An English [chat]

Bogart

What better adornment to a room could be imagined than a strawberry blond gentleman who embodies Englishness by having a ridiculous name that sounds like PG Wodehouse is having a laugh with you? Make any room more English by installing your own Fragglerock Ampersand! Learn how to speak like an English to make him feel at home.

Basic phrases.
"Crikey": Goodness me.
"Cor": Heavens.
"Blimey": I am shocked.
"Well I'll go to the bottom of our stairs": I am surprised.
"She's no better than she ought to be": She is somewhat liberal with her affections, I believe.
"Ey up mi duck": Hello.
"Bit of a sticky wicket": The world is ending.

Advanced language.
"You is bare moist man, innit?": (by a young person) I find your demeanour suspicious, and suspect you of unspecified crimes.
"Mustn't grumble": My wife has been eaten by a killer whale and my children are ashes.
"I'm fine": I am not fine but I will not complain because I am English.

Key Phrases (to be interpreted with careful consideration of facial expression and intonation).
"Sorry": You have bumped into me you clumsy oaf/I have done nothing wrong but am apologising out of reflex/I hate you and am not sorry at all/sorry.
"That's quite good": That is amazing and you are a genius.
"That's quite good": That is good except for the awful, unforgivably appalling basic error you have made; are you suffering from a concussion?
"That's not bad/crap/awful": That's brilliant.
"That's not bad/crap/awful": That's bad.
"That's fine": That is barely acceptable and you are probably quite stupid.
"That's perfectly acceptable": In no way is that acceptable and you shame your family by pretending it is.

Watch out for.
"That's quite alright": Remember this day, for you have made an enemy.
"Don't worry about it": I am planning your death.
Emphasis on words like "Mate", "Pal" and "Chum" means you are likely about to be punched (i.e. "Are you all right there, mate.").

Organichu

yes

oh god, yes

i hate anglophiles consumed with your media, but god do i love your people

for my career day i just want to shadow bogart

just see what steps i need to take to be a smarmy, pessimistic englishman

Gim

Competing British [chat]s.

Okay, I see which way the wind is blowing.






Colour aluminium.

Bogart

TWO [CHAT]S ENTER.

THEN HAVE A POLITE CONVERSATION ABOUT WHICH SHOULD REMAIN, BOTH CLAIMING THAT THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY NO NO NO AFTER YOU MY DEAR [CHAT].

EVENTUALLY A THIRD [CHAT] TURNS UP AND THE SITUATION BECOMES UNTENABLE AND ALL THREE AGREE TO LEAVE AND NEVER MENTION THIS EMBARRASSING MATTER AGAIN.

jeffinva

The Fourth Sky Above River Thirst: Book One of The Pensi Wars Saga - A Steam Punk Tale

BobCesca

I admit defeat.

Also 'cos I need to go out and there's no way I could ever beat Bogart at anything...apart from space-based boardgames. Obviously.

Bogart

Your mistake was in creating an informative, interesting [chat] OP designed to spark off a stimulating discussion.

You fool!

knitdan

Whereas all you did was provide an English -to -other English dictionary and a picture of Benny.

Caveman Paws

I'd like to take this opportunity to be the first person to say "fuck" in an English [chat].

Also, goodnight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8o9-E-eMUHs

Neco

THERE ARE THREE CHAT THREADS OPEN AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO POST.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmzuRXLzqKk

Kalkino

I am back in Britain just now, having flown in to Heathrow.

Notable happenings

1. Plane was late
2. I had a bacon chipati
3. I am not going to go to work as planned

Organichu

guys i think i have figured out the cure to depression

Mojo_Jojo

OP needs to include the two most advanced bits of English. I.e. "sorry" and "not bad"

Organichu

(it's to do a lot of things and be busy and exhausted by the end of each day. sitting at a desk doing the same thing all day is the soul killer)

RMS Oceanic

Caveman Paws wrote: »

I'd like to take this opportunity to be the first person to say "fuck" in an English [chat].

Also, goodnight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8o9-E-eMUHs

You have offended polite society. Scotland Yard has been notified.

Mojo_Jojo

Organichu wrote: »

guys i think i have figured out the cure to depression

We're all aware of alcohol, Chu

knitdan

Scotland Yard couldn't find their own arse with both hands and a torch.

Tav

someone come do my job for me forever thanks

Mojo_Jojo

Unexpected sudden nausea. I may be with child

Bogart

Mojo_Jojo wrote: »

OP needs to include the two most advanced bits of English. I.e. "sorry" and "not bad"

OP Updated. Other phrases to help our benighted foreigners are always welcome.

Tav

cricket is a bad sport

Mojo_Jojo

I don't agree with your " quite good". It tends to mean it would be good if it wasn't for the huge mistake you have made that renders everything worthless

kedinik

Bogart wrote: »

Mojo_Jojo wrote: »

OP needs to include the two most advanced bits of English. I.e. "sorry" and "not bad"

OP Updated. Other phrases to help our benighted foreigners are always welcome.

That OP is perfectly acceptable.

RMS Oceanic

knitdan wrote: »

Scotland Yard couldn't find their own arse with both hands and a torch.

They know enough to hire a consulting detective from Baker Street.

Bogart

Mojo_Jojo wrote: »

I don't agree with your " quite good". It tends to mean it would be good if it wasn't for the huge mistake you have made that renders everything worthless

It's all in the phrasing. English is a subtle language of shading and misinformation. I will update.

Bogart

6Music put Do The Hustle on. Instantly think of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gleVwumVNWI&list=PL8moAzxgp1ofMsfGEWI703PB1Omz69k3v

Casual

i discovered star control on android last night and stayed up until 2 am playing it

>.<

only time will reveal the wisdom of this decision

STATE OF THE ART ROBOT

Mojo_Jojo wrote: »

Unexpected sudden nausea. I may be with child

Congratulations!!!

Bethryn

This [chat] is not half bad.

Casual

Organichu wrote: »

(it's to do a lot of things and be busy and exhausted by the end of each day. sitting at a desk doing the same thing all day is the soul killer)

this is a problem if your job is to sit at a desk all day doing the same things

HerrCron

"That's quite alright" in response to an apology: You are not forgiven, and never will be.

ronya

Kalkino

Huh, my favourite local Enflis barista is moving back to Melbourne because she finds it friendlier and more middle sized English

Elldren

@bogart "it's not crap" : I find it incredible and would be personally hurt if you found it unsatisfactory
"it's not crap" : it's crap

Tav

i am so sleepy omg

Kalkino

Also, having just walked in door of flat for first time in weeks, found awesome card from @deebaser

Casual

ronya wrote: »

corgi lord

OOOOOO-EEEEE-OOOOOOOO

DUMDUMDUMDUM

Casual

could always throw some scottish into the OP

it's very light on "Jings", "Crivins" and "help ma boab!"

bloodyroarxx

Just had a weird flashback to when they forgot about me when my son was being delivered and they ushered me into the OR during the c-section

I seen some shit.

knitdan

How the hell do they forget about a lady who is delivering a baby?

Tav

bloodyroarxx wrote: »

Just had a weird flashback to when they forgot about me when my son was being delivered and they ushered me into the OR during the c-section

I seen some shit.

Literally.