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This is a thread for the ladies. But fellas, listen closely

145791063

Posts

  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    oh god i am the worst dirty talker

    don't even ask me to say stuff

    other than grunting or like "fuuucck"

    seriously it will end in shame or giggling, guaranteed

    Raneados on
  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2010
    all these bitches checkin out my britches
    put em in a trance when i wear track pants
    my dungarees make them hungry
    put em over the moon when i don pantaloons

    Kusuguttai on
  • Cilla BlackCilla Black Priscilla!!! Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    YaYa wrote: »
    Tonkka wrote: »
    YaYa wrote: »
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    YaYa wrote: »
    I bang my lady all the time

    we're good at it I guess

    she's mildly thick which is fun as hell

    although I'm also crushing on this other girl who's in a long-term relationship and she's also totally crushing on me and there's literally no good solution to this problem sooooo I haven't had the urge to get my bone on in the last few days

    what do you think thread

    get over your crush
    how does this not have a solution

    I said a good solution

    getting over a crush takes emotional sorting and stuff

    The only thing to do is get over it.

    A crush is not a relationship, it's a fantasy. You will get over a crush in time and if you don't get over it, then it is more than a crush.

    Weigh your decisions this way: Is it worth giving up what you have for something that is uncertain?

    I have been through this and it ended UGLY.

    I know, I know, and I'm being a pussy about this

    on that note, I think I do have to have a long hard think about my current relationship

    we're happy as hell, but if temptation is there then I'm either bored or something else is wrong

    Temptation doesn't necessarily mean you're bored or something is wrong. Not all guys are Jesus Christ. Some of them aren't going to feel temptation, yeah. Some of them are, but since they love the person they're with and are content, they don't do anything. We aren't animals, driven by our instincts. We can say "no."

    That being said, feeling instinctual attraction is quite different from actually playing it out. Flirting and that is right out. Get your emotions together, talk to someone you trust and/or respect, work it out. It's good for you.

    Cilla Black on
  • HoukHouk Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Belruel wrote: »
    Houk wrote: »
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    you know what's fun
    handcuffs and blindfolds
    one girl i was with didnt like cuffs but liked being tied up and blindfolded

    we broke up before she got her turn to be in control, but it is not something i would be adverse to in the future!

    Isn't it so great to be the one in control though?

    delicious.
    it is! and if i were with a girl and she didnt want to be in control, i wouldnt force it

    but at the same time, there is something very sexy about the lady taking control herself and leading things and showing what she wants

    Houk on
  • BelruelBelruel NARUTO FUCKS Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »
    oh god i am the worst dirty talker

    don't even ask me to say stuff

    other than grunting or like "fuuucck"

    seriously it will end in shame or giggling, guaranteed

    but what if shame is the object of the exercise? hmmm?

    Belruel on
    vmn6rftb232b.png
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Houk wrote: »
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    Houk wrote: »
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    you know what's fun
    handcuffs and blindfolds
    one girl i was with didnt like cuffs but liked being tied up and blindfolded

    we broke up before she got her turn to be in control, but it is not something i would be adverse to in the future!

    i tried it but didn't like it
    she loves it and i like it more when she's all tied up
    i dont think id like the blindfold, just cuz i really like seeing whats happening, but the whole 'no control' sensation might be cool with the right girl

    i do know that i like being told what to do just as much as telling her

    i read online that people in the d/s scene who go both ways are called switches

    i wouldn't get into the whole scene but it's fun to switch the roles around pretty often

    being tied up is one of my favorite things to do, honestly

    Clint Eastwood on
  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Belruel wrote: »
    Franko wrote: »
    Belruel wrote: »
    Belruel wrote: »
    Franko wrote: »
    the worst thing is when you are wearing a rubber and you cum and the girl pulls out without telling you so you can't get a proper grip on the bottom of the condom and the condom unrolls itself and turns inside out and gets stuck in her vagina and semen gets everywhere and you have to pull the condom out of her vagina and you think semen got in her vagina and then you start freaking the fuck out

    h...have a thicker dick?

    I've never had a condom unroll on me, even after I've gone down to half-mast after the requisite post-coital cuddling.

    I did have it get stuck once, but given that can happen to anyone, the trick is to make sure your partner knows not to leap off your dick after you orgasm.

    yeah I haven't ever had a problem with the condom slipping off during/after, it usually takes a bit of effort to get that sucker off, even after we switched to larges because the normal ones were suffocating carson's schlong.


    no no like I mean first the condom gets stuck in there and then when the dick gets pulled out it is stuck in there and is flopping around like a flag in low wind conditions and then rolls up about halfway and semen comes out, get it?

    I am serious here when I say that the condom on my guy has to be rolled back off. I don't think it is normal for it to be able to slip off inside the vagina, maybe look into thinner condoms?

    vaginas don't have like, hooks inside to grab and catch things, they are smooth sailing and usually moist during coitus (I should hope!)
    800px-Sarlacc-TOR.jpg

    M.D. on
  • HoukHouk Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »
    oh god i am the worst dirty talker

    don't even ask me to say stuff

    other than grunting or like "fuuucck"

    seriously it will end in shame or giggling, guaranteed
    thats how i thought it would be, and probably with a lot of people it wouldnt work

    but actually i really like giggling during sex. as long as, you know, everyone's giggling

    Houk on
  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    i'm pretty horrible at dirty talk as well.

    I should probably try that blindfold thing

    M.D. on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    the best thing to do during sex?

    scream VENUSAUR when you orgasm.

    Clint Eastwood on
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] new member
    edited April 2010
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User] on
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Houk wrote: »
    oh and when i was younger it was hard for me to really say anything during sex, but man one of the girls i dated recently was pretty into talking dirty and that shit is hot when done right. so ive been getting into that more

    Man that is because when you were 15 and wanking every four minutes you knew you had to keep that shit on the down low.

    And then when you started having sex at your parents place it had to be quiet.

    Once you are in a position to yell it's like you've been trained for years to keep it quiet so you do.

    Blake T on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    there was a lady in my school in england, so i guess i was like 9 or so?

    and she was doing physicals for everyone, and we had the option to drop trou so she could check us for problems

    I did, I figured she was a doctor, so why not

    I later find out i am the ONLY kid that did. Literally the only kid in the ENTIRE school that let the doctor lady check out my junk


    everyone went CRAZY. The doctor lady was crazy pretty and all the guys were fucking mental like OH MAN DID SHE TOUCH IT

    yeah

    OHHH SHIIIITTTTTTTTT WHAT MAN YOU ARE COOL AS SHIT

    she's a doctor, doctors touch junk :/

    BUT SHE TOUCHED YOUR JUNK SHIT MAN THAT'S BASICALLY FUCKING


    :/

    Raneados on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Cloudman wrote: »
    the best thing to do during sex?

    scream VENUSAUR when you orgasm.

    i too steal jokes from SMBC

    i prefer to think of it as an homage.

    Clint Eastwood on
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    YaYa wrote: »
    Tonkka wrote: »
    YaYa wrote: »
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    YaYa wrote: »
    I bang my lady all the time

    we're good at it I guess

    she's mildly thick which is fun as hell

    although I'm also crushing on this other girl who's in a long-term relationship and she's also totally crushing on me and there's literally no good solution to this problem sooooo I haven't had the urge to get my bone on in the last few days

    what do you think thread

    get over your crush
    how does this not have a solution

    I said a good solution

    getting over a crush takes emotional sorting and stuff

    The only thing to do is get over it.

    A crush is not a relationship, it's a fantasy. You will get over a crush in time and if you don't get over it, then it is more than a crush.

    Weigh your decisions this way: Is it worth giving up what you have for something that is uncertain?

    I have been through this and it ended UGLY.

    I know, I know, and I'm being a pussy about this

    on that note, I think I do have to have a long hard think about my current relationship

    we're happy as hell, but if temptation is there then I'm either bored or something else is wrong

    Temptation doesn't necessarily mean you're bored or something is wrong. Not all guys are Jesus Christ. Some of them aren't going to feel temptation, yeah. Some of them are, but since they love the person they're with and are content, they don't do anything. We aren't animals, driven by our instincts. We can say "no."

    That being said, feeling instinctual attraction is quite different from actually playing it out. Flirting and that is right out. Get your emotions together, talk to someone you trust and/or respect, work it out. It's good for you.

    yeah

    yeah, thanks Cilla

    I'll keep you dudes posted if you care

    YaYa on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    homo mage

    Raneados on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »
    homo mage

    something something staff something something rod.

    Clint Eastwood on
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »
    there was a lady in my school in england, so i guess i was like 9 or so?

    and she was doing physicals for everyone, and we had the option to drop trou so she could check us for problems

    I did, I figured she was a doctor, so why not

    I later find out i am the ONLY kid that did. Literally the only kid in the ENTIRE school that let the doctor lady check out my junk


    everyone went CRAZY. The doctor lady was crazy pretty and all the guys were fucking mental like OH MAN DID SHE TOUCH IT

    yeah

    OHHH SHIIIITTTTTTTTT WHAT MAN YOU ARE COOL AS SHIT

    she's a doctor, doctors touch junk :/

    BUT SHE TOUCHED YOUR JUNK SHIT MAN THAT'S BASICALLY FUCKING


    :/

    LINUX ON XBOX!

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
  • TLHTLH Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I dated a girl for quite awhile and somehow we ended up playing this game to try and scream the silliest shit right as you/they came. Funny times. Glad I didn't date her forever though. I'm not a fucking fountain of silly shit to say.

    TLH on
  • FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Cloudman wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    homo mage

    something something staff something something rod.

    use your magic staff to open my dark portal

    Franko on
  • TonkkaTonkka Some one in the club tonight Has stolen my ideas.Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    YaYa wrote: »
    Tonkka: if I wanted to cheat before I would have

    either I am my cock's master or my cock has very high standards

    Man, I'm not talking about cheating, just be careful about giving something up that is going well for something that you just think might be good.

    Regrets etc...

    Tonkka on
    Steam: evilumpire Battle.net: T0NKKA#1588 PS4: T_0_N_N_K_A Twitter Shirts and such HELP!
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    bendery i have no idea what that means

    Raneados on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Franko wrote: »
    Cloudman wrote: »
    Raneados wrote: »
    homo mage

    something something staff something something rod.

    use your magic staff to open my dark portal

    i put on my robe and wizard hat.

    Clint Eastwood on
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    TLH wrote: »
    I dated a girl for quite awhile and somehow we ended up playing this game to try and scream the silliest shit right as you/they came. Funny times. Glad I didn't date her forever though. I'm not a fucking fountain of silly shit to say.
    I have been told that I am definatly not allowed to yell out firing a high impact shot.

    Blake T on
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »
    bendery i have no idea what that means
    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2003/6/30/

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
  • Cilla BlackCilla Black Priscilla!!! Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    TLH wrote: »
    I dated a girl for quite awhile and somehow we ended up playing this game to try and scream the silliest shit right as you/they came. Funny times. Glad I didn't date her forever though. I'm not a fucking fountain of silly shit to say.

    couldn't you just say you're a bit tired of the game and stop doing it?

    I mean, doing the same thing over and over with little change is pretty much a bad thing for any relationship right?

    Cilla Black on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010

    ahahahaha

    man these guys were like 7-9 so we had a whole Little Rascals thing going on, in that we were like DUDE GIRLS NO WAY

    and then were like

    but i want to touch them

    Raneados on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    alligator fuckhouse for life

    Clint Eastwood on
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    So YaYa here's what you gotta ask yourself.

    Is this crushing business worth it to you? Does this flirting override your normal drive to remain monogamous, perhaps justified by the "its only flirting" clause?

    If so, you gotta do some soul searching.

    I'm kinda repeating what Cilla already said, but I just wanted to make it crystal clear that if you are in any way justifying your behavior to yourself then you really should take a step back and evaluate your behavior. A close friend and confidante should be on hand to keep you grounded, focused, and to give second opinions.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
  • FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    damn you guys are making me thirsty
    Pineapple_Crush.jpg

    Franko on
  • TLHTLH Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    TLH wrote: »
    I dated a girl for quite awhile and somehow we ended up playing this game to try and scream the silliest shit right as you/they came. Funny times. Glad I didn't date her forever though. I'm not a fucking fountain of silly shit to say.

    couldn't you just say you're a bit tired of the game and stop doing it?

    I mean, doing the same thing over and over with little change is pretty much a bad thing for any relationship right?

    Had the relationship continued, I imagine this would have been the logical and probable conclusion. But we'd still have to have one shitty one to know you've hit that wall.

    And I don't want to be the guy finding that wall one morning with the words: OH SHIT! I'VE GOT AGGRO! GET IT OFF ME!

    No one wants to be that guy.

    TLH on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Rane that is the best story.

    You just played it all cool.

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »

    ahahahaha

    man these guys were like 7-9 so we had a whole Little Rascals thing going on, in that we were like DUDE GIRLS NO WAY

    and then were like

    but i want to touch them

    When I was 7-9 I was like "Girls? Yes please!" My mom used to take me to the beach and teach me to roller blade and I'd fall down constantly neck cranked halfway back checking out a girl who just passed.

    Or so I'm told.

    Basically I am a sucker for women, 3 nice ladies came in to my store today and I had the pleasure of making their pizzas.

    "What do we owe you for the bread sticks?"

    "How about a smile ladies?"

    Beautiful.

    (there are so many other things i could have said i know but I am suave and know not to push my luck with prissy PLNU girls)

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
  • RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Rane that is the best story.

    You just played it all cool.

    not really "cool"

    she was a doctor!

    doctors touch your junk, it's one of their things!



    if it had been a teacher or something trying to fuck under-10 Raneados, I'd be all like

    uh whubbu whubbu whaaaaaaat

    Raneados on
  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Cloudman wrote: »
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    you know what's fun
    handcuffs and blindfolds

    i agree wholeheartedly

    we are planning on purchasing some premium stuff because our current equipment is old and shitty. those cheap blindfolds from walmart aren't cutting it.

    Also not-worthwhile things from Wal-Mart; those Valentine's Day plastic fuzzy handcuffs.

    Especially when they're apparently too small for my wrists. It's not like I have gigantic manly wrists, they're ... average? Hell, I swear to god these handcuffs were made for children ... anyways, my girlfriend-now-fiance was so desperate to get me cuffed that she ended up forcing them shut ... pinching my skin, drawing blood, and simultaneously breaking the cuffs.

    What was funner was when she tied me up using, well, a tie. Classy. What was hilarious was the 10 minutes she spend after shenanigans as she tried to untie her own knots.

    MetroidZoid on
    9UsHUfk.jpgSteam
    3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
  • SmokeStacksSmokeStacks Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Reginald wrote: »
    I had sex about a month ago with my ex, which was a very weird and awesome experience. Before I was able to, you know, her dog cam in the room and sat on her while we were doing it. Screeching halt to sexy time, thing suddenly got to real for my ex and me, and now I am looking out over a vast ocean of no sexytimes.

    Let the desperation ensue...

    This reminded me of something. Something I hadn't really thought about in a long, long time.

    The first time I ever went down on a girl, it was with a woman who I didn't really know too well, at her house, very late one night (she had called me up and asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie). To paint the picture, she was in her mid twenties (I was still in my late teens), and in her living room she had an L-shaped couch up against the corner. She also had three enormous dogs (like, Beethoven).

    So she is leaned back on the couch, sitting on the little part of the L-shaped couch (the bottom line in the L), and I am on the floor, on my knees, with the long side of the L to my right. I'm going to town, and I guess I am doing good, because she starts moaning. Now she had put her dogs away, but I guess one of them had gotten out, and upon hearing her moan freaked out and decided he was going to see what was wrong. So he jumped up onto the far end of the long side of the L (behind me, to my right), and starts whimpering really loudly.

    This is terrible timing. She is right there.

    I start to get up to shoo him away, but she grabs my head, presses me back into the fray, and says two words:

    "Don't. stop."

    I am conflicted. This is my first time going down on this woman, my first time going down on any woman. I want to make a "good impression", but at the same time there is a fucking two hundred pound dog like ten inches away from me what the fuck?!"

    So I am sort of kneeling on my left knee, swaying wildly, my left hand is up on her breast, my right hand is inside of her, and my left leg is swept back, desperately pushing, trying to keep this gargantuan dog at bay.

    She finishes, and it's like fireworks. I have never seen any woman come harder before or since.

    Without a word I immediately stand up, get dressed, grab my things, run home, brush my teeth until my gums bleed, and lay in my bed wide awake until dawn wondering what the fuck just happened.

    That was five or six years ago, and I haven't heard from her since.

    SmokeStacks on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    You know who has some hilarious great sex raps? Ghostface Killah.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aIr6NmZrYA

    Clint Eastwood on
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »

    ahahahaha

    man these guys were like 7-9 so we had a whole Little Rascals thing going on, in that we were like DUDE GIRLS NO WAY

    and then were like

    but i want to touch them

    When I was 7-9 I was like "Girls? Yes please!" My mom used to take me to the beach and teach me to roller blade and I'd fall down constantly neck cranked halfway back checking out a girl who just passed.

    Or so I'm told.

    Basically I am a sucker for women, 3 nice ladies came in to my store today and I had the pleasure of making their pizzas.

    "What do we owe you for the bread sticks?"

    "How about a smile ladies?"

    Beautiful.

    (there are so many other things i could have said i know but I am suave and know not to push my luck with prissy PLNU girls)

    You should have been like "how about you let me take you to the barbecue later on?"

    And when they scrunch up their eyebrows and inquire "what barbecue?" you respond with a sly smile "you know, the one that involves my hotdog and your grill."

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Raneados wrote: »
    Rane that is the best story.

    You just played it all cool.

    not really "cool"

    she was a doctor!

    doctors touch your junk, it's one of their things!



    if it had been a teacher or something trying to fuck under-10 Raneados, I'd be all like

    uh whubbu whubbu whaaaaaaat

    Well I meant "cool" in the sense that everyone was carrying on and you were all like "what? It's just a doctor".

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    What about places you've had sex at.

    I dated a girl that wanted to pretty much do it every where, train, outside at the park, friends house, aunts house, moms house, in the car, on the car.

    Hell she even wanted to go at it while we were at the zoo.

    M.D. on
This discussion has been closed.