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Aw, son of a [Cards Against Humanity] (On break for a while, but reserves welcome)

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    I prefer Chamberlain's drunken story of how they blocked a hat trick.

    Round 11

    How did Stella get her groove back?

    Please PM your answers while I try to figure out how Stella got such great presents even though she's on Santa's naughty list.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Guess Stella is playing coy with @Chamberlain.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited December 2015
    Clearly some of these cards called out to their owners.

    How did Stella get her groove back? Women's suffrage (Discrider)
    How did Stella get her groove back? Queefing (TheRoadVirus)
    How did Stella get her groove back? Boris the Soviet Love Hammer (LostNinja) (*)
    How did Stella get her groove back? A sausage festival (Chamberlain)
    How did Stella get her groove back? The Cock Ring of Alacrity (NotoriusBEN)
    How did Stella get her groove back? Eating a pizza that's lying in the street to gain health (QuestionablySane)
    How did Stella get her groove back? Eating the last known bison (Cythraul)

    Audience, please vote in green for what that young buck stole credit from.

    Man in the Mists on
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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    Imma go with Boris

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    Boris can hammer anyone back into their groove.

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Boris, da.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Everyone loves a good hammering from Boris. Once he's rested up LostNinja will be next.

    Round 12

    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us _______.

    Please PM your answers while we behold Boris' XTube channel.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    @Cythraul is passing around the collection plate again.

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    CAH Thread, I told you earlier that they had the final winter holiday signups online, and that they were going fast.
    Today I received the first of their Sensible Hanukkah Gifts. The envelope is clearly labeled "Sensible Hanukkah Gift (Not Funny)" so I've been warned.

    Day 1: A nice pair of socks, embroidered with a menorah with 2 candles lit (Do you count the center one as one of the candles when telling how many candles are lit? I don't know. I'm counting it.).

    Also, if you're wondering what they did with the proceeds from their Black Friday special (Send them $5 to get absolutely nothing in rturn), they've put up a link to let you know how they squandered some of your wealth, and donated the rest to various charities.

    (sadly, no picture at the moment I seem to have misplaced the USB cable for my phone. Instead, a link to Google.)

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited December 2015
    Well, that makes posting the answers now slightly awkward...

    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us a fully dressed female video game character. (NotoriusBEN)
    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us a Mexican child trapped inside a burrito. (Cythraul)
    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us socks. (Chamberlain)
    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. (TheRoadVirus) (*)
    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us Arnold Schwarzenegger. (LostNinja)
    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us a pyramid of severed heads. (Discrider)
    Blessed are you, Lord our God, creator of the universe, who has granted us Neil Patrick Harris. (QuestionablySane)

    Audience, please vote in green for what you'd praise the sky daddy for.

    Man in the Mists on
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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    Unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks
    Sorry God, but I've got CAH to thank for the socks.

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    Neil Patrick Harris is one of my favorite things to be thankful for.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Geth, roll 1d2 for Geth's vote.

    Geth's vote:
    1d2 1 [1d2=1]

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Yea, for while the bounty of bread, greens and soup is vast, do not stumble into the garden of olives. For there, TheRoadVirus waits to steal your dignity and your sense of taste.

    Round 13

    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and _______.

    Please PM your answers while grandpa writes his suicide note after sampling the "lasagna".

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    @Chamberlain's grandfather didn't even have shoes.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited December 2015
    Did he have to go uphill in the snow both ways too?

    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and balls. (QuestionablySane)
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and a vague fear of something called ISIS. (LostNinja)
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and the tiny, calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card. (NotoriusBEN)
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and his manservant, Jeeves. (Discrider) (*)
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and that ass. (Chamberlain)
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and a botched circumcision. (TheRoadVirus)
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and mild autism. (Cythraul)

    Audience, please vote in green for what actually made it through customs.

    Man in the Mists on
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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    My grandfather worked his way up from nothing. When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and his manservant, Jeeves.

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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    I'm also thinking Jeeves would be pretty handy.

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    Jeeves makes everything easier.

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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Ah yes, his...manservant. Discrider, did you ever notice that there was never any mention of your grandmother?

    Round 14

    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like _______.

    Please PM your answers while I reject the Old Country Buffet for not tasting like old country food.

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    CAH Thread, I told you earlier that they had the final winter holiday signups online, and that they were going fast.
    Today I received the first of their Sensible Hanukkah Gifts. The envelope is clearly labeled "Sensible Hanukkah Gift (Not Funny)" so I've been warned.

    Day 1: A nice pair of socks, embroidered with a menorah with 2 candles lit (Do you count the center one as one of the candles when telling how many candles are lit? I don't know. I'm counting it.).

    Also, if you're wondering what they did with the proceeds from their Black Friday special (Send them $5 to get absolutely nothing in rturn), they've put up a link to let you know how they squandered some of your wealth, and donated the rest to various charities.

    (sadly, no picture at the moment I seem to have misplaced the USB cable for my phone. Instead, a link to Google.)
    I received another part of the Hannukah gifts today. In an envelope labeled Night Three. This is odd, because I have not received an envelope labeled Night 2. My curiosity will surely last me eight glorious nights even though I thought I had enough for only one or two.

    Night 1: Socks! Stapled to a card with an inspirational quote from Mr One Hundred Dollar Bill himself: Benjamin Franklin: "I never leave home without a nice pair of socks"
    Night 2: A mystery!
    Night 3: Another pair of socks, this time 4 candles (counting the one in the middle) are lit. This time, the quote comes from Adolf Hitler: "I don't care for socks."

    From the emerging pattern evidence, I'm fairly certain that I can guess what Night 2 was supposed to be, but I'll leave off guessing until it arrives.

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    QuestionablySaneQuestionablySane Registered User regular
    Goddamn it balls would've totally worked here.

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    LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    Goddamn it balls would've totally worked here.

    Welcome to Cards Against Hummanity, where the perfect card is always either the one you played last round, or the one you'll drawl next round.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited December 2015
    I hope it didn't have anything to do with the moan I heard from the kitchen.

    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like Fancy Feast. (NotoriusBEN)
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like necrophilia. (Discrider)
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like the hot dog I put in my vagina ten days ago. (LostNinja) (*)
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like Gandalf. (Chamberlain)
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like a bucket of fish heads. (QuestionablySane)
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's coming. (Cythraul)
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like a bleached asshole. (TheRoadVirus)

    Audience, please vote in green for why you wish you had gone with the salad instead.

    Man in the Mists on
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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    edited December 2015
    see317 wrote: »
    see317 wrote: »
    CAH Thread, I told you earlier that they had the final winter holiday signups online, and that they were going fast.
    Today I received the first of their Sensible Hanukkah Gifts. The envelope is clearly labeled "Sensible Hanukkah Gift (Not Funny)" so I've been warned.

    Day 1: A nice pair of socks, embroidered with a menorah with 2 candles lit (Do you count the center one as one of the candles when telling how many candles are lit? I don't know. I'm counting it.).

    Also, if you're wondering what they did with the proceeds from their Black Friday special (Send them $5 to get absolutely nothing in rturn), they've put up a link to let you know how they squandered some of your wealth, and donated the rest to various charities.

    (sadly, no picture at the moment I seem to have misplaced the USB cable for my phone. Instead, a link to Google.)
    I received another part of the Hannukah gifts today. In an envelope labeled Night Three. This is odd, because I have not received an envelope labeled Night 2. My curiosity will surely last me eight glorious nights even though I thought I had enough for only one or two.

    Night 1: Socks! Stapled to a card with an inspirational quote from Mr One Hundred Dollar Bill himself: Benjamin Franklin: "I never leave home without a nice pair of socks"
    Night 2: Socks again! Inspirational quote from famed sock enthusiast Mahatma Gandhi: "You can never have too many socks."
    Night 3: Another pair of socks, this time 4 candles (counting the one in the middle) are lit. This time, the quote comes from Adolf Hitler: "I don't care for socks."

    From the emerging pattern evidence, I'm fairly certain that I can guess what Night 2 was supposed to be, but I'll leave off guessing until it arrives.

    The Envelope labeled Night 2 has arrived, out of order but appreciated no less for that. As expected, a pair of socks with 3 candles lit. Inspirational quote from famed sock enthusiast Mahatma Gandhi: "You can never have too many socks."

    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like necrophilia.

    see317 on
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    I just got the day two gift as well. Also socks with a menorah that has three candles lit.

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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    Wow, a lot of those are good, but I think bleached asshole conjures up two simultaneously terrible flavors.

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    The hot dog I put in my vagina ten days ago is not for ME to taste, but for YOU to taste. Sheesh.

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Dammit, this one's hard.

    Could've really gone with any of them; no wrong answers, but since I have to pick one ...

    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like the hot dog I put in my vagina ten days ago.

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    Fleur de AlysFleur de Alys Biohacker Registered User regular
    Excuse me waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's coming.

    Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Oh, I am terribly sorry. I mixed up your order with LostNinja's.

    Round 15

    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to _______.

    Please PM your answers while I try to figure out what exactly is in the pope's Salty Boy Stew.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Uh oh, @NotoriusBEN and @Chamberlain got held up in Customs.

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    chamberlainchamberlain Registered User regular
    Sorry, I was busy trying to get my Gandalf soup to pass.

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    NotoriusBENNotoriusBEN Registered User regular
    I wasn't held in customs so much so as bypassing customs via three security guards who've taken up dumpster diving...

    a4irovn5uqjp.png
    Steam - NotoriusBEN | Uplay - notoriusben | Xbox,Windows Live - ThatBEN
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited December 2015
    Surprising how easy it was bribing the guards.

    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends". (Cythraul)
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to sexy Siamese twins. (Chamberlain)
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to children on leashes. (QuestionablySane) (*)
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone. (Discrider)
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to Harry Potter erotica. (LostNinja)
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to date rape. (TheRoadVirus)
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick. (NotoriusBEN)

    Audience, please vote in green for what you think is in the pope's secret room.

    Man in the Mists on
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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    Children on leashes

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends".

    No one ever tells the Pope that life is gonna be this way, and as for his love life ...

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    Zombie HeroZombie Hero Registered User regular
    Anialos wrote: »
    Children on leashes

    Steam
    Nintendo ID: Pastalonius
    Smite\LoL:Gremlidin \ WoW & Overwatch & Hots: Gremlidin#1734
    3ds: 3282-2248-0453
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Elvenshae wrote: »
    In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room dedicated to dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends".

    No one ever tells the Pope that life is gonna be this way, and as for his love life ...

    His job's a joke
    He's broke
    His love life's DoAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa

    It's like he's always stuck in second gear
    When it hasn't been his day, his week, his month, or even his yeeeeeeear

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