There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
You only need to be concerned about a women's reaction if you are the kind of guy who has let his role playing take over and has made it to age twenty six with his virginity intact, skin that has never seen daylight and suffering personal hygeine. Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
Okay smarty, tell me how to rephrase this conversation:
"So how did you get into acting/improv?"
"I used to LARP..."
"When I was a kid, my friends and I used to play this pretend game where we were wizards and stuff. It sort of just took off from there."
I was going to say something very similar. Everything can be spun. Usually.
The fact that you said "used" to LARP made it so much easier, by the way.
So my boss is expecting his second child any day now. He's pretty much on BabyWatch 2009, and we're all expecting him to vanish for a few weeks without warning. I mean, we're warned, but we don't know when... Er, anyway. He doesn't sit too far away from me.
Today he got a phone call, gave a little whoop, and after hanging up loudly announced, "Her mucus plug fell out!" We all looked up and most of us traded awkward glances. My boss then proceeded to have a loud conversation with the other guy in the office who has a child about how their wives gave birth, and the various fluids involved, and "sure the upholstery was a mess, but it's all worth it in the end." I think the only people who weren't embarrassed in the room were the ones who by all rights should have been.
Bursar on
GNU Terry Pratchett
PSN: Wstfgl | GamerTag: An Evil Plan | Battle.net: FallenIdle#1970
Hit me up on BoardGameArena! User: Loaded D1
So my boss is expecting his second child any day now. He's pretty much on BabyWatch 2009, and we're all expecting him to vanish for a few weeks without warning. I mean, we're warned, but we don't know when... Er, anyway. He doesn't sit too far away from me.
Today he got a phone call, gave a little whoop, and after hanging up loudly announced, "Her mucus plug fell out!" We all looked up and most of us traded awkward glances. My boss then proceeded to have a loud conversation with the other guy in the office who has a child about how their wives gave birth, and the various fluids involved, and "sure the upholstery was a mess, but it's all worth it in the end." I think the only people who weren't embarrassed in the room were the ones who by all rights should have been.
The first thing my eyes leaped to was that quote, and I'm not sure if it's worse that I knew it was going to be about pregnancy without knowing the term, or that I thought it sounded like it was some sort of fetish or sex toy.
There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
You only need to be concerned about a women's reaction if you are the kind of guy who has let his role playing take over and has made it to age twenty six with his virginity intact, skin that has never seen daylight and suffering personal hygeine. Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
look just because your star burns, does *not* mean i shall expose myself to its radiation
furthermore, i'll have you know that i am a grand master at tantric relationships. i get a female in the position where she may like me/ask for my number/ drink the roofie-colada, and then say something completely off the wall to ruin the moment. then i run away.
So there's this girl that i used to have a maaaaad crush on, but we never did anything other than fool around. She was always...occupied? How else can i phrase that. Everytime one of us would be single, the other was in a relationship.
Well it finally came to climax (pun?) about a year ago when she was temp. split up with her fiance. she came and stayed with me, we got the whole "we've never had a relationship" thing nice and out of the way, and she went back to her home a state away.
cut to today
I'm talking with this girl on AIM today, just bullshitting and passing time. she has a horrible habit of getting really quiet for no reason for 10-15 minutes at a time. My thought process? send her a lewd picture that she had sent me some time ago.
*message sent*
*A is typing*
'wow. i'll bet you meant to send that to A. this is Steven. her new boyfriend. she's told me about you. i'll get her for you.'
*Seaborn logs off*
oh shit...shifty eyes and then close the laptop.
Seaborn111 on
</bush>
It's impossible for us to without a doubt prove the non-existence of God. We just have to take it on faith that he's imaginary..
Wait, so you also managed to embarrass yourself with another woman while drunk by presumably wrestling and tackling one of your lady friends to the ground?
Yep. Although as I don't remember it, she may well have won. Although that would probably be more embarrassing.
I don't know about you guys, but damn am I happy to see this thread again. The last one routinely made my day.
edit: The Alanis Morrisette one was the best by far, although Gorbachev's is pretty close. All I have to do is imagine a voice in my head yelling "Damnit Alanis Morrisette, give me your ketchup!" and I break out into spontaneous snickering.
so here's a fun one, in which i also admit to actually committing a crime
hooray!
many years ago, i had a buddy who had a terrible falling out with his room-mate at the time. the particulars of their drama do not need specifying at this time, but needless to say the beef between the two men was heavy.
and i stood firmly on the side of my friend, who i believed stood on the morally correct side of their difficult circumstances.
anyway, so my friend moves out of his apartment with this asshole. he wants to get some serious revenge against this fucker, and tries to talk me into doing it for him as he lacks the gumption and doesn't want to get in further shit directly.
i decline initially, but he eventually offers me more than a few bucks to do something petty and spiteful to the guy.
he doesn't want me to assault the man, or vandalize his car or anything.
he wants me to upper-deck the guy's toilet. for those unfamiliar with the concept, to "upper-deck" a toilet is to take a shit in the tank, instead of in the bowl. the effect of this is that when the toilet is flushed, the shit in the tank (the looser the better) will flow directly into the bowl, clogging up the internals of his toilet with shit and making it nearly impossible to clean, stinking to high heaven.
it's a horrific prank to pull on someone and something you should never, ever do to someone you consider a friend.
to someone who did some really terrible shit to a friend of mine and got away with it, though? seems exactly the right sort of petty and spiteful i will take a couple bucks to enforce.
so, he gives me a key to his old apartment, assuming the dude hasn't changed the locks yet. tells me to target apartment 201, and what time the guy will be out at work and stuff.
i spend a day preparing for the day, eating a diet specifically chosen to produce a maximized effect.
i show up at the correct time. in a payphone at the plaza nearby, i call the target's home phone number to make sure he isn't home, and get no answer.
i go up to apartment, and i knock on the door. no answer. i wait, and knock again. no answer. i try the key, but it doesn't work. dude probably changed the locks already, i assume, and i figure the plan is going to fail.
but, i actually try the knob just in case dude forgot to lock his door, which people in apartment buildings sometimes do.
it's unlocked! awesome.
i enter apartment, and take a look around. i call out "Hello?" again making sure nobody is around (ready to peel out in a second if anyone responds).
satisfied that nobody is home, i go into the bathroom, take the cover off the tank, and do my evil work.
i finish up and head out, taking great care to otherwise show no signs of my presence or my entry.
i walk downstairs (as opposed to using the elevator, the way i came in) and i start to realize that i am walking down too many stairs.
there... there shouldn't be this many stairs to get down from the second floor...
wait a fucking minute. did... did i...?
i walk back up to the second floor, to room 201. i try the door. locked. shaking as i realize the severity of what i have done, i draw the key and try the lock. the key works.
i poke into the apartment, and take a glance around, hoping to god i am just second-guessing myself
it isn't the same apartment.
somehow, when i was in the elevator when i first showed up, i must have pressed the button for the third floor instead of the second.
the poor residents of apartment 301 had just been upper-decked by a perfect stranger for no conceivable reason.
the thought occurs to me to at least try to correct the mistake by hitting the target i was supposed to hit, but, alas, my supply is expended.
filled with fear and embarrassment, i locked the apartment up and took off
i told my friend the truth of what happened and returned the key to him, and the money to him, and refused to go back to that apartment to finish the job out of fear that somehow, i would be recognized or something.
moral of the story: if you are going to be some kind of fecal hired assassin, pay attention to your surroundings!
A person could say they punched their friend in the jaw, but it's different then walking up to a stranger and shouting "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" while punching them in the face.
I guess it was an accident. My moral judgment is clouded.
well, i mean, did i intend to essentially break into a guy's house and vandalize his property in a particularly unpleasant way?
yes
i mean i could try to explain just what makes this guy an asshole and what he did to my friend as an attempt to justify my actions but
fact remains my intention was to do something horrible (and illegal!) to someone who ain't ever done nothing to me personally, largely because i was being paid to do so
so if a person wants to cast judgment on me for that, that's their decision and i understand
however
doing that horrible thing to the wrong, presumably innocent folk, was a simple and embarrassing blunder on my part.
again, if a person wants to judge me as being a terrible person because really, that would not have happened to those innocent folk had i not intended to do something bad to someone else in the first place
well
your call
i thought it was a funny story, anyway, even if it makes me look like a jerk!
You were intending to do something to a person who'd wronged your friend. Might not've been the right thing to do(in fact, it almost certainly wasn't), but I'm not going to fault a guy who sticks by the people he cares about.
Not only funny, it also strikes a lovely balance between the strange and the embarrassing.
Which, by the way, would be an awesome title for a Vin Diesel movie.
Anyways, I just thought of something which embarrassed me rather much. It happened when I was a kid, during one of our first exams at school. A German exam maybe? That's not important.
I had a cold of some sort leading up to this exam, so I was producing extra stuff in all mah face holes - especially in my ears. I wasn't all that old, I was nervous about the exam, and my ears were producing orange gunk at an alarming rate, so whether the following happened because of overtime production work, or because I might (probably) didn't clean my ears well enough on the morning of the exam - on account of nerves and being a kid and what have you - I can't say.
Cue me sitting across from my teacher, probably trying to speak German while holding back snot. Suddenly a large, orange clump of what I call earwax only because mankind has no words to adequatly describe it, falls out of my ear and lands on the desk between us, with a very audible *thump* as it hits. We both look at it, this large orange thing. We look at each other. I casually pick it up and hold it in my hand for the remainder of the exam.
I think maybe that's why I always clean my ears with extra care today. It doesn't sound so bad, but for a young me, in an already tense situation? Oh my.
Grislo on
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PasserbyeI am much older than you.in Beach CityRegistered Userregular
edited April 2009
Pony, that's a wonderful and terrible story. Not to mention hilarious. I thank you for sharing it, though my monitor doesn't appreciate the spray of exhaled water.
if you have a bacterial infection (which is what it sounds like the dude had) it can start in one place (like your sinuses) and move about in connected passages (like your ears which, don't forget, connect to your throat) and it can make gunk come out of basically every hole in your head including your eyes.
of course if that happens that is probably a sign you are very sick and need to go to the doctor
Not only funny, it also strikes a lovely balance between the strange and the embarrassing.
Which, by the way, would be an awesome title for a Vin Diesel movie.
Anyways, I just thought of something which embarrassed me rather much. It happened when I was a kid, during one of our first exams at school. A German exam maybe? That's not important.
I had a cold of some sort leading up to this exam, so I was producing extra stuff in all mah face holes - especially in my ears. I wasn't all that old, I was nervous about the exam, and my ears were producing orange gunk at an alarming rate, so whether the following happened because of overtime production work, or because I might (probably) didn't clean my ears well enough on the morning of the exam - on account of nerves and being a kid and what have you - I can't say.
Cue me sitting across from my teacher, probably trying to speak German while holding back snot. Suddenly a large, orange clump of what I call earwax only because mankind has no words to adequatly describe it, falls out of my ear and lands on the desk between us, with a very audible *thump* as it hits. We both look at it, this large orange thing. We look at each other. I casually pick it up and hold it in my hand for the remainder of the exam.
I think maybe that's why I always clean my ears with extra care today. It doesn't sound so bad, but for a young me, in an already tense situation? Oh my.
Hah, that reminds me of the time in my World history class when I shot snot all over my hand. I have allergies ya see, and when mixed with a cold, can give me quite alot of snot. I was going to sneeze as per the usual, when lo and behold, snot shoots from my nose, splatters all over my hand, and stays connected to my nose. I look around to see if anyone noticed, to see one of my friends looking at me and dieing, just dieing of laughter. I hurried up and, hand close to my face, got excused to the bathroom to clean up. I come back and my friend is still dieing, yet no one else noticed.
if you have a bacterial infection (which is what it sounds like the dude had) it can start in one place (like your sinuses) and move about in connected passages (like your ears which, don't forget, connect to your throat) and it can make gunk come out of basically every hole in your head including your eyes.
of course if that happens that is probably a sign you are very sick and need to go to the doctor
Yeah, something like that, but luckily far from the 'stuff out of eyes' stage.
Hey here's a simple one: farting in a quiet room full of people.
6th grade, I'm holding one in for like an hour, waiting for an opportunity to calmly dispense of fart, when suddenly I sneeze. With the sneeze, I fart. And what a fart. Fucker echoed.
Yeah. I've also let a real long ripper out during a maths test, circa Year 9.
Well, tonight is my girlfriend's 21st birthday. We're going to a movie this afternoon, then this evening we'll be meeting her younger brother (the DD) and a couple of friends for dinner, followed by a pool hall (a nice one, with a full bar, dance floor, and DJ).
With any luck. Any luck at all, I'll have at least two stories for everyone this evening. One of the friends that is coming I'll be meeting for the first time.
Posts
I was going to say something very similar. Everything can be spun. Usually.
The fact that you said "used" to LARP made it so much easier, by the way.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Today he got a phone call, gave a little whoop, and after hanging up loudly announced, "Her mucus plug fell out!" We all looked up and most of us traded awkward glances. My boss then proceeded to have a loud conversation with the other guy in the office who has a child about how their wives gave birth, and the various fluids involved, and "sure the upholstery was a mess, but it's all worth it in the end." I think the only people who weren't embarrassed in the room were the ones who by all rights should have been.
PSN: Wstfgl | GamerTag: An Evil Plan | Battle.net: FallenIdle#1970
Hit me up on BoardGameArena! User: Loaded D1
The first thing my eyes leaped to was that quote, and I'm not sure if it's worse that I knew it was going to be about pregnancy without knowing the term, or that I thought it sounded like it was some sort of fetish or sex toy.
furthermore, i'll have you know that i am a grand master at tantric relationships. i get a female in the position where she may like me/ask for my number/ drink the roofie-colada, and then say something completely off the wall to ruin the moment. then i run away.
So there's this girl that i used to have a maaaaad crush on, but we never did anything other than fool around. She was always...occupied? How else can i phrase that. Everytime one of us would be single, the other was in a relationship.
Well it finally came to climax (pun?) about a year ago when she was temp. split up with her fiance. she came and stayed with me, we got the whole "we've never had a relationship" thing nice and out of the way, and she went back to her home a state away.
cut to today
I'm talking with this girl on AIM today, just bullshitting and passing time. she has a horrible habit of getting really quiet for no reason for 10-15 minutes at a time. My thought process? send her a lewd picture that she had sent me some time ago.
*message sent*
*A is typing*
'wow. i'll bet you meant to send that to A. this is Steven. her new boyfriend. she's told me about you. i'll get her for you.'
*Seaborn logs off*
oh shit...shifty eyes and then close the laptop.
oops.gif
At least it doesn't sound like he freaked out over it.
I dunno. Is that really better?
"Hey dude who in no way has a chance with her and doesn't threaten me and has naked pics of my girlfriend"
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Yep. Although as I don't remember it, she may well have won. Although that would probably be more embarrassing.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
That would be the guy, I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't know.
That would be mine.
I don't know about you guys, but damn am I happy to see this thread again. The last one routinely made my day.
edit: The Alanis Morrisette one was the best by far, although Gorbachev's is pretty close. All I have to do is imagine a voice in my head yelling "Damnit Alanis Morrisette, give me your ketchup!" and I break out into spontaneous snickering.
I will make other, good posts in this thread later, but in the meantime there's certainly that one.
I don't know about you
but I have noticed
that since those posts were reported for awesome
and you have been complimented on your stories
more people
have been telling their own stories
like this
or maybe it's
just me
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
hooray!
many years ago, i had a buddy who had a terrible falling out with his room-mate at the time. the particulars of their drama do not need specifying at this time, but needless to say the beef between the two men was heavy.
and i stood firmly on the side of my friend, who i believed stood on the morally correct side of their difficult circumstances.
anyway, so my friend moves out of his apartment with this asshole. he wants to get some serious revenge against this fucker, and tries to talk me into doing it for him as he lacks the gumption and doesn't want to get in further shit directly.
i decline initially, but he eventually offers me more than a few bucks to do something petty and spiteful to the guy.
he doesn't want me to assault the man, or vandalize his car or anything.
he wants me to upper-deck the guy's toilet. for those unfamiliar with the concept, to "upper-deck" a toilet is to take a shit in the tank, instead of in the bowl. the effect of this is that when the toilet is flushed, the shit in the tank (the looser the better) will flow directly into the bowl, clogging up the internals of his toilet with shit and making it nearly impossible to clean, stinking to high heaven.
it's a horrific prank to pull on someone and something you should never, ever do to someone you consider a friend.
to someone who did some really terrible shit to a friend of mine and got away with it, though? seems exactly the right sort of petty and spiteful i will take a couple bucks to enforce.
so, he gives me a key to his old apartment, assuming the dude hasn't changed the locks yet. tells me to target apartment 201, and what time the guy will be out at work and stuff.
i spend a day preparing for the day, eating a diet specifically chosen to produce a maximized effect.
i show up at the correct time. in a payphone at the plaza nearby, i call the target's home phone number to make sure he isn't home, and get no answer.
i go up to apartment, and i knock on the door. no answer. i wait, and knock again. no answer. i try the key, but it doesn't work. dude probably changed the locks already, i assume, and i figure the plan is going to fail.
but, i actually try the knob just in case dude forgot to lock his door, which people in apartment buildings sometimes do.
it's unlocked! awesome.
i enter apartment, and take a look around. i call out "Hello?" again making sure nobody is around (ready to peel out in a second if anyone responds).
satisfied that nobody is home, i go into the bathroom, take the cover off the tank, and do my evil work.
i finish up and head out, taking great care to otherwise show no signs of my presence or my entry.
i walk downstairs (as opposed to using the elevator, the way i came in) and i start to realize that i am walking down too many stairs.
there... there shouldn't be this many stairs to get down from the second floor...
wait a fucking minute. did... did i...?
i walk back up to the second floor, to room 201. i try the door. locked. shaking as i realize the severity of what i have done, i draw the key and try the lock. the key works.
i poke into the apartment, and take a glance around, hoping to god i am just second-guessing myself
it isn't the same apartment.
somehow, when i was in the elevator when i first showed up, i must have pressed the button for the third floor instead of the second.
the poor residents of apartment 301 had just been upper-decked by a perfect stranger for no conceivable reason.
the thought occurs to me to at least try to correct the mistake by hitting the target i was supposed to hit, but, alas, my supply is expended.
filled with fear and embarrassment, i locked the apartment up and took off
i told my friend the truth of what happened and returned the key to him, and the money to him, and refused to go back to that apartment to finish the job out of fear that somehow, i would be recognized or something.
moral of the story: if you are going to be some kind of fecal hired assassin, pay attention to your surroundings!
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
god that's not even one of the worst things i have done
i figured i'd open with a tame one
A person could say they punched their friend in the jaw, but it's different then walking up to a stranger and shouting "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" while punching them in the face.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
I guess it was an accident. My moral judgment is clouded.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
well, i mean, did i intend to essentially break into a guy's house and vandalize his property in a particularly unpleasant way?
yes
i mean i could try to explain just what makes this guy an asshole and what he did to my friend as an attempt to justify my actions but
fact remains my intention was to do something horrible (and illegal!) to someone who ain't ever done nothing to me personally, largely because i was being paid to do so
so if a person wants to cast judgment on me for that, that's their decision and i understand
however
doing that horrible thing to the wrong, presumably innocent folk, was a simple and embarrassing blunder on my part.
again, if a person wants to judge me as being a terrible person because really, that would not have happened to those innocent folk had i not intended to do something bad to someone else in the first place
well
your call
i thought it was a funny story, anyway, even if it makes me look like a jerk!
Which, by the way, would be an awesome title for a Vin Diesel movie.
Anyways, I just thought of something which embarrassed me rather much. It happened when I was a kid, during one of our first exams at school. A German exam maybe? That's not important.
I had a cold of some sort leading up to this exam, so I was producing extra stuff in all mah face holes - especially in my ears. I wasn't all that old, I was nervous about the exam, and my ears were producing orange gunk at an alarming rate, so whether the following happened because of overtime production work, or because I might (probably) didn't clean my ears well enough on the morning of the exam - on account of nerves and being a kid and what have you - I can't say.
Cue me sitting across from my teacher, probably trying to speak German while holding back snot. Suddenly a large, orange clump of what I call earwax only because mankind has no words to adequatly describe it, falls out of my ear and lands on the desk between us, with a very audible *thump* as it hits. We both look at it, this large orange thing. We look at each other. I casually pick it up and hold it in my hand for the remainder of the exam.
I think maybe that's why I always clean my ears with extra care today. It doesn't sound so bad, but for a young me, in an already tense situation? Oh my.
Face Twit Rav Gram
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
if you have a bacterial infection (which is what it sounds like the dude had) it can start in one place (like your sinuses) and move about in connected passages (like your ears which, don't forget, connect to your throat) and it can make gunk come out of basically every hole in your head including your eyes.
of course if that happens that is probably a sign you are very sick and need to go to the doctor
The whole story was awesome... but that one part had be giggling evilly. >.>
Pfff
it's hardly, like
official
Well done, sir. My hat is off to you.
I will never let you use my bathroom.
Hah, that reminds me of the time in my World history class when I shot snot all over my hand. I have allergies ya see, and when mixed with a cold, can give me quite alot of snot. I was going to sneeze as per the usual, when lo and behold, snot shoots from my nose, splatters all over my hand, and stays connected to my nose. I look around to see if anyone noticed, to see one of my friends looking at me and dieing, just dieing of laughter. I hurried up and, hand close to my face, got excused to the bathroom to clean up. I come back and my friend is still dieing, yet no one else noticed.
Yeah, something like that, but luckily far from the 'stuff out of eyes' stage.
6th grade, I'm holding one in for like an hour, waiting for an opportunity to calmly dispense of fart, when suddenly I sneeze. With the sneeze, I fart. And what a fart. Fucker echoed.
Yeah. I've also let a real long ripper out during a maths test, circa Year 9.
With any luck. Any luck at all, I'll have at least two stories for everyone this evening. One of the friends that is coming I'll be meeting for the first time.
i have others i will share later