Come on in for your weekly indulgence in all the juicy vices of your favorite, new small-town.
She's new in town, being dragged back to her mom's hometown after their father gets imprisoned for being Satan? Either way she's awesome and wears wicked capes and drops pop-culutre references that she shouldn't know. She's so far kissed two of the main characters.Betty
Betty has great grades and is slaying it in her extra-curricular activities. I mean, she's looking really great for college except that she'll die deep down in the friend zone. Her sister might be insane, her mom is TERRIFYING and even Betty has a killer-side to her... Watch out for her... She's kissed one of the main characters.Stupid Sexy Archie
He's STUPID. He's also SEXY. He's Archie and he makes an impressive amount of terrible decisions all fueled by his dick. He's kissed three of the main characters.Cheryl
Cheryl might be the actual Christian devil, but she's definetly the best character by far. She is so mean and so glamorous and there is a solid 80% chance she was fucking her twin brother. Main characters kissed: None, but maybe (80% sure) her dead twin brother...Jughead
We're on the fence if he exists... He is our Brick-like noir narrator who only cares for two things: Justice and hamburgers. Main characters kissed: Zero.Kevin
Kevin is Betty's gay best friend and definitely not Zonugal in any way. Kevin has so far kissed no other main character, but give him time.Moose
He's hung like a well... And he's going through some stuff, he's not gay! You're gay! Shut up! I HAVE TO GO TO THE GYM! He's definetly kissed no main character. No kissing...Reggie
Reggie is awesome but kind of a major dick but he's awesome like that. He's kissed no one yet.Josie
Josie is in a little band you've likely never heard of it, Josie and the Pussycats. Well she's kind of a big deal and she doesn't want no scrubs. We haven't seen Josie kiss anyone else yet, but I'm sure Stupid Sexy Archie will ruin that.Miss Grundy
Well... Jeez... How do I describe Miss Grundy??? She's done some really bad stuff and looks to be doing more in the direct future. So far she's kissed one main character and it isn't great!Luke Perry
Somebody let Luke Perry into the show and nobody has the will to show him the door.
But lets discuss all the beauty, splendor and majesty of this fine programming on the CW.