wasn't working at the time myself and told her so. Never heard from her again.
That was where I went wrong. As with most guys, I don't particularly care what job (if any) some potential date has. You work at Starbucks? The free pastries must be nice. Looking for a job? Hope you find something soon. Total non-issue.
But generally-speaking, women are only interested in guys with jobs. And the higher-paying the better.
So I've learned to make stuff up. I have a reasonably cool job now so don't have to embellish on that front anymore. But I still make stuff up (usually background stuff). I was in a European military, I had a book published, I was a spy...the only limit is your imagination.
It's like with job searches. Yeah, you can take my mother's advice and not lie on your resume. But if I followed that advice, I would still be living at home having never worked a day in my life. You're competing with people who all lie on their resumes. And employers are looking for very specific things often with very high requirements. You have to lie.
Bringing it back to online dating, all these dudes are lying. And that's who you're competing with. So don't tell them that you work at Walmart. Somehow I gathered that you're from Texas. Say that you're a cowboy.
And women lie as well, of course. They fudge the ages, they use old pictures, they make heavy use of Photoshop, all kinds of crap.
You're just trying to get a date, after all. But once you meet the person, even though their picture might not have been entirely accurate or they're older than they said, you still give them a chance. And they might be alright so you overlook these things and continue going out.
Same with lying about jobs or whatever. At some point you should gradually start to come clean, but by then you're already getting on well so it shouldn't be a problem. Unless you're lying about something huge. But even then, if you're just looking to date casually, you can make up whatever ridiculous shit you want.
Some people actually want to talk to the other person about their job. If your normal life isn't interesting enough to the person, why start a relationship based on a lie?
I mean, if you lie about your hobbies, job, and income, what's left for them to like about you? Your looks? That's fine if you're just looking for a hookup, although I'd imagine if your job/hobbies/income sounds too good to be true, the person in question might do some extra vetting before you even get to the hookup stage.
Seriously though, it's probably better to simply opt for "white lies" rather than straight out fabrication. So I work at a data conversion and outsourcing company. Zzzzz... But I tell friends I work in ebook publishing, which is true, even if it's not what we'd look like on NASDAQ. So someone works at Wal-mart. That's not glamorous, but you just say "retail, but I'm looking to change once the economy stops sucking."
I'm in the military, but my job (Aircrew Flight Equipment, formerly known as Life Support) is just fixing helmets, Night vision goggles, life rafts, ect. It's boring. But the name is Life Support. So I tell people that I'm the Air Force's field medic (except to nurses, doctors, and anyone who has any interest in medicine or the military). I've gotten a few numbers with wild stories about jumping out of a helicopter, running across a street with a sniper taking shots at me, then reaching a person and treating their wounds. The person normally lives. I had a buddy of mine who even when along with this and we got many, many drinks, numbers, and women who wanted to "thank" us brave Airmen. But of course, this only works if you are looking for booty calls. I wouldn't lie much about yourself if you are looking for a legit relationship.
Well that's sort of like me. I've been on the fence about listing my exact new career path or just saying 'the medical industry', and ultimately decided on that because it gives them something further to ask about. Now, if they go 'ugh' or something at me majoring in Medical Office Administration, tough shit. I'm already an artist, I just never again wish to be a starving artist. If they don't think doing a spiffy office job to pay the bills while working on freelance art / web / graphic design stuff is a cool plan, then oh well.
However it's all in how you spin it, IMO. If you make it sound interesting or say what you'd really rather be doing / are working towards first, it makes you sound much more ambitious and energetic. Plus again, if that just isn't good enough for them then it sounds to me that they are more interested in things you have than who you are.
DarkMecha on
Steam Profile | My Art | NID: DarkMecha (SW-4787-9571-8977) | PSN: DarkMecha
A girl who's just looking for a sugar daddy is going to drop you when she finds out you're not, even if lying gets your wang, er, foot in the door initially.
But yeah I agree that how you present it matters a lot as well. I've read explanations that sounded like "yeah I don't really like having a job" and then ones like "well I was working at job X but then got laid off so now I'm trying to do Y freelance and working on my Z skills in the meantime" and there's a world of difference.
Not to mention just conveying your personality for a potential meetup. If you say:
"Yeah, I work in technology transfer, it's basically looking at patents all day long and figuring out what a company can make money on. I know it's not exciting but the pay is decent,"
that's boring. You sound BORING. Compared to
"Oh, it's tech transfer. It's neat -- it's like telling non-scientists what the point is for all the science they're doing!"
At least you sound jazzed up, even if the field itself may be really dry or the person's never heard of it. You don't need to be saving the world, but if you sound bored, people are going to think you're boring.
but eventually they could be used in things like combination optical drives (so you wouldn't need more than one laser to read/write different media) or they could let hospitals buy one piece of equipment if they need say both an argon laser an a gamma-scalpel
You could just use one generic laser and say you cannot see the spectrum of colours
I did choose the simple answer as the others and the ones I did not mention are why I just gave up on online dating and went back to the fun world of trying to pick up people I am interested in person
I had people call me for a "fling" since I lack a car this was a fun phone call
I know I should have made up where I really worked but last summer in this part of town was rough and it's hard to explain why I would have to bail early on a date since I go to work at 10pm
So im messaging this girl, she seems pretty cool and is quite cute, but shes just giving me like.. one sentenced replies and stuff like we are actually having a conversation face to face.. is this normal on these dating site things? Am i the only person whos typing it like its a forum? :?
Some write essay length messages that expand exponentially with each reply as they feel obligated to respond to every idea in the previous meassage.
Others might keep it shorter, perhaps responding directly to a question you brought up and maybe asking one question of their own in return.
Some people will respond to as question like "so what is your job like, do you enjoy it" with "yes" and nothing more.
Thing is, it doesn't necessarily indicate how well you would converse in person. I have had great dates with stilted reply girls and awkward ones with omgletmewriteyouanovelinresponsegirls, and vice versa.
You're using a forum right now. What makes you think she uses any forum anywhere? Or that she generally types anything that's longer than a facebook status update or tweet, unless it's professional email (short) or a professional document/paper (long, stilted, researched)?
A lot of people don't really understand electronic communication. Hell, even any form of written communication, and arguably many people have trouble even with verbal communication.
Basically, the girl you're complaining about simply doesn't "get it." That doesn't mean she's a good or bad person to have a relationship with, unless for you an important part of a relationship is quality online communication.
So if you feel like the text conversation isn't going anywhere, stop having a text conversation with her. That means either you stop responding, or you suggest a non-text format.
To put it in friend terms, if you're playing games with friends and your friends are bored with split screen Halo, suggest playing Bomberman. If they don't seem that excited about that either, perhaps you want to play board games, or maybe your friends just want to go get a drink and shoot the shit for a while.
A lot of people see writing emails and messages as a pain, as annoying, or as work. You can usually pick up on that vibe pretty quickly, even without hearing them say it's a pain or watching them type using just two fingers per hand. The solution isn't to assume they're doing it wrong (even if they might be), but to suggest an alternative that may work better for them and still accomplishes your goals.
So I'm having a nice back and forth conversation with this girl on PoF, and she invites me to chat with her on yahoo. I had to figure out what the heck my account with yahoo was in the first place but eventually get it and add her to my contact list / msg her. And then she proceeds to say nothing for an hour and log off.
Girls are just weird sometimes.
DarkMecha on
Steam Profile | My Art | NID: DarkMecha (SW-4787-9571-8977) | PSN: DarkMecha
I've pretty much given up on online dating. Most profiles of girls in my city feature some combination of my turn-offs, those few that remain and that I message never reply to me, and the girls that contact me first are repulsively ugly. Right now I feel that my back-up plan (working in my windowless office on campus) is both more productive and as likely to get me to meet a datable girl.
I've pretty much given up on online dating. Most profiles of girls in my city feature some combination of my turn-offs, those few that remain and that I message never reply to me, and the girls that contact me first are repulsively ugly. Right now I feel that my back-up plan (working in my windowless office on campus) is both more productive and as likely to get me to meet a datable girl.
Are you still in Thunder Bay? You are the guy who was in Thunder Bay, right?
Yeah, I think online dating really works best when a city has enough critical mass to actually have people use such a site. I'm going to be single in the near future (not that I'm in any rush to date people, mind), but it is reassuring to be around a city that people actually want to go to.
I've pretty much given up on online dating. Most profiles of girls in my city feature some combination of my turn-offs, those few that remain and that I message never reply to me, and the girls that contact me first are repulsively ugly.
Weird. I don't remember typing up this post, but I must have.
Wait a minute, Richy isn't my username! What's going on here!?
So I'm having a nice back and forth conversation with this girl on PoF, and she invites me to chat with her on yahoo. I had to figure out what the heck my account with yahoo was in the first place but eventually get it and add her to my contact list / msg her. And then she proceeds to say nothing for an hour and log off.
Girls are just weird sometimes.
Did you send her a message on PoF with your Yahoo account/screen name? Maybe she didn't even see your message since it might have appeared to be coming from "some random account."
Posts
Oh, there's no sounds like about it. :winky:
i finally changed away from the gun picture as my main pic
the end of an era :P
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Organichu
This is all just disturbing in various ways. Have you at least given out your number to occasionally non-disturbing results?
o_O you look like completely different people in those two pics to me. The icepack one is cuter (to me anywho)
Well, we had a confirmed day, with either outside plans, or a variety of possible inside plans if the weather continues to be awful here.
The silence is just a little unsettling since we were exchanging sort of silly bantering emails for a couple of days and then nada. I'm going to call tomorrow. I am opting to go with "she's just busy" as a presumption and a "maybe she changed her mind" as option b.
ah
um
haven't heard that yet
maybe i am a chameleon
so that's something
on the other hand it's obscuring half your face
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
Maybe it's covered in your profile, I dunno. Even shots from the side or you doing action-y stuff or outside would be fine. Just my opinion so if stuff's working for you nevermind.
In what way? the people who just texted me out of bordem seemed to be bored and not intrested in anything past that
It's kind of weird that you'd only bump into people who had no interest in actually doing anything. Except for the stalker, who wanted to do a lot more.
You chose the simplest part of the story that pretty much everyone could've understood and explained it...
Congratulations, you're the CAD of dating adventures.
No criticism intended but that was a rookie mistake. You should have made up a job.
I remember one time I was talking to this Jamaican or something woman off the internet. She sent a picture of her in a bikini on the beach and the sun was rising...man...it was a really great, artistic picture. Best I've ever seen from this internet dating nonsense.
So yeah, some good-looking black chick with a great body is interested in going out? Who am I to say no?
We exchange a couple emails. Then she asks why I emailed so late in the day and explains that she emailed late because she doesn't have a job. I wasn't working at the time myself and told her so. Never heard from her again.
That was where I went wrong. As with most guys, I don't particularly care what job (if any) some potential date has. You work at Starbucks? The free pastries must be nice. Looking for a job? Hope you find something soon. Total non-issue.
But generally-speaking, women are only interested in guys with jobs. And the higher-paying the better.
So I've learned to make stuff up. I have a reasonably cool job now so don't have to embellish on that front anymore. But I still make stuff up (usually background stuff). I was in a European military, I had a book published, I was a spy...the only limit is your imagination.
It's like with job searches. Yeah, you can take my mother's advice and not lie on your resume. But if I followed that advice, I would still be living at home having never worked a day in my life. You're competing with people who all lie on their resumes. And employers are looking for very specific things often with very high requirements. You have to lie.
Bringing it back to online dating, all these dudes are lying. And that's who you're competing with. So don't tell them that you work at Walmart. Somehow I gathered that you're from Texas. Say that you're a cowboy.
And women lie as well, of course. They fudge the ages, they use old pictures, they make heavy use of Photoshop, all kinds of crap.
You're just trying to get a date, after all. But once you meet the person, even though their picture might not have been entirely accurate or they're older than they said, you still give them a chance. And they might be alright so you overlook these things and continue going out.
Same with lying about jobs or whatever. At some point you should gradually start to come clean, but by then you're already getting on well so it shouldn't be a problem. Unless you're lying about something huge. But even then, if you're just looking to date casually, you can make up whatever ridiculous shit you want.
I mean, if you lie about your hobbies, job, and income, what's left for them to like about you? Your looks? That's fine if you're just looking for a hookup, although I'd imagine if your job/hobbies/income sounds too good to be true, the person in question might do some extra vetting before you even get to the hookup stage.
Seriously though, it's probably better to simply opt for "white lies" rather than straight out fabrication. So I work at a data conversion and outsourcing company. Zzzzz... But I tell friends I work in ebook publishing, which is true, even if it's not what we'd look like on NASDAQ. So someone works at Wal-mart. That's not glamorous, but you just say "retail, but I'm looking to change once the economy stops sucking."
However it's all in how you spin it, IMO. If you make it sound interesting or say what you'd really rather be doing / are working towards first, it makes you sound much more ambitious and energetic. Plus again, if that just isn't good enough for them then it sounds to me that they are more interested in things you have than who you are.
But yeah I agree that how you present it matters a lot as well. I've read explanations that sounded like "yeah I don't really like having a job" and then ones like "well I was working at job X but then got laid off so now I'm trying to do Y freelance and working on my Z skills in the meantime" and there's a world of difference.
"Yeah, I work in technology transfer, it's basically looking at patents all day long and figuring out what a company can make money on. I know it's not exciting but the pay is decent,"
that's boring. You sound BORING. Compared to
"Oh, it's tech transfer. It's neat -- it's like telling non-scientists what the point is for all the science they're doing!"
At least you sound jazzed up, even if the field itself may be really dry or the person's never heard of it. You don't need to be saving the world, but if you sound bored, people are going to think you're boring.
how do I jazz that up?
??
You should just go with this
What is the purpose of the lasers you work with?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3uMeF4Wfy4&feature=youtu.be
On the subject of jobs I'm a system admin and a network logistics operator. Kinda boring, long 12 hour shifts. I just tell people I work in IT.
its really just proof of concept right now
but eventually they could be used in things like combination optical drives (so you wouldn't need more than one laser to read/write different media) or they could let hospitals buy one piece of equipment if they need say both an argon laser an a gamma-scalpel
Actually simply saying "I work with lasers" sounds good enough.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
I did choose the simple answer as the others and the ones I did not mention are why I just gave up on online dating and went back to the fun world of trying to pick up people I am interested in person
I had people call me for a "fling" since I lack a car this was a fun phone call
I know I should have made up where I really worked but last summer in this part of town was rough and it's hard to explain why I would have to bail early on a date since I go to work at 10pm
Some write essay length messages that expand exponentially with each reply as they feel obligated to respond to every idea in the previous meassage.
Others might keep it shorter, perhaps responding directly to a question you brought up and maybe asking one question of their own in return.
Some people will respond to as question like "so what is your job like, do you enjoy it" with "yes" and nothing more.
Thing is, it doesn't necessarily indicate how well you would converse in person. I have had great dates with stilted reply girls and awkward ones with omgletmewriteyouanovelinresponsegirls, and vice versa.
just the message log looks kinda weird wall wise, still she keeps replying and i got a lol so its all good i guess, was thinking i was over doing it.
A lot of people don't really understand electronic communication. Hell, even any form of written communication, and arguably many people have trouble even with verbal communication.
Basically, the girl you're complaining about simply doesn't "get it." That doesn't mean she's a good or bad person to have a relationship with, unless for you an important part of a relationship is quality online communication.
So if you feel like the text conversation isn't going anywhere, stop having a text conversation with her. That means either you stop responding, or you suggest a non-text format.
To put it in friend terms, if you're playing games with friends and your friends are bored with split screen Halo, suggest playing Bomberman. If they don't seem that excited about that either, perhaps you want to play board games, or maybe your friends just want to go get a drink and shoot the shit for a while.
A lot of people see writing emails and messages as a pain, as annoying, or as work. You can usually pick up on that vibe pretty quickly, even without hearing them say it's a pain or watching them type using just two fingers per hand. The solution isn't to assume they're doing it wrong (even if they might be), but to suggest an alternative that may work better for them and still accomplishes your goals.
Girls are just weird sometimes.
Well, that's depressing.
Are you still in Thunder Bay? You are the guy who was in Thunder Bay, right?
Yeah, I think online dating really works best when a city has enough critical mass to actually have people use such a site. I'm going to be single in the near future (not that I'm in any rush to date people, mind), but it is reassuring to be around a city that people actually want to go to.
Wait a minute, Richy isn't my username! What's going on here!?
That sounds so ominous.