[Cards Against Humanity] TRV wins and wrecks it for everyone else.

chamberlain

@Man in the Mists would feel better if Sandra Bullock was driving the bus. Without her it's just baby Keanu, going fast, and a bunch of bratty kids.

Round 34: Housekeeping! You want _____?

@Anialos @Cog @Cythraul @Egos @Elvenshae @Heffling @TheRoadVirus

In a new low, Cards Against Humanity has starting quoting Adam Sandler movies. We are all doomed.

Erin The Red

Uh sir that is from Tommy Boy and I will not have you besmirch the name of that fine movie

chamberlain

Edit: fuck me, Adam Sandler wasn't even in that movie. What the hell was I thinking.

chamberlain

I hang my head is shame.

Heffling

chamberlain wrote: »

I hang my head is shame.

That's impressive in this thread.

chamberlain

@Man in the Mists requires much more than just fluffing of pillows.

Much, much more.

Housekeeping! You want A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River"? (Cythraul )
Housekeeping! You want My collection of high-tech sex toys? (Anialos)
Housekeeping! You want An orcgasm? (Elvenshae)
Housekeeping! You want Soup that's better than pussy? (Egos)
Housekeeping! You want Literally, anything else? (Heffling)
Housekeeping! You want Scrubbing under the folds? (TheRoadVirus)
Housekeeping! You want Gettin' down there and bein' all like "this shit is nasty, yo. Fuck this, yo"? (Cog)

Egos

I like how you ordered those, chamberlain ;-)

Man in the Mists

I love how they sing "Ol' Man River" while being generous with the mop water.

chamberlain

And @Cythraul just keepings rolling allooooooongggg :whistle:

(I wish I could take credit for the order, didn't even notice how fitting it was until just now.)

Round 34: How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression?

@Anialos @Cog @Egos @Elvenshae @Heffling @Man in the Mists @TheRoadVirus

Remember that grade school interview project that your parents wouldn't let you turn in? I want to hear all about it.

chamberlain

Still waiting on @Anialos grandparents' secrets.

chamberlain

@Cythraul remembers sitting at the kids table during Thanksgiving dinner, listening to his grandparents' stories get more lurid as time and bottles of wine passed by.

How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? A secret blend of eleven herbs and spices. (TheRoadVirus )
How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? Wearing glasses and sounding smart. (Egos)
How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? Dem titties. (Man in the Mists)
How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? Sweating it out on the streets of a runaway American Dream. (Anialos)
How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? Double penetration. (Heffling)
How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time. (Cog)
How did my grandparents make it through the Great Depression? Crystal meth. (Elvenshae)

Elvenshae

Every now and then, you play a card you think is going to be a solid front-runner, and then you see everyone else's and think, "Hrm. Middle-of-the-pack at best."

And you're kinda okay with it.

:^:

chamberlain

Hey @Cythraul

Hey

We need you, man.

Cythraul

A secret blend of eleven herbs and spices. The implications are many, and delicious!

chamberlain

And @TheRoadVirus moves within one point of victory!

Round 35: Here's what you can expect for the new year.Out: _. In: _.

2017 has already an odd year. What else are not allowed to do or say anymore?

@Anialos @Cog @Cythraul @Egos @Elvenshae @Heffling @Man in the Mists

Erin The Red

The spices must flow!

chamberlain

Out: not getting me your cards
In: getting me your cards, @Egos

chamberlain

It is time for @TheRoadVirus to show us just how trendy and with it he really is.

Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: Hillary Clinton's Kevlar-lined pantsuit. In: A bag of magic beans. (Heffling)
Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: Swishing the wine around and sniffing it like a big fancy man. In: Pictures of boobs. (Elvenshae)
Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: Booklearnin'. In: Front row seats to the Shit Show. (Cythraul )
Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: Santa's heavy sack. In: A micropenis. (Egos)
Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: A joyless vegan patty. In: Naked News. (Cog)
Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: Making up for 10 years of shitty parenting with a PlayStation. In: Crippling debt. (Man in the Mists)
Here's what you can expect for the new year. Out: Friends with benefits. In: The Boy Scouts of America. (Anialos)

Erin The Red

If I have learned anything it is that there is no room for booklearnin' in these times.

chamberlain

We have had several on the nose, painfully correct answers. That last one by @Cythraul could drive a man to drink. Unfortunately, I'm a two beer destroyer, and well...

Round 36: I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me _____as a tip.

@Anialos @Cog @Egos @Elvenshae @Heffling @Man in the Mists @TheRoadVirus

This is a friendly reminder that every trip to the bar requires a designated driver/tipper.

chamberlain

It looks like @Egos was that bartender.

Egos

sorry for the delay

chamberlain

Worst. Gratuity. Ever. @Cythraul

I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me Reconciling quantum theory with general relativity as a tip. (Egos)
I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me A turbo-encabulator, complete with pre-famulated amulite surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing as a tip. (Elvenshae)
I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me A sea of troubles as a tip. (Cog)
I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me Just the tip as a tip. (Heffling )
I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me Three years of semen in a shoebox as a tip. (Man in the Mists)
I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me Yoshi's huge egg-laying cloaca as a tip. (TheRoadVirus)
I quit my job as a bartender the night some jackass left me Grandma as a tip. (Anialos)

Erin The Red

Pick mine

chamberlain

@Cythraul

Pick mine.

Cythraul

Just the tip

chamberlain

And @Heffling is one point from the win.

So close. So close. Just a little closer.

Round 37: When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _____.

@Anialos @Cog @Cythraul @Egos @Elvenshae @Man in the Mists @TheRoadVirus

You all need to finish before Heffling does.

Egos

Cythraul wrote: »

Just the tip

poor Carol.... I mean Cheryl

chamberlain

You guys have some strange tastes. And @Heffling gets to choose his favorite.

When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Serfdom. (Cythraul)
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Stephen Hawking talking dirty. (Egos)
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to A braille vajazzling. (Anialos)
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Two whales fucking the shit out of each other. (Elvenshae)
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Killing hobos. (TheRoadVirus)
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Mufasa's death scene. (Man in the Mists )
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Gandhi. (Cog)

Heffling

When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Mufasa's death scene.

So many good childhood memories.

chamberlain

While I will give you Jeremy Irons' voice being dead sexy, finding pleasure in Mufasa being trampled to death is just wrong, @Man in the Mists

Round 38: Why did the chicken cross the road?

@Anialos @Cog @Cythraul @Egos @Elvenshae @Heffling @TheRoadVirus

...to get away from the offensive card game?

chamberlain

@Man in the Mists Do you like chicken?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Bitches. (Anialos)
Why did the chicken cross the road? Lagging out. (Heffling)
Why did the chicken cross the road? Used panties. (Cog)
Why did the chicken cross the road? My first period. (Egos )
Why did the chicken cross the road? A cunning stunt. (Elvenshae)
Why did the chicken cross the road? Hakuna matata, motherfucker. (TheRoadVirus)
Why did the chicken cross the road? Getting ganked. (Cythraul)

Man in the Mists

That poor cock was just fleeing the red flood from my first period.

Elvenshae

*finger snaps*

chamberlain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeVfLOqtPR8

And with that we have collectively gone too far. @Egos gets the point.

Round 39: TSA guidelines now prohibit _____ on airplanes.

@Anialos @Cog @Cythraul @Elvenshae @Heffling @Man in the Mists @TheRoadVirus

Dignity and personal space come to mind.

chamberlain

I will give @Cog a little more time because he is on vacation and @Heffling more time because it is valentines day and I am feeling romantic.

Elvenshae

@chamberlain and @Heffling sitting in a tree!
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
First comes love!
Then comes marriage!
Then comes __________.

Anialos

@Elvenshae

First comes love!
Then comes marriage!
Then comes a SuperSoaker full of cat pee.

chamberlain

Yeah, this isn't going to strange places at all.

chamberlain

It looks like the TSA is prohibiting Cog on airplanes so we will need to move on without him.

@Egos isn't on a watch list, is he?

TSA guidelines now prohibit Advice from a wise, old black man on airplanes. (Anialos )
TSA guidelines now prohibit A magic hippie love cloud on airplanes. (Man in the Mists)
TSA guidelines now prohibit Pretending to be black on airplanes. (Heffling)
TSA guidelines now prohibit Electroejaculating a capuchin monkey on airplanes. (TheRoadVirus)
TSA guidelines now prohibit The Irish on airplanes. (Elvenshae)
TSA guidelines now prohibit Chunks of dead prostitute on airplanes. (Cythraul)