I've done the move-in after 4 months, which was the early one. We dated for 3 years, we had a lot in common though which made it easier.
The other GF I moved in with was after about a year and that was a lot harder but it was more we didn't have as much in common in terms of activities.
Living together is pretty cool though, you learn a lot about yourself that wouldn't necessarily pick up on. Mainly because there is someone there telling you straight up :P
I've done the move-in after 4 months, which was the early one. We dated for 3 years, we had a lot in common though which made it easier.
The other GF I moved in with was after about a year and that was a lot harder but it was more we didn't have as much in common in terms of activities.
Living together is pretty cool though, you learn a lot about yourself that wouldn't necessarily pick up on. Mainly because there is someone there telling you straight up :P
"Honey, are you aware that you're a lycanthrope?"
"No, but that explains a lot."
I hope I can get matches that high with people near me. Thanks for looking at my profile, let me know if there is anything you think I can improve. I'm going to try and get better pictures at some point this weekend.
Bold move Kupo, I hope it works out for you.
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KupotheAvengerDestroyer of Cakeand other deserts.Registered Userregular
Seems like it will, but I have a failed marriage and a couple of girlfriends worth of cohabitation experience, so I'm not too worried. All of which I was the one that acclimated to their living style, despite the fact that they all moved into my place. She on the other hand has never lived with a boyfriend before, so....fingers crossed.
Is there a certain amount of time you guys usually wait before moving in with a bf/gf? Or does it vary depending on whenever it "feels right" with that person?
As mine and Lady's relationship began as long distance, we actually put a hard termination date on when one of us would need to move, particularly on me due to my lease and we'd agreed that moving to her was the better idea (she's career driven, I'm a freelancer, so it made sense). That hard date was actually supposed to be next April, but I was given a job offer that I couldn't pass up, so I took it and here we are.
As most have said, I think it's based on the feelses.
A mutual like that I sent a message to Monday just wrote me back. I kind of assumed that if I don't get a response after a couple days I wouldn't get one at all, so that was a nice surprise.
Yeah I just started following the thread again too. It seems like things are going well for a lot of people, which is great. Lots of successful dates and new relationships!
I'm actually just finishing up my cleaning for a date tonight!
I think I'm seeing the wind-down of my multiple-dating, too. Which is at once nice, because dating many people is sometimes really annoying, and sad because these people deserve to have everything be nice!
But I mean, honesty and discussion above all else. Hopefully in a while I'll be with the person with whom I'm most compatible and the other people will be friends who head off to greener pastures.
I stop reading this thing for a while and suddenly everyone is happy and dating scores of attractive, available people. What the crap?
If it makes you feel better, some of us are still struggling!
I might have a date next week. In our initial messages I was told I asked the best first question she ever had and we seemed to have good conversation. I am waiting to hear what her schedule should be this week (should have heard yesterday, though, so starting to get slightly worried and telling my anxiety to shut the hell up).
I stop reading this thing for a while and suddenly everyone is happy and dating scores of attractive, available people. What the crap?
If it makes you feel better, some of us are still struggling!
I might have a date next week. In our initial messages I was told I asked the best first question she ever had and we seemed to have good conversation. I am waiting to hear what her schedule should be this week (should have heard yesterday, though, so starting to get slightly worried and telling my anxiety to shut the hell up).
I stop reading this thing for a while and suddenly everyone is happy and dating scores of attractive, available people. What the crap?
If it makes you feel better, some of us are still struggling!
I might have a date next week. In our initial messages I was told I asked the best first question she ever had and we seemed to have good conversation. I am waiting to hear what her schedule should be this week (should have heard yesterday, though, so starting to get slightly worried and telling my anxiety to shut the hell up).
What was the best first question?
She listed liking Supernatural and Jurassic Park. The question:
Sam, Dean, and Castiel are stuck on Jurassic Park (Gabriel was bored one day). What do they encounter and how do they leave the island?
Also, her work schedule went goofy (has to work graveyard on what would normally be her day off). So probably looking at later this week before we can meet, but anxiety assuaged for now.
I had an extremely anxiety inducing, extremely wonderful time with my date last night.
Turns out they're friends with one of the other people I'm seeing! Not like best friends, but they're kind of actual pals. We had a long talk last night about what that meant and why, and how we both felt about it. It was kind of amazing how this sitcom-level shenanigan was made into something almost innocuous by just talking and being honest. So that was a real interesting start to the night!
It made things probably more awkward for me than they really needed to be. I could feel this like cloud in the back of my head the rest of the night just saying "So.... you've got no fucking clue what's up here do you? You've got the experience of a literal baby. Nice job biting off more than you could chew, genius." over and over again.
Like objectively things are actually pretty great thanks to the power of Actually Talking, but I had that sensation I get when I procrastinate. The world is there and I know what to do and there's like a stiff breeze blowing me away from it at the same time that makes me just slightly miss whenever I try to engage.
Still, it was a very nice night with a very nice person. Like, really nice.
Although if it turns out that EVERYONE I'm dating knows each other I think I might just take a bow, pick a direction, and walk away from civilization.
thatassemblyguyJanitor of Technical Debt.Registered Userregular
Sometimes it's tough to fight back anxieties when you are caught off balance by something you weren't expecting, but you're doing all the right things:
1) You've been very open with everyone you're dating that things aren't exclusive (yet!) and you are potentially (ok, are) dating other people.
2) You have Adult-Level conversations with the people you're dating when things like this link come up.
It's all good. Like, some people are going to dig it, and some people are gonna get all huffy about it. Just keep being honest, and communicative, and typically the good apples will stick around while the drama is saved for the other's mommas.
I just got this message from OKC. I think attractiveness is too subjective to rank so generically, and when I told it to sort my matches by hawtness that was confirmed for me. The percentage of people I thought were cute was about the same as the generic sort. I'm going to ignore that though and take this at face value for the confidence boost.
We just detected that you’re now among the most attractive people on OkCupid.
We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch. Did you get a new haircut or something? Well, it’s working!
To celebrate, we’ve adjusted your OkCupid experience:
You’ll see more attractive people in your results.
This won’t affect your match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match’s answers. But we’ll recommend more attractive people to you. You’ll also appear more often to other attractive people.
Sign in to see your newly-shuffled matches. Have fun, and don’t let this go to your head.
I never got that message but my danged roommate did. I still wound up with beautiful people. I think it's mostly like "these are the profiles people clicked on/liked most often" which obviously isn't some objective attractiveness measure.
I mean honestly I've been bowled over at how attractive people find me on my actual dates.
Like I've never, ever felt like I was hot. Not in a bad way, even! Just in the stock-average I'm fine but that's not really relevant to my interpersonal interactions manner.
But people are all staring into my beautiful baby blues and telling me how wonderful I look! It's quite nice.
Also: dating continues apace and is nice! Unfortunately one person is out for the one day of the week they can see me which is terrible. But we'll make up for that next week!
joshgotroDeviled EggThe Land of REAL CHILIRegistered Userregular
This is what my face looks like. I got that attractive message from OKC as well. I think you're more likely to get it with a great profile than a great picture.
Because my profile was amazing. As opposed to my bear like qualities.
I still find this one of the more interesting OKCupid blog posts.
tl;dr: For women, at least, you'll do better if you're getting a mix of high and low ratings than if you're getting high and middling ratings.
This is great, too, if only because it ends with the writer more or less saying they could make match percentages up out of thin air and it would work pretty similarly.
@AtomBomb I got that message a while ago, but I heard TONS of people get it. I don't think it means much.
You're an objectively attractive person. I kind of felt like the mark at a used car dealership. "You look like a smart man who knows a good car, so you'll appreciate the deal I'm gonna give you on this here TruCoat."
I'm not sure how I feel about having all this information on potential matches. I'm a more information person is always better, but I wonder if that's true in romance. It is crazy the things you can read about someone before you even interact with them. Like if I met this girl on the street, how long until I found out that she "definitely wouldn't" date someone with a hearing aid? I'm glad I know, because fuck you lady, but when would that ever come up IRL? It's eye-opening to see how many people I would assume are decent human beings fail on what I thought were gimme questions.
@AtomBomb I got that message a while ago, but I heard TONS of people get it. I don't think it means much.
You're an objectively attractive person. I kind of felt like the mark at a used car dealership. "You look like a smart man who knows a good car, so you'll appreciate the deal I'm gonna give you on this here TruCoat."
I'm not sure how I feel about having all this information on potential matches. I'm a more information person is always better, but I wonder if that's true in romance. It is crazy the things you can read about someone before you even interact with them. Like if I met this girl on the street, how long until I found out that she "definitely wouldn't" date someone with a hearing aid? I'm glad I know, because fuck you lady, but when would that ever come up IRL? It's eye-opening to see how many people I would assume are decent human beings fail on what I thought were gimme questions.
I'm pretty average-looking on my good days. And OkCupid seems to think you're a 2015 Mercedes at a car dealership apparently!
I think it's interesting how many different types of people you can meet online/through dating sites - people you'd never think to interact with in person (for whatever reason). And the information on people's profiles can help you weed out the people you're not compatible with, especially if they have deal-breakers on their profile. But at the same time, maybe people are more picky when they can sift through profiles and look for someone who appears to be a great match. If you had met that girl on the street and got to know her, maybe she would have made an exception if she liked you as a person?
The lack of response in messages I sent out is something I gotten used, but man, every so often it stings when I find someone that at least in paper, seems like a great match, and get no response.
That's the big double-edged sword of it. "Can't, she's a smoker," if it turns out her smoking is inobtrusive and she's really a lovely person. It allows us to get pickier and filter more, though at the same time that comes from putting yourself in the dating fast-lane, since i can browse through hundreds of local women when i meet maybe 2-3 dozen women a year who i could call acquaintances (and how many of those 2-3 dozen are single and in my age range?)
Wait, there's an attractiveness rating function? Is that also for paying members, or have i been missing something super-obvious?
I think it's a paid feature (I got curious and paid). For me it's useless. Maybe if I was in a bigger market, but even then OKC's idea of attractiveness doesn't seem to line up very much with my own. Knowing who liked me is nice, though.
@builderr0r I don't actually wear a hearing aid. I just find the idea of someone rejecting a potential match because they do wear one unsettling. It's a deal breaker I would never have thought to ask about IRL. I didn't even realize it was a thing until OKC asked me. I suppose it's just like any online community. You can draw from a much larger pool of people than you would IRL, but you can also filter those people so that they're as much like you as you want. Like @Mr Khan says. Echo chambers and all that. I think it's better than the old way of going to bars and clubs, but joining groups related to your interests and meeting people there is still better. I can't do that from my couch, though.
I sent a message to a mutual like and never heard back. She deleted her account yesterday (or hid me? maybe that would look the same from my end). I choose to believe she was deluged by creeps and dick pics and it wasn't anything I wrote.
Oh ok, I thought you were implying that you wore one. :P I wonder why she mentioned that on her profile...seems random. Maybe she had a bad experience with someone who has a hearing aid? o.O
And yeah there a lot of deal-breakers I've seen on profiles that I thought were weird. Like saying 'I don't date ____ race', for example. But to each his own.
But at the same time, maybe people are more picky when they can sift through profiles and look for someone who appears to be a great match. If you had met that girl on the street and got to know her, maybe she would have made an exception if she liked you as a person?
Hell yes. Terrifying prospect. If I saw my current lady on a dating site, based on data alone, I would've passed. Crazy.
My dad recently broke up with this girl he was kinda seeing for about 2 years (lots of favors were done for each other, we helped rearrange furniture in her house, she introduced me to her daughter that worked at a state agency and put my name forward after I submitted my paperwork, my dad spent some time with her adult son), but she told him that she was still kinda seeing other people as well so my dad broke it off.
I mean I can understand his reasonings and where he's coming from though.
I do have a much better follow up story that I'll post later though.
I just realized that I never followed up on this!
So my dad is seeing this other woman now. And she's interesting. Like, she got married early in her life to a very well to do guy (a private pilot) but she lived a pretty sheltered life (the only way into their town was via air travel or 4x4 off road). She also married young but her husband was about 20 or so years older than her and now has dementia (which I know is harsh since I saw that same stuff when I worked at a retirement home and seeing one part of the couple slowly slip away).
Anyway, my dad's been very supportive of her and showing her all the stuff she's missed for the last 30 years from living in isolation, so they're hitting up a bunch of summer concerts in his area.
And he actually introduced her to MP3 players and transferring music from physical sources to data, and so she bought her first ever MP3 player and brought all of her vinyl over and ripped them for her.
While he's telling this story, all I could think of was this...
Both because of the music situation and because me and my dad have the same problem that Rob Lowe's character has of trying to fix everyone's problems.
But at the same time, maybe people are more picky when they can sift through profiles and look for someone who appears to be a great match. If you had met that girl on the street and got to know her, maybe she would have made an exception if she liked you as a person?
Hell yes. Terrifying prospect. If I saw my current lady on a dating site, based on data alone, I would've passed. Crazy.
relevant and also relevant because above
aziz in his book is talking about watching someone go through dating profiles and he found someone who seemed great, and then the dude moved onto the next and he asked why
and it was because eh she liked the red sox
and he was like you wouldn't know that if you met this person in a bar and talked you probably wouldn't turn them down just because they liked the red sox or whatever
but the option of so many choices and so much data o.o
I consciously tried to avoid much beyond "do they look cute", "do they believe creationism should be taught in schools?", and "do they smoke?"
Smoking is just physically something I can't handle being around, despite not super caring about it. But beyond that fuck it it isn't as though I'm the best judge of what characteristics are important in a person.
Also wow, dang and heck. Had a great date tonight. It was simple dinner and drinks, followed by tea at their place. But it was also some heavier conversation and a lot of hugging that I think they needed a lot, and I was glad I could help make them feel better.
Had a date tonight. She was really sweet and conversation light but good, but the attraction wasn't really there and there are a fair number of practical reasons to not pursue anything with her. She saved me the trouble and sent a sincere "let's be friends" text while I was driving home (an hour drive).
I think I am going to try to take a break from looking for someone. It is going to be hard because I spend a lot of time frustrated and lonely and dive back into it, which just increases frustration. But one of the practical reasons is I am very likely going to be looking for a job in the Houston area soon (my parents are there, my best friend is getting ready to move there, and for multiple reasons including dating pool I think it is a better place for me to be).
Frankly the area seems completely outside of my experience, but it's definitely at least a metro.
Also, though it seems super silly to talk about this as a person who started dating like, instantly, taking time off to specifically build relationships and habits that make you feel good about yourself is a really good idea.
Since my breakup I've tried to spend 3-4 nights a week doing something with friends, even if it's just having them over for tea or something.
I may end up meeting a lady on Saturday. Assuming picking a place will not be as difficult as choosing a time. :? Hopefully we like each other.
Messaging is definitely frustrating. So many profiles that look so promising and all I get is silence. Out of the 50 or so OKC messages I've sent out I've gotten 1 probable meeting, 1 prospect and 1 nice conversation with a lady who is currently several states away.
I did receive 3 messages from people out of the blue. 2 of them were fishing and the other was... probably a person but it was weird and I do not know what to do with it.
Also, Tinder appears to be completely useless in my area. No traction whatsoever and the people it shows me are starting to get in the 50+ miles away range. i get get matches but when I send messages I get nothing. Would I be more successful using a different style of message on tinder?
Posts
The other GF I moved in with was after about a year and that was a lot harder but it was more we didn't have as much in common in terms of activities.
Living together is pretty cool though, you learn a lot about yourself that wouldn't necessarily pick up on. Mainly because there is someone there telling you straight up :P
"Honey, are you aware that you're a lycanthrope?"
"No, but that explains a lot."
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
Bold move Kupo, I hope it works out for you.
Seems like it will, but I have a failed marriage and a couple of girlfriends worth of cohabitation experience, so I'm not too worried. All of which I was the one that acclimated to their living style, despite the fact that they all moved into my place. She on the other hand has never lived with a boyfriend before, so....fingers crossed.
As mine and Lady's relationship began as long distance, we actually put a hard termination date on when one of us would need to move, particularly on me due to my lease and we'd agreed that moving to her was the better idea (she's career driven, I'm a freelancer, so it made sense). That hard date was actually supposed to be next April, but I was given a job offer that I couldn't pass up, so I took it and here we are.
As most have said, I think it's based on the feelses.
Battlenet: Judgement#1243
psn: KupoZero
I think I'm seeing the wind-down of my multiple-dating, too. Which is at once nice, because dating many people is sometimes really annoying, and sad because these people deserve to have everything be nice!
But I mean, honesty and discussion above all else. Hopefully in a while I'll be with the person with whom I'm most compatible and the other people will be friends who head off to greener pastures.
If it makes you feel better, some of us are still struggling!
I might have a date next week. In our initial messages I was told I asked the best first question she ever had and we seemed to have good conversation. I am waiting to hear what her schedule should be this week (should have heard yesterday, though, so starting to get slightly worried and telling my anxiety to shut the hell up).
We're [Internet Dating] in a post-@Durandal4532 world.
It's a glorious time.
What was the best first question?
She listed liking Supernatural and Jurassic Park. The question:
Also, her work schedule went goofy (has to work graveyard on what would normally be her day off). So probably looking at later this week before we can meet, but anxiety assuaged for now.
Turns out they're friends with one of the other people I'm seeing! Not like best friends, but they're kind of actual pals. We had a long talk last night about what that meant and why, and how we both felt about it. It was kind of amazing how this sitcom-level shenanigan was made into something almost innocuous by just talking and being honest. So that was a real interesting start to the night!
It made things probably more awkward for me than they really needed to be. I could feel this like cloud in the back of my head the rest of the night just saying "So.... you've got no fucking clue what's up here do you? You've got the experience of a literal baby. Nice job biting off more than you could chew, genius." over and over again.
Like objectively things are actually pretty great thanks to the power of Actually Talking, but I had that sensation I get when I procrastinate. The world is there and I know what to do and there's like a stiff breeze blowing me away from it at the same time that makes me just slightly miss whenever I try to engage.
Still, it was a very nice night with a very nice person. Like, really nice.
Although if it turns out that EVERYONE I'm dating knows each other I think I might just take a bow, pick a direction, and walk away from civilization.
1) You've been very open with everyone you're dating that things aren't exclusive (yet!) and you are potentially (ok, are) dating other people.
2) You have Adult-Level conversations with the people you're dating when things like this link come up.
It's all good. Like, some people are going to dig it, and some people are gonna get all huffy about it. Just keep being honest, and communicative, and typically the good apples will stick around while the drama is saved for the other's mommas.
I never got that message but my danged roommate did. I still wound up with beautiful people. I think it's mostly like "these are the profiles people clicked on/liked most often" which obviously isn't some objective attractiveness measure.
Haven't been getting that far lately, but it seems like South Asian girls tend to respond better to me than others, which is A-OK in my book.
Then again, I'm an ugly muthertrucker, so the proof is there.
But dammit I have personality.
...right?
Battlenet: Judgement#1243
psn: KupoZero
Like I've never, ever felt like I was hot. Not in a bad way, even! Just in the stock-average I'm fine but that's not really relevant to my interpersonal interactions manner.
But people are all staring into my beautiful baby blues and telling me how wonderful I look! It's quite nice.
Also: dating continues apace and is nice! Unfortunately one person is out for the one day of the week they can see me which is terrible. But we'll make up for that next week!
It means that those of us that don't get it are just even more disappointed by online dating.
This is what my face looks like. I got that attractive message from OKC as well. I think you're more likely to get it with a great profile than a great picture.
Because my profile was amazing. As opposed to my bear like qualities.
Worst humble brag ever. Kudos to you though my friend.
On another note (totally unrelated to my ugly mug), I may be engaged in a year or so....time to start raiding some trade routes.
Battlenet: Judgement#1243
psn: KupoZero
tl;dr: For women, at least, you'll do better if you're getting a mix of high and low ratings than if you're getting high and middling ratings.
This is great, too, if only because it ends with the writer more or less saying they could make match percentages up out of thin air and it would work pretty similarly.
You're an objectively attractive person. I kind of felt like the mark at a used car dealership. "You look like a smart man who knows a good car, so you'll appreciate the deal I'm gonna give you on this here TruCoat."
I'm not sure how I feel about having all this information on potential matches. I'm a more information person is always better, but I wonder if that's true in romance. It is crazy the things you can read about someone before you even interact with them. Like if I met this girl on the street, how long until I found out that she "definitely wouldn't" date someone with a hearing aid? I'm glad I know, because fuck you lady, but when would that ever come up IRL? It's eye-opening to see how many people I would assume are decent human beings fail on what I thought were gimme questions.
I'm pretty average-looking on my good days. And OkCupid seems to think you're a 2015 Mercedes at a car dealership apparently!
I think it's interesting how many different types of people you can meet online/through dating sites - people you'd never think to interact with in person (for whatever reason). And the information on people's profiles can help you weed out the people you're not compatible with, especially if they have deal-breakers on their profile. But at the same time, maybe people are more picky when they can sift through profiles and look for someone who appears to be a great match. If you had met that girl on the street and got to know her, maybe she would have made an exception if she liked you as a person?
@builderr0r I don't actually wear a hearing aid. I just find the idea of someone rejecting a potential match because they do wear one unsettling. It's a deal breaker I would never have thought to ask about IRL. I didn't even realize it was a thing until OKC asked me. I suppose it's just like any online community. You can draw from a much larger pool of people than you would IRL, but you can also filter those people so that they're as much like you as you want. Like @Mr Khan says. Echo chambers and all that. I think it's better than the old way of going to bars and clubs, but joining groups related to your interests and meeting people there is still better. I can't do that from my couch, though.
I sent a message to a mutual like and never heard back. She deleted her account yesterday (or hid me? maybe that would look the same from my end). I choose to believe she was deluged by creeps and dick pics and it wasn't anything I wrote.
And yeah there a lot of deal-breakers I've seen on profiles that I thought were weird. Like saying 'I don't date ____ race', for example. But to each his own.
Probably, lol. Or she met someone.
Hell yes. Terrifying prospect. If I saw my current lady on a dating site, based on data alone, I would've passed. Crazy.
Battlenet: Judgement#1243
psn: KupoZero
I just realized that I never followed up on this!
So my dad is seeing this other woman now. And she's interesting. Like, she got married early in her life to a very well to do guy (a private pilot) but she lived a pretty sheltered life (the only way into their town was via air travel or 4x4 off road). She also married young but her husband was about 20 or so years older than her and now has dementia (which I know is harsh since I saw that same stuff when I worked at a retirement home and seeing one part of the couple slowly slip away).
Anyway, my dad's been very supportive of her and showing her all the stuff she's missed for the last 30 years from living in isolation, so they're hitting up a bunch of summer concerts in his area.
And he actually introduced her to MP3 players and transferring music from physical sources to data, and so she bought her first ever MP3 player and brought all of her vinyl over and ripped them for her.
While he's telling this story, all I could think of was this...
Both because of the music situation and because me and my dad have the same problem that Rob Lowe's character has of trying to fix everyone's problems.
relevant and also relevant because above
aziz in his book is talking about watching someone go through dating profiles and he found someone who seemed great, and then the dude moved onto the next and he asked why
and it was because eh she liked the red sox
and he was like you wouldn't know that if you met this person in a bar and talked you probably wouldn't turn them down just because they liked the red sox or whatever
but the option of so many choices and so much data o.o
Smoking is just physically something I can't handle being around, despite not super caring about it. But beyond that fuck it it isn't as though I'm the best judge of what characteristics are important in a person.
Also wow, dang and heck. Had a great date tonight. It was simple dinner and drinks, followed by tea at their place. But it was also some heavier conversation and a lot of hugging that I think they needed a lot, and I was glad I could help make them feel better.
I think I am going to try to take a break from looking for someone. It is going to be hard because I spend a lot of time frustrated and lonely and dive back into it, which just increases frustration. But one of the practical reasons is I am very likely going to be looking for a job in the Houston area soon (my parents are there, my best friend is getting ready to move there, and for multiple reasons including dating pool I think it is a better place for me to be).
Frankly the area seems completely outside of my experience, but it's definitely at least a metro.
Also, though it seems super silly to talk about this as a person who started dating like, instantly, taking time off to specifically build relationships and habits that make you feel good about yourself is a really good idea.
Since my breakup I've tried to spend 3-4 nights a week doing something with friends, even if it's just having them over for tea or something.
Messaging is definitely frustrating. So many profiles that look so promising and all I get is silence. Out of the 50 or so OKC messages I've sent out I've gotten 1 probable meeting, 1 prospect and 1 nice conversation with a lady who is currently several states away.
I did receive 3 messages from people out of the blue. 2 of them were fishing and the other was... probably a person but it was weird and I do not know what to do with it.
Also, Tinder appears to be completely useless in my area. No traction whatsoever and the people it shows me are starting to get in the 50+ miles away range. i get get matches but when I send messages I get nothing. Would I be more successful using a different style of message on tinder?