Aw, son of a [Cards Against Humanity] (On break for a while, but reserves welcome)

Man in the Mists

Be careful gathering footage Anialos. You don't want to end up featured on the show.

Round 17: Anialos is judging

Make a haiku

Please PM your answers after I provide the extra cards.

Man in the Mists

@Elvenshae must not be in a very poetic mood.

Man in the Mists

This black card always inspires some interesting combinations.

Nubile slave boys
Feeding Rosie O'Donnell
Pterodactyl eggs (Dr. Flamingo)

---

Flying robots that kill people
A cloud of ash that darkens the Earth for a thousand years
The male gaze (Elvenshae)

---

A mime having a stroke
Cherry blossoms fall from suddenly numb hand
A big hoopla about nothing (Jdarksun) (*)

---

Rising from the grave
Moral ambiguity
Now on AMC (Corbius)

---

The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth
Bouncing up and down
Tom Cruise (Iongantas)

---

Santa's heavy sack
Autocannibalism
A horse with no legs (Kaplar)

@Anialos, who gave the poetry a good slam?

Anialos

A mime having a stroke
Cherry blossoms fall from suddenly numb hand
A big hoopla about nothing

Man in the Mists

I think Jdarksun is on to something, every good poetry needs to have a dead mime.

Round 18: Jdarksun is judging

A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with _______.

Please PM your answers while Jdarksun is tested on their ability to mime a defibrillator.

Man in the Mists

Sorry, someone else got the job. They knew how to make the "victim" twitch when applying the shock.

A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with getting into a situation with an owlbear. (Corbius) (*)
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with scrubbing under the folds. (Anialos)
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with not wearing pants. (Elvenshae)
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with a face full of horse cum. (Kaplar)
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with hospice care. (Dr. Flamingo)
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with a homemade, cum-stained Star Trek uniform. (Iongantas)

@Jdarksun, how do you know when to stop applying for unemployment?

jdarksun

Somebody knows me.

A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with getting into a situation with an owlbear.

Man in the Mists

Luckily for Corbius, you must not remember who provided the owlbear.

Round 19: Corbius is judging

The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to _______ is a basic human right.

Please PM your answers while Corbius starts work on the Pengtiger.

Man in the Mists

Wow, you guys are certainly faster than a government.

The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to a vagina that leads into another dimension is a basic human right. (Iongantas)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to the Fanta girls is a basic human right. (Elvenshae)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to unlimited soup salad and breadsticks is a basic human right. (Kaplar)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to a death ray is a basic human right. (Dr. Flamingo)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to spectacular abs is a basic human right. (Anialos)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to being a motherfucking sorcerer is a basic human right. (Jdarksun) (*)

@Corbius, why is this passport in my hand?

Corbius

Someone has my favorite card. All hail being a motherfucking sorcerer

Man in the Mists

Just don't call the school Hogwarts, Jdarksun. Magic won't protect you from intellectual property lawsuits.

Round 20: Jdarksun is judging

Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about _______.

Please PM your answers while Jdarksun does a PSA on nocturnal mana emissions.

Man in the Mists

I could get used to this quick turnaround time.

Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about the Sarlacc. (Elvenshae)
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about taking down Santa with a surface-to-air missile. (Kaplar)
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about Nicolas Cage. (Dr. Flamingo)
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about the Grinch's musty, cum-stained pelt. (Anialos)
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about being a busy adult with many important things to do. (Iongantas)
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about socks. (Corbius) (*)

@Jdarksun, what's worth breaking out the popcorn?

jdarksun

"Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about socks." is about as much as you can expect from Dr. Phil.

Man in the Mists

More importantly, Corbius will talk about how nobody is fooled when the socks are crusty enough to stand by themselves.

Round 21: Corbius is judging

Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in _______. This is normal.

Please PM your answers while Corbius lectures the kids on the dangers of Dr. Phil.

Man in the Mists

Apparently that newly growing hair put @Jdarksun in a shaving frenzy.

jdarksun

Eep!

Man in the Mists

Ah, puberty. The part where everything starts going wrong.

Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in the complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East. This is normal. (Iongantas)
Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in wiping her butt. This is normal. (Jdarksun)
Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in battlefield amputations. This is normal. (Elvenshae)
Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in immortality cream. This is normal. (Dr. Flamingo)
Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in sexual tension. This is normal. (Anialos)
Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in fucking the school counselor talking to you about puberty. This is normal. (Kaplar) (*)

@Corbius, what made your teen years extra awkward?

Corbius

Ah puberty, when you start to want to fuck anything that appears at all sexual, like the school counselor talking to you about puberty.

Man in the Mists

Less competition for Kaplar, who appears to be hot for teacher.

Round 22: Kaplar is judging

Well if _______ is good enough for _______, it's good enough for me.

Please PM your answers while Anialos presents some fake ID to the teacher.

Kaplar

Woo successful blank card!

Man in the Mists

Bonus points for being an obvious blank card too. Note: Bonus points do not actually exist in-game.

Well if a subscription to Men's Fitness is good enough for a protracted siege, it's good enough for me. (Elvenshae)
Well if a shiny rock that proves I love you is good enough for my relationship status, it's good enough for me. (Dr. Flamingo)
Well if The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy is good enough for Grammar Nazis who are also regular Nazis, it's good enough for me. (Anialos)
Well if friction is good enough for several Michael Keatons, it's good enough for me. (Corbius)
Well if the unbelievable world of mushrooms is good enough for Mario Kart rage, it's good enough for me. (Iongantas)
Well if growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness is good enough for the Pope, it's good enough for me. (Jdarksun) (*)

@Kaplar, what are you encouraged to give a try?

Kaplar

That pope guy turned out to be pretty alright. If growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness is good enough for him, it's good enough for me.

Man in the Mists

Unfortunately you're too old for the Pope in multiple ways, so Jdarksun is just going to zip-tie you to the water heater instead.

Round 23: Jdarksun is judging

What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?

Please PM your answers while Jdarksun tricks the early Vatican into chaining up future Popes.

Man in the Mists

Better make sure the calibrations are right. It's not worth it trying to impress Neanderthals.

What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Robots who just want to party (Kaplar)
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? 70,000 gamers sweating and farting inside an airtight steel dome (Iongantas)
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Sarah Palin (Corbius)
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Rock music and premarital sex (Elvenshae)
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Crazy opium eyes (Anialos)
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? The Force (Dr. Flamingo) (*)

@Kaplar, what's stashed in the trunk of your time machine?

jdarksun

(Psst @Man in the Mists I won that round)

Kaplar

jdarksun wrote: »

(Psst Man in the Mists I won that round)

Shhhh. Just let me pick my answer.

jdarksun

What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? The Force

Because the only thing better than wizards are space wizards.

Man in the Mists

The Force Lightning alone will be enough for the peasants to bow down to Dr. Flamingo

Round 24: Dr. Flamingo is judging

What's fun until it gets weird?

Please PM your answers while Dr. Flamingo discovers the shrines to midichlorians.

Man in the Mists

In hindsight, I shouldn't have tried sexy bleating.

What's fun until it gets weird? The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter (Corbius) (*)
What's fun until it gets weird? Sexy Siamese twins (Elvenshae)
What's fun until it gets weird? Grand Theft Auto: Fort Lauderdale (Anialos)
What's fun until it gets weird? The Land Of Chocolate (Kaplar)
What's fun until it gets weird? Smashing all the pottery in a Pottery Barn in search of rupees (Jdarksun)
What's fun until it gets weird? Snorting coke off a clown's boner (Iongantas)

@Dr. Flamingo, what just became a turn-off?

Dr. Flamingo

Ah, the euphoric rush of strangling a drifter! It feels great until you see the look on each other's faces!

Man in the Mists

Poor Corbius still can't understand why that drifter looked so amused.

Round 25: Corbius is judging

"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS _______"

Please PM your answers while Corbius wonders if things would've been better if they had kicked the drifter down a well.

Man in the Mists

Come on, @Kaplar. Embrace the meme.

Kaplar

Whoops!

Man in the Mists

Eh, not as bad as derping on posting the answers.

"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS THE PLACENTA!" (Jdarksun)
"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS A FETUS!" (Anialos)
"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS ESTROGEN!" (Kaplar)
"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS A FART!" (Dr. Flamingo)
"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS BULLSHIT!" (Iongantas) (*)
"This is madness!" "No. THIS IS DEATH BY STENEV SEAGAL!" (Elvenshae)

@Corbius, what hit you like a kick to the gut?

Corbius

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

Is my choice for winning this current round

Man in the Mists

And with that Iongantas gave voice to frustrated gamers over the many decades.

Round 26: Iongantas is judging

I drink to forget _______.

Please PM your answers while Iongantas takes a drink on every Dark Souls death.

Elvenshae

I'd just like to point out that, in my original submission, Steven Seagal's name was spelled correctly.

That is all.

Man in the Mists

Agh. I'm sorry Elvenshae.

Elvenshae

Ah, don't worry about it - just giving you a hard time. I very deservedly lost to "BULLSHIT!"

Man in the Mists

I can't even erase my mistake with whiskey because the internet is forever.

I drink to forget the peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China. (Anialos)
I drink to forget harnessing the miraculous power of the atom to slaughter 200,000 Japanese people. (Elvenshae)
I drink to forget some douche with an acoustic guitar. (Corbius)
I drink to forget what remains of my penis. (Kaplar) (*)
I drink to forget giving money and personal information to strangers on the Internet. (Jdarksun)
I drink to forget Congress's flaccid penises withering away beneath their suit pants. (Dr. Flamingo)

@Iongantas, what memory are you trying to drown out?