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[BAD MOVIES]! Slab Bulkhead! Gristle McThornbody! Crunch Buttsteak! Big McLargeHuge!
joshofalltrades
Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
The thread for the new AvP game was getting really off-topic about the horrendously bad movie series, so I figured it's time for a new thread to move that discussion over.
Let us start with the basics.
This movie, to me, epitomizes the bad action genre. It is filled with cliches, bad one-liners, an untouchable hero, gaping logic holes and AHNOLD.
It is a fantastically good time.
Ah, Uwe Boll.
We could probably dedicate an entire thread to this silly goose, but all you really need to know about him is that he makes terrible movies loosely based on wet dreams game designers had when they were 13.
Some of his movies are so bad they're good, some are so bad they're... just bad.
The lens flare in this poster is the best part of this movie. Think about that for a second.
Finally... because it absolutely belongs in the OP...
Mother of God.
I can't actually describe this movie in a language we humans can understand, so instead, I give you this:
Let us start with the basics.
This movie, to me, epitomizes the bad action genre. It is filled with cliches, bad one-liners, an untouchable hero, gaping logic holes and AHNOLD.
It is a fantastically good time.
Ah, Uwe Boll.
We could probably dedicate an entire thread to this silly goose, but all you really need to know about him is that he makes terrible movies loosely based on wet dreams game designers had when they were 13.
Some of his movies are so bad they're good, some are so bad they're... just bad.
The lens flare in this poster is the best part of this movie. Think about that for a second.
Finally... because it absolutely belongs in the OP...
Mother of God.
I can't actually describe this movie in a language we humans can understand, so instead, I give you this:
joshofalltrades on
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That little fake preview from the beginning of Planet Terror is getting its own real movie? Are you serious?
Awesome!
This was my exact reaction last night.
edit: Just with more swearing in excitement.
As for Boll, for some reason I have seen more than a few of his films... never once has it reached that turning point of so bad its good. They just seem to keep turning past the "its good part" and end right back up in shitsville.
Not that he's probably got a whole lot else on his plate, but still... sweet!
pleasepaypreacher.net
Really who doesn't love a crazy Wesley Snipes and a sexless future where all fast food is replaced by Taco Bell?
I am da law.
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1) Commando is not a bad movie. Commando is awesome.
2) The Room needs to die in a fire... it's not so bad it's good... it's just bad.
Edit: 3) Demolition Man? What the hell is wrong with you silly goosen?!
Awful.
It had "special effects" alright. Rainman special.
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Not to mention that Arnold isn't ducking behind cover in the least, he has 80 million guys firing automatic assault weapons at him and he doesn't get a scratch. Also, black face paint that disguises... nothing.
I love the movie more than just about any other action flick, but come on Chanus. It's pretty terrible.
Seriously! I remember watching through it like two years previous and I was amazed at the cheapness to the special effects at the end. I mean its cheesy as all get out, but this was not a movie that anyone took longer then 5 minutes to put together.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Escape from New York/Escape from L.A. are awesome terrible movies. So glad they've been showing the latter on cable recently.
I could not.
Desperado wasn't bad!
What is going on in this thread? Something's up.
Something...
SILLY GOOSEN!
You are obviously not talking about In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale. That movie changed my life.
Sure at first glance it's a cinematic abortion, but once the credits roll and I wiped the drool off your slack jaw and realized "Holy shit! Someone gave this man $60,000,000 to make this. I can do anything with my life. There are NO LIMITS!"
Thank you Uwe Boll! You are the producer version of Jigsaw from Saw.
...I lied.
I saw that movie drunk, by the time it was over I was sober. I'm sure you could have someone high as a kite sit them in front of dungeon siege and they'd come out straight edge.
pleasepaypreacher.net
3DS: 1521-4165-5907
PS3: KayleSolo
Live: Kayle Solo
WiiU: KayleSolo
Cuz yea, those are something to behold.
Now once upon a time in mexico? That was a terrible movie.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Yeah... that was pretty bad.
No I still think I could pull it off reasonably better.
I mean, first off I'd get someone else to enter the scene with so I wouldn't be yelling to myself like a douche, probably someone who doesn't believe me like a friend of this Lisa chick. They wouldn't have to have any lines just a look of disapproval as they walk away.
Of course the setting is on a roof so why this person would be following me to the roof if they thought I was a chick beater would be hard to explain, perhaps they like to feed pigeons on the roof so they'd enter with a bag of crumbs.
And I mean, I grew up speaking English so that alone would make me a better actor in that scene.
It wouldn't be GOOD, but it would less like me sounding like a mouthpiece for the script.
they need to just make all the movies parodied on that show
It had such promise, Johnny Depp, Antonia Banderas, Selma Hayek's breasts. And then it delievered this one really boring meandering tale about mexico? I mean honestly Robert Rodriguez should be given an oscar for fucking that movie up.
pleasepaypreacher.net
robocop - i think this is just plain awesome, but im not sure anymore cause i cant take off my rose colored nostalgia lenses
equilibrium - no non-nerd can watch this movie with a straight face, but goddam i love it so much
as a kid its a horribly cheesey action movie
but as an adult you realize how subversive it is to the entire genre
The original scene did, they had to cut out like 2 minutes of horrible footage that deserved to be cut. Seriously I watch ultra violent action movies all the time and the extended murphy murder is hard to watch.
pleasepaypreacher.net
i mean the scene where they kill the robocop maker guy while he's snorting coke off the whore's tits was awesome but also pretty terribad. pulling the grenade pins with his tongue, the toxic waste splatter kill, the ed-209 - so much of it makes no sense and yet it is so awesome.
Look guy, just because something is badass and awesome as all fuck doesn't mean it's not bad
You can enjoy an unrealistic action movie all you want, I do too, but it's still cheesy
I've never seen Desperado, but my understanding is that it's a cheesy popcorn action flick
Next you'll be telling us all that Live Free or Die Hard was a cinematic masterpiece
Gets better every time I see it. Currently to me it's a cautionary tale about the 80's. 6000 SUX, I'd buy that for a dollar, etc.
If you want to get real technical about it, then yeah, they do
There are action movies that are more cerebral though, like Panic Room, although that sort of movie may fit "suspense/thriller" better than action
I don't understand where he going honestly. There are action movies that set the standard for action (Die Hard, Predator, Hard Boiled, The first Matrix), and then there are action movies like blood sport where holy fuck man blood sport.
Robocop is not a bad movie, its an indictment of the 80s. Every element of the movie was style over substance.
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