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So I sent her a FB message saying that I will not tell the boyfriend, and that as far as I am concerned we just had a really good game of Left 4 Dead. But in the same vein I did tell her she has to deal with it, and mentioned that "I know you are confused, and realize you may try to make this choice again later, and I think you need to decide what you want to do here." She hasn't responded yet, but her sister messaged me saying SHE had a really awesome time the other night and wants to come over to my place and have a movie and dinner night (Lol!).
Hilarious irony aside, for now I am going to try to keep her at arms length. I can't avoid seeing her, she lives right on my street and her and her sister will randomly come to my place unannounced as they've done in the past, and we have all the same circle of friends. I am going to a party tomorrow they will all certainly be at (Includng Mira's boyfriend who will be back in town that night, he will show up later im sure.) so avoiding her is not going to really be an option for me. This may or may not end up being a problem tomorrow for us, either way as it stands I am not going to say anything.
I like her, but this situation is something i feel bad about right now, her boyfriend to set the record straight, is not my friend. I don't hate him or anything (which is why i feel bad.) but he isn't my friend, i dont know him well enough. The thing that worries me most is as someone else said in this thread, this wasn't a drunken mistake and she very much did go out of her way to make what happened happen and to try to make it very hard for me to say no. At the same time, i can tell she is pretty confused right now about her feelings, I've only been in town here for 2 weeks now and I haven't been a physical presence in her life for 2 years, obviously me physically being here now and not just her close friend she calls on the phone all the time to talk to about life, it seems it has caused her to have really mixed up feelings and kind of made her torn.
On top of that there is a very real chance once my training is done in a few months that I will move away to another city again (As much as i like the people here, i dont actually like the city i grew up in much.) and I am sure this is in the back of her mind right now as well. One thing i made the mistake of in the past was to let a girl get int he way of my life goals, and that is a mistake i wont make again, no matter how much i think i like her, if i dont LOVE her, which i dont right now (but did in the past, and could again i am sure, given time.) than right now I dont feel the need to put my life on hold for her to work this mess out. If she works the mess out in my favour I will give "us" another chance because in the end the two of us share an incredible connection that everyone in our circle of family and friends knows about (including her boyfriend.), and that connection is something we definitely only share with each other, but it is also something that can be had as just friends as well, and I am ok with that decision as well.
For the record, we are NOT teenagers, I am 26, Mira is 27, her sister is 29 ( Though could easily pass for 20.).
Do you want the girl? Then go get her. Fuck that other guy. Life is competitive and perilously unfair.
I would take a beating every day of my life to be with the right girl, and if I lost some random aquaintance as a result, I don't think I'd spend a lot of time crying over it.
I must concur. I lost a couple of friends when I got together with my wife. Made new friends, and we've been together 15 years. Don't remember those other dudes' names.
A. Can you fix this so it doesn't look that's my quote? 'Cause that's not something I would ever, ever say. (in the context of the discussion anyway)
B. Even if you don't know someone, it doesn't mean you have to be an ass to them or try and mess up their current relationship. Try and exercise some decency.
Something my ex once said to me rings in my mind during this as well, when we were first dating she said "I couldn't cheat on you, you're the kind of guy girls would cheat on their boyfriends with, not the other way around" which at the time was a joke, but now is hilariously true. I know random, but i am morbidly amused by the comment in my mind now.
Thanks for the advice though guys so far, because you kept me from making what was probably a bad choice by telling the boyfriend. (I was REALLY tempted to do it.)
Have you decided if you are willing to sleep with her again if she is still with her bf?
The part that you quoted to us makes it sound like it is entirely her choice whether or not the two of you have sex again. I realize that you said other things in your message and it may not come off like that to her at all but that is how it comes off here.
Kistra on
Animal Crossing: City Folk Lissa in Filmore 3179-9580-0076
Have you decided if you are willing to sleep with her again if she is still with her bf?
The part that you quoted to us makes it sound like it is entirely her choice whether or not the two of you have sex again. I realize that you said other things in your message and it may not come off like that to her at all but that is how it comes off here.
No I wont sleep with her again till she makes her choice. I think she will try anyways if she is given the opportunity to do so, but I definitely wont do it again, I feel crappy enough as it is.
Um... it kind of sounds like the sister is interested in you, and this girl might have just gotten between you out of some kind of jealousy. And, not gonna lie, it sounds like you might be into the sister as well. Is any of that true?
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
Um... it kind of sounds like the sister is interested in you, and this girl might have just gotten between you out of some kind of jealousy. And, not gonna lie, it sounds like you might be into the sister as well. Is any of that true?
Hahaha, I noticed that as well. Earthquake? Check. Hissing gas? Check. Time to light those matches gentlemen, it's the only way to be sure we're in the middle of a disaster. God I love H/A.
Have you decided if you are willing to sleep with her again if she is still with her bf?
The part that you quoted to us makes it sound like it is entirely her choice whether or not the two of you have sex again. I realize that you said other things in your message and it may not come off like that to her at all but that is how it comes off here.
No I wont sleep with her again till she makes her choice. I think she will try anyways if she is given the opportunity to do so, but I definitely wont do it again, I feel crappy enough as it is.
Her choice between you and the bf? Or her choice between not cheating again and cheating again?
Again, I know that you said things in the message to her that you didn't say here. However, what you said here was very ambiguous. If you are only willing to have sex with her if she breaks up with her bf, you need to explicitly say that to her. Based on how you are phrasing things here it is highly likely that you may be trying to say one thing and she may be getting another thing entirely out of your messages.
Kistra on
Animal Crossing: City Folk Lissa in Filmore 3179-9580-0076
Ha ha ha, I dont know about that. Do I like the sister? I guess, she's also a really good friend of mine, I've actually known her longer than Mira, but I dont think I am interested in her that way. I will probably accept her offer for dinner and such because I do like to hang out with her but I dont think i would try to pursue anything there beyond friendship. Especially not with the mess it would create.
Have you decided if you are willing to sleep with her again if she is still with her bf?
The part that you quoted to us makes it sound like it is entirely her choice whether or not the two of you have sex again. I realize that you said other things in your message and it may not come off like that to her at all but that is how it comes off here.
No I wont sleep with her again till she makes her choice. I think she will try anyways if she is given the opportunity to do so, but I definitely wont do it again, I feel crappy enough as it is.
Her choice between you and the bf? Or her choice between not cheating again and cheating again?
Again, I know that you said things in the message to her that you didn't say here. However, what you said here was very ambiguous. If you are only willing to have sex with her if she breaks up with her bf, you need to explicitly say that to her. Based on how you are phrasing things here it is highly likely that you may be trying to say one thing and she may be getting another thing entirely out of your messages.
The choice between her cheating and not again. I wont let her have the choice, I wont sleep with her at all if she is still with her boyfriend. I would consider it only if she was single, and even then I'm not so sure about it because I dont like really whats going on in general right now and dont really feel proud of letting it happen the first time.
So she is wanting to sleep with you... her sister is probably wanting to sleep with you... You do realize this is a thing that normally only exists as the starting premise of Skinamax Movie.
So she is wanting to sleep with you... her sister is probably wanting to sleep with you... You do realize this is a thing that normally only exists as the starting premise of Skinamax Movie.
So she is wanting to sleep with you... her sister is probably wanting to sleep with you... You do realize this is a thing that normally only exists as the starting premise of Skinamax Movie.
e: And you should play for that result.
So, I get that you're trying to keep things under control, but why can't this be considered legitimate advice? Does everyone have to adhere to your social mores?
Your pee pee got the better of you. It's happened to me too (the girls weren't dating anyone, but I didn't "think" I was ready to have sex with them yet). What I'm trying to say is...
Put it in her butt.
This way, she knows that you're the boss here, and she's gonna do what you SAY.
You need to just put your foot down. If she wants to be with you, then the ball is in her court. It's not really your problem. In the mean time, don't do a gotdamn thing.
At this point my biggest worry for tomorrow is the awkwardness of the impending situation. I might just say screw it and end up just sort of "dropping in" on the party for 30 mins since it seems i am expected, and then just leave without getting into it much.
So she is wanting to sleep with you... her sister is probably wanting to sleep with you... You do realize this is a thing that normally only exists as the starting premise of Skinamax Movie.
e: And you should play for that result.
So, I get that you're trying to keep things under control, but why can't this be considered legitimate advice? Does everyone have to adhere to your social mores?
Not adhering to social mores: "it may work out fine if you keep sleeping with her."
Bad advice: "LOL THIS IS JUST LIKE A PORNO GET ON TOP OF THAT."
As if that bad advice would work even if i were to try to do it that way. They both know me well enough to know that I wouldn't try that anyways and if I were i'm sure it would not go down how people in this thread seem to think it would.
Also I talked to Mira's sister tonight, she called me to ask if I got her message, I told her i'd be cool with hanging out for dinner and watching some horror flicks. (all 3 of us love us some horror.) Mira will not be there. She then wrote on my facebook wall how I have awesome taste in movies; she said she can't wait to come over next week for our "movie date".... -_-' this is getting ridiculous. And I did nothing to perpetuate this idea in her what so ever, I've hung out with just her tons of times, I have no idea why me being gone for years then coming back has suddenly made all these people like this.
This is retarded. Hopefully she means a "friend date" or something and by accepting I did not just dig myself deeper accidentally.
If her sister likes you, what is probability that Mira did this, in part, out of a confusing mixture of jealousy and regret? Does her sister know you slept with Mira the other night?
I ask because if her sister isn't an issue, it's a relatively simple situation; and you seem to be handling it right, or at least planning to. If her sister is a factor, then, by humoring her with this 'movie date' (if serious), you might be standing in the slow forming eye of a sibling rivalry shit storm. Especially if, prior to your hook-up, Mira had given her sister the go ahead to pursue you (worst case scenario [that doesn't involve pregnancy]).
Yeah that IS a possibility. I didnt think anything of it, but the other night when we were all together Mira's sister and I were being pretty buddy buddy there, just laying near each other and chatting and cracking jokes, just catching up since I hadn't spoken to her much in those 2 years. Mira did make a point of quite literally getting in the middle of us, (Quite literally wedged herself in between us.) despite the fact that, at least in my mind nothing was going on other than some friendly conversation.
I guess there is the chance that maybe she did what happened out of some kind of rivalry and I never really clued into it until you mentioned it just now. Also as far as I know Mira's sister does no know about the incident at all, and I dont plan on telling her as it really doesn't matter, I have no intentions with Mira's sister here.
Don't take this the wrong way, but you seem to be completely aloof to the situation at hand... We can only postulate based on what you're telling us, but it seems like everyone's in on the situation except you. I don't know if 'Mira's' sister has eyes for you, but 'Mira' is obviously sweatin your balls. Don't jump to conclusions, but at the same time, don't play dumb.
Also, if you're not interested in the sister, it might be worth thinking about letting her know that before she comes over to yours for a "date". Otherwise the drama here could spiral out of control fast.
Also, if you're not interested in the sister, it might be worth thinking about letting her know that before she comes over to yours for a "date". Otherwise the drama here could spiral out of control fast.
Well I will see her tonight at the party. I will see how she acts and if she is just being friendly than thats probably all she meant. I dont want to make an ass of myself and assume something that may or may not be true. She may have the same intentions as me and is just happy to have me back in town. (Thats my hope.)
darklite_xI'm not an r-tard...Registered Userregular
edited March 2011
I see a lot of infractions in here for and I'm trying to decide if it's because the advice given is deemed inappropriate or if it's the way the advice is delivered. What I'm getting at is, I'm curious why "threesome" is poor advice, especially when "Screw the boyfriend, if you love her then go for it" is considered valid. In other words, if you've got three consenting adults then I'm not entirely sure why that option is suddenly off the table.
darklite_x on
Steam ID: darklite_x Xbox Gamertag: Darklite 37 PSN:Rage_Kage_37 Battle.Net:darklite#2197
I don't see why this is so hard. The OP is asking for help extricating himself from this situation, not making it 100 times worse.
OP, good luck with the sister, but in addition to this girl having some stuff she needs to work out with her boyfriend, it sounds like you have some of your own shit to work out with regards to both of them. Your posts make you come off a bit like a bewildered victim and that might not be intentional but it's just a little bit odd.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
Advice that results in an infraction does so because it violates the forum rules in some way or another. Telling the OP to have a pay-per-view incestuous three-way sexytime with an emotionally indecisive girl in a relationship and her older sister isn't some edgy challenge to the square status quo, it's flat-out bad advice, not to mention the fact that the act itself would be illegal in many states. Suggesting that the OP set aside the feelings of a guy he doesn't know and decide for himself whether he wants to pursue a relationship with the girl, on the other hand, is reasonable advice. If you have difficulty distinguishing between the two, H/A might not be an appropriate subforum for you.
OP: I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering how things went at the party last night. Can we get an update on the situation? Has your issue been resolved, or has a new challenger appeared?
Kate of Lokys on
0
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
edited March 2011
Time to drop the threesome thing, guys.
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Dude this is a shit storm. This could last a while. A very long while. She won't be able to pick easily. She may play you on each other. If she wasn't that drunk when it happened then she should have had the forth right to stop herself. If you keep doing it, your gonna more than likely put your nuts in a grinder. The more time that goes by without another incident the better off your gonna be. You would think that the fact that she talks about you all the time might be a indicator. My dad did that with his affair along with many other tall tail signs.
You pretty much got your stuff straight OP, and cheers to you for it. Yes it was probably a mistake you could have prevented... but we are all only human, and you obviously regret having done it so I wouldn't say you're a bad person; just a pretty decent dude in a bad situation. Honestly the main thing I would say is that you need to tell her whats going on in your mind. The only way I see to start to clear the air here is to get all the feelings out there so you both know where you stand. She obviously has some strong feelings for you and she really needs to think over her present relationship if she was willing to go out of her way to get at you the way she did. Either way I hope it ends well for you.
Oh and as for the sister... if dinner and movies aren't unusual for you then it's probably nothing. When "mira" jumped between the two of you it was probably to start a process of getting your attention to get you alone more than any kind of sibling rivalry. If it was in fact a rivalry thing then I would guess there would be a lot more tension in the room after it happened. Though with that said be ready to politely decline anything romantic, because yeah you're right, it would be just that much more drama for you.
Posts
Hilarious irony aside, for now I am going to try to keep her at arms length. I can't avoid seeing her, she lives right on my street and her and her sister will randomly come to my place unannounced as they've done in the past, and we have all the same circle of friends. I am going to a party tomorrow they will all certainly be at (Includng Mira's boyfriend who will be back in town that night, he will show up later im sure.) so avoiding her is not going to really be an option for me. This may or may not end up being a problem tomorrow for us, either way as it stands I am not going to say anything.
I like her, but this situation is something i feel bad about right now, her boyfriend to set the record straight, is not my friend. I don't hate him or anything (which is why i feel bad.) but he isn't my friend, i dont know him well enough. The thing that worries me most is as someone else said in this thread, this wasn't a drunken mistake and she very much did go out of her way to make what happened happen and to try to make it very hard for me to say no. At the same time, i can tell she is pretty confused right now about her feelings, I've only been in town here for 2 weeks now and I haven't been a physical presence in her life for 2 years, obviously me physically being here now and not just her close friend she calls on the phone all the time to talk to about life, it seems it has caused her to have really mixed up feelings and kind of made her torn.
On top of that there is a very real chance once my training is done in a few months that I will move away to another city again (As much as i like the people here, i dont actually like the city i grew up in much.) and I am sure this is in the back of her mind right now as well. One thing i made the mistake of in the past was to let a girl get int he way of my life goals, and that is a mistake i wont make again, no matter how much i think i like her, if i dont LOVE her, which i dont right now (but did in the past, and could again i am sure, given time.) than right now I dont feel the need to put my life on hold for her to work this mess out. If she works the mess out in my favour I will give "us" another chance because in the end the two of us share an incredible connection that everyone in our circle of family and friends knows about (including her boyfriend.), and that connection is something we definitely only share with each other, but it is also something that can be had as just friends as well, and I am ok with that decision as well.
For the record, we are NOT teenagers, I am 26, Mira is 27, her sister is 29 ( Though could easily pass for 20.).
Thanks for the advice though guys so far, because you kept me from making what was probably a bad choice by telling the boyfriend. (I was REALLY tempted to do it.)
The part that you quoted to us makes it sound like it is entirely her choice whether or not the two of you have sex again. I realize that you said other things in your message and it may not come off like that to her at all but that is how it comes off here.
No I wont sleep with her again till she makes her choice. I think she will try anyways if she is given the opportunity to do so, but I definitely wont do it again, I feel crappy enough as it is.
Hahaha, I noticed that as well. Earthquake? Check. Hissing gas? Check. Time to light those matches gentlemen, it's the only way to be sure we're in the middle of a disaster. God I love H/A.
Her choice between you and the bf? Or her choice between not cheating again and cheating again?
Again, I know that you said things in the message to her that you didn't say here. However, what you said here was very ambiguous. If you are only willing to have sex with her if she breaks up with her bf, you need to explicitly say that to her. Based on how you are phrasing things here it is highly likely that you may be trying to say one thing and she may be getting another thing entirely out of your messages.
The choice between her cheating and not again. I wont let her have the choice, I wont sleep with her at all if she is still with her boyfriend. I would consider it only if she was single, and even then I'm not so sure about it because I dont like really whats going on in general right now and dont really feel proud of letting it happen the first time.
e: And you should play for that result.
So, I get that you're trying to keep things under control, but why can't this be considered legitimate advice? Does everyone have to adhere to your social mores?
Regardless tomorrow night is the night to see what happens, as we are all going to be at the same party.
Haha. I can't wait to see what happens.
So many poor decisions and people with questionable morals involved!
Either keep us updated or write a book.
You need to just put your foot down. If she wants to be with you, then the ball is in her court. It's not really your problem. In the mean time, don't do a gotdamn thing.
Oh I am...
And on another note "Mira" just called me to make sure I am coming to the party tomorrow...
Man, I wish more threads ended like this.
Not adhering to social mores: "it may work out fine if you keep sleeping with her."
Bad advice: "LOL THIS IS JUST LIKE A PORNO GET ON TOP OF THAT."
Also I talked to Mira's sister tonight, she called me to ask if I got her message, I told her i'd be cool with hanging out for dinner and watching some horror flicks. (all 3 of us love us some horror.) Mira will not be there. She then wrote on my facebook wall how I have awesome taste in movies; she said she can't wait to come over next week for our "movie date".... -_-' this is getting ridiculous. And I did nothing to perpetuate this idea in her what so ever, I've hung out with just her tons of times, I have no idea why me being gone for years then coming back has suddenly made all these people like this.
This is retarded. Hopefully she means a "friend date" or something and by accepting I did not just dig myself deeper accidentally.
If her sister likes you, what is probability that Mira did this, in part, out of a confusing mixture of jealousy and regret? Does her sister know you slept with Mira the other night?
I ask because if her sister isn't an issue, it's a relatively simple situation; and you seem to be handling it right, or at least planning to. If her sister is a factor, then, by humoring her with this 'movie date' (if serious), you might be standing in the slow forming eye of a sibling rivalry shit storm. Especially if, prior to your hook-up, Mira had given her sister the go ahead to pursue you (worst case scenario [that doesn't involve pregnancy]).
I guess there is the chance that maybe she did what happened out of some kind of rivalry and I never really clued into it until you mentioned it just now. Also as far as I know Mira's sister does no know about the incident at all, and I dont plan on telling her as it really doesn't matter, I have no intentions with Mira's sister here.
Well I will see her tonight at the party. I will see how she acts and if she is just being friendly than thats probably all she meant. I dont want to make an ass of myself and assume something that may or may not be true. She may have the same intentions as me and is just happy to have me back in town. (Thats my hope.)
OP, good luck with the sister, but in addition to this girl having some stuff she needs to work out with her boyfriend, it sounds like you have some of your own shit to work out with regards to both of them. Your posts make you come off a bit like a bewildered victim and that might not be intentional but it's just a little bit odd.
OP: I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering how things went at the party last night. Can we get an update on the situation? Has your issue been resolved, or has a new challenger appeared?
Oh and as for the sister... if dinner and movies aren't unusual for you then it's probably nothing. When "mira" jumped between the two of you it was probably to start a process of getting your attention to get you alone more than any kind of sibling rivalry. If it was in fact a rivalry thing then I would guess there would be a lot more tension in the room after it happened. Though with that said be ready to politely decline anything romantic, because yeah you're right, it would be just that much more drama for you.