The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Tube Hates You: Issue Three
Tube
Registered User admin
Registered User admin
What delights do I have in store for you today? Let us see... Before we begin though, if you have a problem send it to forumadmin@penny-arcade.com. I am now actually out of problems, except for that one guy who send me like a 3000 word essay that I haven't read through yet. This will be the last column until I get enough problems to write another one. Ok, on with the knowledge.
So I think my roommate has decided that we are at odds with one another. I don't have any problem with him (though I told him I didn't want to live with any of them next year), but he's being an ass.
So should I just like ignore his nonsense until I move out in a week or should I attempt some sort of RECONCILIATION. He's pretty much just being antagonistic at all times. he speaks only in snarky sarcastic remarks, so it's impossible to have a conversation with him nowadays because it's nothing but "yeah maybe if you weren't so gay", ect which gets old fast.
He's probably the messiest out of all 4 of us, but consistently blames the house mess on me and another roommate (I never spend any time in the living area now, for the past couple months I've been in my room if I'm at home)
He was also getting all uppity because I would go somewhere without asking him if he wanted to come. which is just silly, I have no obligation to be his ride places. fortunately he has his own car now so that has stopped
So just general "dude what is your deal" stuff, now "fuck you you suck" stuff
Patient in Poughkeepsie
Put up with it. You gain nothing at all by flying off the handle and telling him what a cunt he is. Let me tell you a story.
When I was in college I lived with a guy. He smoked pot constantly, never tidied, never washed his dishes, never washed his body. He would walk into our rooms when we weren't there and take things he wanted. He invited a horde of strange Serbian people that he met at a party to come and live with us. His room stank out the entire flat with a weird smell, like an old towel that had been left in the rain. I found out later that this smell was because he pissed his bed and then didn't wash the sheets. He once got drunk, didn't make it to the toilet and shit himself spectacularly all over the bathroom floor. He made an abortive attempt to clean it up with post it notes, and then went to bed. He eventually stopped paying his rent completely, and because it was a shared lease I was responsible and me and a friend picked up his 1500 pound rent bill.
I'm still on friendly terms with him.
Why? Because while I think he's an atrocious cunt who genuinely deserves to die, I don't gain anything from telling him that. Once you move out, your housemate ceases to be your problem. Who knows, maybe one day he'll be in a position to really fuck you over, and he'll think back to your interactions with him when he decides whether he's going to or not. Leave it. It's a week of your life, and people have put up with far worse from their housemates.
Or you could do what I did, which is find a girl that he's in love with, bring her back to the flat and ruin her shit with gusto and resolve while he sobs deeply into his piss stained sheets. But that's kind of immature.
Dear Tube,
My first year of college has been quite the relationship crash course. *I had never had a girl friend before coming into college, and within 2 and a half weeks of being here I had already met someone. *However, she broke up with me two weeks later.
Ouch.
I gave it time, and met someone else. *This one lasted slightly longer, but again ended in heartbreak before getting past 4 weeks. *I am afraid to try and get out there again, and try and meet someone since my first two experiences were really sudden, and really jarring for someone as inexperienced as I.
Is it just in my head that I'm so undesirable that girls break up with me so soon? *Have I just not found someone who I have really clicked with? *Should I try getting out there, even for confidence's sake, or should I just go about my school life and see if anything comes up?
Sincerely,
Loveless in LA
Saddle up mungbean, it's time to go push in some tuna. You're looking at this the wrong way. Instead of going “I was in two relationships and they didn't work! Life is hard and I am ugly!” look at it like this “within a pretty short space of time I found two women who found me attractive enough to date. They are unlikely to be the only two women in the world who feel this way”. You're at college! The reason it didn't work out isn't that you're a repellant creature, it's because you're at college! Women (and men) are not at college to form lasting relationships that will be sung of by the bards for centuries to come, they're at college to hope dementedly from cock to cock until they have so many STDs that their genitals close up in self defense like a bizarre flesh tortoise.
You shouldn't be talking about a relationship ending in “heartbreak” after 4 weeks. The only situation in which you should be heartbroken that a girl dumped you after 4 weeks is if week 5 was when she was getting her tits done. Don't take it to heart, don't take it too seriously. Get out there and pound some gash. College is not the time to be a noble and sensitive emo poet, college is the time to be a rat up a drainpipe.
Dear Tube...
Over the past several months, I've applied for jobs at several local businesses through online applications. However, I've only managed to get two interviews, and both times I was turned down, without even a word of explanation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong; I don't have any outstanding criminal records, I have held a job before (I only left that job because my parents insisted that it would get in the way of my senior year of high school), and as far as I can tell, none of the information I've put on the applications would suggest that I wouldn't be a good employee. And when I show up to the interviews, I try to be outwardly friendly and courteous. Any tips that might help?
For clarification, these jobs have been mostly minimum wage gigs (lifeguard, cashier, ride operator at various amusement parks).
Thanks,
Jobless from New Jersey (dockside area, cohabiting with Gina)
Keep at it. Apply for more jobs. Scattergun. This is a terrible time for unemployment, especially in your age group. You just have to be persistent. Unless your resume is horrible (“my interests include sarcasm and rape play”) it's unlikely to be what's holding you back. It could just be that they got really good candidates, and they will have gotten a lot of them. In addition, not getting a lifeguard position is nothing to be ashamed of. That's a hard gig to get. You're getting through to the interview stage, and that means you're within your rights to give the job a call when you don't get it and ask why. Say (or email) something like “I recently applied for a job at Disney Human Trafficking Division. As I was not selected, I was wondering if you were able to make some suggestions as to how I can improve my application for future postings. Thank you for your time”. I'm sure people in the thread will have suggestions as to the wording to use. Stick with it. It's a tough gig.
Dear Lord of the Tube,
I have been trying to lose weight and was wondering if you had any
good dietary advice. My work out is solid, but I feel like a change in
eating habits is required to reach my goal.
Also doesn't Final Fantasy 8 have the best intro sequence?
Thanks in advance,
Indignant in Indiana
I have some good dietary advice.
1.Make a plan
2.Stick to it
3.Be patient
Here is my sample diet that I give to everyone
Breakfast: 4 eggs and an apple
Lunch: Chicken with broccoli and green beans
Dinner: Red meat or fish with a big ol' sweet potato and green vegetarian
Before workout: a scoop of a low carb protein shake
After Workout: 2 scoops of protein shake (my preference is Surge Recovery from Biotest)
Also yes it does.
Dear tube,
*
I'am about to turn 40 this year. I have grey hair coming in on my sides. Would you keep it to look mature/older or do the dye thing to deny*the age? You will have to make the same decision some day yourself, just curious what you would do.
Ageing in Alabama
Keep it. There are very few people in the world who will judge you for having a little salt and pepper thing going. There are a lot of people who will judge you for a dodgy dye job. You're getting older. It's a good thing. Men's looks actually improve with age if they look after themselves. Throw away all thoughts of hair day and start demanding that people refer to you as The Silver Fox.
Dear tube,
I am a huge faggot who is getting into vinyl records for some reason.
What old time-y 70s prog rock records would be good to have? Preferably that I can pick up used on the cheap!
Yours,
Beardy Weirdy In Wichita
You're asking the wrong person. I wouldn't listen to prog rock at gunpoint.
Do you crave my knowledge? Send a line to forumadmin@penny-arcade.com. Please give enough information that I can reasonably be expected to know what the fuck you're talking about and give reasonable advice. Names will not be posted.
The views of Cardboard Tube are not now, never will and never have been the views of Penny Arcade. All advice is taken at your own risk.
One Love
Tube
So I think my roommate has decided that we are at odds with one another. I don't have any problem with him (though I told him I didn't want to live with any of them next year), but he's being an ass.
So should I just like ignore his nonsense until I move out in a week or should I attempt some sort of RECONCILIATION. He's pretty much just being antagonistic at all times. he speaks only in snarky sarcastic remarks, so it's impossible to have a conversation with him nowadays because it's nothing but "yeah maybe if you weren't so gay", ect which gets old fast.
He's probably the messiest out of all 4 of us, but consistently blames the house mess on me and another roommate (I never spend any time in the living area now, for the past couple months I've been in my room if I'm at home)
He was also getting all uppity because I would go somewhere without asking him if he wanted to come. which is just silly, I have no obligation to be his ride places. fortunately he has his own car now so that has stopped
So just general "dude what is your deal" stuff, now "fuck you you suck" stuff
Patient in Poughkeepsie
Put up with it. You gain nothing at all by flying off the handle and telling him what a cunt he is. Let me tell you a story.
When I was in college I lived with a guy. He smoked pot constantly, never tidied, never washed his dishes, never washed his body. He would walk into our rooms when we weren't there and take things he wanted. He invited a horde of strange Serbian people that he met at a party to come and live with us. His room stank out the entire flat with a weird smell, like an old towel that had been left in the rain. I found out later that this smell was because he pissed his bed and then didn't wash the sheets. He once got drunk, didn't make it to the toilet and shit himself spectacularly all over the bathroom floor. He made an abortive attempt to clean it up with post it notes, and then went to bed. He eventually stopped paying his rent completely, and because it was a shared lease I was responsible and me and a friend picked up his 1500 pound rent bill.
I'm still on friendly terms with him.
Why? Because while I think he's an atrocious cunt who genuinely deserves to die, I don't gain anything from telling him that. Once you move out, your housemate ceases to be your problem. Who knows, maybe one day he'll be in a position to really fuck you over, and he'll think back to your interactions with him when he decides whether he's going to or not. Leave it. It's a week of your life, and people have put up with far worse from their housemates.
Or you could do what I did, which is find a girl that he's in love with, bring her back to the flat and ruin her shit with gusto and resolve while he sobs deeply into his piss stained sheets. But that's kind of immature.
Dear Tube,
My first year of college has been quite the relationship crash course. *I had never had a girl friend before coming into college, and within 2 and a half weeks of being here I had already met someone. *However, she broke up with me two weeks later.
Ouch.
I gave it time, and met someone else. *This one lasted slightly longer, but again ended in heartbreak before getting past 4 weeks. *I am afraid to try and get out there again, and try and meet someone since my first two experiences were really sudden, and really jarring for someone as inexperienced as I.
Is it just in my head that I'm so undesirable that girls break up with me so soon? *Have I just not found someone who I have really clicked with? *Should I try getting out there, even for confidence's sake, or should I just go about my school life and see if anything comes up?
Sincerely,
Loveless in LA
Saddle up mungbean, it's time to go push in some tuna. You're looking at this the wrong way. Instead of going “I was in two relationships and they didn't work! Life is hard and I am ugly!” look at it like this “within a pretty short space of time I found two women who found me attractive enough to date. They are unlikely to be the only two women in the world who feel this way”. You're at college! The reason it didn't work out isn't that you're a repellant creature, it's because you're at college! Women (and men) are not at college to form lasting relationships that will be sung of by the bards for centuries to come, they're at college to hope dementedly from cock to cock until they have so many STDs that their genitals close up in self defense like a bizarre flesh tortoise.
You shouldn't be talking about a relationship ending in “heartbreak” after 4 weeks. The only situation in which you should be heartbroken that a girl dumped you after 4 weeks is if week 5 was when she was getting her tits done. Don't take it to heart, don't take it too seriously. Get out there and pound some gash. College is not the time to be a noble and sensitive emo poet, college is the time to be a rat up a drainpipe.
Dear Tube...
Over the past several months, I've applied for jobs at several local businesses through online applications. However, I've only managed to get two interviews, and both times I was turned down, without even a word of explanation. I don't know what I'm doing wrong; I don't have any outstanding criminal records, I have held a job before (I only left that job because my parents insisted that it would get in the way of my senior year of high school), and as far as I can tell, none of the information I've put on the applications would suggest that I wouldn't be a good employee. And when I show up to the interviews, I try to be outwardly friendly and courteous. Any tips that might help?
For clarification, these jobs have been mostly minimum wage gigs (lifeguard, cashier, ride operator at various amusement parks).
Thanks,
Jobless from New Jersey (dockside area, cohabiting with Gina)
Keep at it. Apply for more jobs. Scattergun. This is a terrible time for unemployment, especially in your age group. You just have to be persistent. Unless your resume is horrible (“my interests include sarcasm and rape play”) it's unlikely to be what's holding you back. It could just be that they got really good candidates, and they will have gotten a lot of them. In addition, not getting a lifeguard position is nothing to be ashamed of. That's a hard gig to get. You're getting through to the interview stage, and that means you're within your rights to give the job a call when you don't get it and ask why. Say (or email) something like “I recently applied for a job at Disney Human Trafficking Division. As I was not selected, I was wondering if you were able to make some suggestions as to how I can improve my application for future postings. Thank you for your time”. I'm sure people in the thread will have suggestions as to the wording to use. Stick with it. It's a tough gig.
Dear Lord of the Tube,
I have been trying to lose weight and was wondering if you had any
good dietary advice. My work out is solid, but I feel like a change in
eating habits is required to reach my goal.
Also doesn't Final Fantasy 8 have the best intro sequence?
Thanks in advance,
Indignant in Indiana
I have some good dietary advice.
1.Make a plan
2.Stick to it
3.Be patient
Here is my sample diet that I give to everyone
Breakfast: 4 eggs and an apple
Lunch: Chicken with broccoli and green beans
Dinner: Red meat or fish with a big ol' sweet potato and green vegetarian
Before workout: a scoop of a low carb protein shake
After Workout: 2 scoops of protein shake (my preference is Surge Recovery from Biotest)
Also yes it does.
Dear tube,
*
I'am about to turn 40 this year. I have grey hair coming in on my sides. Would you keep it to look mature/older or do the dye thing to deny*the age? You will have to make the same decision some day yourself, just curious what you would do.
Ageing in Alabama
Keep it. There are very few people in the world who will judge you for having a little salt and pepper thing going. There are a lot of people who will judge you for a dodgy dye job. You're getting older. It's a good thing. Men's looks actually improve with age if they look after themselves. Throw away all thoughts of hair day and start demanding that people refer to you as The Silver Fox.
Dear tube,
I am a huge faggot who is getting into vinyl records for some reason.
What old time-y 70s prog rock records would be good to have? Preferably that I can pick up used on the cheap!
Yours,
Beardy Weirdy In Wichita
You're asking the wrong person. I wouldn't listen to prog rock at gunpoint.
Do you crave my knowledge? Send a line to forumadmin@penny-arcade.com. Please give enough information that I can reasonably be expected to know what the fuck you're talking about and give reasonable advice. Names will not be posted.
The views of Cardboard Tube are not now, never will and never have been the views of Penny Arcade. All advice is taken at your own risk.
One Love
Tube
Tube on
0
Posts
just send it to a newspaper. all of it.
haha, what a guy
There is not a paper in the world that would print this.
these are all great
Questions from the Internet
Ask the onion
wait a minute
Love me some prog rock. Yep.
SteamID: Baroque And Roll
what are the best exercises to do without any equipment whatsoever
I'm away from my gym for a while and I'm getting the workout urge
What spring does with the cherry trees.
push ups, leg lifts, standing on an elevated step on the balls of your feet and going to your tip toes as many times as you can until you can't anymore. Damn calves.
On the black screen
This isn't where you ask for advice.
unweighted calf raises?
i'll be here literally all day
i have good strong calves
Not even the Mail?
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
then grab a couple bags of flour.
i have to send an e-mail?
seems circuitous
haha, fuck that's disgusting.
man if i had heavy objects around i wouldn't be in this predicament!
also what the eff you must buy some huge bags of flour
http://artofmanliness.com/2010/01/27/the-burpee-the-one-exercise-to-rule-them-all/
You could lift a dining room chair, or find a traffic cone. Both are heavy.
Damn good for your heart, though.
this house be a cookin' n' bakin' house
touch jumps
You've obviously never heard of the Stranger. They print worse than this on a weekly basis! Sadly, they also already have the best advice columnist basically ever.
An actual, functioning adult?
man walks into a psychologist's office
says doc have I got issues. food turns to ash in my mouth, the world has no opportunities for me, and I think my half sister is sexually attracted to my high functioning autistic brother...who is actually me
the psychologist says he has just the thing. go talk to cardboard tube off the penny arcade forums, a community based off of a wildly popular comic strip about videogames. he'll set you straight
man breaks down crying
but doc
I am cardboard tube
On the black screen
Stand with your feet spaced father apart than your shoulders. Extend your left arm and make a fist with your thumb extended. Twist at the waist as far as you can and then jam your arm up your ass until check hits elbow. This will work your whole body.
You could also just get a job that demands physical exertion. I worked at a gym and didn't get as strong as when I worked at a steel part fabricator. Most "work" jobs give you plenty of time to think and you can get rewarded for trying harder.
Plank, Pushups, Pullups (if you've got a sturdy doorframe or a tree,) burpees, situps, lunges
edit: oh I am late to the party nevermind