The Discovery of America

Chompskers.

Battle ax,
Where did I put my battle ax...

Goddamit where is my battle ax...

Chompskers.

Anyone seen a battle ax?

TheySlashThem

whatever sweeny

metz can take this punk bitch

Sweeney Tom

You talking bout my can opener?

Pretty sure you talking bout my can opener

Oh fight against Chompskers?

Yeah Metz would win

As long as he protects his groinal regions

MrMonroe

TDOT: 1

Antimatter: 0

I AM JORELL

MASTER OF SCOREKEEPING

Metzger Meister

i headbutted a man so hard that he needed reconstructive surgery to fix his nose.

that's not a joke.

i bring da muthafuckin ruckus

bring da mutha bring da mutha bring da muthafuckin ruckus.

Chompskers.

In fourth grade I punched a kid so hard he told the teacher and I had to stay after class for thirty minutes.

I didn't even feel bad

Antimatter

MrMonroe wrote: »

TDOT: 1

Antimatter: 0

I AM JORELL

MASTER OF SCOREKEEPING

welp
you're next

e: I once headbutted a dude who ran into me
he had a bloody nose and jaw, and had to leave gym for the day

Sweeney Tom

In third grade, I broke a kid's jaw after he hit me in the back of the head 5 times. Kicked him in the knee then ran up to him and kneed him in the face. Barely was able to reach him, even with him on his knees.

I was a short kid.

Metzger Meister

I'LL LET YOU TRY MY WU TANG AXE-FIGHTING STYLE! A MELDING OF VIKING FEROCITY AND EASTERN DISCIPLINE!


edit: it's an odd feeling to be literally drenched in a dude's blood.

Kovak

in 8th grade i weighed 60 pounds

Metzger Meister

Kovak, i was literally like... 4.58333 repeating of you in eighth grade.

Sweeney Tom

I weighed less than 100 pounds until 10th grade. That's how teeny I was.

But damned if I wasn't an adorable kid.

MrMonroe

in fifth grade, I got mad bullied by the other kids

this one motherfucker stole my shoes one afternoon

when I confronted him about it and shoved him up against the lockers, he kneed me square in the balls

and as I'm sitting there in the hallway crying like a bitch about it, my teacher comes out

fifth grade, I remind you

and asks me why I haven't gone up to him to "do something about it"

in retrospect, I'm sure he was telling me to go verbally stand up for myself

but I took it as license to go up to the playground area where people waited for their parents to show up and beat the shit out of him

when they brought me in to the principal's office I told them "Mr. Morino told me to do it!"

my teacher came in and talked to the principal for ten minutes and then they just let me walk home with no punishment whatsoever

one of the high points of my life right there

edit: that looks like a Pony story, doesn't it

erm

then I hallucinated about raping this girl

there we go

Antimatter

In fifth grade, I too was bullied by other kids

we had a cubby system, see, so stuff wasn't safe

some jackasses took stuff from other cubbies and put it in my backpack, to make me look like a thief

they then took my backpack and kicked it, then left it on the bottom instead of hanging it back up

I was in a reading group in the cubby room when I discovered that something happened to my bag

some girl muttered under her breath, "Thief", I yelled at her, "I'M NOT A THIEF!"

after reading was done, I was ordered to give a note to the secretary

apparently, while I was going to the office, the whole class found out who did it

I didn't find out until the next day

their punishment? they both wrote me a one sentence apology note.

Sweeney Tom

You sounded like a boss kid Monroe

I'm imagining lil 5th-grade Monroe strutting the playground afterwards like he owns the place, his hair all greased up, wearing shades, acting all boss and making all the prepubescent female 5th-graders swoon

Chompskers.

Vikings do Thor right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGduYM-MxY

Because this is how I would counter.

Also, I remember in like, eight grade I measured in at 5'11, and this year I came in at like, 5'9.
Which is probably just due to nurses being bad at measuring.
But still,
I can't help but shake the feeling I'm sinking.

Metzger Meister

My teacher hit me in fifth grade and didn't even get suspended or anything.


Straight up slapped the shit out of me.

And then I had a panic attack because holy shit an adult just fucking HIT ME.

My grandpa wanted to take his coach-gun down to the school and shoot him.



also when i was little i was a state champion wrestler and suplexed the shit out of some kid for calling me fat. after i used my words to provoke him into hitting me so i wouldn't get in trouble for starting a fight.

Antimatter

I used to be fat in fifth grade

somebody tried to tackle me from behind on the playground, I flipped him right when he collided and slammed him the fuck down head first over my back

Sweeney Tom

This thread should now be all about how awesome we all were as kids.

MrMonroe

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

You sounded like a boss kid Monroe

I'm imagining lil 5th-grade Monroe strutting the playground afterwards like he owns the place, his hair all greased up, wearing shades, acting all boss and making all the prepubescent female 5th-graders swoon

heh

let me set the scene more appropriately

I was the twiggy kid who got people scared of him because he did something unpredictable in front of the yard duty

I at lunch alone a lot

aaaaannnnd then later I ended up with self-esteem issues

surprise surprise

Chompskers.

I remember in fourth grade, our class was talking too much, and our substitute teacher starting swearing at us and calling us "fucking bastard stupid children",
and then she got fired.
And like, last year, I saw a much older her working at Wal-Mart. And I felt really terrible for some reason.

Oh, and her name was Mrs. Sorry.

Mrs.
Sorry.

Hah! Ridiculous!

AMP'd

Two guys tried to clothesline me once

I ducked

Sweeney Tom

Then what? You kicked them in the nuts? Or is that it?

Your stories suck AMP'd

Chompskers.

Two?

Where you in a Jackie Chan movie?

Raneados

little do the americans know is that I naturalized just to steal their secrets and smaller breeds of dog

Antimatter

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

Then what? You kicked them in the nuts? Or is that it?

Your stories suck AMP'd

come on, he avoided two people who meant him harm
you're really short on charm

Dichotomy

I kept my head down and didn't commit any real violence as a child
hell, to this day I still haven't thrown a punch

AMP'd

They linked arms and ran at me, I ducked and my head hit one of their arms

His arm was in pain for a few days

Immediately after that we all went and ate lunch together

It was a silly hazing-type thing they had going, but where I was never going to be accepted

Raneados

are we talking about fucking rumbles in here

Dichotomy

no, we're talking about amerigo vespucci

Chompskers.

Combo fight.
It would be awesome if they were twins.

Sweeney Tom

I got hit in the back of the head 5 times by a kid 2 feet taller than him, then hurt him to the point where he was on his knees and broke his jaw with my kneecap when he was still a foot higher than me.

I know you people can tell more awesome stories than ducking a 2-man clothesline. If I can, I know you guys can.

Edit: Now see, that's the interesting jazz I get on these forums daily to read about, AMP'd.

Killjoy

i straight up hit a boy until he cried for stepping on my shoelaces

then i got home and posted about it

Chompskers.

I broke my arm once.
I was jumping on the bed.
I missed the bed.

Action Hero

Raneados

I stabbed a guy

AMP'd

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

Now see, that's the interesting jazz I get on these forums daily to read about, AMP'd.

Not Amerigo Vespucci?

He got in a fight with Columbus, once

Dichotomy

amerigo vespucci

there was a dude with some hair

Chompskers.

Dichotomy wrote: »

amerigo vespucci

there was a dude with some hats

Centipede Damascus

Leif Erikson was awesome, and not just because he was a viking.