A dad walks into the store and takes a carton of milk to the counter. The lady asks if he would like it in a bag.
"No, thanks, you can just leave it in the carton."
This joke clearly does not take place in Canada
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Uh... uh... look over there! Somebody doesn't understand game theory!
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Hi I'm Vee!Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C ERegistered Userregular
Here are a couple I stole from the 2016 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a yearly competition to see who can write the worst first sentence to a novel (or the first sentence of the worst novel, it's unclear). Be sure to check out the Vile Puns section near the end for more like this, although they're all great.
“See, Horse,” said Detective Sam Ohn, “the sting Ray pulled off has you dab in the place with a barb in your hand and the piano tuner filleted on the floor so don’t you carp on all coy like thinking to leave us to flounder in the dark; mull it over or you’ll be frying on a 20,000 volt perch and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Legendary U of Arizona basketball coach Lute Olsen needed someone to take the charge, someone who was willing to be mercilessly flattened, someone to sacrifice his body for the team, and that someone stood up at the end of the bench and announced, “Lute, I am your fodder.”
Also, going back to Tom Swifties:
"Nurse, I need more blankets, and my water pitcher is empty, and also my bedside lamp isn't working," Tom said coldly, dryly, and darkly, yet at the same time patiently.
I will admit, I could use some help with a couple of the others. I don't get the one about the bird sanctuary or the one about the babysitter.
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
"As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead."
"As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead."
I'm trying to find the old "Foot Heads Arms Body" newspaper headline but maybe it isn't real.
Did you hear that they exhumed Gandhi's remains? It's true!
They found that from walking around barefoot most of the time, he had large callouses on both his feet. And since he ate very little, his body was unusually frail for a man even of his age. His unusual diet caused him further problems: bad breath.
In conclusion, they found that Mahatma Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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The GeekOh-Two Crew, OmeganautRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Did you know Dr. Light was a huge fan of Starship?
Yeah, he built these robots named Rock and Roll.
BLM - ACAB
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tzeentchlingDoctor of RocksOaklandRegistered Userregular
Did you hear that they exhumed Gandhi's remains? It's true!
They found that from walking around barefoot most of the time, he had large callouses on both his feet. And since he ate very little, his body was unusually frail for a man even of his age. His unusual diet caused him further problems: bad breath.
In conclusion, they found that Mahatma Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I heard Gandhi's sandals sold at auction for like $5,000,000. I thought the guy took a vow of poverty, how was he buying 5 million dollar sandals?
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TIL: Bad jokes are like flatulence
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Ok, this one made me chuckle out loud
This joke clearly does not take place in Canada
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
That is a very valuable joke format.
Uh... uh... look over there! Somebody doesn't understand game theory!
Also, going back to Tom Swifties:
I will admit, I could use some help with a couple of the others. I don't get the one about the bird sanctuary or the one about the babysitter.
Oh my god hahahahahaha
He said, thankfully.
How could you forget the letter ayyyyye
She replied, "It will. And don't call me Shirley."
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
It really makes my day.
"Five more minutes," Mel Gibson replied stiffly.
I'm trying to find the old "Foot Heads Arms Body" newspaper headline but maybe it isn't real.
But he loved her still.
A synonym roll.
You deserve pastel pink armor for this.
I honestly thought it was more pastel purple than anything.
So that she will always miss me.
No, no. I can make pink armor for you.
What do you call a harbour with two piers that makes no sense?
What do you call an original antique piece of navigational equipment?
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
I was going to complain about that dirty joke, but it's just my moral compass.
They found that from walking around barefoot most of the time, he had large callouses on both his feet. And since he ate very little, his body was unusually frail for a man even of his age. His unusual diet caused him further problems: bad breath.
In conclusion, they found that Mahatma Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Two robots seem like a bad foundation for a city!
I heard Gandhi's sandals sold at auction for like $5,000,000. I thought the guy took a vow of poverty, how was he buying 5 million dollar sandals?
When God closes a door he opens a ping pong table.
It was riveting.
I saw that it was on and I bolted to watch it, I was welded to my seat the whole time.