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Help me SE++ I am severely lacking in witticism!

ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito!Registered User regular
edited February 2007 in Social Entropy++
So former lurker blahblahblah

Anyway-I feel that this problem is more up the alley of SE++ than of H/A

I live in a suite-style dorm (4 people, 2 rooms, one bathroom) with two big jerks for suitemates. They continuously trash (and I mean TRASH...puke...beer bottles...etc...sometimes they clean it up...SOMETIMES) the bathroom and are just generally rude towards everyone on the floor. So since our "roomate contract" didnt actually stipulate that they cannot be removed for just being jerks, I have taken to retaliating in my own fashion

Both of them are "good ole boys" (read- very southern and homophobic) and after their latest escaped, which involved DELIBERATELY and WHILE SOBER spreading peanut butter and chocolate syrup around the bathroom, i was struck with inspiration during my botany class

It was right around Valentines Day (so like two weeks ago) and we were studying flowers in botany (awww). So I took all the rose petals that every group had to remove to look at the female reproductive organs and pocketed them. Later that day I snuck into their room through the bathroom (It connects the two rooms) and sprinkled the petals all over one of their beds, with a note saying "Happy Valentines Day *Mark! Love: James*" (not real names..I dont know why)

Needless to say, worked like a charm and they were confused and quiet for a few days.

All this is to provide backstory as to what I want to do now....they recently drew a vaseline bottle on their whiteboard with the slogan "Vaseline Gets It Done Right!" Now, since this isnt really anything but stupid and un-funny I want to write a snappy remark that is homoerotic in nature, but much more subtle ( so it takes them a few days while everyone else is chuckling behind their backs)

Please help?

tl;dr- Jerkface unfunny homophobic suitemates need subtle homoerotic response to "Vaseline-Gets It Done Right!" written on door

Arch on
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    RedeemerRedeemer Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Better luck next time, chuttles

    Redeemer on
    25jyxzr.jpg
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    Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Draw a penis on their board and write, "Cock, the original freshmaker."

    That'll show them!

    Filler Inc. on
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    Spectral SwallowSpectral Swallow Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    You could... you could like screw them in the butt.

    Spectral Swallow on
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    potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    nothing like going into your imageshack for an image to post and having the very top image be a big 'ol cock

    that's why i'm not posting a funny image here

    potatoe on
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    FortyTwoFortyTwo strongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Write this


    YOU SUCK PENIS AND SWALLOW THE EJACULATE THE SPURTS FORTH IN A WHITE FOAMY SLOP OF JOY

    That ought to do it.

    FortyTwo on
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    ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    You could... you could like screw them in the butt.

    Yea, see I COULD...but wheres the subtlety in THAT?

    Arch on
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    Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    potatoe wrote: »
    nothing like going into your imageshack for an image to post and having the very top image be a big 'ol cock

    that's why i'm not posting a funny image here
    Got caught up in the touchin feelin to take the time to post, huh?

    Filler Inc. on
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    Spectral SwallowSpectral Swallow Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Arch wrote: »
    You could... you could like screw them in the butt.

    Yea, see I COULD...but wheres the subtlety in THAT?

    I don't know man, slip them some date rape or something.
    ...This is why I don't hang out in H/A.

    Spectral Swallow on
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    potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Filler wrote: »
    potatoe wrote: »
    nothing like going into your imageshack for an image to post and having the very top image be a big 'ol cock

    that's why i'm not posting a funny image here
    Got caught up in the touchin feelin to take the time to post, huh?

    it's like you know my every move

    potatoe on
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    Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    potatoe wrote: »
    Filler wrote: »
    potatoe wrote: »
    nothing like going into your imageshack for an image to post and having the very top image be a big 'ol cock

    that's why i'm not posting a funny image here
    Got caught up in the touchin feelin to take the time to post, huh?

    it's like you know my every move

    potatoecams.com.

    Cmon man, you know the deal by now. Strip and rip.

    Filler Inc. on
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    potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    i just farted

    potatoe on
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    wombatwombat __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    "Im not only the president of the company, but a loyal customer!"

    wombat on
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    potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    interuptions.gif

    potatoe on
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    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    vaseline gets it done right

    what does that even mean

    isnt that already a gay joke

    Air on
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    IpseDixitIpseDixit Treat me like a pirate And give me that bootyRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    This thread is silly. It is now about whether I should buy these speakers.

    I think I should.

    IpseDixit on
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    dushdush Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    put a landmine in the fridge

    gets them every time

    dush on
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    matthias00matthias00 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    IpseDixit wrote: »
    This thread is silly. It is now about whether I should buy these speakers.

    I think I should.

    I'm a headphone man myself.

    So... uh.

    Yeah.

    matthias00 on
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    FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Arch wrote: »
    "Vaseline-Gets It Done Right!"

    "just ask Mark!"

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
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    IpseDixitIpseDixit Treat me like a pirate And give me that bootyRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    matthias00 wrote: »
    IpseDixit wrote: »
    This thread is silly. It is now about whether I should buy these speakers.

    I think I should.

    I'm a headphone man myself.

    So... uh.

    Yeah.

    I just bought headphones! Audio-Technica ATH-M30's, they're quite nice.
    So now I'm looking to upgrade my speaker system, which right now is a Sony CMT-HPX9 Hi-Fi stereo system. Nice, but it's only stereo, not surround.

    IpseDixit on
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    KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator Mod Emeritus
    edited February 2007
    oh man you know what the best burn would be

    if you took one of them out to dinner, showed him a really nice time, slept with him and then never called him back

    oh man that is coooold

    Knob on
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    TheBlackWindTheBlackWind Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Fallout wrote: »
    Arch wrote: »
    "Vaseline-Gets It Done Right!"

    "just ask Mark!"

    This is immediately what I thought. It writes itself. Hi5.

    TheBlackWind on
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    PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    oh man you know what the best burn would be

    if you took one of them out to dinner, showed him a really nice time, slept with him and then never called him back

    oh man that is coooold

    I think it would be better if he wined him and dined him and then blew the other guy.

    That'd show 'em.

    Pkmoutl on
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    JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Pay a few male prostitutes or strippers to come round

    Janson on
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    trentsteeltrentsteel Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I thought the rosepedals idea was awesome.

    trentsteel on
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    PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Janson wrote: »
    Pay a few male prostitutes or strippers to come round

    Or just pose as a male stripper for his birthday.

    Give him a lap dance he'll never forget.

    Pkmoutl on
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    OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Tell them that homophobia is wrong and then grow a pair and tell them to stop fucking around.

    Then you bang them over the head with a frypan and fuck them in the ass.

    Oden on
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    FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Pkmoutl wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    Pay a few male prostitutes or strippers to come round

    Or just pose as a male stripper for his birthday.

    Give him a lap dance he'll never forget.

    all tying him down and forcing the dance upon him, in spite of his muffled screams

    oh i have ten boners just thinking about it~

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] new member
    edited February 2007
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User] on
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    ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Oden wrote: »
    Tell them that homophobia is wrong and then grow a pair and tell them to stop fucking around.

    Then you bang them over the head with a frypan and fuck them in the ass.
    this is a fantastic plan



    So it is decided that I will go with this plan then.

    Step two- where can I get a frying pan for....

    ....two dollars and thirty-two cents?

    Arch on
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    tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    i live in the suites, but i only have one roommate

    some rooms have that quad occupancy, but i dont, im stuck with my disabled roommate who stays on the phone with ugly girls til 3 am every night :D

    tugga on
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    MeizMeiz Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Here's your Homework Mr. OP: Watch all seasons of Mash

    Meiz on
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    tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Go into their room while theyre gone and start playing some porn REALLY LOUDLY

    tugga on
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    BijlBijl Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Put some vaseline on their asses when they're asleep. Then stick some things in it.

    Bijl on
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    scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    trentsteel wrote: »
    I thought the rosepedals idea was awesome.

    i agree, hah.

    scarlet st. on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    Do you push on the rosepedals to make the rosebicycle go?

    The Geek on
    BLM - ACAB
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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    that was horrible

    Weaver on
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    ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    The Geek wrote: »
    Do you push on the rosepedals to make the rosebicycle go?

    Ahahahahhaha
    Weaver wrote: »
    that was horrible


    Oh...um..I mean...not funny...

    Arch on
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    HitScanHitScan Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Find an adult store, buy a small tube of Anal-Ease, write a note only saying "Please let me love you as you know only I can" and rubber-band it to the tube with a single rose petal. Insert into "James'"* underwear drawer.


    Hilarity ensues or your money back.


    *"James" as in whoever the petals were supposed to be from.

    HitScan on
    Unstable like the isotope that resolves the fate of the theoretical cat in the hypothetical crate.
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    bongibongi regular
    edited February 2007
    rape them to death

    bongi on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    Arch wrote: »
    The Geek wrote: »
    Do you push on the rosepedals to make the rosebicycle go?

    Ahahahahhaha
    Weaver wrote: »
    that was horrible


    Oh...um..I mean...not funny...

    It wasn't really supposed to be funny, but just to point out that he spelled "petals" incorrectly.

    The Geek on
    BLM - ACAB
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