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Hiking is some of the biggest bullshit ever.

Casually HardcoreCasually Hardcore Once an Asshole. Trying to be better.Registered User regular
So a few months ago I was dragged to go 'witness the splendor of nature' by doing one of white America favorite pass time, hiking. So to make sure I get a healthy facial of nature, they told me that I should hike up Angels Landing

250px-Angels_Landing_-_Zion_Canyon.jpg
The trail to Angels Landing is 2.4 miles (3.9 km) long.[3] It begins at the Grotto drop off point on the park's shuttle system. It roughly follows the path of the Virgin River for some time, slowly gaining elevation in sandy terrain. As the trail gets steeper and leaves behind the river, it becomes paved. After a series of steep switchbacks, the trail goes through the area between Angels Landing and the Zion Canyon that is a gradual ascent. Walter's Wiggles, a series of 21 steep switchbacks,[3] are the last hurdle before Scout Lookout. Scout Lookout is generally the turnaround point for those who are unwilling to make the final summit push to the top of Angels Landing. The last half-mile of the trail is strenuous and littered with sharp drop offs and narrow paths. Chains to grip are provided for portions of the last half-mile to the top at 5,790 feet (1,760 m)

No big deal, right? Yeah, if you're a freaking athlete. So after hours of struggling to get up that stupid rock, everyone just sat there for 10 fucking minutes and turned right back around. You know what's worse then going up a huge ass rock? Climbing down that same fucking rock when you're bone dead tired.

How exactly is this enjoying nature? As far as I'm concerned, I'm never gonna go hiking anywhere unless it's a hike from a bar from one end of town to the next. I rather spend 6 hours on a stairmachine at the gym then go through that again. Such bull.

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Posts

  • A Dabble Of TheloniusA Dabble Of Thelonius It has been a doozy of a dayRegistered User regular
    I like nature. It's my jam.

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    hiking is for white folk only,eh?

  • DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    I mean I don't know why you expected to just hike up a giant ass rock without being in some kind of shape, but alright

  • NeoTomaNeoToma Registered User regular
    I hiked down the grand canyon once. It was pretty sweet.

  • NiryaNirya Registered User regular
    I used to hike all the time. Now I just occasionally do the hike up to the Hollywood Sign.

    t70pctuqq2uv.png
    3DS: 2981-5304-3227
  • Casually HardcoreCasually Hardcore Once an Asshole. Trying to be better. Registered User regular
    hiking is for white folk only,eh?

    Apparently it's for Japanese, Germans, White Americans, and like 2 black dudes (one being me).

  • BarcardiBarcardi All the Wizards Under A Rock: AfganistanRegistered User regular
    I really want to climb Mt Rainer. I hiked 50 miles around it when i was a kid in boy scouts and it was hell at the time but looking back it was the best memories possible and I was just a little whiner and it was actually awesome. Hopefully ill get up there this summer or fall.

  • DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    I went hiking for two weeks in New Mexico...shit, I guess it was ten years ago, now. At one point we were like, fifty feet away from a bear that was just wanderin' along, not payin' anybody any mind at all. It was kinda rad.

  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    I went hiking for two weeks in New Mexico...shit, I guess it was ten years ago, now. At one point we were like, fifty feet away from a bear that was just wanderin' along, not payin' anybody any mind at all. It was kinda rad.

    I hiked around Catalina Island a few years ago and there are hella bison just wandering around
    We had to just turn around at one point because a couple of them were blocking the only route and just staring at us

  • wirehead26wirehead26 Registered User regular
    I wish I was around somewhere where I could hike because I'm about to be kicked out of the military if I fail one more PT eval due to my piss poor running. Right now I'm just running around a track and it sucks.

    I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!
  • CorporateRedCorporateRed Wooooooo! Registered User regular
    I feel your pain. I have to hike all the way to the fucking car every time I want to go somewhere.

    Steam ID: Corporate Red
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  • wirehead26wirehead26 Registered User regular
    edited March 2014
    Basically I need something to do to get me in shape that is fun.

    Not saying hiking is fun for everyone but it might be for me since I've never really tried it.

    wirehead26 on
    I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!
  • DirtyDirtyVagrantDirtyDirtyVagrant Registered User regular
    I think that hiking is probably the secret to a monumentally hot ass.

    So why aren't I hiking?

    Oh wait yeah it's because I'm a bum.

  • CorporateRedCorporateRed Wooooooo! Registered User regular
    You can kind of hike anywhere...you really just need ground and feet. I'm nearly positive you have access to both.

    Steam ID: Corporate Red
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  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    I'm kinda curious what you thought happened at the top of a hike

    Fireworks? Naturally-occurring steak sandwiches? Mad Men marathons?

  • MachwingMachwing It looks like a harmless old computer, doesn't it? Left in this cave to rot ... or to flower!Registered User regular
    wirehead26 wrote: »
    Basically I need something to do to get me in shape that is fun.

    Hiking can be fun! Just don't hike up a cliff.

    l3icwZV.png
  • CorporateRedCorporateRed Wooooooo! Registered User regular
    I'm kinda curious what you thought happened at the top of a hike

    Fireworks? Naturally-occurring steak sandwiches? Mad Men marathons?

    Sherpa orgy.

    Steam ID: Corporate Red
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  • DirtyDirtyVagrantDirtyDirtyVagrant Registered User regular
    Is it wrong to hope for naturally-occurring steak sandwiches

  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    Nirya wrote: »
    I used to hike all the time. Now I just occasionally do the hike up to the Hollywood Sign.

    Man Runyan is a way better LA hike

    If you can stand the ceaseless body shame upon seeing a neverending stream of impossibly cut shirtless dudes

  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    I hiked 100 miles in a week and a half, a few summers back. Probably was in the best shape of my life, by the end of that trip.

  • DirtyDirtyVagrantDirtyDirtyVagrant Registered User regular
    Hiking sounds like the light. For now I should just try walking though. My back still hates me and I don't know how to appease it.

  • CorporateRedCorporateRed Wooooooo! Registered User regular
    Is it wrong to hope for naturally-occurring steak sandwiches

    It's a thing, so long as you don't mind it rare.

    136111-004-C620AA83.jpg

    Steam ID: Corporate Red
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  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    Hiking sounds like the light. For now I should just try walking though. My back still hates me and I don't know how to appease it.

    Steak sandwiches

  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Ho! Ho! Ho! Drink Coke!Registered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    I went hiking for two weeks in New Mexico...shit, I guess it was ten years ago, now. At one point we were like, fifty feet away from a bear that was just wanderin' along, not payin' anybody any mind at all. It was kinda rad.

    I hiked around Catalina Island a few years ago and there are hella bison just wandering around
    We had to just turn around at one point because a couple of them were blocking the only route and just staring at us

    That reminds me of the time my family visited Yellowstone. We were on our way through when there came to be a herd of bison standing on the road. People were getting out of their cars to take pictures up close and there were park rangers going "GET BACK IN YOUR CARS, YOU IDIOTS"

  • NiryaNirya Registered User regular
    Nirya wrote: »
    I used to hike all the time. Now I just occasionally do the hike up to the Hollywood Sign.

    Man Runyan is a way better LA hike

    If you can stand the ceaseless body shame upon seeing a neverending stream of impossibly cut shirtless dudes

    Well, it's more like whenever I have friends from out of town, they always want to do the Hollywood Sign hike, so I end up doing that.

    I'm way too lazy to actually plan out hikes anymore.

    t70pctuqq2uv.png
    3DS: 2981-5304-3227
  • Mr FuzzbuttMr Fuzzbutt Registered User regular
    hiking tip: if it's too difficult for your lazy ass, try hardening the fuck up

    broken image link
  • LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    I think that hiking is probably the secret to a monumentally hot ass.

    So why aren't I hiking?

    Oh wait yeah it's because I'm a bum.

    Hike Your Way To A Hot Ass In 28 Days!

  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    hiking tip: if it's too difficult for your lazy ass, try hardening the fuck up

    continue to walk it off

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    I'm getting hiking boots for my birthday, and a waterproof. Hoorah.

  • IloveslimesIloveslimes Everett, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2014
    I'm kinda curious what you thought happened at the top of a hike

    Fireworks? Naturally-occurring steak sandwiches? Mad Men marathons?

    If you're in Japan, it's often a little old lady running some sort of food stand. She hikes up every day to work and is in better shape than you'll ever be. This happened at least twice to me. I always thought it was pretty awesome.

    Iloveslimes on
  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User, Transition Team regular
    Hiking is super fun. I usually only get to hike when I am a camp counselor every August.

    I have two friends who just finished the Pacific Coast Trail and another two who are about to begin it.

    I'd love to do that someday.

    Someday when I could take off 3-4 months of work, remove myself from society and just experience nature with a friend.

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    I'm kinda curious what you thought happened at the top of a hike

    Fireworks? Naturally-occurring steak sandwiches? Mad Men marathons?

    If you're in Japan, it's often a little old lady running some sort of food stand. She hikes up every day to work and is in better shape than you'll ever be. This happened at least twice to me. I always thought it was pretty awesome.

    Old ladies: tougher than Casually Hardcore.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • UnbreakableVowUnbreakableVow Registered User regular
    I've never been hiking and it does not sound like a fun prospect

  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User, Transition Team regular
    I've never been hiking and it does not sound like a fun prospect

    Are you a fan of nature?

    How about fitness?

    Well, have I got a winning combo for you.

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    hiking tip: if it's too difficult for your lazy ass, try hardening the fuck up

    Speaking of which

    if you get a chub from the Virgin River, you had better throw it back, because it is an endangered species.

  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    edited March 2014
    ChicoBlue wrote: »
    hiking tip: if it's too difficult for your lazy ass, try hardening the fuck up

    Speaking of which

    if you get a chub from the Virgin River, you had better throw it back, because it is an endangered species.

    Is this a boner joke? I can't tell.

    alt post: I was told there were never any chubs in the virgin.

    TheStig on
    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • UnbreakableVowUnbreakableVow Registered User regular
    Zonugal wrote: »
    I've never been hiking and it does not sound like a fun prospect

    Are you a fan of nature?

    How about fitness?

    Well, have I got a winning combo for you.

    Not really, and no!

    Although if there were something cool at the top, that would sweeten the deal

  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User, Transition Team regular
    Zonugal wrote: »
    I've never been hiking and it does not sound like a fun prospect

    Are you a fan of nature?

    How about fitness?

    Well, have I got a winning combo for you.

    Not really, and no!

    Although if there were something cool at the top, that would sweeten the deal

    Serenity?

    Accomplishment?

    Personal pride?

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User, Transition Team regular
    UnbreakableVow, you aren't going to get a god-damn achievement point from hiking!

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • Casually HardcoreCasually Hardcore Once an Asshole. Trying to be better. Registered User regular
    That particular hike (Angles Landing) was utter bullshit.

    In all honesty I really enjoyed my time at the Arches National Park, mostly because of this bombstatic restaurant located in Moab

    http://www.sunsetgrillmoab.com/

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