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The First Republican Primary Debate: Straight Outta Hamptons

StericaSterica YesRegistered User, Moderator mod
edited August 2015 in Social Entropy++
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Welcome to a one-shot special edition politics thread! It's our first primary debate, and by golly is there gonna be a rumble tonight! But first, the typical ground rules for these threads.
  1. This is still an SE++ thread, so don't be sore if people drift here and there.
  2. People are going to disagree with you. Please remain civil in here.
  3. If you feel someone is trolling or being a dick, then don't respond to them. Just report one of their posts and explain the situation. Remember that a report does not guarantee mod action!
  4. Regular rules apply: no name-calling or other shenanigans.
  5. This thread is not permanent and SE++ can shut it down whenever they feel it has run its course.

But what is a primary, you may ask? Or maybe you know, but you have no idea how we Americans run one. Well, in short the presidential primary is how our political parties pick their candidates for president. Since the USA has only two relevant political parties, all eyes are on the Democrats and Republicans. This is an especially important year, as the current president (Barack "The Islamic Shock" Obama) has reached his two-term limit and cannot run for reelection. As a result, the primary will feature both parties scrambling to find a suitable candidate. Thursday's debate is basically the earliest you can informally the primary to be "on" with major media coverage of a debate.

So how does the primary work? Well, in the old days primary candidates would announce about a month or two before the primary started, then each state would have some form of way to decide who they want for candidate of both parties. This varies from a vote, a caucus, and varying rules like only allowing party members to vote. The exact dates for primaries in each state vary as well, with Iowa being notable as the first, and "Super Tuesday" being in early February with a bunch of primaries going off all over the country. The end result is kinda similar to the standard POTUS election, where state winners get X delegates that will vote for them at the party's convention late in the summer. Usually the winner is a forgone conclusion going into the convention, as the losing primary runners will drop out rather than embarrass the party with the feeling of a party divided at the convention. From there, the real campaigning for POTUS begins in earnest.

That was then, and this is now! With 24/7 media coverage, presidential hopefuls are eager to get their name out there, and they figure the best way to do this is super early when nobody is there to compete with you for media coverage. How early? how about a goddamn year early in some cases like Cruz, Rubio, and Clinton. This is not without risk, however, as once you officially throw your hat in the ring you are beholden to certain laws regarding campaign finances. So other big-name candidates may be inclined to wait longer to avoid that regulation a bit longer. In fact, more cynical and enterprising people (*coughPalincough*) will intentionally hem and haw and generally waffle on whether or not they're running just to fleece their supporters for some extra donations. So now we have this weird "pre-primary" season where a bunch of people will briefly poke their heads out for a few months, embarrass themselves, and then quickly be forgotten. With the republican primary so crowded this year (over 15 candidates and counting!), it's going to be extra fun this time around. Speaking of which, how about those debaters...

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Donald "The 'do" Trump

Strengths: Provides an unfiltered megaphone for hard right talking points. Not as beholden to the Washington machine as other candidates, so pretty much free to do whatever. Bombastic personality will ensure media stick cameras on him 24/7. Popular with general conservatives.
Weaknesses: Provides an unfiltered megaphone for hard right talking points. Has already pissed off hispanics, the one minority group Republicans think they can possibly woo for 2016. Fairly loathed by traditional establishment Republicans, and his threats to run as a third party have done little to warm them up to him. Front-runner for primary, but very likely to lose a general since most people see him as something of a joke.

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John Ellis "Jeb" Bush

Strengths: Seen as the more moderate of the Republican offerings, being part of the old guard and not really jumping into the tea party thing. A big name, which matters more when the field is so crowded. Stronger appeal to hispanics than most of his cohorts, and he has his run as governor of Florida he can always point to.
Weaknesses: His last name is a political killing word. Not really doing a lot to stand out, which could be an advantage since it's less likely he'll make an ass of himself.

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Scott "The Union Buster" Walker

Strengths: Has the kind of anti-union, pro-business slant that Republicans adore. Can point to winning the attempt to oust him from office as a sign of good governance.
Weaknesses: Isn't quite there as a recognized name. Being recalled in the first place isn't exactly the sign of a good run as governor. Has done a lot of dickish things to workers which may turn off moderate Republicans/voters.

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Mike "Ovens" Huckabee

Strengths: Is a dominionist wet dream. Folksy, laid-back personality can be charming.
Weaknesses: Scary as fuck to anyone that doesn't want to live in a Christian theocracy.

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Ben "Rocket Scientist" Carson

Strengths: Is a brain surgeon. One of like two people at this debate that isn't white.
Weaknesses: Is a brain surgeon. Says things the Republicans like, but he has absolutely no political experience. Also, even his grasp of science is poor (creationist, into some alt medicine stuff).

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Ted "Dr. Seuss" Cruz

Strengths: Has plenty of name recognition and tea party street cred by being among the more diehard members.
Weaknesses: The more the tea party loves you, the more wary the establishment GOP members get. That can be bad for getting support. Chances of winning a general are...not good.

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Marco "Thirsty" Rubio

Strengths: Hispanic background adds much needed diversity to the primary. Young, and seems like a more moderate part of the tea party wing. Which makes him a moderate radical? I dunno, politics are weird.
Weaknesses: Made an ass of himself during a State of the Union response, which will hurt him in the eyes of the establishment. Moderate tea party is still tea party.

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Rand "Bitcoin" Paul

Strengths: Your libertarian for tonight. His dad's cultists should mostly flock to him.
Weaknesses: Libertarian ideals tend to clash with the Religious Right, and he's been outspoken about traditionally right-wing stuff (drones, and mucking about in the Middle East) which may hurt him.

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Chris "Phantom Tollbooth" Christie

Strengths: Has a public image of a bipartisan politician by playing nice with Obama. This also helped him gain nationwide recognition, and his somewhat more moderate views may make him the one of the few alternatives to the tea party's kool-aid.
Weaknesses: Bridge scandal still haunts, and his own party blames his buddy-buddy attitude with Obama as one reason for Romney's loss in 2012.

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John Kaisch

Strengths: Nobody knows him enough to remember any terrible shit he did.
Weaknesses: Nobody knows him enough.

I really hate myself and have nothing better to do, so where I can join in on the fun?

The debate will be on either Fox News the channel or the Fox News site. You may need a cable provider log-in to see it on their site, I dunno. Their site says the first debate is at 5pm Eastern, but then the PRIMETIME debate is at 9pm, so who the fuck knows. Use this thread to marvel at how much of a clusterfuck a debate with 10 people can possible be. Who will Perry themselves this time! Oh the joy of the political circus!

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Sterica on
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Posts

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Now more than ever: fuck the police.

    YL9WnCY.png
    Virgil_Leads_YouHellaJeffFaranguBroloTheySlashThemAndy JoeDonovan PuppyfuckerPanda4YouMidniteDarkPrimusChomp-ChompThe BetgirlGnizmocB557fightinfilipinoCilla BlackMetzger MeisterYaYaMs DapperturtleantRomanian My EscutcheonJacques L'HommePwnanObrienStiltsMegaMekMatevtinaunElaroXehalusToxTransporterZonugalBedlamSkeithLord_AsmodeusKadithSlacker71ThetherooShadowenminirhyderironsizideErin The Redgtrmp
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    I..Don't think I can expose myself to this level of consentrated stupid, this early in the election cycle.

    I said, as if there was a distinct election cycle and not just one constant ever churning election cycle.

    FaranguDonovan PuppyfuckerJacques L'HommeXehalusShadowen
  • Virgil_Leads_YouVirgil_Leads_You Proud Father House GardenerRegistered User regular
    Guys, I hope we give other forumers some Grace in this.
    I enjoy these discussions!
    also
    Reminder to anyone we might want to give grace too
    Fuck Racism and LGBT phobia.

    VayBJ4e.png
    Shadowen
  • WeedLordVegetaWeedLordVegeta Registered User regular
    TEN AIN'T ENOUGH MAN I NEED FIVE

    One Thousand CablesThe BetgirlShadowen
  • Johnny ChopsockyJohnny Chopsocky Scootaloo! We have to cook! Grillin' HaysenburgersRegistered User regular
    I'm really bummed out that we'll never get the Daily Show recap of this particular shitshow.

    I wonder if the candor is going to be friendly or if everyone on that stage is going to commit to Operation: 'Make Donald Trump Do The Thing That Makes Him Leave The Race'.

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    Steam ID XBL: JohnnyChopsocky PSN:Stud_Beefpile WiiU:JohnnyChopsocky
  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    lol america how is trump still a frontrunner for any political party

    JebusUDSpeed RacerSLyMmasterofmetroidDonovan PuppyfuckerSnicketysnickDuke 2.0cB557tynicYaYaMs DapperNightDragonvalhalla130Jacques L'HommeRomanian My EscutcheonPwnanObrienZonugalSkeithLord_AsmodeusSlacker71ShadowenminirhyderironsizideErin The Red
  • QanamilQanamil x Registered User regular
    I'm excited for tonight's deb--I mean, parallel speeches given in close proximity. (I took that from Friday's Political Gabfest)

    SageinaRageTheBlackWind
  • One Thousand CablesOne Thousand Cables An absence of thought Registered User regular
    TEN AIN'T ENOUGH MAN I NEED FIVE

    Big E for president

    Andy JoeDonovan PuppyfuckerWeedLordVegetaThe BetgirlMs DapperPwnanObrienBlankZoeShadowen
  • FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    It's that time again, huh.

    *shuts off Facebook*

    QanamilDisruptedCapitalistJacques L'Homme
  • DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    If they aren't turning off EVERYONE'S mic except the person who has directly been asked a question, I can't even imagine how people would watch this.

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




    Jacques L'HommeErin The Red
  • Virgil_Leads_YouVirgil_Leads_You Proud Father House GardenerRegistered User regular
    POLL!

    Who's going to stand out and look competent in this dang thing?
    (Pick one or more)

    http://www.strawpoll.me/5137770

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  • ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    it's funny to me that they still insist on calling this a debate, because all of these people agree on basically everything

    Donovan PuppyfuckerMartianminirhyder
  • FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    Also I don't know what it is but that Paul gif up there just puts a smile on my face

    I might need to just keep it up on a monitor if I decide to subject myself to this

    TheBlackWind
  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    oh so you guys are starting your election campaigns too? That's neat, so are we! It's a weirdly long campaign though, it started on Sunday and the election isn't until October 19th. Looks like your is November 8th?

    oh wait, 2016.

    I am so sorry.

    EtiowsaDonovan PuppyfuckerCaedwyrThe BetgirltynicRomanian My EscutcheonSkeithSlacker71Shadowenminirhyderautono-wally, erotibot300
  • DaypigeonDaypigeon Registered User regular
    A moment of silence for Rick Perry, who just missed the boat for this debate despite commissioning somebody to make him a personal rap/country theme song

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHgeGQbANR8

    minirhyder
  • POKÉMON MASTER WT SHERMANPOKÉMON MASTER WT SHERMAN i can make this march and i will make georgia howlRegistered User regular
    i'm getting together with some friends to watch this while eating mexican food and boozin' it up, it'll be fun

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    steam | xbox live: IGNORANT HARLOT | psn: MadRoll | nintendo network: spinach
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  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular

    Shorty wrote: »
    it's funny to me that they still insist on calling this a debate, because all of these people agree on basically everything

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f69PnAUwv-E

    GethShortyErin The Red
  • TheySlashThemTheySlashThem Registered User regular
    for anyone who's watching this in hopes of seeing a trainwreck perry not making it is a big letdown

  • ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    for anyone who's watching this in hopes of seeing a trainwreck perry not making it is a big letdown

    I think they'll manage just fine without him

  • MarathonMarathon Registered User regular
    Brolo wrote: »
    lol america how is trump still a frontrunner for any political party

    He does and says the things that the scores of temporarily embarrassed millionaires like to think they would also do and say if they were as rich as he is.

    V1m
  • TheySlashThemTheySlashThem Registered User regular
    oh of course

    but perry was way more likely to entertain than mystery date #10

  • QanamilQanamil x Registered User regular
    Trump's the only candidate that hasn't compared Obama, abortion, the ACA, planned parenthood, and other similar topics to Nazism (be it Hitler, the holocaust, or both).

    So that's where we're at, people.

    Additionally, Sanders on the debate:
    “Listen closely, and this is what they will tell you,” Sanders advised. “They want to give more tax breaks to millionaires and billionaires at a time when the rich are getting much richer. … Essentially, when you watch that debate, just imagine if you are one of the wealthiest people in this country and extremely greedy and selfish, and you're going to have 10 candidates more or less talking about your needs and not the needs of the working people.”

    Womp womp.

    Panda4YouArdolMetzger MeisterJacques L'HommeZonugalRedTideSlacker71ShadowenSixshotStriker
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    So basically it's gonna boil down to some people trying to be the most loud and unrepentant about being horrible sexists/racists/etc and the other people trying to be the best at being thinly veiled sexists/racists/etc.

    BLM - ACAB
    Donovan Puppyfucker
  • ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    Brolo wrote: »
    lol america how is trump still a frontrunner for any political party

    because he says exactly what most far-right idiot conservatives are actually thinking

    and those are the people being polled right now

    LadaiturtleantMegaMek
  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    The winners will be the people who manage to seem like loud and unrepentant sexists/racists/etc but in ways that they can later pretend were misinterpreted because they're really only mildly sexist/racist/etc, really really

  • Andy JoeAndy Joe We claim the land for the highlord! The AdirondacksRegistered User regular
    Fearghaill wrote: »
    oh so you guys are starting your election campaigns too? That's neat, so are we! It's a weirdly long campaign though, it started on Sunday and the election isn't until October 19th. Looks like your is November 8th?

    oh wait, 2016.

    I am so sorry.

    I was reading the Canadian politics thread in D&D and saw someone complain about a three-month campaign being too long

    I just laughed and laughed

    XBL: Stealth Crane PSN: ajpet12 3DS: 1160-9999-5810 NNID: StealthCrane Pokemon Scarlet Name: Carmen
    TheySlashThem
  • OptyOpty Registered User regular
    Their site says the first debate is at 5pm Eastern, but then the PRIMETIME debate is at 9pm, so who the fuck knows.

    There's actually two debates: the runners-up club go on at 5pm and the main event happens at 9. That means less than 2 hours from now you'll get your smaller debate that should hopefully act as a vaccine for the big one later on so you don't get too sick.

  • TheySlashThemTheySlashThem Registered User regular
    I really wish they'd have just had a debate with like 19 people or whatever

    Erin The Red
  • QanamilQanamil x Registered User regular
    Kid's table eats first.

    The GeekShadowenErin The Red
  • Panda4YouPanda4You Registered User regular
    TEN AIN'T ENOUGH MAN I NEED 15-20 IN THE THUNDERDOME

  • JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    this debate is going to be really ugly and you will know who is serious about running because they will basically short answer everything

    i expect bush/paul/rubio/walker to largely keep their mouth shut and let the rabble take each other out

  • EtiowsaEtiowsa Registered User regular
    Andy Joe wrote: »
    Fearghaill wrote: »
    oh so you guys are starting your election campaigns too? That's neat, so are we! It's a weirdly long campaign though, it started on Sunday and the election isn't until October 19th. Looks like your is November 8th?

    oh wait, 2016.

    I am so sorry.

    I was reading the Canadian politics thread in D&D and saw someone complain about a three-month campaign being too long

    I just laughed and laughed

    This is going to be the longest federal election campaign since 1920-something. They're usually a little over a month. Like, what are you guys doing down there that actually requires you to start campaigning a year before an election?

  • JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    Etiowsa wrote: »
    Andy Joe wrote: »
    Fearghaill wrote: »
    oh so you guys are starting your election campaigns too? That's neat, so are we! It's a weirdly long campaign though, it started on Sunday and the election isn't until October 19th. Looks like your is November 8th?

    oh wait, 2016.

    I am so sorry.

    I was reading the Canadian politics thread in D&D and saw someone complain about a three-month campaign being too long

    I just laughed and laughed

    This is going to be the longest federal election campaign since 1920-something. They're usually a little over a month. Like, what are you guys doing down there that actually requires you to start campaigning a year before an election?

    well we now elect our leaders based on number of likes on facebook, so you gotta start working that media circuit early

  • MaximumMaximum Registered User regular
    Trump has to be playing some kind of long con. Either he's purposely saying the most insane racist shit imaginable to make the other republican candidates look better, or he's an undercover democrat.

    I know he's a moron and all, but I have a hard time believing anyone can be that stupid.

    Martian
  • Speed RacerSpeed Racer Scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratchRegistered User regular
    i honestly don't see how any republican can win the election

    whoever wins the primary is going to have to go so far to the right that they completely alienate the centrists in the general

    Panda4YouMaximumAndy JoeMidnitemasterofmetroidMarathonWeedLordVegetaDuke 2.0cB557NeoTomaYaYaturtleantMs DapperRomanian My EscutcheonPwnanObrienDonovan PuppyfuckerMatevTransporterZonugalSkeithLord_AsmodeusSlacker71ShadowenstopgapErin The RedStranger Danger
  • rhylithrhylith Death Rabbits HoustonRegistered User regular
    Apparently it's been brought up that trump talked to bill clinton a few weeks before he started running and encouraged him to go for it.

    I hope so much that gets brought up tonight and things get even more circus like.

  • QanamilQanamil x Registered User regular
    As a more realistic answer, our primaries start in February so they have to get ahead of that. THAT SAID, yeah we still start way super early.

  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    i honestly don't see how any republican can win the election

    whoever wins the primary is going to have to go so far to the right that they completely alienate the centrists in the general
    i honestly don't see how any republican can win the election

    whoever wins the primary is going to have to go so far to the right that they completely alienate the centrists in the general

    The democrat candidates aren't all that better, in that they're polarizing on their own.

    2016 may be a year where it's all just the base showing up and many independents stay at home.

  • rhylithrhylith Death Rabbits HoustonRegistered User regular
    Hillary has the best shot but as has been brought up before she's kinda shady and that could hurt her chances in the general.

    They'll slam Sanders because socialism is a dirty word for people who don't understand what he actually wants to do.

    O'Malley doesn't have a real shot because he'll lose the base once people are reminded he's responsible for the current state of policing in Baltimore.

    If Biden hops in they'll use diamond joe against him.

    The good news is with so few candidates they can actually start drawing actual comparisons between each other during the debate instead of basically getting to say their name and maybe one dumb thing.

    Speed RacermasterofmetroidRomanian My EscutcheonShadowenErin The RedStranger Danger
  • MaximumMaximum Registered User regular
    It's still quite a ways out, but I am not looking forward to Clinton vs. Bush. Which is what I'd pick if I had to place a bet right now.

    Just twelve straight months of:

    BENGHAZI
    BENGHAZI
    BENGHAZI
    EMAILS
    EMAILS
    EMAILS

    It's gonna suck, hard.

    Jacques L'HommeDonovan Puppyfucker
This discussion has been closed.