Spring is here! I got so excited, I wet my plants.
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk -- it's pasteurized before you even see it.
I dreamed last night that I drowned in an ocean of orange soda.
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
I'm terrified of elevators!
I've started taking steps to avoid them.
Conjunctivitis.com;
Now that's a site for sore eyes.
Doctor, doctor! I've broken my arm in several places!
Well, stop going to those places!
I spent $200 on one package of Velcro the other day.
What a rip-off.
Why does it take longer to get from 1st base to 2nd base than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd?
There's a shortstop in between.
What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
Wataaaaah!
So I'm driving along and this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...
Posts
who hurt you
Abilene.
Oh no
I thought we were free! That we were safe now!
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
You've been dead for years. This is yoir hell. You shall never be free.
http://youtu.be/xRcUcxtaX-Q
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
I'm sure you Excel at revenge, but OneNote: it's quite the grim Outlook. Do you have Access to the proper tools?
PowerPoint
This will all make the FrontPage news.
( So many times I've found just the dumbest joke and there was no where to share the misery)
He had a reptile dysfunction.
He is never going to give you Up.
I've heard he's also pretty reliable.
He'll never let you down.
3DS: 0473-8507-2652
Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
PSN: AbEntropy
"Is it Biltmore for Your Home?"
I had to make every second count.
Steam // Secret Satan
(I join in as goofy about a minute in)
I just installed it and now all the horny singles in my area have suddenly lost interest.
He is weak to crip tonight.
Unfortunately, his son is lazy and soon enough the responsibility of caring for the dog falls on his exasperated father.
One day, annoyed at having to feed the dog yet again, he barks at his son, "How many times do you think that dog would have died by now if I hadn't been caring for it?"
The son shrugs and replies:
Your enjoyment of it is very much going to be determined by whether or not you are amused by things that are so unfunny they wrap back around to being funny.
I don't know if there's a blog dedicated to them, but I like all the various pictures of submissions that I've seen that have the user caption of "oh fuck".
Steam // Secret Satan
Why can't I stop laughing at this
Because just looking at the art takes me right back to the early 90s.
(Stop trying to capitalize art, iPad. It's not that important.)
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Had to be New Yorker ripping off Far Side, because Far Side is funny.
Also, I came up with a better punchline in 20 seconds while barely being awake:
I assumed that's what the original punchline was.
Heh, in my "I'm not all that awake" state I didn't realize that it was recaptioned.
Make America grate again!
This was the one that got me.